Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Orgasm Denial- Living in a State of Arousal

Not to boast but I can orgasm very easily, usually within seconds or minutes, and they are powerful Os. It's just that I don't like to O every time we have sex, because I enjoy the feeling of being aroused and not releasing it. The arousal is part of my journey, and I love the journey as much as the destination. Most guys and some women need to O every time, and that's OK if it works for you. Folks like that don’t always understand why a woman would want to skip Oing. I’ve heard many husbands say, “I bring my wife to O every time we have sex,” like it’s an accomplishment. Maybe it is for their wives, I really don’t know.

To look at it from a different POV---

For me, my way of practicing a form of "orgasm denial" is WAY more erotic. That's why I'm glad my husband understands how my body works... how I prefer to live in a state of arousal. If I had to O every time we had sex, I wouldn’t always look forward to some of our sessions. Of course, we would have sex just as often as we do now, but I wouldn't enjoy it as much. And THAT would sadden my husband as well... not because of my lack of Os, but because of my lack of enjoyment.

In your marriage does the wife need/want to orgasm at every session? And is it her preference or the husband’s? Does it work to your advantage? Does it cause the wife to look forward to every session, or is she sometimes not so enthused, knowing that she’ll have to O?


Mark 9:24 said...

My wife can't help but have an orgasm every time we have sex. Several of them in fact.

However, as to what you are referring to. I happened to catch an episode of Dr. Phil last week and the guest was Rabbi Shmuley Boteach. The author of The Kosher Sutra

He was saying the same thing you are here. That we don't have to have an orgasm every time we have sex, and if we don't we heighten the tension.

Here's a quote "we all thought that sex should be goal-oriented. It should be about orgasm, when really, sex is about anticipation. It’s about building on a slow burn so that you want more of it. It’s not goal-oriented, it’s means-oriented."

More from him here:

Gemma said...

I have one of Shmuley Boteach's books. He's very logical about how to make sex work and how to make it more enjoyable. And he's not afraid to go against conventional beliefs.