Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Do you use guilt and forgiveness appropriately?

I saw this question asked elsewhere.

Do you generally feel that you do not deserve your spouse or that you never even come close to being as good to them as they are to you?

Here is my reply. What is yours?

Several years ago I felt that way, whenever I found myself dwelling on my many years of refusing but I no longer "go there". My dh does not want to waste any more precious years of our marriage dwelling on the past and with me carrying around unnecessary guilt. I have done the deed. I confessed it. I abandoned it. I was forgiven. The guilt is gone. I keep it behind me as I tend to the present and look ahead to the future. If I continued going back to the guilt it would be like not accepting the forgiveness.... like saying "thanks but no thanks".

4 comments:

Hiswildcherry46 said...

Oh yeeaaaahhhh, Gemma, you hit the nail on the head, again.
Feeling bad about not being good enough or sexy enough for great sex or beautiful like the OTHER women has tormented me this past year.
Just yesterday a comment by my man about a women stretching and showing her butt crack to him during his weight lifting, sent me over the edge...I had to brave the gym last night feeling like crap which amounted to one very wet yoga mat from uncontrollable tears.
Thankfully, my husband has gotten braver and asked me what was wrong after we returned home and then he did the most wonderful thing ever...he totally took me in the most outrageous sexual feast I have ever had. OMG, I was so purring and slept like a baby who felt awesomely loved. My husband is my balm.

mr. self respect said...

I forgave my wife a long time ago for her indiscretions. I am still coming to terms with it, but I am no longer angry or bitter about the situation. My focus now is trying to repair what has broken down in our marriage, and trying to help my wife to return to Christ. And neither guilt nor shame will help in either endeavor.

so blessed said...

HWC,

There is a huge difference for a DH in noticing another woman and desiring her. Your DH is probably like most of us, he is wired visual. And when that woman bends over right in his face, he notices.

But the major difference is, though he noticed her, he did not take his pleasure in the sight of her. He came home and took his pleasure in his wife. That's a choice we DH's have to make daily.

Count your blessings! You don't HAVE to measure up to the women at the gym, your DH doesn't WANT them; he wants YOU! Revel in it! Frolic in it! Be secure in that knowledge, and go rock his world!

Hiswildcherry46 said...

So blessed, I will count my blessings and keep growing in my focus on the truths you noted here.
During the past year I have been working really hard at making myself more good looking but there are still days when I feel like someone took a whole load of 'uglies' and dumped them my way. It's a woman thing! Maturity should alleviate this syndrome but not so.

I totally appreciate your perspective so thank you for your words. I will listen and ponder.