Sunday, January 31, 2010

I can tell.. (Edited to add...)

How do you tell when your spouse is on the mend after surgery?

They are on the mend when they are frisky with their hands during the night in spite of the fact that they are still WAY too sore for sex.

GR is doing well, I can tell ;-)...

Edited to add:

He's got me beat! After my surgery last year I believe it took me 4-5 days before I could enjoy PIV-IC. GR's surgery was Fri evening. Last night, 2 nights later, he insisted that we have PIV-IC. I kept questioning him over and over but he was persistent so I gave in. Each of us ended up with two O's. I was surprised that he had two so soon after surgery. What can I say? My man amazes me, totally amazes me.

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Ice Bag Bust

You know what is really stupid? Those hospital issued ice bags! When they send you home with an ice bag and tell you to use it every couple of hours, do not use it in bed while you are trying to sleep.

This morning I woke up around 3am to hear GR moaning and when I ask what is wrong, in a dismayed tone he says, "The fastener came off the ice bag." Soon as the words came out of his mouth I feel something cold coming at me on the bed. He is slowing getting up to grab his bath towel to soak up some of the water, I jump up and turn on the lamp to see this nice little lake of mostly ice water with a few tiny ice cubes in the mix. Of course when this happened most of the ice had already melted. Grrrrr..... What idiot designed these fasteners? I mean, it took two of us about ten minutes just to figure out how to open and close it. Then GR needs it in bed and the darn thing pops open.

He decided to go downstairs and rest in the recliner. I went down with him and stayed for about an hour, making sure he had what he needed--- food, water, house phone, cell phone, meds, etc. After that I was still pooped from yesterday so I went back upstairs to see if my side of the bed had been salvaged from the flood. Indeed, it had been so I was able to crawl back under the covers on my side and I got some more sleep. What is it about sitting around hospitals that takes so much out of a person?

Woke up around 10am this morning to daughters baking muffins and bacon in the oven, coffee already brewed, GR enjoying his favorite- the military channel. He has not wanted/needed pain meds yet today. I gave him a better ice bag-- gallon Ziplock freezer bag. Works like a charm. All is well...

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

GR is broken!

Not a terrible need here but GR is broken. He is having outpatient hernia repair done on Friday afternoon. Please think good thoughts for us that day.

And yes, I am waiting for insurance approval for major surgery to repair my 2 hernias and to finish things up after all my weight loss. My surgery will be done by the same hernia specialist who is doing GR's surgery plus I will have a plastic surgeon doing some work on me at the same time. (I am getting a "two-for".)

Our girls have been asking us, "Are you sure hernias are not contagious?"

Edited to add:

Surprise, surprise! Not one hernia but two! All repairs successful. GR resting comfortably after the girls and I had to practically twist his arm to get him to take a Vicodin after we got home.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

"No Over-analyzing" Zone!

At another website I frequent, I often see people debating whether or not a sexual activity is “sin” and they argue their points over and over and over and over and over and over….well, it gets run into the ground with all the arguments back and forth. (People do not have better things to do with their time than to constantly be searching for "sin" in everything?) I just don’t “get it” what they find in all the debating. Just today I made a comment about the “over-analyzing” and one of the debaters was put out by those of us who were trying to say, “Enough already!”

The discussion innocently began with a poster expressing his urges in wanting to lightly spank his wife’s bottom during sex. He also wanted to know if other husbands had similar urges and if other wives enjoyed being spanked. Next thing you know several folks were furiously debating about whether or not marriage bed spanking was “sin”. Questions were flying back and forth— Is it “sin” if it is hard spanking? If it physically hurts the person being spanked, is that "sin"? What if the spanking leaves a mark? Is that “sin”? Is it "sin" if you are role-playing and pretending the one being spanked was naughty? And so on and so forth……

Is it just me or is much of that debating really just overkill? Below, you can read what I said in reply.

“I'm not uncomfortable in the least with you guys over-analyzing this topic. My comment was really only in reference to myself. For a number of years my dh and I were in church's where hunting down demons and tearing everything apart in search of sin was the favorite past time. Don't get me wrong-- I hate sin as much as the next Christian but I no longer spend the bulk of my time searching everywhere for it. BTDT, don't want to go down that road again. There is a balance I like to keep between enjoying life vs. a need to over-analyze everything in search of sin. And really when you think about it-- Anything we do to excess can become sin in our lives. We can idolize scripture and even that can become sin if we love it more than we love God. We are to keep our priorities in order and practice moderation in all things.”

Comments? Questions? And remember, the rule here is:

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Allowing the Past to Ruin our Present and Future

Often I hear husbands and occasionally wives share how the wives have difficulty in the marriage bed because of guilt over premarital sex they had either with the husband or with other men. Many wives cannot seem to shake the guilt even after they marry. It is as if they feel a need to spend the rest of their lives in “penance” because of what they have done.

The other day while scanning through Intimate Issues by Dillow & Pintus I came across a passage which I had not read in a while where they address this very thing—“guilt of past sexual sin”. I read it and thought, “How many wives have memories of past sexual sin regularly plaguing their minds, preventing them from enjoying sex and preventing them and their husband from having a healthy marriage bed?” If this was a poll I dare say that many of us would be shocked.

In Chapter 8 of Intimate Issues, Dillow & Pintus have a list of “guilt indicator” questions which could be useful for those dealing with unresolved guilt from past sexual sin. I have included the questions below. If you feel that you or your spouse could easily answer “yes” for any of these questions, take some time to discuss them together. This type of guilt is not usually resolved overnight but do allow these questions to help you begin on a journey of healing.

If you or your spouse have been battling with guilt from premarital sexual sin, please be proactive by reading the book and/or getting professional help. Do not continue allowing your past to prevent you from enjoying your marriage bed. You can learn how to deal with the guilt, put it permanently behind you and then move on to better things.

The questions from Intimate Issues:

*Do you believe sex with your husband can be exciting and wonderful, but don’t give yourself permission to enjoy it because you feel guilty about things you did in the past?

*Did you feel ashamed walking down the wedding aisle in front of your family wearing white?

*Was your first night together as husband and wife a disappointment because you knew each other too well?

*Do you ever feel angry at yourself or your husband because you compromised your sexual boundaries?

*Do you fantasize about other men while you are making love with your husband and feel remorse that what’s going on in your head is more exciting than what’s going on in your bed?

*Do you sometimes feel incomplete because you gave part of yourself to other men through sexual intercourse or intimate touching?

*Do you frequently feel sex is overrated, that you could get by fine without it?

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Oh, how weird!

GR was out of town last night on business. I always sleep nude when he is home but when he is away on business I wear a nightgown because.... I get cold without him being there in the bed with me. I woke up this morning to find my nightgown on the floor and don't even remember taking it off. Perhaps I had a dream but if I did, I sure do not remember it. Weird....

Ever find yourself in weird situations?

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Ask Gemma'sRavisher (GR)

Gemma has been after me for some time to show my face on her blog. Well, here I am! Why have I not been here sooner? Good question. A tight bedroom schedule with a certain little lady we all know and a busy work schedule has been eating up all my time. But today Gemma cornered me again and pressed hard so I finally relented. (I try to keep her happy.)

The last three years have been the hottest years of our entire marriage. My own attitude changed through the years but then Gemma did a complete turn-around in December 2006 and our marriage bed was restored. Most of you know the story, I think. Since then we have only moved forward in our relationship not bothering to look back and dwell on the horrible past, but choosing instead to focus on the present and our future together.

What do I hope to do here on Gemma's blog? I hope to learn a few things from others and to be available once or twice a month to offer helpful comments or advice to anyone who might need it. Do not feel like I will have all the answers because I will not, but maybe my age and experience can benefit some of you.

Please be patient with my replies since I cannot always be here but I will do my best. Typically, I will drop in here on the weekends. Any comments? Questions? At this time I do not have a separate gmail account so just post your comments here or if you would rather send them more privately, email them to Gemma's addy and she will see that I get them.

Thursday, January 7, 2010


In spite of the fact that I am occasionally cold when outdoors, I really do like cold winters. Is anyone else out there enjoying their marriage bed in this freezing cold weather? There is nothing like having your house temp around 65-67 degrees at night (or colder, for you brave folks), stripping down to the buff, diving underneath the sheet, the blanket and your down comforter, and then snuggling up to your nude spouse for a bit before enjoying a sexual romp in the bed. Ahhhhh.... Now I ask you-- How can that NOT get you in the mood? ;-)

Saturday, January 2, 2010

On and on and on and on and on.....

I am in a daze. Yesterday, when GR and I had sex he O'd twice which is not unusual for him but when I O'd it went on and on and on and on and on and on.... I did not think it would ever end and when it finally did end I asked him, "How long did my O last?" I knew it had gone on for a while but I had no concept of time in the midst of it, you know? He told me, "It lasted for about 15 minutes!" Whoa.... I am still in shock!!!

Did you or your spouse ever have an O go on that way?