Tuesday, May 26, 2009

A Reader's Favorite- Erotic Seduction

I am sure this reader is not alone in his fondness for seductive scenes. He wrote in to say:

"The subject of seduction is a good one. My wife and I went to dinner a while back. She was looking stunning. She went to the bathroom and came back with an extra button open on her shirt. It exposed just enough. We started talking about sex and each other. As we sat in the car on the way home she lifted her skirt revealing crotchless pantyhose. It drove me wild. I could barely wait until we got home.
There is something about exciting me before the act that really gets me going."

The inclusion of the word "erotic" in my article heading was my addition. I included it because 'general seduction' as many people understand it to be, has been so terribly watered down in our society that the person on the receiving end hardly feels like they are being seduced in a passionate, loving way. I am by no means a specialist in etymology but I do like to occasionally study words from Merriam-Webster, one of my favorite dictionaries. (Now I am going to sound like Toula Portokalos' dad, Gus Portokalos, in "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" :-).

According to Merriam-Webster the word "erotic" comes from the root word "eros" which means:

EROS Etymology: Greek Erōs, from erōs sexual love; akin to Greek erasthai to love, desire; Date: 14th century
1: the Greek god of erotic love 2: the sum of life-preserving instincts that are manifested as impulses to gratify basic needs, as sublimated impulses, and as impulses to protect and preserve the body and mind 3: love conceived by Plato as a fundamental creative impulse having a sensual element boften not capitalized : erotic love or desire

The word "seduction" comes from the root "seduce" which Merriam-Webster defines as:

SEDUCE Etymology: Late Latin seducere, from Latin, to lead away, from se- apart + ducere to lead; Date: 15th century
1 : to persuade to disobedience or disloyalty 2 : to lead astray usually by persuasion or false promises 3 : entice to sexual intercourse

In my simple thinking TO SEDUCE simply means "to lead towards sexual intercourse". Yawn-- hum-drum! Folks, anyone can seduce another person or seduce many people. But TO EROTICALLY SEDUCE means "to lead towards sexual intercourse with love and desire in order to gratify and preserve the basic needs of body, mind and spirit".

Husbands, if your wife enjoyed exhibiting an attitude of erotic seduction, would you be able to enjoy her behaving like a "bad girl" with you or would it scare you as a husband? I ask because some husbands say they want this but if their wife develops a seductive attitude it can rattle the husband out of fear and insecurity that their good-girl-wife may be turning bad (ie, Madonna/whore complex). The flip side is when husbands learn to erotically seduce their wives. If you are a wife would this scare you or turn you off? Would you be able to embrace and encourage your husband's erotic seductions and feel treasured in body, mind and spirit or would it make you feel used and abused?

Another way of putting this--- Husbands and wives, would you rather your spouse exhibit mild affections towards you so you can remain conservative and respectful around them the way you were taught to be around the opposite sex when you were growing up or.... would you like to break through that mold and become the tiger-husband or wife that God intended for you to be? Do you sometimes confuse erotic seduction for your spouse with ungodly, sinful behavior? What is holding you back from enjoying erotic seduction in your marriage bed?

As a side note--- It is challenging to find much of substance on the internet pertaining to the Madonna/whore complex but I am posting the following two links to give you a little something to read about it. If you desire to learn more you are welcome to do your own search and post comments to this article with links included.

Urban Dictionary

Wikipedia

Thursday, May 21, 2009

A Reader's Favorite- Shhhh... Silent Sex

One reader asked, "Silent sex: Can it be as big a turn-on when we have to focus on being as silent as possible as it is when we can be as noisy as we want? (whether restraining ourselves vocally or by being so still we don't squeak the bed)"

Is this, can this, be a turn-on for you? One aspect of being silent is truly erotic in my marriage bed. GR and I love to whisper in each others' ears. There is something about having his breath blowing on my ear during sex while he is whispering nasty things to me.... it is hot. The nastier he gets, the more aroused I become. (Hmmm, what does that same about my raunchy mind? ;-) Having silent sex all the time would be dull but occasionally it can add a dimension of eroticism that we might not generally see.

What about you? Is silence ever sexy in your marriage bed?

Friday, May 15, 2009

Do you need to call a "time out" to arrange a new game plan for your life?

One of my readers recently asked me if I could make a list of practical things that I do and that others could practice in order to "live in a state of arousal". Well, folks, I don't know how to make a list for that but I thought I would write about it here for the benefit of those who are interested. This reader commented that he felt his wife struggles to reach arousal because of hectic, busy days with young children, because of tiredness and because of a general lack of desire to enjoy sex. Can you relate to any of that? He shared with me that his wife does actually enjoy sex once her arousal kicks in but getting herself to that level of arousal is extremely challenging for her. I addressed this article to women who need help with arousal but if you are the wife of a husband who struggles with it, perhaps some of what I share will apply.

My theory... and it works for me... is that many people are too quick to quench their arousal. They become aroused and it is like, "Oh, quick, let's have sex so I can O." It is all about becoming aroused, quenching it with the O and then it is over. What if they occasionally enjoyed sex only to get to the edge and then stopped short of Oing? Do you think their arousal would just up and disappear? Of course not, at least mine does not go away. It leaves me raging horny until the next time we have sex. It leaves me obsessed, if I may use that word, with erotic thoughts until my husband and I are sexually joined again. So it is hot. It is erotic. But to make this work to one's advantage the person has to want to become aroused and they have to want to live in a state of arousal and, of course, they also have to want sexual release either some or most of the time. They must be willing to have sex often, frequently, in order to keep their sex drive in "high" mode. If we are talking about females-- the more we have sex, the more we want it; that's a fact. Now, it is no big secret around here that I am a high-SD person just like GR. Even if I do not start out aroused, he only has to give me "that look" or slightly touch me and I become instantly horny. But any male or female can keep their libido alive and ticking if they are willing to tend to it.. if they make it a priority... if they want to be a generous spouse.

A wife who is busy with little ones and hectic schedules may have to work extra hard in learning how to pace her daily work load and how to slow herself down in the later hours of the day. Often I hear moms say, "My child is too old now and will not take naps," and they use that to justify having the child up all day long. Let me tell you something--- You can have all your kids take naps or have a read/rest time in their beds every afternoon until they are 10-12 years old and it will not kill them. What it will do is give your wife a little breathing room in the early afternoon each day. While the kids nap or read in their beds your wife can take a much needed "mom break". Many wives cannot work, work, work from sun up to sun down being homemakers and moms and then turn into sex fiends at bedtime. It just is not going to happen. And, rest assured, I would never say to husbands, "Just help around the house more and your wife will always or usually want sex." We all know that is not realistic, however, for the sexually generous wife who truly wants to give all to her husband--- Making the kids take mandatory nap/rest after lunch, lightening her daily work load from say... 4-8pm, getting the kids to bed on time and getting herself to bed on time will do wonders for her sexual energy and desire later that night and/or early in the mornings.

Which is more important, the house or the kids? The kids or the marriage? Order of priority should be God (not church), husband/marriage bed, kids and lastly, the house. Please do not tell me, "My wife is busy preparing and teaching Sunday school each week or with worship team or choir but she cannot find time or energy for sex." If that is true, her priorities are terribly wrong. I do not care how badly she or you think your church NEEDS to have her involved in any particular ministry. God does not equal church. People think that if they put their marriage bed before church that it means they are not putting God first; that is so wrong. After your relationship with God, your marriage and your marriage bed should be your very next ministry, before any church ministry (ie, one of my pet peeves- marriage bed is ministry, too).

A husband and wife may both need to lower their standard for housekeeping. Dust, dirt and stuff will always be there to clean the next day. Do what you can and at a certain time each day, perhaps 4pm, call it quits! A major portion of supper prep, if not all of it, can be done before 4pm. Living in a state of arousal may mean saying "no" to the kids for some things between 4-8pm so that it does not steal a wife's energy which she should be saving for her marriage bed that night. Our two kids are now in college but as their ex-homeschooling mom for grades K through 12, I am well-acquainted with the ease in which moms can mix priorities and place kids before marriage and especially before the marriage bed. Moms struggle with feelings of parental failure more than dads, I think, but we still need to keep our marriage and parenting ministries in right perspective. There is nothing that my mom or dad neglected to do for me or with me that makes me cry today. In the grand scheme of things some of the parenting stuff we worry about is just stuff we need to release. Let it go, for goodness sakes!

Now I ask you---- How many of your life priorities are out of order? How much of this could possibly be the culprit in keeping your wife from easily attaining a high level of arousal and having energy for sex? You say, "I'd change things in a New York minute if I could but my wife will not budge." Well, perhaps you should call a "time out" and sit down with her to discuss a new and better game plan because she will surely perish without a good plan and so will your marriage bed. Do you want an aroused wife? Our minds and bodies can only take so much each day and if we are constantly consumed with responsibilities and stress, how can we possibly make time for arousal? My husband and I are alike in that when we are stressed, we both reach out for more sex as a stress-reliever but many wives cannot focus on both responsibilities/stress and sex like most husbands can do. What place of prominence does your marriage bed have on the "to do" list? Does it even rate prominence? Those of you who have been reading my blog for a while and reading my TMB posts, you already know that this is a hot topic for me. Pray about this and give it some serious thought. See if God is not trying to tell you that you need to rearrange your daily schedule.

I welcome your comments and, as always, please feel free to email if you have anything you want to discuss with me that you would rather keep private.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

My bed buddy is gone

I missed my bed buddy last night as GR and another tech instructor had to do some teaching out of town yesterday and today. The bed is a lonely place for one person. When I have to sleep alone I can't wait for morning so I can leave the bedroom. That is all I wanted to say. It was a sad night. I look forward to having GR back tonight.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Enjoying PIV-IC without Oing

"Say whaaaaaat???" You read correctly! This is something that GR and I experienced a handful of times when we have already O'd and enjoyed the afterglow. But then... I will be playfully giving him a hand-job while we are talking because my hands never stop when, lo and behold, we become aroused again and he is hard once more. I hate to waste a hard dick and we both really enjoy PIV-IC so when this takes place we go at it again. The only difference is that if we are all O'd out then we cannot O of course but, regardless, we enjoy the fucking until we drop.

Doing this totally flies against the "need-to-O-every-time" mentality but do not knock it until you try it. PIV-IC without Oing is a hot, mutually satisfying way for a couple to end their love making. You will be thanking each other throughout the day for the erotic conclusion to the session.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Are you sometimes preoccupied on work mornings where you jump out of bed too soon?

What do you think of this, folks? I am a SAHM and GR works M-F. He is an early riser but every once in a while he will not wake up super early on a work day and he will tell me that he needs to get in the shower. On glancing at the clock, though, I can see that he has time for a quickie so I proceed to arouse him. He does not resist, of course, and thoroughly enjoys the quickie. I guess I am wondering if this is typical morning behavior for working guys.

Do many of you guys (or husbands of you gals) feel rushed and preoccupied on some work mornings with getting work thoughts organized that a morning romp does not enter your thoughts? This has not caused problems for us since, when GR does not initiate I do, but I am curious to learn if others deal with this on work mornings.

It was kind of funny this morning when this same scenario unfolded and we had quickie sex. GR entered me from the front and he O'd. Often he will O a second time so I flipped over, he entered from behind and O'd a second time. I told him, "See, if you had jumped out of bed you would have missed your two O's!" He replied with a satisfied smile, "You are right!"

Sunday, May 10, 2009

A Reader's Favorite- Privately expressing sexuality in a public place

Here is another reader's favorite topic. This reader says,

"...expressing sexuality privately in a public place. What I mean is like when DW wears something "special" under her conservative outfit, or maybe wears nothing at all underneath, and I'm the only one who knows. Or when we take a seat at a noisy cafe and sit close and talk explicitly about sex. No one can hear us except us. Or other such things like that."

GR and I also enjoy this one. Just yesterday we were running a few errands and it was a windy day. When we go out he likes for me to wear dresses without panties. As we quickly ducked inside a store entrance while I desperately tried to hold my dress down I told him, "Wow, it is so windy and you know I am not wearing panties so if my dress flies up, the whole world will see me." The visual of that possibly happening put a smile on his face. (He has a wicked sense of humor.) Whenever we can, we like to sit side by side in restaurants so we can talk dirty and touch each other throughout the meal and not worry about others hearing or seeing us.

Do any of you have ideas for how you would like to share sexuality with your spouse in public places or can you share stories of what you have done?

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Why do husbands enjoy having their fingers licked and sucked by their wife?

Often, before during or even after sex GR likes to play with my mouth with 1-2 fingers, slip them into my mouth and watch me lick and suck on them. It is obvious from the look on his face that he loves doing this, that it is a turn-on for him, and I equally enjoy having his fingers in my mouth that way. (Heck, he could put most anything in my mouth and I'd enjoy licking and sucking it.)

Men, do you enjoy this type of play, watching your wife lick and suck your fingers? Or do some of you wives enjoy licking and sucking on your man's fingers? Why do men enjoy this? Talk to me about the appeal. I understand that it is a turn-on but why? What does it do for you guys?

Sunday, May 3, 2009

A Reader's Favorite-- Do you have a particular sexual success story to share?

One of my readers expressed a desire to hear about others' sexual success stories:

"Success stories would be great - tales of what sex is like after we or our spouses conquer those mental demons that hold us/them back. I think they'd be very exciting to hear and encouraging to others in the same boat."

Well, folks, here is your chance to share! Let us hear of your small or large successes which have led or are leading to a more passionate marriage. Please do not feel like you need to share your life story. Just focus on a particular sexual success and share it with us.