To all my dear readers:
Thank you all for your good thoughts, wishes and prayers. I truly appreciate them all.
Just a gentle request here—
I know that all my readers mean well but there is one little thing I must ask for the sake of my sanity. We are praying and trusting God to take care of us in the midst of all this, however.... Please know that we are fully aware of God’s ability to heal GR of this cancer, however, GR and I had a horrible experience in a “faith” church 12 years ago when our then 7yodd was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. Sure we wanted her healed, what parent would not, but the thing that dragged us down and laid so much guilt on us was the constant insistence from everyone in this church that God WAS GOING TO HEAL OUR DD.... that if we prayed enough, believed enough, thought enough, spoke enough of God’s healing power.... well, by golly He would be obligated to heal her and it was all up to us.
With our dd's disease, weeks went into months, months went into years and here we are 12 years later. Could God have healed our dd? Absolutely! Did he have to heal her? No, because God is sovereign and only He decides who is healed and who is not. Did He choose to heal her? Obviously not as she is still an insulin-dependent diabetic who now wears an insulin pump. Did our lack of faith prevent her healing? Absolutely not but the whole time we were in that church GR and I were filled with guilt because we felt we were not doing enough or we were doing too much of one thing or another and God was sitting on His throne looking down on us and saying, “If you play your cards right I will heal your dd. (ie, If she is not healed, it will be your own fault.)
I understand the “faith teaching” and if any of you believe it, by all means, pray that way for us but please do not put that burden on us where if anything goes wrong and GR is not healed, God forbid, then we have to live in guilt. I cannot go through that again like we did when dd was diagnosed. For now, my emotional strength and energy needs to be used for better purposes.
Now for the good news---
I met with our FP today for my pre-op appointment. Dr. R is a wonderful man. We are so blessed in that all our doctors are not only excellent in their field of medicine but they are all of fine character. Dr. R, like several of our doctors, is a Christian. He took time today to talk with me not only about my upcoming surgery but also about GR's. On the Patient Instruction form we were sent home with yesterday, the colon doc wrote: "Small tumor in your ceeum (sp?). Looks like an early cancer which will require surgical removal." Dr. R told me today that it is common for colon cancer to form in the ceeum and it is usually fairly easy to treat.... as easy as surgery or surgery and chemo can be... so that the patients go on to live cancer-free. Our hopes and prayers are for this cancer to be treatable.
We told the girls as soon as they walked in the door yesterday evening. The problem with both of us needing surgery now--- 23yodd drives, 19yodd does not and they attend different colleges and have different school/work schedules. I am usually the one to tote 19yo back and forth. Besides that, because of 19yo's health issues we cannot at this time leave her home alone so if GR and I are at the hospital and 23yo is at school, we will have to arrange for 19yo to be with someone. I am sure we will be able to work everything out with help from 23yo and from our nearby friends.
The girls are really good about pitching in at home. They both know how to clean, do laundry and cook. Well, our 19yo is the natural cook while our 23yo is the one who prefers to bake. So I am not worried about keeping things up around here. What needs to be done, will be done. We see GR's surgeon Tuesday and will probably schedule his surgery that day or shortly after. I will update as we learn more. Again thank you all so much.
Oh, an add on---
Today I was cleared health-wise for surgery. Everything looked good. My A1c was 5.something. (Can't remember exact number.) My average blood glucose has been 100. Currently I am only doing 12 units insulin/day and regularly decreasing it as my BG keeps going down with weight loss. Doc expects I will be getting completely off insulin shortly after surgery is behind me. Both my surgeons are free to operate on March 15. Now if we can only get the hospital to shake a leg. So far they have not committed to reserve a spot for me.