Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Boys and girls, it is time for bed!

Generally, GR and I go to bed together AND enjoy retreating early in the evenings but there are times and circumstances where it is just not always possible. Presently we are living in such a time. With all the parental stuff in the last two months with one of our daughters, some of our early intimate evenings are being temporarily "robbed".

Last night GR went to bed while the girls and I had to stay up later to work on some restructuring of bipolar daughter's facebook account. It took a couple of hours with the three of us meticulously going through all the photos and writings, deleting all the stuff which GR and I deem to be "undesirable". (Btw- Do you know what your kids have on their facebook? I was amazed at how much we had to delete.) Then oldest daughter and I put together on paper a new set of facebook rules and guidelines for my youngest daughter to follow, along with serious consequences for violations of said rules.

By the time we were done I was so mentally exhausted. I quickly got a small snack and then headed off to tuck myself in bed, however...... before going to sleep I woke GR enough to let him know that I was available and hungry for sex. We were able to enjoy a good and lengthy romp before I went to sleep.

Do you and your spouse make a (bad) habit of regularly going to bed at different times? How do you handle situations when it simply cannot be avoided? Which one of you usually hits the bed first? Which of you tends to more jealously guard this time from distractions or do you guard it equally as GR and I do? If different bedtimes are causing sexual frequency to significantly drop, what might you or your spouse do to correct the problem?

Monday, October 26, 2009

Slow Dancing vs. Jumping Bones

Do you always "jump bones" when you get in bed with your spouse or do you sometimes take a more subtle, laid back approach? GR and I have times where we jump each others bones and race towards the destination of orgasms because we cannot get there fast enough. Then we have other times where we are deliberately subtle and slow-moving in a way which I feel can also be, oh, so hot and highly erotic. Most people are well aware of the bone-jumping approach to sex, however, if you were watching a couple go through the subtle approach it could almost be described as two people who are not at all interested in having sex. Such a couple could look like they are simply tired and going to bed OR.... it could look like a couple who possibly might be interested in having vanilla sex. Ahhh, but the discerning eye and the discerning mind can see beyond the surface of what seems to be the beginnings of sleep or vanilla sex and understand that this couple is moving into an intricate, erotic, sensual “dance”.

How does this dance work and why would a couple choose this approach? When my husband and I do the slow dance it is because we want to savor every moment. Some of our most intense O’s result from the slow dance of long foreplay. Typically, the slower we go, the longer we O! What has been your experience? Do you sometimes jump bones? Do you also find yourself being drawn towards the slow dance? Does your preferred method depend on your mood or does it occasionally depend on other things? Can you tell the difference between your spouse wanting to slow dance from when he/she is really not thinking sex at all? If your spouse is not interested, which approach do you most often use to entice him/her?

Thursday, October 22, 2009

"To despair is to turn your back on God." (Marilla Cuthbert in Anne of Green Gables)

This morning I was reminded of a scene in the film "Anne of Green Gables". Anne Shirley is beside herself over something that happened to her. As she and Marilla Cuthbert are heading upstairs in their home Anne is in tears and tells Marilla, "Can't you even IMAGINE you're in the depths of despair?" Marilla in her 'no-nonsense' way replies, "No I cannot. To despair is to turn your back on God."

Yesterday I had an extremely productive meeting with bipolar dd's counselor. I walked into her office feeling the beginnings of despair and walked out with a renewed trust in God. GR has been out of town on business since Tuesday morning. I cannot wait to share with him what I learned when talking with the counselor.


GR and I were on the phone late last night. Both of us have been running on raw nerves these days. In his half-asleep mode, he said something to me that was very much on the snippy side. Well, I was so shocked at his words that I immediately got quiet for a few seconds, realized that I had a strong desire to verbally retaliate in like manner, excused myself and......... I hung up on him. GASP!!!!! Yeah, I know, I know, a childish thing to do but I did it and it is done. It was either that or engage in an ugly argument so I chose the lesser of two evils.

Only a few minutes after I hung up on him he realized how his words had affected me and he tried to call me back on my cell. I could not pick up. He tried again to get through on my cell. Again, I could not pick up. Finally he called on the house phone and by then I was calmed down enough to talk so I answered the phone and we talked it out.

Looking forward to having GR back home....

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

"Sex" and "stress"-- Do these words confuse you or your spouse in your marriage bed?

When we go through difficult, stressful times, it is not uncommon for the stress to interfere with the level of joy we normally receive from sex. GR and I have been undergoing an extreme amount of stress in these last couple of months. During this time and on more than one occasion, I have gone to bed at night or woken up in the morning with our daughter on my mind. Talk about a mood breaker ;-).... but in spite of the worries over her health and well-being GR and I have somehow managed to remain sexually active.

Many mornings and nights it has taken a deliberate effort for us to push the stressful thoughts aside enough so we could have sex even if it meant that we initially would only go through the motions to get things started. Once we would begin, we would find ourselves getting into the moment well enough to receive sexual pleasure and satisfaction. He and I both have desperately needed to remain sexually connected so we have gladly done this for our own good.

How does stress affect your sex life? How does it affect your spouse in the marriage bed? Is it ever easy for you or your spouse to push stress aside in order to enjoy sex and/or to relieve the stress? Is it fair to our spouse and to our marriage bed to regularly use stress as an excuse to neglect our sex life? When your spouse says, “I am too stressed for sex at this time,” do you use that opportunity to help them understand that stress is not a good excuse for neglecting the marriage or do you tell them “OK” and then back down?

Do you think it is sometimes true that the very things which can help us are the things which we most avoid simply because it seems to be the easy way out? In relation to stress, why do you think God gave us the marriage bed? Do you think he intended for us to avoid it whenever we are stressed? When we regularly allow stress to overcome us and to inhibit our marriage bed, are we giving more power/credit to the stress than what we give to God in trusting that He will carry us through the trials?

Friday, October 9, 2009

Health Issues *****UPDATE ADDED*****

Many of you asked why I have not been writing much on the blog lately. Well, in the last month GR and I have been dealing with some life-threatening, health issues with one of our kids. In times of crisis I become stressed and all my mental energies go to the issue at hand. Our sex life had to continue. Without that I would have been done in by now and GR would have been equally out of sorts. I had to prioritize. It was the writing about sex and passion that I had to put on hold.

So here we are, a month into the health mess, attempting to find our way to the other side so we can get back to a *normal* life, whatever normal is until.... the next crisis comes along :-). Yes, this has been our life with this child.

Thank you all for being patient and please keep us in your prayers. Pray for GR and me and for this daughter with her health issues and also pray for our other daughter because this takes a toll on her life as well. God bless you all.

*****UPDATE ADDED*****

Daughter was distracted with school starting in August and in the process, she negligently got off her bipolar meds for about a month. She kept forgetting a dose here and there and before she knew it, she was missing more pills than she was taking and then all her bipolar symptoms gradually returned. Last week, her counselor told us that it will likely take another 2-3 weeks to get her meds fully back in her system before all the bipolar symptoms die down. Meanwhile, we wait it out!

Now we require her to keep her pill dispenser on the kitchen counter where I can regularly check it. She takes her bipolar meds four times a day- when she wakes, at noon, at 4pm and at bedtime. Whenever she takes the noon or 4pm dose from school or work, I require her to text or phone me to say, "I took my pill".

While she was coming off her meds I asked her every 1-2 days, "Are you keeping up with your pill schedule?" She did not want to alarm me so she kept it hidden that she had been missing so many of her pills. Like what we have been going through this past month and a half has not been alarming? HELLO???

We see this as a long, hard road for daughter. This morning she met our pastor’s wife and spoke alone with her. Tomorrow I meet daughter’s counselor alone. Next week daughter sees her counselor again. There is so much to learn about this disorder and it seems that the more we read, the more we realize that the medical profession can only do so much for those suffering with this... as it is with many diseases and disorders.

FYI---- I have been researching books at amazon and we have begun gathering a collection of what I consider to be "the best of the best" books on Bipolar Disorder, both memoirs and also books written from a medical perspective. When I get a chance I may post the titles here on the blog. There must be a gazillion books written both by and for people dealing with this disorder but only a handful of them are read-worthy. The book I am currently reading is a memoir written by a Professor of Psychiatry at Johns Hopkins School of Medicine, who coauthored the standard medical text and who also has had Bipolar Disorder her whole life.

With our daughter's health this has been like a tormenting déjà-vu for us. Over ten years ago she was hospitalized for a week and diagnosed with a disease that will stay with her for the rest of her life unless they find a cure. Now with the Bipolar Disorder diagnosis, once again we find ourselves learning the ropes of coping with sickness and disease. Our daughter will have to battle this along with the disease for the rest of her life unless they find a cure.

Please pardon my little pity party but GR, oldest daughter and I have had a rough one and a half months helping this daughter get past panic attacks, depression, thoughts of suicide and several other symptoms which reoccurred when she messed up her meds. We feel like we are past the hump with *this episode* but from all my readings it seems that this sort of thing periodically happens with those suffering from the disorder. And she is currently trying to finish her second year of college. Both the disease and the disorder make for quite the mentally challenging environment for her to get through classes, studying, and test taking not to mention the challenge all this has been for our oldest daughter as she goes through her third year of college in the midst of so much family chaos.

As I speak youngest daughter is texting me from school. She has two exams today and one more tomorrow. She texted me this morning before her first exam to say “I AM DOOMED!!!”. I asked her, “What is wrong?”… thinking something awful must happened. “Oh, nothing, I am just freaking out.” Just now got another text after her first exam, “I am done.” I told her, “Good- One down, one more to go for today.” It is like she needs every little bit of encouragement to get through her days at school.

Thank you all for keeping us in your prayers.