Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Bring it on...

I just posted this comment underneath my last article. Thought I would also post it here as a new article for all to see.

"Now you guys are making me feel guilty for not posting in a while. I think about you all every day... really I do. Life has just gotten busy lately and... well... my marriage bed comes first. Is there a topic that any of you would like to see discussed here? Bring it on..."

16 comments:

job29man said...

On a well known site recently they have broached the subject of women's suffrage (right to vote) as it derived from a discussion about "Taken In Hand". An article was referenced (written in the 1880s by a woman) in which she said essentially "We women don't need to vote directly because our husbands, sons and fathers represent us at the polls."

I'm not asking for a discussion about suffrage per se'. But it made me think about "patriarchy." It made me think about the role of women at home, in the marketplace, in the political arena, etc. And then the "actual current day role" of women vs. the "ideal role" that women would assume if we could change things to what we think is best.

Then I got to thinking about "how does the woman's 'ideal' role in society differ from and affect her preferred role and position at home and in the marriage bed?

Frankly I don't want to be transparent about my beliefs on the other marriage/sex website because I'd be part of a 1% minority and there would be hard feelings created in others (not in me).

Your thoughts?
What role position would you prefer to see for women in society (if you could wave a magic wand and change it)?
How do today's existing roles, rights, and expectations of and for women affect your household and marriages in general IYO?
How do they affect your marriage bed?

Anonymous said...

In my opinion, I would hate to see a woman live unrepresented in society because she didn't have a father or a husband. With the overreaching government in the US, if a woman's rights are not protected by law, I would be concerned for private property and the support of children.

The rights of women affect men as well. If a woman did not have the right to earn money and own property, I think a lot more force could be brought to bear if some man found himself unemployed or unable to support his family according to some arbitrary government standard.

I think it would be wise for men to consider the political implications of the women they marry. If a man marries a woman with similar political leanings and leads his family well, he can use the extra votes of his wife and his children to influence government for good.

In my opinion it would be better if US citizens lived in an environment with less government regulation. All people should exercise responsibility for their own morality and support. It is shameful to live in a society that discourages marriage by the engineering of tax policy and the development of a welfare state.

job29man said...

OK. I'm hearing a giant "yawwwnnn" here. LOL!

I'll admit to being attracted to the idea of a society of stay at home wives who look forward to their husbands coming home, but with all the healthy sexual attitudes that we've come to appreciate on PWM and TMB.

And I'll admit to liking the idea of a patriarchal society where the men are indisputably the leaders of the family, business, government, and the Church. It seems it would be more of a complete package of husbandly leadership and wifely submission and obedience (which I find hot).

It's true that each family can create that for themselves today, and good on those of us who do. But also there is something appealing about these values being reflected in society as a whole.

Sometimes I wonder...in a world where the husbands lead and represent their wives to the world, why would the wives actually need to vote except to oppose their husbands vote? And where's the good in that?

Gemma said...

A reader sent this quote to me via email. I am not sure who wrote it. The reader may supply that information if he wishes.

Here is the quote:

"Unless there is some mitigating circumstance, women generally feel more comfortable with a man who will take charge. It is not a man's tyranny that hurts woman so much as his indifference. It is widespread, even epidemic, apathy and indifference that may be ripping into women's health today."

In my small corner of the world there is more than an ounce of truth to that statement. The men in our circle of of IRL friends are "take charge men" and the women are happy and content about it. Fwiw- Most of these friends have been married for over 30 years. These are couples who are in their 50's and 60's who have been happily married.

Gemma said...

Job said>>>>>>>>>OK. I'm hearing a giant "yawwwnnn" here. LOL!

No, I don’t hear a yawn. It’s more like an unhealthy fear of what you are suggesting. (ie, OMG, if our society comes to that we women will have to…. gulp…. do what our husbands tell us to do. We’ll have to obey rather than control.)

Job said>>>>>>>>>I'll admit to being attracted to the idea of a society of stay at home wives who look forward to their husbands coming home, but with all the healthy sexual attitudes that we've come to appreciate on PWM and TMB.

It is a good life for those of us, both husbands and wives, who live out that lifestyle.

Job said>>>>>>>>And I'll admit to liking the idea of a patriarchal society where the men are indisputably the leaders of the family, business, government, and the Church. It seems it would be more of a complete package of husbandly leadership and wifely submission and obedience (which I find hot).

Ummm, yeah, hot for the wives too.

Job said>>>>>>>>It's true that each family can create that for themselves today, and good on those of us who do. But also there is something appealing about these values being reflected in society as a whole.

No more battle of the sexes. Through the decades that has gotten to be really old and stinky.

Anonymous said...

I believe it was in that same thread Job mentioned, where a poster gave some details of their spanking life and was taken to task because that was TMI. Would that topic fit your blog?

For those that DO enjoy some spanking in the marriage,some "how-to" discussion? Positions, what implements if any, how far do you go, etc.?

so blessed said...

Hi Gemma -

You started this blog as a celebration of the passion within your own marriage. IMO, maybe you need to return to your roots. I am remembering some of the finest days of your blog, and it was when you let that marital passion spill over into your blog postings.

Remember the posts you did a year or so ago about your fantasies, for example? Your unbridled hunger for GR was so obvious, and if I remember correctly you had posts along then that generated 100 comments or more.

Maybe getting back to your roots would let that passion bubble to the top once more. Just my $.02.

Thanks for keeping your blog up. I read it regularly, and enjoy it!

so blessed

Gemma said...

Oh, the passion is still here. I just haven't had time to write about it on my blog. Working my way back to that place. When it comes to enjoying passion with GR or writing a bout it... well, enjoying it wins hands down.

Thanks for the reminder..

Anonymous said...

Not every woman has a husband, father, or brother who can or will represent her. If a Christian man is leading his home well, he should be thankful for the extra votes God gives him through his wife and godly children of voting age.

bunnyhunch said...

Gemma, I like that quote. But as much as I agree with it and experience it within my own marriage, I realize that, as Anonymous mentioned, not all men are created equal. You and I are married to two of the "good guys", and we know many others who fall into that category. From what I've read of their posts, I'd say JobMan & SB are in that category as well.

Unfortunately, though, there are far too many homes where that kind of "leadership" could ruin a household. That's really a sad statement, but I see it & hear of it all the time.

bunnyhunch said...

You ask whether there a topic we'd like to see discussed here. DH and I were just reading the posts and talking about your your question. The first thing out of his mouth: "Well, you know what the longest and most interesting discussion was..." Of course, he's referring to something that actually is related, to some extent, to the topic of headship/submission: Dom/sub relationships & bondage. Where better to discuss this topic and learn? We're certainly ready to revisit it.

Leftmost said...

I have a question.
How do you keep a marriage from getting sexually stale? Having sex with the same person for years, eventually you're going to know them so well that it all becomes predictable. So how do you keep it interesting?

Gemma said...

When both spouses are passionate about their marriage bed, nothing gets stale. It is the passion which carries you through decade after decade and keeps variety in the MB.

Is your spouse on board? Do you and he/she both exhibit a high level of passion? If not, that's where you need to begin your work to improve things.

How is your marriage outside of the marriage bed? I'm only asking because typically the status of the marriage bed is a barometer for the rest of the marriage. If things are bad all the way around, have you considered professional counseling? Even if your spouse won't initially go, you go to begin getting the wheels in motion. Your spouse may follow suit down the road.

Ultimately, if you do nothing, nothing will change. Have hope. I always say that if I could come out of my 25+ years of pathetic funk, anybody can with enough hard work and determination.

Leftmost said...

I'm not married.

But I see a lot of information about couples who are bored with their love life and just wondered what your advice would be on avoiding that.

Gemma said...

Leftmost said:
"I see a lot of information about couples who are bored with their love life and just wondered what your advice would be on avoiding that."

MY REPLY- PART I

Marriage in general requires nurturing but when couples begin their sexual live together, they somehow think that hot sex will come naturally; news flash- it doesn’t. There are many couples who live with boring marriage beds, I think because one or both spouses are clueless of the importance of frequent, passionate sex OR… because one or both go into the marriage emotionally crippled from unhealthy views of sex AND THEN…. as if that’s not bad enough… THEN…. they go through months, years and decades being uneducated, thinking that they know everything there is to know about marriage and when the marriage gets stale or falls apart they think, “What went wrong?”

How do couples avoid sexual boredom? The world's way is to go beyond the Christian boundaries and have online or IRL affairs to drum up excitement--- 3-somes, more-than-3-somes, spouse-swapping, etc. I read an awful lot about sex in marriage (ie, It’s a favorite hobby of mine so my personal library is huge.) and I have never, not even once, seen or heard of a married couple who have crossed those boundaries involving other people and then gone on to have an exciting marriage bed with each other exclusively. No, instead their sexual involvement with others tears their marital relationship apart and they usually end up divorced. There is a healthier and more exciting way to avoid boredom, a way in which a couple can daily live on an “erotic high”.

It is up to the couple going into the marriage to educate themselves on the finer art of having and maintaining an erotic marriage bed. Not ideal since many young couples have no idea how sex is supposed to be. This is where we older folks can pitch in by offering advice and books to read so the young couples can have a good start. My husband and I have had and will continue to have many talks with our college kids. If and when they become engaged, we plan on having many talks with their future husband. We refuse to send them off into marriage to stumble around in the dark and waste precious time that they could be enjoying in their marriage bed.

Gemma said...

MY REPLY- PART II

For those of us who, at a later time in our marriage, finally woke up from our sexual stupor… there is no reason why both spouses at any age can’t re-educate themselves unless… one or both spouses are emotionally and sexually selfish in which case, it’s up to the other spouse to “out” them. If a selfish spouse won’t work on change, the other spouse should bring it to the attention of their pastor. If pastor can’t help other spouse should take it to a marriage counselor. And I just want to say this while it’s on my mind. It doesn’t matter why the selfish spouse won’t work on change. I hear so many of them make excuses, “But you don’t understand. It’s because of my upbringing…. my church’s teachings… my promiscuous lifestyle… my CSA… “ I’m sorry but even in the case of promiscuity or CSA, there is no reason why a person can’t aggressively work through their issues for the sake of their marriage bed. Many won’t because it is hard work so they stick their head in the sand and pretend that the issues won’t matter that much. That’s what I did and it’s what I see others doing as well. Other spouse needs to stay on top of the problem through discussions, counseling, whatever it takes to get the selfish spouse to get with the program. Since my sexual awakening I’ve told my spouse, “God forbid if I were to ever revert back to my old ways but if I do, you have my blessing to haul my butt to a therapist and stay on top of things until my head gets screwed back on correctly.” I also told him that if I reverted and didn’t quickly come back out of it, I hope he has the strength to temporarily separate from me to emphasize to me the importance of daily living with frequent, passionate sex. Nobody should settle for half a marriage and a crappy marriage bed.

Avoiding sexual boredom--- I can only share how my husband and I keep our marriage bed sizzling. There is not a day that goes by where we don’t share some amount of sexual affection. It’s like breathing for us. We do have sex most days but even on days when we don’t we gravitate towards each other in some type of sexual way. And every night we both sleep nude, no exceptions. I take it back… for 1-2 days after surgery we are kind of squeamish about incisions getting bumped in the night so slept with a little distance between us and wore clothing to make it slightly easier for the other spouse. A marriage bed can’t sizzle if a couple doesn’t take daily time to nurture it. Couples get sexually bored when they allow life to crowd out their marriage bed. We all hear it--- “We’re too busy with jobs, house, kids, school, church, kids’ hobbies, our hobbies, relatives….” HELLO??? MARRIAGE BED COMES FIRST. Not that we ignore our job or our kids… those are priorities too but for whatever reason we never neglect our job or our kids. When it comes to fun for us, we rationalize that others need us more so we allow others to crowd out our marriage bed time. DON’T DO IT! Keep the marriage bed as a sacred time and you’ll be rewarded with a hot bed.