Sunday, May 30, 2010

A cloud of witnesses who ran with endurance!

This passage of scripture was read today during our church service. I had not read it in a while and it touched my heart. I hope it touches yours.

It is from Hebrews 11:30- 12:2 NKJ.

30 By faith the walls of Jericho fell down after they were encircled for seven days. 31 By faith the harlot Rahab did not perish with those who did not believe, when she had received the spies with peace. 32 And what more shall I say? For the time would fail me to tell of Gideon and Barak and Samson and Jephthah, also of David and Samuel and the prophets: 33 who through faith subdued kingdoms, worked righteousness, obtained promises, stopped the mouths of lions, 34 quenched the violence of fire, escaped the edge of the sword, out of weakness were made strong, became valiant in battle, turned to flight the armies of the aliens. 35 Women received their dead raised to life again.

Others were tortured, not accepting deliverance, that they might obtain a better resurrection. 36 Still others had trial of mockings and scourgings, yes, and of chains and imprisonment. 37 They were stoned, they were sawn in two, were tempted,[a] were slain with the sword. They wandered about in sheepskins and goatskins, being destitute, afflicted, tormented— 38 of whom the world was not worthy. They wandered in deserts and mountains, in dens and caves of the earth.

39 And all these, having obtained a good testimony through faith, did not receive the promise, 40 God having provided something better for us, that they should not be made perfect apart from us.

1 Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2 looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Today was celebrated as the Sunday of All Saints.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Oh joy... a new bed!

GR and I have been sleeping on a mattress/box spring set that was about 15 years old and it was a cheapie set when we purchased it. This morning we had a new mattress and box spring delivered so tonight we get to break it in. I cannot wait! Never will I ever again purchase a cheapie bed. Good sleep is vital, considering how much of our time we spend in bed.

UPDATED TO SAY---

WOW!!!! I cannot remember ever having a bed this comfortable. It felt like heaven from the time I got in it until I got out this morning, pain-free. This bed is a "keeper" ;-).

How do you know that you have a skinny stairwell?

It is when the delivery men have to go through an upstairs deck without stairs to get the new mattress and box spring into the bedroom. One of them stood on the ground and had to lift each piece up towards the deck while the other guy pulled it up from the deck.

Before they brought in the new they had to toss out the old so one guy in the bedroom first hands the mattress and then the box spring to the other guy on the deck and then he yells, "Watch out for the dog. We don't want to throw the bed on top of the dog :-)."

Now, the top of our mattress is so high up from the floor that I am going to have to get a small 'step' to ease myself in and out of the bed. I can do it on my own but I have to really hop up to get in and hop down to get out. I feel like Goldielocks with the papa bear's bed, lol.

Does your wiring need an upgrade?

I just read one of the most pathetic excuses for a couple to miss out on having sex. A husband was preoccupied playing games on the computer. His wife was dropping hints and even stripped in front of him, to no avail. I know, hints do not usually work. She went to bed horny, tired and angry. She ended up masturbating and then went to sleep. In the morning when they discussed the happenings of the previous night the husband tells her- I masturbated before I went to sleep. Why didn't you just tell me that you wanted to have sex?

Can we say "time for a rewiring"? Do you often find yourself without a good connection (ie, good communication) between you and your spouse regarding your marriage bed? Do you or your spouse recognize it right away or do you find yourself going around and around the same 'bush'? GR and I see this crop up occasionally but it frustrates the daylights out of us so badly that we spot it early and deal with it. We prefer the direct approach.

Do you and your spouse often talk to each other in different languages? Do you think it is more loving to grin and bare it to avoid conflict when you and your spouse are not communicating well OR... do you find it best to be honest and direct with your words (ie, You are pissing me off. Why?) OR... do you have another method which works for you?

Monday, May 17, 2010

Time for a history lesson!

Here is a topic which I never write about because, quite frankly, GR and I are not even remotely interested in doing it.

Just today I was reading on a message board from a thread pertaining to anal sex. Someone commented and said that they always wondered if the common use of AS has it's roots in porn. Now before you shout me down with all your comments of "we could say everything is rooted in porn" or "God is the designer of all sex. The porn industry stole it", I am aware of all that. And it could very well be that you hear more about people doing AS today because of better communication via tv, internet, etc.

What I am interested in learning is the history of AS. Does anyone know how far back AS is mentioned or discussed in history? And does anyone know the stats... say... number of couples who did AS in 1950 as opposed to couples who do it today?

Now go do your research and report your findings back to me ;-).

Friday, May 14, 2010

Blech, sex is dirty!

Husbands, does your wife still live with that "I-feel-dirty-having-sex" syndrome? Wives, do you feel sex is dirty even in marriage?

Some young girls unfortunately grow up with the mentality that sex is dirty instead of being told that it is a gift from God which brings married couples to a higher level of intimacy. They often cannot on their own make the necessary transition from "single, good girl" who believes sex is dirty to becoming "married, hot wife" who loves being sexually intimate and who totally embraces her own sexuality. Instead, they marry and go from "sex is dirty" as a single to thinking that "nothing's changed. sex is still dirty".

Add to that--- If a bride has low/no sex drive AND she still thinks sex is dirty... well, the MB does not have a chance to thrive. If the MB is to become alive she needs to go through a renewing of her mind. It may take books on topic or it may take a third party to help her understand.

How come she cannot just believe what her husband is telling her? Does she not trust him? She cannot believe it because her pink (female) ears are hearing from her husband's blue (male) mouth, "I want you to enjoy sex because I need it," not that husbands are saying that but it is how she hears it in the translation. The wife I describe is more into emotional intimacy rather than sex so she hears her husband but she thinks, "All he wants is sex. He does not love me because if he did, he would think like me and prefer emotional intimacy over sex."

Am I making any sense? This wife has to learn that emotional closeness comes with good sex and the husband has to learn that good sex comes from emotional closeness. The emotional and the sexual intimacy cannot be separated. When you leave one out, the other goes down the toilet. For all of this to work, it takes two people with healthy views of sex who are willing to roll up their sleeves and do the work to become as one.... who are willing to meet each others' needs as generous spouses.

Below I have listed a few books from my book list in the right sidebar, which may help if a wife has not read them. If she has, then it is time to pull them off the shelf, blow off the dust and read them again.

Intimate Issues, and also Intimacy Ignited, both by Dillow & Pintus (Wife should first read Intimate Issues. Then you could read Intimacy Ignited together.)

Sheet Music, Leman (This is for husband and wife to read.)

For Women Only, by Feldhahn (This is for wife to read.)

Friday, May 7, 2010

What do you do when you are bored and fidgety?

Generally I sleep pretty well but I have my moments where I wake up and find myself bored and even fidgety. Honestly, I think I inherited this from my dad as he often gets up during the night because he is bored and fidgety. Early this morning around 4am I found myself in such a state. This might sound horrible but during these times when I cannot sleep I look to having sex to cure my boredom. Not that curing boredom is my only reason for having sex but occasionally it is one reason why I reach over to GR and begin waking him up for playtime.

Fortunately for both of us, our sleep habits are very conducive to middle-of-the-night sex as we both do this back and forth to each other. It just gives us another opportunity in our day to enjoy each others' bodies. Daytime, bedtime, middle of the night, early morning... it is all a very good thing! When you wake up bored and fidgety, what do you do?

Now I know what it is!

Yesterday I had yet another medical procedure done. I think that GR and I are finally on the tail end of the medical problems, surely. After my March 15th, 4-hour surgery I felt good, actually even great. They wheeled me out of recovery late one afternoon and I was up the next morning walking the halls and sitting up in a chair... with an incision that ran over 20 inches around my hips. The two surgeons expected me to be in the hospital for at least 3-4 days so they were a bit shocked when on day 2 I was begging to go home. Since the doctors saw no good reason to keep me there any longer I was discharged.

I went home feeling fine but then a couple of days later I was experiencing this burning sensation in my throat. My first thought was that it was from the tube down my throat during surgery but the surgeons said "no" and they are both wonderful doctors so we had no reason not to believe them. I went to family physician and from there was sent to throat doctor. He suspected reflux but when he sent my file to my surgeon from a year ago, Dr. B suspected an ulcer sooooo... that brings me to yesterday's procedure, an endoscopy.

Yesterday Dr. B did the endoscopy and sure enough, it was more than just reflux. Dr. B saw that I was in a pre-ulcer stage, heading towards a full blown ulcer. They sent me home with orders to not only continue taking Prilosec for the next 6 months but now I also have to take Carafate Suspension for 1 month and Pepcid for 3 months. Dr. B tells us that this is treatable.

The procedure left me feeling a bit woozy yesterday but sometime during the night I was feeling like my old self again. Early this morning I was so energetic that I went out for a brisk 30 minute walk before all the rain came down. I am just glad to finally have a proper diagnosis with this so I can move on to better things.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Acceptable behavior, continued...

I started to post this as a reply to landschooner's comment from my first "acceptable behavior" article only my reply was too lengthy and would not post so I did the next best thing and decided to post it here.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For years GR did not have a label for my refusing. I think that after a while he just came to the sad conclusion that he had married a woman who had been "broken" for a long time and that I may possibly never change.

landschooner said:
"when we tried to get pregnant, she didn't fail to come-on to me when she was ovulating. But, I don't know, I guess it made sense because we were trying to get pregnant. I didn't think of it as a ploy."

Now that was one thing that GR quickly recognized and he rightly called me on the carpet for it. Until he confronted me about it I did not realize how much disrespect I was showing when I sexually abused his body to get what I wanted (ie, pregnancy) but then all the other times of the month I kept the "sex gate" tightly closed and locked. And yes, I call it "sexual abuse" because when a man use a woman's body it is also called "sexual abuse".

landschooner said:
“She does what she thinks is important. Sex isn't important…… "Well, we've been really busy and you've been working late and I've been tired and the kids have been difficult and....and....and.... Its all true. All real excuses. All legitimate. But you know, we got a lot of things done in the last month despite fatigue. Despite everything. Just not sex…..”

You are right. There will always ALWAYS be “stuff” going on but if we are sexually generous with our spouse and we are faithful to prioritize, passionate sex will happen most of the time. Heck, since January GR and I had 3 surgeries. How easy could that have been for either or both of us to say, “I can’t. I’m still not recovered enough from surgery. Maybe next week or next month or next year....”

landschooner said:
“She's happily married. What does sex have to do with it? her husband's frustrations are heard but not really comprehended. I get a proverbial pat on the head "I'm sorry dear" but the truth is.....I'm starting to think that she doesn't HAVE the capacity, the ability, the life experience to comprehend sexual frustration.”

For decades I was the happily married wife, the princess, or at least I thought I was. Before 2004 I heard GR's frustrations but I just brushed them off, thinking he was just whining or expecting too much from me so I kept telling him, “Learn to live with it,” or “I’m trying,” or “I do not know what is wrong with me and I do not know how to change. Sorry.” Then in 2004 something snapped in him and he was through hearing me say “sorry” because quite frankly, I was a sorry excuse for a wife and he was done living in a mediocre marriage. He was not thinking of walking out but he was through putting up with my crap and wanted better for our marriage.

GR began putting into practice what we did with our kids when they were younger. Why not? I was acting like a spoiled child! If our kids behavior was inappropriate we would find a way to make their life miserable, giving them needed motivation to get their act together because if they didn’t, life as they knew it would continue to become less comfortable. Without motivation, nobody who is sitting there like a “princess” is going to change their behavior and risk losing their precious lifestyle, and the reason being--- because they are not living by the will of God in their marriage. They have no "good will" towards their husband. All they know is how to have their own way. A little bit of discomfort goes a long way and quickly gets our attention.

Between 2004-2006 GR’s aggressive way of dealing with this was indeed Christ-like. Look at what Christ did in the temple and… He even used a “whip of cords”. Hey, there is an idea ;-)! Once GR began toughening up his approach it became more appealing to me to figure out what I needed to do and then to do it. But if he had not stepped up to be the assertive leader we needed in our marriage and had instead continued being Mr. Nice Guy, my 2006 awakening would never have happened because after all--- if he did not seem supremely ticked off, things could not have been that bad, right?

Oh, and we do have the capacity to comprehend sexual frustration. It is called “having compassion with our spouse’s needs”…. “being a sexually generous spouse”…. and borrowing Job’s term- “being a spouse of good will”. Even average to low-SD spouses can be of ‘good will’ if they choose to do so.