Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Sex & Romance- How do you and your spouse weigh in?

While GR and I keep our bedroom as a sexual sanctuary (ie, no clutter in the room) we do not worry much about setting a preliminary, romantic atmosphere with extra props such as candles, music, lighting, clothing, stripping, etc. When it comes to these things he and I tend to lean towards minimalism. This may have something to do with our lack of reliance on romance in general. Perhaps part of it is our history of not having sex for so many years. Maybe our age has something to do with it (ie, in our 60’s and 50's)... I do not know.

It is just that most of the time when we get together we are quickly and easily into each other. If we had to stop and say, "Wait, start the music," or "Wait, get the candles and light them," or “Wait, I’m not wearing the right thing,” it would only slow us down. And this has nothing to do with how fast GR and I sexually wind up or wind back down because we do spend much time on our sexual encounters… probably more than what many couples do.

Often I hear spouses talking about how they usually depend on these props to help them get in a sexual mood. I view couples or individual spouses as falling into 1 of 3 categories with this-

1. those who prefer equal time on both sex and romance
2. those who need/want most of their time spent on romance
3. those who need/want most of their time spent on sex

Are you a 1, a 2 or a 3? Does your spouse fall into the same category as you or a different one? Does it work for your marriage or not and why? If it does not work, if it creates havoc, what ideas would maybe bridge the gap between how you and your spouse view sex and romance?

5 comments:

so blessed said...

All of the above? lol

Sometimes we like the candles and full-blown romance, and sometimes it's just all-out sex. We are both on the same page in liking the variety, and because of the variety, both of our needs stay regularly met. So we like it all!

Anonymous said...

All of the above for us. We enjoy the random nature of different experiences.

Still I can just suck on her breasts and that gets me going

Hismilkmaid said...

The romantic props are unnecessary and missing when we have spontaneous sex or sex through the week. Still, that doesn't stop us from going all out on our date nights at home. On those nights we light the candles and put on some music for hours of sex and talking, then more sex and talking. :) Some times there is some dancing. I usually plan some snacks and beverages. Some of the more special "outfits and toys" are usually displayed, and one of us picks out what we will wear. Then we take it all slow, just visiting and flirting, adding some tease, building the tension until one of us can't stand it any more, and the action starts.

I like these date nights at home, because there is more time and energy then the nights where we go out first.

landschooner said...

1. those who prefer equal time on both sex and romance
2. those who need/want most of their time spent on romance
3. those who need/want most of their time spent on sex

My wife is a #2

I am a #1

But my wife is SO much a #2 that giving her all the romance she desires means I get refused sex in the bedroom. The more romance she gets, the less sex we have. Its paradoxical but true. So I've had to taper down the romance, and yes, we are having sex more than before.

Gemma said...

landschooner said: "The more romance she gets, the less sex we have. Its paradoxical but true. So I've had to taper down the romance, and yes, we are having sex more than before."

Hey, you do what you gotta do... whatever works. Good for you on recognizing the problem and deciding to cut back on the romance since it's obviously working for you.