A negative attitude does not appear overnight. And if an attitude is only beginning to show, it could be rooted in something in the person's present life (ie, the easiest root causes to overcome) OR.... it could go back to something in their past which requires much more work.
For over 25 years, most of my bad attitude was rooted in guilt and pride from two sources. One source was guilt from the promiscuous lifestyle which I led while in my teens and early 20's. The other, was guilt imposed on me when we were in legalistic churches and also pride, because I would not talk to our pastors to let them know how poorly I was treating my husband in our marriage bed.
Believe it or not while I was refusing, GR and I were in leadership positions and I wrongly felt that we had an image to keep up so I allowed pride to keep me as prisoner in my mind. (ie, If you had problems, you were less spiritual than those without problems.) Our pastors, then, and our church friends all thought our marriage was good.
I learned to fake it very well when around them. (Does this have a familiar ring to it?) GR wanted to tell the pastor but he would not because he was afraid I would explode and leave him or that things would get worse. I mean, really, how can a marriage bed get worse than when a couple goes for years at a time without sex?
Even after we left those legalistic churches and I was finally able to acknowledge what I was doing to my husband and my marriage, it took me another six years to work through all the guilt and pride I had been carrying around for so long. As soon as we began attending our current church, GR and I both started spilling our guts out to our pastor; then the healing began.
This pastor was a Christian Orthodox priest who had only been married for a few short years and yet, he had the training and wisdom to know exactly how to counsel us so we could begin the healing process. After six years of wanting to change but not knowing how, often taking one step forward and then two steps back, I finally figured it out and came out on the other side being emotionally healthy and whole.
I would dare to say that in most cases, changing one's bad attitude is a process which takes time, effort and a willingness to admit that we are wrong, to admit that we are sinning against God and our spouse and a willingness to work hard at changing. For a Christian, attitude in the marriage bed begins with a spiritual root and then moves out to the emotional and sexual areas of a person's life. Very few people can come out healthy on the other side without some form of help. Besides my husband doing all he knew to do, my help came in the form of a good church, a very wise pastor and many good marriage bed books which I purchased and read.
What do you think needs to happen before positive change takes place in your marriage bed?