Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Where did the sparks go? Can you find them again?

Did you have passion for your spouse when you were dating? How about when you were newlyweds? Was the passion still there? Is it there now or has it been so long since you have seen passion in your marriage that you forgot what it felt like?

Consider the sparks that fly between two young people who are in love. Are we supposed to lose those sparks just because we grow older or because we get in a bad habit of taking each other for granted? Do you think it is possible to have those sparks flying today like they did years ago before you were married?

I was browsing through some books and stumbled on a few quotes that I would like to share. From the book "Intimate Issues":

"Recapturing passion has first to do with your attitude about being a lover to your husband (my insert: "or to your wife"). Passion begins with priorities, not genitals."

"We agree that it's difficult to keep the passion burning, but not impossible. We must make passion a priority and then set an atmosphere where passion can reign."

"What helps you prepare your mind and body for passion? Try putting these four things in your lovemaking repertoire: fun and playfulness, tender touch, a passion exercise, and a vacation mentality."

"A blazing fire is not started by piling huge logs on top of one another and striking a match. The way to build a lasting fire is to start small; dry paper, bits of kindling, then small branches, and finally logs. The fire must be constantly tended to give warmth and remain bright. In the same way, the fire of your passion is built of small pieces of "kindling." Boughs of love piled on top of one another, thought upon thought, action upon action until the flame of passion blazes bright. Dear friend, it is worth the effort!"

The author suggests asking your spouse: "What can I do to become your dream lover?"

"List five ways you can make passion a priority in your marriage?"

"Your sensuousness begins in your mind before your husband (my insert: "or your wife") enters the room. Thinking sexually is a frame of mind, a focus. List three things you can do that will help you prepare your mind and heart for passion."

Sorry guys, Intimate Issues was written for women but do feel free to change the wording around so that the advice is directed towards husbands.

In Dr. Laura Schlessinger's book "The Proper Care & Feeding of Marriage" she says:

"The Proper Care & Feeding of a Marriage is to GIVE, GIVE, and GIVE some more--- of your best self."

Dr. Laura shares these ten tips in her book:

1. There is no "I" in TEAM!
2. Remember back to what made you "fall in love" and make that memory live today.
3. Forgive each other. Agree to let the past die and start over.
4. Dump your prideful ways.
5. Ignore the sometimes not so small stuff.
6. Try to remember that two heads can be much better than one if you show some respect for the other's head.
7. Treat your spouse with as much courtesy, kindness, and sensitivity that you give to strangers and others you know.
8. It is a far greater blessing to give than receive.
9. Forget rewriting history. (ie, years of resentment)
10. Treat him like a king and he will treat you like a queen. (ie, assuming you married a reasonable, decent person)


so blessed said...

Sparks? Oh yes, we still have sparks. In fact, we still have the bonfire going and the sparks are just the by-product. It's been 30+ years for us, and we are more in love now than ever before.

But keeping it this way has been something we have worked at. I believe that everyday, we choose to tarnish or polish our marriage relationship by our actions. Keeping it hot is work, but man is it worth the effort!

Dawn @ Marriage Intimacy said...

Love the tips you shared from Dr. Laura. In addition to these, I think it's important to show one's appreciation for his / her partner. Simple gestures like hugs, kisses, or words of encouragement do help rekindle "that" spark. By showing appreciation for one's partner, his / her partner would feel valued and appreciated. This also allows a couple to feel that they are in a shared commitment.

Gemma said...

Dr. Laura always emphasizes the need for showing spousal appreciation.