Friday, February 26, 2010

A gentle request

To all my dear readers:

Thank you all for your good thoughts, wishes and prayers. I truly appreciate them all.

Just a gentle request here—

I know that all my readers mean well but there is one little thing I must ask for the sake of my sanity. We are praying and trusting God to take care of us in the midst of all this, however.... Please know that we are fully aware of God’s ability to heal GR of this cancer, however, GR and I had a horrible experience in a “faith” church 12 years ago when our then 7yodd was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. Sure we wanted her healed, what parent would not, but the thing that dragged us down and laid so much guilt on us was the constant insistence from everyone in this church that God WAS GOING TO HEAL OUR DD.... that if we prayed enough, believed enough, thought enough, spoke enough of God’s healing power.... well, by golly He would be obligated to heal her and it was all up to us.

With our dd's disease, weeks went into months, months went into years and here we are 12 years later. Could God have healed our dd? Absolutely! Did he have to heal her? No, because God is sovereign and only He decides who is healed and who is not. Did He choose to heal her? Obviously not as she is still an insulin-dependent diabetic who now wears an insulin pump. Did our lack of faith prevent her healing? Absolutely not but the whole time we were in that church GR and I were filled with guilt because we felt we were not doing enough or we were doing too much of one thing or another and God was sitting on His throne looking down on us and saying, “If you play your cards right I will heal your dd. (ie, If she is not healed, it will be your own fault.)

I understand the “faith teaching” and if any of you believe it, by all means, pray that way for us but please do not put that burden on us where if anything goes wrong and GR is not healed, God forbid, then we have to live in guilt. I cannot go through that again like we did when dd was diagnosed. For now, my emotional strength and energy needs to be used for better purposes.

Now for the good news---

I met with our FP today for my pre-op appointment. Dr. R is a wonderful man. We are so blessed in that all our doctors are not only excellent in their field of medicine but they are all of fine character. Dr. R, like several of our doctors, is a Christian. He took time today to talk with me not only about my upcoming surgery but also about GR's. On the Patient Instruction form we were sent home with yesterday, the colon doc wrote: "Small tumor in your ceeum (sp?). Looks like an early cancer which will require surgical removal." Dr. R told me today that it is common for colon cancer to form in the ceeum and it is usually fairly easy to treat.... as easy as surgery or surgery and chemo can be... so that the patients go on to live cancer-free. Our hopes and prayers are for this cancer to be treatable.

We told the girls as soon as they walked in the door yesterday evening. The problem with both of us needing surgery now--- 23yodd drives, 19yodd does not and they attend different colleges and have different school/work schedules. I am usually the one to tote 19yo back and forth. Besides that, because of 19yo's health issues we cannot at this time leave her home alone so if GR and I are at the hospital and 23yo is at school, we will have to arrange for 19yo to be with someone. I am sure we will be able to work everything out with help from 23yo and from our nearby friends.

The girls are really good about pitching in at home. They both know how to clean, do laundry and cook. Well, our 19yo is the natural cook while our 23yo is the one who prefers to bake. So I am not worried about keeping things up around here. What needs to be done, will be done. We see GR's surgeon Tuesday and will probably schedule his surgery that day or shortly after. I will update as we learn more. Again thank you all so much.

Oh, an add on---

Today I was cleared health-wise for surgery. Everything looked good. My A1c was 5.something. (Can't remember exact number.) My average blood glucose has been 100. Currently I am only doing 12 units insulin/day and regularly decreasing it as my BG keeps going down with weight loss. Doc expects I will be getting completely off insulin shortly after surgery is behind me. Both my surgeons are free to operate on March 15. Now if we can only get the hospital to shake a leg. So far they have not committed to reserve a spot for me.

6 comments:

Ancient Mariner said...

Unfortunately, I know exactly what you mean, because my wife said almost the exact same words to me recently. Remember the story of Jesus and the blind man. When Jesus was asked whether the man was born blind because of his sin or his parents’ sin, Jesus replied that he was blind so that the works of God would be made visible through him. It is tough for us to accept, but sometimes bad things happen that we cannot explain or even accept.

None of us can predict the future, and that reality is often different from what we wish for with our most fervent hopes. But our prayers you most certainly have.

Mark 9:24 said...

Gemma,

We know where you are coming from. My inlaws once thought (still do?) that the reason people got sick was basically due to a "lack of faith". Of course that ignores where the Bible says that the rain falls on everyones roof. Believer and non-believer alike.

We have met a lot of children and thier parents ever since our sons diagnosis of Autism 10 years ago. Some of them, like us, have expereinced the bad teaching, so called biblical view that you have.

The church we go to does not teach that kind of nonsence, but individuals still sometimes choose to believe it.

I, myself, have Torticollus, and while I am better I am not 100% healed and may never be.

Do we believe that God can heal my son and me?
Yes. But for now God has chosen not to and if He choses never to do so He is still God and has His reasons.

So, our prayers are with you. We pray for healing for you both and that God will guide the Doctors hands.

Mark

Hiswildcherry47 said...

Hey Gemma,
I got the exact 'fight' response I was hoping to get from you...yyyeeeaaahhh. Knew you had it in you, lady.

I am not one of the whacked out, charismatically inclined (thus potentially cultishly brainwashed) jacka$$@$ who are so terribly insensitive to those who are hurting and trying to navigate their way through their horrendous health situations. I do come across as such. Not.

I am one of the weird ones who genuinely takes people's sorrows to heart and prays on their behalves for many years, thereafter...totally a God thing in my life. No puffed up pride, simply a calling in my life.

To do such intercessory work, I have had to really buckle my mind into a different spiritual gear and believe more God intervention is possible than I understand.

You truly have sincere prayer coming your way via a believer in the miraculous, restorative power of God.

You are precious, Gemma. There is great potential in yours, and your husband's lives, for opening the eyes of the Body of Christ towards God's thinking on married sexual union.

I'll keep reading, and saying, even if I spark you to ire. Part of my job in the Body of Christ!! I am a stirrer or oftimes latent emotions, towards something greater, in each person I encounter.

God bless the rest of your weekend and love on your darling man extra hard...well, don't squish him too bad now!!

bunnyhunch said...

Gemma, your church has been good to/for you. I assume there will be people willing to help you out regarding meals, etc. for your family. I'll be praying you and yours are well taken care of.

I'm so glad you've gotten support from your doc and that your own surgery is thus far looking good. Blessings to you and yours.

WildMan said...

Gemma,
I think I have posted perhaps one comment since you've had your blog, but I do want to let you know that I'm praying. I trust that God will lead the two of you through this. I pray that you and GR will have many more years of sweetness ahead of you.

WM

job29man said...

Dear Gemma and GR,

The way I look at it, we live in a fallen world. Disease is a part of the Fall and comes to us regardless of our faith and character. When we get sick we should pray and ask for prayers. The rest is up to God in His sovereignty.

Sarah and I will pray for you both my friends. And we will also pray that the Lord will use this time of surgery and recovery as a time to do good things in your family, including your DDs. May He draw you all closer together and closer to Him in this trial, and may it bring about the development of even more Christian character and maturity as you rest in His peace.