Monday, September 26, 2011

Men, do you know what you want in bed?

My husband and I both initiate sex but that’s not a worry for him. If I stopped being sexually passionate or no longer showed sexual desire for him, then we would have problems. I could leave most of the initiating to him and he would be tickled pink just to have me continually shower him with passion and desire.

Showing passion and desire is not the same thing as initiating. It's not the same thing as a spouse making decisions in bed (ie, which activities and positions they do). Some men may need their wife to initiate and make decisions and she can do those things, yet still lack passion and desire.

Some women, myself included, have a passionate nature and regularly show it. But when my husband and I are in bed he likes to rule. It’s not that I can’t make a decision or suggestion; I can. But what works for us and keeps our bed sizzling is for him to do much of the sexual leading. He leads my passion and desire where he wants it to go. My husband is my Master in bed, only I don’t live in a bottle.

Foreplay is emotional for me but it does not make me passionate or make me desire my husband more. Before we even begin foreplay I am already passionately desiring him, whether he’s with me or not. Foreplay simply makes me horny, and then I’m quickly ready to roll.

Obviously, a husband has to be desire-worthy for a wife to desire him throughout the day. All husbands SHOULD be desire-worthy but if they act like an ass around their wife, well... they need to work on the emotional end of their relationship.

A wife runs into trouble when she won’t or can’t think about sexually desiring her husband all day. So it’s not surprising when they’re going to bed and she tells him, “OK, dear, start my engine. Get me in the mood. Make me desire you,” when she’s like a car that’s been sitting in a garage for months on end. And he's like a mechanically challenged guy.

Men, do you know specifically what you most want and need from your wife? Do you communicate it to her? Does she understand what you want from her?

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Is romance killing your sex life?

Some women (and men too) are more sensitive than others to being sexually touched. What about our thoughts? How do our thoughts affect our sexual experiences? We can be sensitive to touch, our husband can be sexually touching us, and we would think, “We’re well on our way!” But if our thoughts are on what we didn't do today, or what we’ll do tomorrow, or something with the kids, etc., guess what? Our husband may as well be touching the lawn mower for all the response he'll get from us.

But then, I have a theory about what trips up so many wives more often than not, and prevents them from getting the most out of sex. They are too focused on being romanced rather than focusing on the physical sensation of being fucked. You hear so many wives complain that they don’t get enough romance. They look for it in everything they do with their husband, including during sex. If I were to try and make sex into a romantic time, I would have difficulties focusing on the physical sensations. Worrying about romance would be distracting for me. I mean, if I’m going to have sex I want to enjoy having SEX!!!

Don't get me wrong. Sex between a husband and wife is and should be an emotional act. What I’m saying is that I think romanticizing about the relationship while in the moment, detracts from the sexual experience. Where do women get these ideas of fantasizing about romance rather than focusing on sex? TV, I’m sure, has contributed, and I can only guess that romance novels don’t help either. For those of us who don’t prioritize for romance, we have an easier time just getting in there and enjoying the physical side of having sex. It's a whole "letting your mind go" mentality. I don't have to be in control of my thoughts. In fact, I don't want to be in control of my thoughts at that time. This works to my advantage, taking the entire experience way over the top.

Husbands, if your sex life is not what you want it to be and your wife complains about lack of romance, satisfy that need outside the bedroom. Keep the bedroom set apart for your sex life.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Orgasm Denial- Living in a State of Arousal

Not to boast but I can orgasm very easily, usually within seconds or minutes, and they are powerful Os. It's just that I don't like to O every time we have sex, because I enjoy the feeling of being aroused and not releasing it. The arousal is part of my journey, and I love the journey as much as the destination. Most guys and some women need to O every time, and that's OK if it works for you. Folks like that don’t always understand why a woman would want to skip Oing. I’ve heard many husbands say, “I bring my wife to O every time we have sex,” like it’s an accomplishment. Maybe it is for their wives, I really don’t know.

To look at it from a different POV---

For me, my way of practicing a form of "orgasm denial" is WAY more erotic. That's why I'm glad my husband understands how my body works... how I prefer to live in a state of arousal. If I had to O every time we had sex, I wouldn’t always look forward to some of our sessions. Of course, we would have sex just as often as we do now, but I wouldn't enjoy it as much. And THAT would sadden my husband as well... not because of my lack of Os, but because of my lack of enjoyment.

In your marriage does the wife need/want to orgasm at every session? And is it her preference or the husband’s? Does it work to your advantage? Does it cause the wife to look forward to every session, or is she sometimes not so enthused, knowing that she’ll have to O?