Wednesday, December 30, 2009

New Year Resolutions

This time of the year people often talk about New Year resolutions. In a way it is sort of like praying except resolutions are only made at the beginning of the new year. Typically New Year resolutions are things that we either need to be doing or things that we need to cease doing to make ourselves a better person. For it to be effective we have to be truly honest when choosing a resolution which requires our attention. When you think about it, prayer should also be this way but often times folks only pray about what they feel like changing in their life rather than what they should change or they pray, "God change ------ (so and so)."

Following a quick search, I found a few articles on this topic so I have posted them below. Have you ever had New Year resolutions pertaining to your marriage bed? If so, what have they been? Did you and your spouse stick to them? Why or why not?

Resolve To Improve Your Marriage

How To Keep New Year’s Resolutions For A Better Marriage

New Years Love Resolutions For Happy Relationships

A New Year's Resolution For A Better Marriage

On New Year's Day we could all start with a fresh, clean slate and resolve to have the most passionate marriage bed ever. Try keeping a copy of your marriage bed resolutions in a prominent spot in the bedroom where it can always be seen and then read it together once or twice a month to help you and your spouse stay true to your goals. You could place it in a clear page protector and fasten it to the bedroom door like hotel room fire escape routes ;-). You can call it the "Unhealthy Marriage Bed Escape Route".

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Christ is born, glorify Him!

In case anyone is wondering or cares--- I am enjoying some down time with my husband and kids. GR goes back to work tomorrow and then has another few days off for the New Year's holiday. The kids will be off from college for a couple more weeks. Tomorrow or Tuesday I will likely be back here in full swing.

Christ is born, glorify Him!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Boots, boots! The more you have, the more you want!

I had to edit the article I wrote about my boots. Now I have six pairs. I wanted a pair of short black boots which would be more casual and comfortable than my black ankle boots with the silver buttons but would be a little nicer and not so warm for indoor use than my UGG's. Last week I got a pair of short black biker boots. They fit the bill perfectly. I think I am hopelessly addicted to boots but..... GR also loves when I wear them.


From my original article on "boots"---

Do I have a boot fetish or something going on or is this normal? I had one pair of boots purchased a couple of years ago but since this past August I have purchased five more pairs. Now keep in mind, we live in a climate where boots are well used three seasons of the year. Please tell me that I am not a sicko with a boot fetish, please??? (I am not taking food off the table from my family, honest.)

In August I bought a pair of black ankle boots trimmed with silver buttons.

Then from the end of September until now in a little over a month's time, I purchased:

A pair of knee high black boots. My black knee highs have been discontinued so this is not an actual photo of my boots. Mine have the two buckles but they are black with lower heels.

A pair of dark brown, ankle length, western boots

And a pair of red, mid-calf height, western boots . (Ooh... these red beauties just arrived in shipping. They are more hot IRL than they are online!)

I have had my snow boots, my black, Ultimate Short UGG’s, for a couple of years now.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Keeping the marriage bed alive during Christmas season

Saturday evening GR and I enjoyed a wonderful evening at a hotel for his company Christmas dinner followed by a night's stay there. We do this each year in December. It was a nice break from our current crazy routine. Sex at night, sex in the morning.... Late morning we checked out of the room, stopped at Starbucks for coffee and then enjoyed a movie at the theater before heading back home.

Do take time for your marriage and for your marriage bed during the Christmas season. Do not let it fall to the wayside.

Reducing stress

These days, many spouses are consumed by added stress that the Christmas season brings with it or they are simply stressed over the way the economy is affecting their lives. It is when the stress is carried over to the bedroom that it really creates havoc in the marriage. While thinking about this I decided to search for articles on how to reduce stress. Do you have any stress-reducing tips which are not mentioned in these articles?

How To Enjoy Sex When Stressed: How to Get In The Mood When You're Too Stressed For Sex

More sex, less stress

5 Ways to Reduce Stress, Raise Desire

Stress Relievers: 25 Ways to Reduce Stress

Tools and Tips for Living A Low-Stress, Healthy Lifestyle

7 Ways to Sideline Stress

How to Reduce, prevent, and Cope with Stress

Stress Management - Ways to Relieve Stress

Stress management

Stress management

Do you use guilt and forgiveness appropriately?

I saw this question asked elsewhere.

Do you generally feel that you do not deserve your spouse or that you never even come close to being as good to them as they are to you?

Here is my reply. What is yours?

Several years ago I felt that way, whenever I found myself dwelling on my many years of refusing but I no longer "go there". My dh does not want to waste any more precious years of our marriage dwelling on the past and with me carrying around unnecessary guilt. I have done the deed. I confessed it. I abandoned it. I was forgiven. The guilt is gone. I keep it behind me as I tend to the present and look ahead to the future. If I continued going back to the guilt it would be like not accepting the forgiveness.... like saying "thanks but no thanks".

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

If it ain't broke, don't fix it. But if it is broke, ditch the game plan and find one that works.

One of my readers made the following comment in a recent blog thread of mine which is entitled: “What is wrong with everyone?”

He said:
“There are plenty of evangelical, protestant, orthodox, and adventist churches, where sex in marriage is not covered in the pulpit. This problem is not confined to the Catholic Church. Many other congregations have the exact same difficulty. Human sexuality is not covered at all within those faith groups, or if it is, it is discussed in terms of sin: Do not fornicate, do not commit adultery.”

I posted the following lengthy response to what was being discussed in the thread. Please do not take offense to what I am sharing. No offense is meant towards any Christian Faith. My point in all this is to encourage us all to be bold enough to do whatever is necessary to fix what is broke in our marriage and in our marriage bed.

In the first place the teaching of healthy marital sexuality need not be "from the pulpit" to be effective. It can be taught just as well in sufficient premarital counseling and/or in classroom settings. In regards to marriage bed issues on TMB forum--- I do not mean this in an insulting way. I am just trying to explain how I see it from my POV of having been in all three Christian Faiths. Which Christian Faith is most represented on TMB forum by a good 80% or higher? The Protestant Faith, of course. So if this is a huge problem for Roman Catholics (RC) and Christian Orthodox why are more of them (us) not on TMB crying for help? Also of the three Christian Faiths it is the Protestant Church (PC) who is most at liberty to preach/teach anything they want "from the pulpit" so why are they not doing it? If pulpit teachings on sex are the answer, why is it not being done in the PC?

My opinion? Respectfully, I think the keeping of secret sins of porn, premarital sex, sexual refusal in marriage, etc., is more rampant in the PC because of the huge public shame put on those who are caught in these sins AND because true confession before a pastor/priest is not exercised in the PC. Instead Protestants are told, "Your sin is only between you and God. You do not need a mediator so when you sin, just confess to God and all will be well." The problem that we saw when we were in the PC is that most people chose to ignore their sexual sin. If you refuse to acknowledge sin even to God, how can you possibly confess it and turn away from it? We can only turn away from that which we acknowledge to be sin in our lives. Even as adults, having a Father confessor can be greatly helpful in guiding us to thoroughly search our hearts so that nothing gets overlooked.

Rather than undergo public humiliation that many PC are known for putting people through when caught in sexual sin, the guilty parties choose to keep this sin secret as long as they are able until the sin is discovered by a distraught spouse. By then the lies and deception are so great that it takes twice the time and effort to correct the wrongs if they are ever corrected. From personal experience this is why my dh and I finally felt the need to walk away from the PC and to join the Christian Orth Faith. For years as a Protest Christian I had little conviction of the way I spoke to my dh or of my sexual refusal AND I knew that if I confessed anything to our pastor in search of help I would have been humiliated beyond what I felt I could handle.

Secret sin-- It is a horrible, terrible habit to keep sin secret. You are essentially telling God, "Am I not the good Christian? I do not do anything in public that you would call 'sin' but do not bother me about how I behave behind closed doors." This kind of reminds me of the many Protestant denominations who adamantly state, "We do not drink or smoke because it is sin." At one time we were in such a church and I cannot tell you how many folks in our church made that claim while drinking and smoking in secret." Who are we kidding with secret sin?

Really, this is not about RC vs. PC vs. Christian Orth. Rather it is about all Christian Faiths stepping up to the plate to practice deep soul searching, true confession, seeing lies and deception as sinful as other sins, eliminating the useless public humiliation over sexual sin, etc. PC can make fun of RC and Orth use of a Father confessor but I can tell you that when we became Orthodox and I began confessing my sins to God before our priest, it was like I had an "ah-ha" moment as I learned to dig deep and quit hiding secret sin. That was when I first began acknowledging that my sin of sexual refusal was indeed sin.

So, I guess what I am trying to say is that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. But if it is broke, ditch the game plan and find a new one that will work. Having a Father confessor works for my dh and me. We have also seen it work for our kids for things that in the past as Protestants they would have kept secret but now have no reservations in confessing before our priest.

Btw- Technically we do not confess TO our priest. We confess to God WITH our priest present as witness and spiritual adviser. We know we can confess ANYTHING with our priest and he will keep it in confidence and counsel us to spiritual health. In the event that the counsel needed is over his head, he does not hesitate to point us to the appropriate professional.