An anonymous reader was sharing about their growing up years in reply to one of my blog articles. In his comment he said:
“We were exhorted to be passionate for God, but to harness and resist the passions of the flesh. However, it seems that passion was often linked with bad, sinful, unhealthy concepts. Then, later in life, when one gets married all the sudden you are supposed to be able to flip a switch and go from avoiding all things sensual/sexual to now diving in and enjoying marriage. …hardly ever do we hear leaders in church or ministry speak of healthy sexual relationships with their spouses.“
As I was re-reading his comment a thought occurred to me. Drawing from personal experiences which GR and I have had, and of course there are exceptions but, the following has been our general POV of how sex is viewed among many Christians. If you say “sex”, they think “sin”. Talking about sex is so associated with guilt and so embarrassing that it is not uncommon even for a husband or wife to avoid discussing it with their spouse. Consequently, they develop a habit early in the marriage of avoiding most if not all sexual discussions and activities and they keep their own sexuality or lack thereof hidden from others. This keeps them more holy and pleasing to God, so they think.
Often I hear folks say, “------- is wrong because it is not in the bible. We only believe in the bible.” But is everything right and good that we do, specifically mentioned in the bible? And if something pleasurable is not specifically written about in the bible, does that mean that it is wrong and sinful? Do we view our pastors in this same way? If our pastor does not mention and encourage healthy marital sex does that mean that it must be sinful? Could we be placing too much blame and/or responsibility on our pastors? What about personal responsibility for our own thoughts and opinions?
Here is a related example- It is probably not a good idea for a wife to walk around in public looking like a whore but is there no middle ground? Does that mean that a wife has to look like a prude or be unattractive in public? How easy do you think it is for a wife to dress like a prude in public and then be her husband’s every fantasy in the bedroom? Is it confusing and sometimes impossible for a wife to be able to “flip the switch” at a moment’s notice? Is it fair to expect that of a wife?