Friday, February 27, 2009

As it should be!

Judging from the number of comments following my last blog entry (ie, nobody commented), I take it that none of you were too happy to read about my sexual frequency dilemma, temporary as it was. That is OK. I will not take it personally. Just know that I write them like I see them ;-).

Well, a little over four weeks post-op we have finally gotten past the frequency bump in the road and I have to say-- THANK GOD!!!!!! When you put two high-SD spouses in a situation where frequency becomes less than usual, it cannot help but negatively affect the general atmosphere of the relationship. Both of us knew it could not be helped yet both of us were not happy about having less sex. Now we are back in the groove, enjoying sex mornings and nights. It is as it should be. All is well with the world.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Sex After Surgery

Some of you might think that GR and I never have sexual problems. Well, of course we occasionally do. What we are going through now is related to my surgery.

As I wrote before, we were up and having sex again three weeks ago, which was one week after surgery. I still had to be careful but sex was doable and enjoyable for both of us. In the last three weeks of recuperation there have been a couple of hitches which have affected our frequency and have bothered me although I know the hitches are a temporary problem.

Because of the nature of my surgery I periodically have discomfort in my stomach and/or throat. I can be fine one minute while in bed and next thing I know the discomfort starts or I will begin to feel slightly nauseated. The other evening I got dry heaves again. (Might as well shoot me when I get dry heaves... ugh.) It will take more time for all this discomfort to completely leave.

Meanwhile, I always tell GR when the discomfort or nauseated feelings show up but being the caring person that he is, he has been somewhat reluctant to initiate sex with all this going on. I will admit that the symptoms can be bothersome so I understand his hesitation but I have been trying to get across to him that unless I say "something hurts", then nothing is bothering me and sex is "a go". We are still having sex but not as often as usual.

While my body continues to recover we are working through all this. It has been frustrating for me to have anything hurt while we are in bed. (Did I ever tell you guys that I am not a good sick person?) I know I need to be patient. If there is a silver lining in all this-- We have been having more time to talk and communication is good, overall. But I miss our high frequency; we both miss it.

Anyway, I thought I would journal this today to let you all know that GR and I do, indeed, have occasional sexual bumps in the road. Please keep us in your prayers. I want these symptoms to clear up so we can go back to what is a normal high frequency for us.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Ideas, suggestions?

I thought I would throw this out to see if anyone has an idea or suggestion.

Since my surgery, almost four weeks ago, I have noticed that my sleep has been off. I go to bed around the same time each night but then most mornings around 3am I am waking up and cannot get myself back to sleep. Is this typical for many people following surgery or is it just me? Each night in the hospital someone had to come into the room to check on me and they did this about every 2 hours [rolling eyes].

On work days our alarm rings at 5am. If I was waking at midnight or 2am it would be easy to have sex and then go back to sleep. Waking at 3am and staying awake makes me feel like my night ends at 3am :-(, although, I have woken GR for sex at that time on a number of mornings and that has been good but then it makes short nights for both of us.

There must be a solution in sight. Anyone? It is starting to feel like sleep deprivation.

Monday, February 16, 2009

How quirky is this?

Here is a quirky (to some) habit. At bedtime, GR and I have been known to occasionally jump in bed and just relax for 20-30 minutes or more before one of us begins initiating sex. We will talk, relax and sometimes even close our eyes and start to fall asleep. Next thing we know we are involved in foreplay and having sex. Is that too weird or what? ... I mean to even fall asleep for a few minutes and then wake up for sex.

To be honest I am not sure when we began doing this but I now see it as an oddity. Why do we do it, you ask? Well, I do not know. I was hoping to find out if anyone else here shares our quirkiness. Do you and your spouse ever do this or do you share another quirky bedroom habit? Do tell!

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Valentine's Day- Enjoyed by wives, husbands or both?

Do you feel that Valentine's Day is enjoyed more by wives, husbands or equally by both? Given the romantic nature of the holiday and since, in general, you often hear that wives thrive on romance more than husbands... how do you weigh in on this?

Fwiw----- I am not one who is terribly needy in the romance department. Some romance is fine for me but if overdone, it ends up feeling silly rather than sexual, sensual or erotic, all of which mean more to me. So a little romance goes a long way in my marriage. Just give me the sex, thank you very much! (ie, "Physical Touch" is my primary love language as it is for GR.)

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Spouses talking about sex away from the bedroom

GR and I regularly enjoy discussing sexual topics when we have privacy and we are away from the bedroom. We find that it really adds a level of eroticism and anticipation of future love making sessions. This is above and beyond having sex talks during sex.

Do you and spouse take opportunities for these conversations when you are away from the bedroom? If you do, does it help keep the fires stoked? If this is not something you have done, do you think it could kick the eroticism up a notch or two in your relationship?

Monday, February 9, 2009

Quirky Sexual Habits

Do you have any unusual habits with your sex life? Most people who know me realize that GR and I regularly engage in frequent, passionate sex. In the last couple of years, though, I have noticed a little pattern with him. I do not see it as a negative thing; it is nothing bad.

Many times, on the night before he leaves town for a business trip or especially on the morning he leaves, he is too distracted to relax and enjoy sex the way he usually does. Most of his business trips only last 1-3 days so it is no biggie for me. I just chalk it up to him focusing on his trips.

This happened last night and then again this morning. GR left town early this morning for a one day trip. Either tonight or in the morning I know that we will have sex again as he will be just as horny as I. Usually his trips are only once a month so this really does not affect me in a major way. Now, if he had to travel on a weekly basis, that could be a different story. He might have to get over his little quirkiness ;-).

Do you have any quirky habits that pertain to your sex life? Does it bother your spouse? How about your spouse- does he/she have any quirky, sexual habits? Does it bother you?

Friday, February 6, 2009

Do you or your spouse cringe over the mention of the dreaded 'S' word?

Why are so many folks touchy about sex in their marriage? I am not talking about those who are shy or private about such matters. But there seems to be a whole group of married individuals who get their nose out of joint whenever the topic of sex comes up. You hear one excuse after another. I know this to be true as I did it myself in my refusing days and I hear it repeatedly from my readers. Why is it that with sexual matters, some feel the need to defend poor, unhealthy sexual practices? Yet on the other hand, if we obtain a physical ailment we often race to the doctor's office or advise others to see a doctor.

How would it be if we broke a leg, or developed pneumonia or came down with symptoms of a serious genetic disease but did not think it would affect us badly enough to warrant a trip to the doctor? How bright would that be?

Why the difference? Do we not yet "get it" that there is a definite link between us possessing a healthy sex life and being generally in good health? Do we not understand that our spirit, emotions and even physical health are all hugely affected by healthy sex or lack thereof? Are there specific changes which we, who are "in the know", might be able to make in order to further promote awareness of healthy, marital sex to our spouse and even to others? Or have you already tried that with no success?

Do we need to quit hiding healthy sex "under a bush"? What do you think it would take for attitudes towards sexual awareness to change, both our own attitudes and also the attitudes of those who cringe over the mere mention of the dreaded 'S' word?

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Guess what temporarily eliminates incision soreness?

GR had been strangely quiet about sex, or the lack thereof, since my surgery of Tues Jan 27. We arrived home Thurs evening from the hospital. Daily on Fri, Sa and Su, I continued having 1-3 episodes of dry heaves per day. Did I ever mention that I am NOT a good sick person? When I experience dry heaves all I can think is, "Just put me out of my misery and shoot me."

Anyhow, on Mon there were no dry heaves at all and yesterday was the same. By the time we were in bed last night GR was wiped out and promptly went to sleep. I tried to get comfortable beside him but it was not happening so I began my "I'm bored" thoughts. Dum-de-dum-dum-dum... and then the idea hit me. I know... let's see if we can have sex without increased soreness from the incisions. No way did I think that the soreness would actually leave while we were having fun.

We were sort of spooned with GR behind me. Every little movement causes me to feel the incision soreness so I careful began reaching my arm around behind me until I had it planted right where I wanted it to be on GR. Long story short-- He woke up to a HJ and then gave me MS. By then I was feeling no pain at all and in spite of me being somewhat limited in movement, we continued on and finished it all with glorious PIV-IC.

I asked GR if he had been horny all week since my surgery day. "Yes," he admitted to me. So I continued pressing for answers, "Why didn't you say something a few days ago?" His short reply, "Because I didn't want to pressure you for sex after surgery until I knew you were ready." And then he added, "I figured you would let me know when that time would come." "OK," I told him, "But what if a month had gone by and I wouldn't have indicated a sexual need or desire?" With utmost confidence in his voice he replied, "Oh, I knew you would."

So there you have it. PIV-IC can even make incision soreness temporarily go away... far, far away. That even beats having it eliminate headache pain, I think.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Thieves are evil!

OK, what jerk in Great Britain began using my debit card the day before I was admitted to the hospital??? Grrrrrr..... We didn't discover it until the morning after I arrived home so GR had to run out to the bank that morning to straighten out the mess. We have 2 checking accounts-- a joint one which we use for paying bills and then my personal account which I use to pay for other things. This happened to my personal account. Now I have to wait 1-2 weeks for a new card. Thieves are evil!

How are showers comparable to preparation for sex?

As I am somewhat particular about *public* showers, I did not shower at the hospital. Oh, I am sure the shower was no worse than hotel showers but none the less, I turned down the offer to use it. Since being back home, I have dreaded showering. Do not get me wrong--- I LOVE showers and have been known to take 2-3 of them in a day's time during hot summer months. It was just that with all the pain from surgery I was afraid to get in the shower and then experience even MORE pain than usual, however, GR pushed me and I finally took the plunge this weekend.

Oh my!!! Did it ever feel luxurious! I wonder if surgery or IV meds have a negative affect on a person's skin and hair? At the hospital I did not even bother to use anything on my skin. Heck, it was all I could do keep the nausea at bay. So taking care of my skin was not a priority then but it is now. When I showered, I was able to use my pumice stone on my heals. Washing my hair brought all my natural curls back. After showering, GR treated my feet with my favorite cucumber-scented foot lotion. I love the smell of it so I slathered the stuff on my arms as well. Even my face, which is never really dry (Mediterranean skin), took a beating during the hospital stay so I applied my Oil of Olay moisture lotion to my face.

Sitting here this morning I almost feel as if the exterior of my body is back to normalcy, that it is prepared for life as I know and love. Ah, the simply things...

And you ask--- What does all this have to do with seeking and maintaining a passionate marriage? I do not know. Give me a break while I am on pain meds by allowing me a few minutes to think about it. Dum, de, dum, dum, dum... Oh, here we go! The word for the hour is------ preparation. How much time and at what point in our day or even in our week do we prepare ourselves for a passionate romp in the bed or even exhibit plain old passion for our spouse outside the perimeters of the bedroom? Do we daily make it a priority the way we daily set time aside in preparing to take care of our kids, our church or our friends? Or..... do we fly by the seat of our pants in regard to preparing for marital passion? And if we "fly", do we not care where we land or who is affected?

Now I realize that for some, myself included, preparing for (marital) passion comes as naturally as eating and sleeping. But what about for others? Is it acceptable to tell our spouse, "I'm just not that into you," and then devote all our time to everything BUT our marriage bed? We say our marriage is our most sacred relationship after our relationship with God but is it REALLY? I am speaking here to those who often say "no" but I am also speaking to those who mostly tease and tease... typically during times when sex cannot happen... and then when the opportunity for sex does come up, they will not follow through. In both situations lack of preparation is evident. In both cases, lack of a sense of sacredness for the marriage bed is evident.

So what can we do to sexually prepare ourselves to be the best we can possibly be for our spouse? Many folks make lists, "to do" lists, for everything they want to accomplish in a day. If prepping for sex needs a reminder, would it not make sense to also make a list of ideas to always keep before us that would make the daily prep work less burdensome? Sure, it is not always the case that lack of prep causes lack of passion but if we do take time to prep, perhaps many of us could eliminate a bulk of the difficulties in giving and receiving passion in marriage. So my post-op word for the hour is--- PREPARATION!!!