Monday, November 2, 2009

How do you hang on?

OK, guys, I am just going to be real with you here. Life is just so darn hard right now for GR and me with our current parenting issues but in spite of the difficulties, he and I have such a need to stay passionately and sexually active. It is the only way that we see ourselves surviving the trials we are going through with our daughter.

Sex is the glue which keeps the flames going for GR and me. Yes, emotional intimacy is important and we are having to hold on to our spirituality, of course, but the sex is that which keeps our relationship hot and heavy. Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on all our souls and help us to keep the flames burning in our marriages.

When life tries to crowd out your marital intimacy, what do you do to keep yourselves hanging on together? How do you prevent life from sucking your marriage dry? How do you pray for your marriage? Can you trust God while you are in the furnace? Is God bigger than your trials or do you allow your trials to overtake your life? If you don't trust God, where do you place your trust?


Anonymous said...

Sorry you are going thru such a tough time. Thanks for keeping us posted and keeping it real. I am still desiring to be my hubby's whore.

Lisa said...

Still praying for your whole family Gemma!

Anonymous said...

Prayers are being said for you. Your ministry here is very valuable. Our child also suffers from mental illnesses. Just read that Joe Paterno (head coach at Penn State) said "you are as happy as your least happy child". Just hang in there, the Lord will work and comfort and ease.

scotty said...

Gemma - praying for you GR and the girls.
Yes I need sex to keep us close in hard times. We're not specifically having a 'hard' time right now but a very busy one. We're both exhausted and it's been several days now. I want to make a point tonight of seducing him. We need the connection. After tonight it will be several days again before we can be together.
I always try to keep close connection with God - I need that so much. My husband will always disappoint and fail me and I him, but God will always be my fortress and strength and I pray He is for you right now! Psalm 18:30-31

Hiswildcherry46 said...

Hi Gemma,
My heart goes out to you both.

When life tries to crowd out your marital intimacy, what do you do to keep yourselves hanging on together?

I serve him more, listen when he wants to talk, massage him when he is exhausted, cook his favorite meals, make him his coffee,serve, serve, serve.
I have made up my mind to be his sex goddess and that means one thing to me...I serve.
He serves me with amazing insight and wisdom, then, delicious sex once I am calmed from my personal brain storms.

How do you prevent life from sucking your marriage dry?

Prioritizing every day and in every way.
I do not have outside female friends...I am my two, teen daughters' BFF and the giggle maker for my two little girlfriends.
I build my three sons' egos by being a woman who loves them as men... a rarity today.
We block out Friday night for a date in our bedroom.He hurries home from the gym, I push to get my school taxiing done. Our kids watch movies and our door is locked to the world.
Saturday mornings we go out for coffee together and have done so for over 10 years, at the same place.
I take clothes home when I shop rather than waste time in changing rooms.
I get up at 4 to get my tush to the gym.
My husband has me at his beck and call most of the time. I always find him and hug him when I return home.

How do you pray for your marriage?

My sex journal is a type of prayer to our God as I give thanks for my fantastic love life with my man.
We both know that God put us together so we constantly say so to each other...gratitude which God loves, I am sure.
We behave lovingly to each other and spicey at times, which our kids find funny.
Our marriage is a type of offering to God in that we are faithful to each other in word, thought and deed, especially sexually.

Can you trust God while you are in the furnace?

Living with his mother for 4 years was one massive 'furnace' in our marriage.
We were stewards of her finances and she literally had no clue about any part of her life. We knew we were honest with her money and honorable towards her as a person. Those facts kept us tight through it all.

Is God bigger than your trials or do you allow your trials to overtake your life?

Yes, God is bigger than our problems and both of us have kept Him as our focus for overall guidance and provision through our marriage.

I will not allow trials to overtake all that I have striven for and all that my husband and I have gone through.
One constantly painful separation that we deal with is my husband's job, which requires travel.
We have a rich history with each other that is worth fighting for.

If you don't trust God, where do you place your trust?

I wear three generations of wedding rings from my husband's mother and both his grandmothers. (To strangers, it must seem like I had two bum engagements yet kept the rings :-O ) There has never been divorce in either my family or my husband's and this is a noble tradition to upkeep. I believe in the history of family tradition and the sanctity of marriage.

My wedding vows were those of Ruth to Boaz. I have truly taken on my husband's people to be my people and served my husband's God as my God.

Marriage is worth fighting for in spite of the outside struggles of kids doing whatever and financial pressures,etc.
When my man and I are united physically, we are a cord of three strands which cannot easily be broken. God, my man and I.

Take heart, Gemma. This season in your life will pass. Stay tight with your man. Have breathtakingly lovely sex with him. Adore his body more than your own. Kiss him with your whole heart.

Ultimately, when the kids are gone and the home is empty, it will be just the two of you. That is a wonderful goal and one which will be hard earned for sure !

job29man said...

This is a tough one for DW. She has a hard time thinking about sex at all when she is going through trials.

Sorry to say the thing that keeps sex going then is just me being insistent.

It is never the other way around. If I have trials I go for more sex, not less

so blessed said...

Hi Gemma -

so sorry you all are having such an extended bout of trials. Trusting that things will improve for you soon.

One thing that has greatly helped us in past times of trial such as yours, is to designate the bedroom as a sanctuary. You discuss all the problems with DD in the kitchen, family room, bathroom, everywhere else in the house, but when you come into the bedroom, no discussion allowed there. And if one spouse slips and starts to bring up something, the other gently but firmly holds the line.

It's like, "We fight the whole world everywhere else, but this is our place, our haven, our place of peace, in each others arms." And I can tell you, we have found ourselves fighting tooth and nail to maintain that "sanctuary" status at times, because it became so precious to us. Use your favorite scented candles, every night. Whatever you have to do to provide for yourselves a place of peace in the midst of the storm.

And know this: God WILL see you through this. Blessings on you!

Gemma said...

"so blessed",

For the last 3 years dh and I have been able to keep our bedroom as a sanctuary but during this trial there are circumstance which make it difficult. Because of dd's Bipolar Disorder and the fact that she's still not stabilized on her meds... yes, she's been back on them for over a month and is still not stabilized... we cannot leave her home alone. So the only time dh and I can discuss strategies to help her, are when we are home. Most of the time when we're home, she is also home so we have no place to go off privately to discuss her situation except.... you guessed it.... our bedroom.

Otherwise, we do keep our bedroom as a sacred place. Until dd gets out of the woods and is stabilized on her meds, dh and I will have to have many talks in our bedroom to stay on top of her situation.

The good news is that we're still able to enjoy frequent, passionate sex so we're thankful for that. There is no easy way to get someone who is Bipolar back on their meds and emotionally stabilized. You have to do what you have to do, you know?

Tomorrow evening GR and I are going on a date. Both dd's will be home together while we're out. And then Sat evening GR and I will be enjoying the company of a couple we know from TMB forum as they will be coming over for dinner. We thank God for small favors.

so blessed said...

You are rght, Gemma, in saying that we as parents "do what we have to do." Sometimes you just find yourselves there, right?

But I still think it is so important to have that one place that becomes a haven from all the strife. Maybe for you all, that needs to be just the bed itself, you know? Deal with the DD and strategy etc. as much as is needed but when you lie down together . . .

We must find that hiding place "under His wings" to survive the storms of life; likewise we need that hiding place in each other's arms.

Glad that you all are getting a break this weekend! Put everything you have into that date night! It may need to hold you steady for awhile! Blessings on you guys.

Hiswildcherry46 said...

So blessed, you reminded me of a huge blessing in my life which occurred once I had turned myself on towards my husband.

For all of our married life, I had longed to snuggle in his arms to go to sleep but due to always nursing or extended family bed situations (and being a toughnut woman), I could never do this one special act.

To my utter joy, I go to sleep now with my head tucked beneath my husband's arm and feel all the security I had longed for.

He has also been stroking my hair, which is the greatest relaxer for me. I could not ask him to do this as I was always trying too hard to manage all the affairs of our home and could not release myself to be so femininely needy...sigh, such small comforts but huge if one has longed for them forever.