Often I hear husbands and occasionally wives share how the wives have difficulty in the marriage bed because of guilt over premarital sex they had either with the husband or with other men. Many wives cannot seem to shake the guilt even after they marry. It is as if they feel a need to spend the rest of their lives in “penance” because of what they have done.
The other day while scanning through Intimate Issues by Dillow & Pintus I came across a passage which I had not read in a while where they address this very thing—“guilt of past sexual sin”. I read it and thought, “How many wives have memories of past sexual sin regularly plaguing their minds, preventing them from enjoying sex and preventing them and their husband from having a healthy marriage bed?” If this was a poll I dare say that many of us would be shocked.
In Chapter 8 of Intimate Issues, Dillow & Pintus have a list of “guilt indicator” questions which could be useful for those dealing with unresolved guilt from past sexual sin. I have included the questions below. If you feel that you or your spouse could easily answer “yes” for any of these questions, take some time to discuss them together. This type of guilt is not usually resolved overnight but do allow these questions to help you begin on a journey of healing.
If you or your spouse have been battling with guilt from premarital sexual sin, please be proactive by reading the book and/or getting professional help. Do not continue allowing your past to prevent you from enjoying your marriage bed. You can learn how to deal with the guilt, put it permanently behind you and then move on to better things.
The questions from Intimate Issues:
*Do you believe sex with your husband can be exciting and wonderful, but don’t give yourself permission to enjoy it because you feel guilty about things you did in the past?
*Did you feel ashamed walking down the wedding aisle in front of your family wearing white?
*Was your first night together as husband and wife a disappointment because you knew each other too well?
*Do you ever feel angry at yourself or your husband because you compromised your sexual boundaries?
*Do you fantasize about other men while you are making love with your husband and feel remorse that what’s going on in your head is more exciting than what’s going on in your bed?
*Do you sometimes feel incomplete because you gave part of yourself to other men through sexual intercourse or intimate touching?
*Do you frequently feel sex is overrated, that you could get by fine without it?