Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Can a dry week usher in the passion?

Can a dry week usher in the passion? Absolutely! You can make it work for you. With all the commotion this past week surrounding the death of a friend's son, our sex life came to a temporary slow-down. GR and I were both overwhelmed with this incident but now we are back to being "hot to trot"! Life happens but you must pick up the pieces and forge ahead so you can keep on keeping on. Those bumps in the road should only be temporary road blocks so you can not allow them to sabotage your marriage bed.

What do you do when a tragic situation comes along? Do you let it consume you and take over your marriage bed or do you deal with it and then resume sex the way you need it to be? "Prioritize" is one of my mottoes. The marriage bed must remain alive and well. It is one of the crucial aspects of a healthy marriage. Learn to prioritize!

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Bad week

Sorry folks... I have not been 'all here' this past week. We have been dealing with the tragic suicide of a friend of daughter #2. I shared the story in the prayer forum at the bottom of TMB board. It was a suicide that was never meant to happen. Please keep the family in your prayers.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

What do you think needs to happen before positive change takes place in your marriage bed?

A negative attitude does not appear overnight. And if an attitude is only beginning to show, it could be rooted in something in the person's present life (ie, the easiest root causes to overcome) OR.... it could go back to something in their past which requires much more work.

For over 25 years, most of my bad attitude was rooted in guilt and pride from two sources. One source was guilt from the promiscuous lifestyle which I led while in my teens and early 20's. The other, was guilt imposed on me when we were in legalistic churches and also pride, because I would not talk to our pastors to let them know how poorly I was treating my husband in our marriage bed.

Believe it or not while I was refusing, GR and I were in leadership positions and I wrongly felt that we had an image to keep up so I allowed pride to keep me as prisoner in my mind. (ie, If you had problems, you were less spiritual than those without problems.) Our pastors, then, and our church friends all thought our marriage was good.

I learned to fake it very well when around them. (Does this have a familiar ring to it?) GR wanted to tell the pastor but he would not because he was afraid I would explode and leave him or that things would get worse. I mean, really, how can a marriage bed get worse than when a couple goes for years at a time without sex?

Even after we left those legalistic churches and I was finally able to acknowledge what I was doing to my husband and my marriage, it took me another six years to work through all the guilt and pride I had been carrying around for so long. As soon as we began attending our current church, GR and I both started spilling our guts out to our pastor; then the healing began.

This pastor was a Christian Orthodox priest who had only been married for a few short years and yet, he had the training and wisdom to know exactly how to counsel us so we could begin the healing process. After six years of wanting to change but not knowing how, often taking one step forward and then two steps back, I finally figured it out and came out on the other side being emotionally healthy and whole.

I would dare to say that in most cases, changing one's bad attitude is a process which takes time, effort and a willingness to admit that we are wrong, to admit that we are sinning against God and our spouse and a willingness to work hard at changing. For a Christian, attitude in the marriage bed begins with a spiritual root and then moves out to the emotional and sexual areas of a person's life. Very few people can come out healthy on the other side without some form of help. Besides my husband doing all he knew to do, my help came in the form of a good church, a very wise pastor and many good marriage bed books which I purchased and read.

What do you think needs to happen before positive change takes place in your marriage bed?

Sunday, June 13, 2010

I am baffled!!!

Is it just me or are there many, many married couple who are floundering around terribly with sexual issues? The more I go along with a healthy marriage bed, the more I see so many messed up couples with their own sexual issues. What is up with that? Why are so many couples struggling with difficulties in their sex lives? Can somebody explain this to me? I am baffled!!! I should note that I am seeing this online, not IRL.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Omission- Do you see this as deceptive?

Something I read yesterday at another website has me puzzled. This gal, who is engaged to be married in two months, was saying that her future husband does not know of her sexual past. He has told her many times how important it is for him to marry a "pure virgin" and yet she does not think it is wrong of her to keep that information from him.

Her logic--- She says that she is not lying to him. He has assumed that she is, indeed, a virgin and has not asked so she has not bothered to tell him otherwise.

Many of us were not virgins when we married so I am not faulting her for her past. It is just that I think it to be horribly deceptive for someone to not clarify this with a future spouse so he/she can make an informed decision about whether or not they want to pursue a marriage. I just cannot believe that a Christian would lie about this to their future spouse.

How would you weigh in on this situation? In your circle of Christian friends is it common to lie about a sexual past? I am just appalled! Is it just me? Am I reacting too strongly?