Monday, September 26, 2011

Men, do you know what you want in bed?

My husband and I both initiate sex but that’s not a worry for him. If I stopped being sexually passionate or no longer showed sexual desire for him, then we would have problems. I could leave most of the initiating to him and he would be tickled pink just to have me continually shower him with passion and desire.

Showing passion and desire is not the same thing as initiating. It's not the same thing as a spouse making decisions in bed (ie, which activities and positions they do). Some men may need their wife to initiate and make decisions and she can do those things, yet still lack passion and desire.

Some women, myself included, have a passionate nature and regularly show it. But when my husband and I are in bed he likes to rule. It’s not that I can’t make a decision or suggestion; I can. But what works for us and keeps our bed sizzling is for him to do much of the sexual leading. He leads my passion and desire where he wants it to go. My husband is my Master in bed, only I don’t live in a bottle.

Foreplay is emotional for me but it does not make me passionate or make me desire my husband more. Before we even begin foreplay I am already passionately desiring him, whether he’s with me or not. Foreplay simply makes me horny, and then I’m quickly ready to roll.

Obviously, a husband has to be desire-worthy for a wife to desire him throughout the day. All husbands SHOULD be desire-worthy but if they act like an ass around their wife, well... they need to work on the emotional end of their relationship.

A wife runs into trouble when she won’t or can’t think about sexually desiring her husband all day. So it’s not surprising when they’re going to bed and she tells him, “OK, dear, start my engine. Get me in the mood. Make me desire you,” when she’s like a car that’s been sitting in a garage for months on end. And he's like a mechanically challenged guy.

Men, do you know specifically what you most want and need from your wife? Do you communicate it to her? Does she understand what you want from her?


Courtney said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Gemma said...

Do you tell tell us this? Does she understand what you mean? Does she give you what you want? (You don't have to tell me. Just think about it.)

If the answer is "yes" to those questions, then you have nothing to worry about. But if the answer is "no" to any of them, then that's where your focus should be.

-satisfy needs/desires

"Surrender" is an interesting choice of words. Many wives are afraid to surrender. It makes them feel vulnerable. It makes them feel like a "bad girl" if they surrender and show desire.

I like to think that we're not bad girls. We are sexual and sensual women.. as we should be. If we're not, we need to renew our minds and change our thinking.