Thursday, July 29, 2010

Just a heads-up!

I posted a note today in "Ask Gemma's Ravisher" ---->

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

How do you handle issues in your marriage relationship?

What happens in your marriage bed when you and your spouse have a serious emotional issue (ie, or sexual, thinking through this in reverse), one which has days or possibly weeks of lasting effects? Does your sexual intimacy come to an abrupt halt or are you and your spouse able to work through the emotional hitch simultaneous as you continue to enjoy passionate sex?

GR and I had such an issue come up this past week; we were both at fault. We rarely have emotional issues these days so when it does happen, it is usually big. Although it takes work and dedication, we both agree that when things are not at their absolute best outside the bedroom, it is in no way reason to allow our marriage bed to suffer.

Here is the tricky part-- Many of us agree that emotional and sexual intimacy are closely related so if they are, how do you separate them so that a fall-out in one area does not cause a fall-out in the other? I think most guys have the advantage in these situations because they, more easily than women, naturally compartmentalize each area of their life. Can women learn this skill? Absolutely if they are willing to work at it.

When this issue came up last week one of the first things I thought was, “Oh, great… our marriage bed has been going strong and now this. What will happen with us in the bedroom?” And then I was reminded of something. Those of any Christian Faith can benefit from doing this analysis when problems arise in the marriage relationship. In Christian Orthodoxy we rely on what we call “7 grievous sins” and “7 virtues”, which we analyze extensively when we need to confess any kind of sin. It helps us to quickly and efficiently identify our problem/sin areas where otherwise we may ignore or overlook them and then it helps us to focus on the virtues. We list them as follows:

Grievous Sins

1. PRIDE: the lack of humility befitting a creature of God.
2. GREED: too great a desire for money or worldly goods.
3. LUST: impure and unworthy desire for something evil.
4. ANGER: unworthy irritation and lack of self control.
5. GLUTTONY: the habit of eating or drinking too much.
6. ENVY: jealousy of some other person's happiness.
7. SLOTH: laziness that keeps us from doing our duty to God and man.

Virtues

1. HUMILITY
2. LIBERALITY
3. CHASTITY
4. MILDNESS
5. TEMPERANCE
6. HAPPINESS
7. DILIGENCE

In our situation I could see that if I was not careful I would end up ushering into my life the sins of pride, anger and sloth and that these sins would clearly interfere in the mending of the issue at hand. Once I identified which sins I was battling against it made it easy to work towards overcoming them by focusing on the virtues. So my task at hand- to truly confess my pride, anger and sloth and to pray for humility, temperance and diligence. Voila! How I wish I had learned this years ago but better late than never. With each of us truly confessing and praying through this, we were able to successfully go to bed that same night and enjoy passionate sex. One problem did not have to create another.

So I will ask again--- What happens in your marriage bed when you and your spouse face serious emotional issues? Does sexual intimacy go down the toilet or are you and your spouse able to work through the emotional hitch simultaneous as you continue to enjoy passionate sex?

May we all become smarter and more obedient to God in the handling of issues in our marriages and in our lives!

Saturday, July 24, 2010

In the eyes of a ranger...

I have been watching these reruns all week with our youngest daughter while GR has been away. I love the theme song. OK, I like the rangers, too ;-).

GR arrived home last night after being away all week on his business trip. Now we have some catching up to do in the bedroom and also in a few other areas. Two weeks ago we bought a 17 foot used sailboat but with his job, we have yet to take the boat out on the water. Maybe now his schedule will slow down a bit and we will be able to go sailing.

Next week we celebrate our youngest daughter's birthday. What did she want? We picked it up today... an 80 pound punching bag, go figure. Our college kids seem to have the strangest hobbies. Our oldest daughter still enjoys her doll collection and yet last year she bought herself a handgun. She belongs to a rifle association where she loves doing target practice with her 22.

Sorry for my ramblings. There is not much else to tell right now. GR and I got reacquainted last night. It will be good to have a week together, finally. Our oldest daughter is in Italy for two weeks so it is just the three of us here right now. We have been doing some extra bonding time with our youngest.

Enjoy your spouse; enjoy your kids.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Waiting, waiting...

My husband has been out of town all weekend and he is finally coming home tonight. I cannot wait!!! It is so hard to feel complete when he is away on his job. What can I say? I miss him so much but I am glad that he is taking tomorrow and Tuesday off from work so we can have some "us" time and so we can get daughter #1 off for her trip to Italy.

Edited to add: Problems on the job :-(! Looks like tomorrow evening husband will have to leave town again.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Real Love Is From The Inside Out

I love this video, both the music and the photos. Of course, I am a country music gal!

Monday, July 12, 2010

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

"It wasn't a duty at all because I liked doing it."

This morning I watched the ending of an "All in the Family" episode with Carroll O'Connor as Archie Bunker and Jean Stapleton as his wife, Edith. When the episodes were originally aired, I did not watch them all that much and I still do not but the ending of this episode caught my attention.

Archie and Edith are having a discussion and Edith tells him (I'm paraphrasing), "Years ago when I got pregnant with Gloria (their daughter) Mama told me, "Edith, I see you are taking care of your wifely duties. I didn't have the heart to tell her that it wasn't a duty at all because I liked doing it."

I just thought it was too cute that the writers had goofy, zingy Edith have such a positive view of sex from the beginning years of their marriage.

When you see a show or movie that portrays marital sex that way, how does it make you feel? What thoughts come to mind?

Monday, July 5, 2010

Thoughts as a single vs. thoughts as a married person

This thought occurred to me today. You hear so much heartache about married couples living with serious marriage bed issues where they are not really dealing with it in an aggressive, proactive way. For the spouse who is afraid of sex or... those who just don't like it for one reason or another or... those who are sexually selfish, being only willing to do it when they feel like doing it... what were their thoughts about marital sex when they were single?

Did they spend time thinking about marrying someone one day? Did they think that sex would be an occasional event after a wedding... that they and their spouse would only be "buddies" or "roommates"? Were they sexually active as a single and then freaked out when they married, causing them to sexually withdraw? Or did they have healthy sexual thoughts before and after marriage?

For me, I was highly promiscuous when I was single so I just assumed that I would always be that way. Not once did I dream that I would one day, sexually shut down. I never thought my promiscuity would hinder my marriage. I never thought that going back to church, albeit a different type of church, would contribute to my years of frigidity.

What were your sexual thoughts (or your spouse) as a single vs. your current thoughts as a married person?