Saturday, January 23, 2010

"No Over-analyzing" Zone!

At another website I frequent, I often see people debating whether or not a sexual activity is “sin” and they argue their points over and over and over and over and over and over….well, it gets run into the ground with all the arguments back and forth. (People do not have better things to do with their time than to constantly be searching for "sin" in everything?) I just don’t “get it” what they find in all the debating. Just today I made a comment about the “over-analyzing” and one of the debaters was put out by those of us who were trying to say, “Enough already!”

The discussion innocently began with a poster expressing his urges in wanting to lightly spank his wife’s bottom during sex. He also wanted to know if other husbands had similar urges and if other wives enjoyed being spanked. Next thing you know several folks were furiously debating about whether or not marriage bed spanking was “sin”. Questions were flying back and forth— Is it “sin” if it is hard spanking? If it physically hurts the person being spanked, is that "sin"? What if the spanking leaves a mark? Is that “sin”? Is it "sin" if you are role-playing and pretending the one being spanked was naughty? And so on and so forth……

Is it just me or is much of that debating really just overkill? Below, you can read what I said in reply.

“I'm not uncomfortable in the least with you guys over-analyzing this topic. My comment was really only in reference to myself. For a number of years my dh and I were in church's where hunting down demons and tearing everything apart in search of sin was the favorite past time. Don't get me wrong-- I hate sin as much as the next Christian but I no longer spend the bulk of my time searching everywhere for it. BTDT, don't want to go down that road again. There is a balance I like to keep between enjoying life vs. a need to over-analyze everything in search of sin. And really when you think about it-- Anything we do to excess can become sin in our lives. We can idolize scripture and even that can become sin if we love it more than we love God. We are to keep our priorities in order and practice moderation in all things.”

Comments? Questions? And remember, the rule here is:


Leftmost said...

Sin is falling short of perfection. Since we are not perfect, everything we do falls short. Thus, everything we do is, in some way, sinful. At least, that's my opinion and understanding.

Debating forever about whether something is sinful or not is indeed long and tedious.

bunnyhunch said...

Gemma, I am with you 100% here. I wasted the majority of our marriage "looking for sin" - that is, considering all activities to be wrong unless proven right. What a waste. Our marriage has been on an exhilarating ride since being set free from such debilitating thinking. Thankfully, while it is unfortunate that there are those who would hold everyone to their own standard of sanctimony, I am no longer tempted to fall into that way of thinking. Our marriage is far better for it.

Anonymous said...

I agree with you Gemma. I see it like this - you can (a) focus on avoiding sin, or (b) focus on oneness with Christ. s

Mike said...

I think those people really don't know what sin is in the biblical sense. Moralists often use the word "sin" when their way of looking at things is challenged.

The marriage bed is pure, and we have a great GOD who has given us a lot of freedom to enjoy. Legalists want to take that freedom away.

This topic has just reminded me how much my wife enjoys being spanked.

job29man said...

I know the thread you speak of. The folks there are trying to "put a very fine point" on it. Gemma I share your thoughts on this. It should be pretty easy to get down to a basic agreement that "XYZ is out of bounds, now let's discuss what's fun."

Anonymous said...

I think a lot of the problem with 'looking for sin' is in getting our causality backwards:
We are NOT sinners because we sin;
we sin BECAUSE we are sinners.
Succinctly, a lot of churches have a poor understanding of the impact of original sin. This leads us to focus on US and our acts. Better to accept that we DO have a sinful nature (even though redeemed), and instead focus on Christ and his work for us on the cross.

Perhaps another factor, is that a lot of people try to avoid what their spouse wants, and if they can label what their spouse wants as 'sin', it 'trumps' everything. So, they welcome the opportunity to label something 'sin'.


Hiswildcherry47 said...

This crap is part of the reason I do not visit Christian marriage sites at all except for yours, Gemma, and one other...literally.

I spent a bit of time searching around a prominent marriage site, once or twice. The amount of whining and carrying on that I read depressed me in my hard won/newfound, sexual freedom.

I decided to avoid polluting my fresh, sexual brain and just not 'go there' in copying the attitudes of jaded Christians.

Onwards and Upwards...Onwards-sexually with my man and in developing my inner person as a woman.
Upwards-towards relishing God's thorough enjoyment of my passion towards my husband.

My religious bridges were burnt. I walk in fresh territory and there are few who dare to go here. Hallelujah!

job29man said...

Upon further reflection... I can see where sometimes it does make sense to say "y'know what you are doing is sin" even when it's something consensual.

There are some things in the "dark realm" of sex that are shameful even when they do not involve third parties or porn and are 100% consensual. Then it would be OK to challenge the premise IMHO.

job29man said...


I like your attitude. Do what you think is best, but when you are feeling up to it there may be other wives on that "major site" that are sort of "stultified" and could use your healthy outlook of liberation.

Give it a thought anyways?


Hiswildcherry47 said...

Hey job29man,

Thx for the encouragement.

One day when I am an oooollllddd lady, I may be more tempered in my fiery ire. Female dragon breath is hardly ever productive for the Lord!

My wonderful God is 'forging' a deep work in my life. I will seek His timing. Obedience then timing account for much...drat, I just burnt my vegies ! Sigh.