Monday, November 16, 2009

Story Telling Time

Perhaps I am the only one who cannot get on TMB forum, however, if none of you can... and I hope I am not the only one, hehe... here is something for you to ponder.

Briefly share your story from the beginning of your marriage to the present. Focus on how your marriage bed began, how it might have changed for better or worse, what you believe caused the change, what you wish you had done differently and then conclude with the current status. I will share mine here to give you an idea of what I mean by “brief”.

We married almost 30 years ago. Immediately we wanted to start a family and I began refusing sex except for during times when we were TTC but we were dealing with infertility in both of us. Our of guilt I blamed the infertility on my promiscuous past. Church friends thought we had a wonderful marriage but behind closed doors I was a demanding bitch and GR felt unloved and sexually neglected.

Because I stopped taking BC at the onset of our marriage, bad periods of heavy bleeding and cramps resurfaced. Within 6-8 years I was doing 3 week cycles-- a good week, a PMS week and a period week, with the P week being so bad that I would almost pass out from the blood loss. Being naive we thought this was normal. Fifteen years into the marriage I underwent an emergency hysterectomy. The sex gate mostly stayed closed, often for years at a time.

Not to excuse my sin, I essentially lived with female/fertility issues, issues from my past and refusing issues. Food was my crutch. I slowly gained 150 pounds although I am now 25 pounds from my goal weight. In 2000 I took ownership of my sin of refusing and began earnestly praying about it but I still did not know how to change. Six years later I read Schlessinger’s book: The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands, stumbled into TMB forum and the rest is history- instantaneous change from refuser to whore. One of my biggest regrets? I wish we had gone for professional counseling early in the marriage.

The end!

What is your story?


mr self respect said...

Yeah, it appears that their bulletin board, phpBB, is having trouble communicating to the MYSQL engine that underlies it. That is what I can decifer from the error messages they are getting.

I am sure Paul and Lori realize this, and are speaking to the hosting company that the database runs on.

If you have the email for Paul and Lori, Gemma, you may want to drop them a line, so that know this is the problem.

Gemma said...

I'm assuming that others are also having trouble getting on the forum and that Paul and Lori are aware of the problem.

Hiswildcherry46 said...

Hi Gemma,
Interesting how posters seem shy about posting 'our story'...

We are vocal about our current status yet reluctant to revisit where we have come from!

Writing my own story seems more 'yawn' material than anything else at this point.

I wonder if others feel the same way, which may explain the reluctance to post on this topic.

Calliso said...

Well the marriagebed forums are up now but I felt like responding anyway haha.

I married my husband about 4 1/2 years ago. Our sex life started off decent but had a big problem from the start. Mainly the lack of frequency we were averaging about twice every 10 days or so. But sex felt good for us and was otherwise enjoyable.

Flash forward several monthes sex became unenjoyable most of the time for me. My husband still enjoyed himself though. Eventually I let my birth control prescription run out. We have had sex about 2 times in the past almost 3 years now.

I am convinced that what caused the change is the birth control pill. After doing research on it not to mention the fact the changes I have noticed in myself after going off it.

As for what I wish I would have done differently. I am not sure maybe read up on the birth control pill and it;s potential sexual side effects. But I am not sure how that would have changed things other then the fact that maybe I wouldn;t have gone on it. But then our sex life would have never even really begun. And I can't think of anything else that would work in our situation so even if I could go back and change things it likely wouldn;t do much good.

job29man said...

Married 30 years ago. Both come from parents in a happy marriage, with good attitudes about sex.

We discussed all the important issues before marriage, and came to agreement on everything... like communication, conflict resolution, childrearing, complementarian marriage model, going beyond vanilla sex, frequency of sex, no refusal ever... This is the subject of my thread in TMB titled "Groundrules for Our Marriage". We've pretty much stuck to our groundrules.

Since then... 10 children... tiredness has taken its toll on Sarah. She is trying hard, but needs lots of encouragement and reminders about my sexual needs. Still she is always game for whatever I want. And she always seems to catch the passion eventually after we get going. But the elusive thing is a wellspring of passion that comes from within herself. It's just not there.

We are a very happily married couple, which is pretty amazing for the SD mismatch we have. I'm a very HD husband who is pretty well taken care of by my lover drive wife. But she doesn't think of herself as LD. She thinks of herself as a HD wife who is always tired. I don't dispute that.


Anonymous said...

.....She is trying hard. always game.

.....always seems to catch the passion eventually.

And those are the keys aren't they? Proof that LD spouses can do it but they have to say YES more often than they say NO.