Wednesday, April 29, 2009

You'd Be So Pretty If...

I have not seen this book yet but heard about it this morning on The Today Show and thought the info was worth posting. Dara Chadwick wrote "You'd Be So Pretty If". You can read more about her book here and read about what led up to the writing of it in this article entitled "Body image: Like mother, like daughter". Chadwick explains how even small comments can have a big impact.

A Reader's Favorites-- "Homemade media sex" and "risky sex"

Here are a couple of ideas for all you tech geeks and "gamblers". This reader said:

"I like to take pictures and/or video of DW and me in the act. Unfortunately DW has zero desire to watch them with me which takes away much of the thrill. I would love it if she enjoyed watching them as well as making the pics and video into a "Music video". I also sometimes enjoy "risky sex". Like the time we parked behind a Kinkos at twilight and had sex in the car. I could go on but it could end up as TMI. :)"

The idea of "risky sex" is very appealing to me except for my one little quirk. I'm not afraid of others accidentally seeing us. But what kind of freaks me out is that risky sex is often done in deserted, slightly off the beaten path areas. I mean, you would not do risky sex in a highly crowded area, right? Having grown up in a city, my big fear with this is having thugs stumble upon us while we're doing each other. If anyone has ideas on how I can overcome my fear of thugs in these situations, I'm all ears!

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

OT- A Paschal sermon from years back

In 2008 I posted a copy of this Paschal sermon which St. John Chrysostom (347-407AD) wrote. Click on the link above and then scroll down to the article entitled: "Christ is Risen! Indeed He is Risen!" The Orthodox Churches all over the world read this letter every year at the end of the Pascha service. Normally I would have posted this last Sunday on Pascha but I was sick as a dog that day so I am placing a repost of it here for anyone interested in reading it.

A Reader's Favorites List

Here is a favorite topic list from another reader. She wrote:

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*Location, outdoors & in. Any nature lovers out there?
*Favorite scenarios or rendezvous.
*When one has grown up (& spent a good deal of married life) thinking of sex in terms of what's NOT okay, at what point do we finally decide we've gone far enough as far as what's right? My DH is marvelously uninhibited; I not as much, but I'm working hard on it. It would be great to feel completely free.
*Sexy pre-tryst meals. We've certainly found that the great dinners in the right setting can really boost the desire level. Have others found that to be true as well? What are some suggestions?
*More discussions on useful books.
*Biggest turn-ons for a man, or at least some new ideas I could try for my DH.

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Ideas? Suggestions? Comments?

Monday, April 20, 2009

Welcome to my pink world- An OT comment

Take a look at what GR bought for me Saturday. We're taking golf lessons and plan to spend some regular time playing together. GR has only played a few times with coworkers and customers; I have never played. When the golf shop employee began showing us bags, he pointed out a couple of blue ones but I had already scanned the place while we walked in and knew they had pink stuff. I tried to politely listen to what he had to say and then I replied with a typical female comment, "You need to know that I don't like the color blue. Can you show us something in pink?" And we found this pink bag on sale for $50 along with a set of pink clubs to go with it. Well, it all had to match, you know, and it had to be a girlie color. I know I will be able to play better with pink clubs ;-).

Friday, April 17, 2009

A Reader's Favorite- Lack of sexual confidence with body image

One of my readers voiced concerns about this topic:

"How about a discussion on accepting our bodies as they are? I'm sure this would be more geared toward women, simply because we tend to be much more critical about our physical attributes. (Who of us hasn't cringed when looking in a mirror!) But isn't accepting our own bodies one major step in being able to fully enjoy our sexuality? If we can get over that hurdle, don't our husbands respond with even more enthusiasm? (I'd love to hear from men about this.) Maybe being comfortable and confident in our own skin can be just as much a turn-on as any negligee we might put on."

I have not thought about sexual confidence much in my own life. From what I have read, though, there are many wives who struggle over this in regard to their own body image. Those of you who understand this, please share your thoughts. Tell us what you think causes the problem for many wives in the first place and if you can, share ideas for permanent solutions.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

A Reader's Favorite- Wondering what others do in their marriage bed

This is what I love about all my readers-- individualism and... curiosity. This reader posted to say:

"While not at the top of my list, and this may be kinda wierd, I like to look at people and guess what they do sexually based on the way they look/talk/interact with others/etc. Not that I am wishing or imagining I was having sex with them, just wondering "what they do" :) I look at some people and think "Never - nope, zero, zilch, nada"."

Weird? No, not in my world! I tend to do the same thing when I see people out and about while I am running around town. Perhaps it is a high-SD that causes one to do this as I know that sex is always on my mind. I 'break' to think about other things ;-). When I see folks I think---

*Do they enjoy sex?
*Do they really "get it" how wonderful a gift God has given us to enjoy?
*Is it a major part of their marriage, do they make it their top priority? Or is it kind of hum-drum, only thought of when there is nothing else on the 'to do' list?
*Are they the adventurous one in their marriage bed, is their spouse or are they equally adventurous?
*Do they enjoy kissing and caressing their spouse each day or do they lean towards being frigid?
*What type of sexual activities do they enjoy?
*Do they enjoy anything on the kinky side?
*Do they get a sexual 'rush' before, during and after a good romp in bed with their spouse?

I could go on and on with the questions that pop in my head. Sex is a favorite topic for me and it is on my mind all the time so it is only natural that I would think about it when I see folks. I am not sure if this is what this reader is talking about but it is how it plays out for me. Have others done this IRL?

Easter

Happy Easter to all of you in the Western Christian churches! Our Eastern Orthodox Easter, our Pascha, is next Sunday.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

A Reader's Favorite- light bondage

Here is one sexual topic that is near and dear to my heart. One reader wrote: "I am fascinated with light bondage." Dear reader, so am I!

It was interesting to me when I discovered two years ago that I had strong attractions to some forms of bondage. As my attraction to it became more and more evident it brought back many fond memories of years ago as a child, playing outdoors with my siblings and friends.

We always had plenty of rope for playing. One game we would act out was "cowboys and Indians" where the person getting caught was tied to a tree and sometimes *whipped* with a tree branch while pretending to be in agony. We would gather sticks and leaves around the tree and pretend we were burning the captured person at the stake. If you were too mouthy when captured, you would also be gagged. Often I would purposely allow myself to be caught so I could be tied up and gagged because.... it felt good.

Or we would play "cops and robbers". The robbers would commit a crime, always get arrested and then they would have to serve their time in jail as punishment. I was so *naughty* ;-) because I loved being the robber who was arrested, having my wrists handcuffed (tied) behind my back or tied around a tree.... and having my ankles tied together or both wrists and ankles tied and be forced to stay in *jail*. It gave me a super rush. Those were among some of my most favorite games as a child.

GR, on the other hand, dabbled with dominant behavior growing up as the oldest of three boys. When he was about 10 years old he built a stock in the basement of their home. The basement was dreary enough as it was but he turned it into a dungeon of sorts when he tricked his youngest brother into trying out the stock. Once his brother was inside it, he could not get out. GR went back upstairs, turned the basement light off and left his brother in the dark, screaming his head off in the stock.

Can you see where this is leading? From years ago as a child I had submission tendencies and although I never quite understood why I had them, I certainly recognized the attraction and enjoyed playing with it. So, two years ago when I experienced my sexual awakening and realized that Christian married couples could have fun with bondage, I was like a kid in a candy store. Oh, the possibilities!

After sharing my bondage attraction with GR, specifically my attraction to submissiveness, he did not fully understand but he was "game". He and I soon purchased our first few bondage toys-- blindfolds, Chinese silk rope, Liberator's Bed Buckler and Thigh Cuffs, to name a few. And we have been enjoying these toys ever since. When we do bondage play... there are times that we do not... GR is always the dominant partner and I am always the submissive one; that is our preference.

Do you like bondage play? Or if you have never dabbled with it, have you ever thought about trying it? Do tell! And for those who already enjoy this, please feel free to share what bondage toys you have in your marriage bed. It is always fun to hear what others use.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

A Reader's Favorites- (He likes it all ;-)

This reader had some second thoughts and posted another list of things that his spouse isn't up for trying at this time. (Yes, you can post "a wish list" of sorts.)

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"well, I have had some more time to reflect, also realized that it was probably ok to post things that I was interested in, but I know my wife isn't enthused about. So here are some more.

Having my wife strip for me, me stripping for her. Oral sex on her or myself. Always fascinated with lingerie. Love garters and hose, crotchless, thongs, etc.
Sex at different times of day, morning, noon, night, late nate.
Extended sexual intercourse.
Multiple orgasms for her or me.
Sex toys and sex furniture."

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Others here will have to comment on the stripping. GR and I don't like stripping. But crotchless--- Oo-la-la! No other way to go, imo. Perhaps your wife would agree to go crotchless on a special date night? Or for a gentler idea-- trying something crotchless in bed one night, where it's just she and you. Day sex can be really hot, with having sunlight or even daylight shining on you. It gives a whole different feel to having sex. I understand, not agree with, a dh or dw being leery of using sex toys or sex furniture. You really have to throw inhibitions to the wind.

Well, I don't want to say too much here. Your comments?

Monday, April 6, 2009

Do you ever "touch and do" without being aroused?

We were not aware of this until recently but GR and I discovered a habit which we both have been practicing. Each time I go to bed at night or awakening in the morning, I reach over and begin kissing and caressing him, especially in the nether region. It does not matter if I am horny or not. This is what I do and in the process, I always and quickly find myself becoming aroused even if I do not start out that way. Then we have passionate sex.

Apparently, GR does the same thing to me! When coming to bed or when awakening, he will reach over and begin kissing and caressing, especially around my breasts, thighs and nether region even if he is not initially aroused. And then we have passionate sex.

Saturday night we had sex. Then on Sunday morning he initiated sex and we enjoyed another good romp in the bed. Afterward I asked him, "So, did you wake up a little horny this morning?" "Not really," he replied much to my surprise. Puzzled I asked him, "What do you mean you were not horny?" It sure seemed like he was to me and he initiated it. He then explained, "I can start things with you even when I am not aroused and I know I will always become horny shortly afterward.

So now we realize that even during those times when we are not initially aroused, GR and I love to jump in and quickly put things into motion. That is just way too cool for my thinking. You often hear a spouse say, "My husband (or wife) was not in the mood" OR... "I was not in the mood," and then they miss out on a golden opportunity to have sex. But for us, it works well to just "touch and do" regardless of how we feel. We do not live solely on our feelings or desires in our marriage bed yet it always, ALWAYS results in hot, passionate desire for each other.

A Reader's Favorite- teaching kids about healthy marital sex

One reader posted some parental concerns as her favorite topic.
Listen to what she shared:

"How do we pass on good, healthy attitudes toward sex to our children? My parents meant well, but the little bit we learned was not passed on easily or well - and only from my father. We would love to encourage our sons and their spouses (1 present, 2 future) to enjoy each other to the fullest, and to understand the important role sex can (& should!) play in helping them create the most intimate and satisfying relationship possible.
They will be blessed in so many ways if they keep their sex life flourishing - but how do we express this in a non-offensive ("Oh, Mom! Yuck!), non-gross way? Our sex life has made everything else about our marriage so much better; the intimacy is incredible. They deserve the same. Do we just hope they figure it out for themselves? How have others approached this?"

A few thoughts of my own before you all respond---

Healthy attitudes about sex do not come about through osmosis. They will be "caught" but they also have to be "taught". Even with young married kids or single adult kids, there is no reason why parents can't sit them down and have an informative discussion about marital sex. Our kids are 21 and 18. They are still single and have never had sex. They've heard every embarrassing thing they could possibly hear from us on this topic but they will hear much more as time goes on. We even plan to discuss it with them and their future husbands to help assure that both of them get off on the right foot and on the same page. If they get embarrassed they will have to get over it.

GR and I have given marriage books as wedding gifts to nieces and nephews... some of the books recommended on TMB and even a few others. Some of their initial reactions expressed to their parents upon receiving these books were, "OMG, Aunt Gemma and Uncle GR sent marriage books. I can't believe they sent this!" To which their parents replied, "Well, duh... what do you think? They have sex like everybody else." Their parents tell us that their married kids read the books often.

How do we express this topic to our kids? In a very straight-forward, direct manner. (How else would I do it?) So, no, I wouldn't recommend sitting back and hoping that our married kids can figure it out. Look how many TMB members didn't figure it out with their spouse! Don't leave that to chance. Just deal with it.

For those concerned about teaching healthy sex ed to kids in their formative years---

This is a Christian series that we've used: "Let's Talk About Sex". The age range that each book is written for is as follows:

Why Boys & Girls are Different, ages 3-5
Where Do Babies Come From, ages 6-8
How You Are Changing, ages 8-11
Sex and the New You, ages 11-14
Love, Sex & God, ages 14 to young adult

Using a set of age-appropriate books like this gives you a guideline from little on up for how much detail to share. It's always best as an ongoing talk rather than "the talk". (I hate to hear a parent say, "We had the talk," as if one talk does it.) Pay attention to how your church presents marital sex to the teens. If kids only hear from church that "all sex is dirty" then the kids will make it dirty. But if they hear how wonderful sex is in the context of a healthy marriage, then they will believe the truth and look forward to the day when they are married and can "taste and see" for themselves.

I am so thankful that our church's clergy are totally comfortable in discussing these topics to groups of teens during retreats and summer camps. Most of our priests are married and the ones who oversee the teens' retreats embarrass the heck out of the kids but it's done in a positive way. They make no bones about telling the kids to wait until marriage and that marital sex is hot. By the time your kids are 18-20 years old these discussions should be second nature and by the time they are engaged, they are ready to hear the "dirty details" so they can apply it to their own marriage, lol.

I'm sure others have good things to share on this topic. Let's here it.

Friday, April 3, 2009

A Reader's Favorite- sex positions

You know what they say about sex? It is all about position, position, position. (Or is that pertaining to real estate? ;-) Another reader shared this: "I have always had a high interest in the various sexual intercourse positions." Variety in positions is good but what we do in each position, how we perfect it to suite us and our spouse, is what heightens the eroticism.

Who in your marriage bed decides on the position-- you, your spouse or both of you? How do you keep the hum-drum out of positions? Please post all comments you have on this topic.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

A Reader's Favorites- garter belts, OS, rear entry, breasts

OK, one of my readers posted this as his favorite sex related topics: "Garter belts and stockings, oral sex, rear entry, my DW breasts." We have four topics here. Feel free to post on any one or more of them. I will only make a few brief comments of my own here about these topics but I may have much more to share later.

Garter belts are hot... I have a black leather one that I love but I have to say that GR does not like me wearing anything when we are in bed. So I only wear the garter belt occasionally when we go out on the town. Really, a garter belt almost reminds me of a chastity belt, which I do not have but have put on my "wish list". Well, have you ever seen a chastity belt? They are so erotic looking.

You guys will likely have many comments on OS since it is such a favorite activity for many couples. It almost seems odd to me how my husband and I are so alike in our sexual preferences. We do OS but it is not a favorite with either of us. When I give my husband a BJ, I love how he often holds the back and sides of my head firmly in place because it feels like a form of bondage; it is hot. What can I say? I am my husband's sex slave!

Rear entry is one of our favorite positions. It works best for us when my hiney is up high and my head is down low so most of the time when we do it I am either face down on the bed with the Wedge or Ramp under my hips, sometimes restrained to the bed, sometimes not OR... I am leaning, face down, over the high end of our Esse, my body from the waist up dangling down low in the center "valley" of the Esse. Wives, if you have never done "rear entry" it feels so hot to have your husband's body thrusting against your derrière. It makes my hiney tingle just thinking about it!

GR is a breast man and I LOVE that he is. I will save most of my comments on this for later but for now, let me just say that we incorporate breast play almost daily in our marriage bed. It is one of those things that neither of us can do without. No sillies, it is not a fetish with us.

Now, let us hear your comments, ideas, suggestions... anything you have to offer on these topics.