Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Boys and girls, it is time for bed!

Generally, GR and I go to bed together AND enjoy retreating early in the evenings but there are times and circumstances where it is just not always possible. Presently we are living in such a time. With all the parental stuff in the last two months with one of our daughters, some of our early intimate evenings are being temporarily "robbed".

Last night GR went to bed while the girls and I had to stay up later to work on some restructuring of bipolar daughter's facebook account. It took a couple of hours with the three of us meticulously going through all the photos and writings, deleting all the stuff which GR and I deem to be "undesirable". (Btw- Do you know what your kids have on their facebook? I was amazed at how much we had to delete.) Then oldest daughter and I put together on paper a new set of facebook rules and guidelines for my youngest daughter to follow, along with serious consequences for violations of said rules.

By the time we were done I was so mentally exhausted. I quickly got a small snack and then headed off to tuck myself in bed, however...... before going to sleep I woke GR enough to let him know that I was available and hungry for sex. We were able to enjoy a good and lengthy romp before I went to sleep.

Do you and your spouse make a (bad) habit of regularly going to bed at different times? How do you handle situations when it simply cannot be avoided? Which one of you usually hits the bed first? Which of you tends to more jealously guard this time from distractions or do you guard it equally as GR and I do? If different bedtimes are causing sexual frequency to significantly drop, what might you or your spouse do to correct the problem?


g00dsp0rt said...

morning shower sex , a shower chair the type sold at a medical suply store or drug store is great.wake up and jump in shower together sit on hubbys lap and feel the warm water , then tell eachother of the things that you miss doing beacuse of being to busy .there are many posabilitys for the shower for me the chair helps and washing eachother after is very special so is drying and lotioning eachother

job29man said...

Different bedtimes?
Don't get me staaaaaaaaaaaaarrrted!

Yes. My work and fatherly responsibilities (get kids up, lead them in Bible time, line kids out on chores) necessitate early to bed, early to rise.

DW pulls graveyard shift as RN at hospital for one full week a month, then has 3 weeks off, but her schedule is then into the late to bed, late to rise realm.

This absolutely messes up sex for me. Why? Because when I go to bed after being up for 16 hours that means I have not slept for 16 hours and am 16 hours tired. Therefore I fall asleep fast and sleep soundly. But if I go to bed at 9 and sleep for 4 hours till DW comes to bed and wakes me for sex, that means when it's time to go back to sleep I am no longer 16 hours tired but have just had a "refreshing" 4 hour "nap" and am not fully slept out, but also not 16 hour dog tired enough to fall asleep fast.

So that usually winds up as me laying awake till the alarm goes off at 4:30, or maybe I'll just get up at 3 and start the day... TOO EARLY and then I'm tired most of the day and especially the next night. BAD deal!

And yet if she doesn't wake me for sex I either wake up at 2 in frustration and even a little "miffed" and again don't go back to sleep, or I'll sleep in till 4:30 and then wake her for sex. This is not a problem with DW who can fall back to sleep quickly, anytime, anywhere, no matter when she last slept.

Sooooo... in our house I just have to push really hard to make sure that she gets her work done by my bedtime and comes to bed with me so we can have sex and sleep soundly.

Good topic.

scotty said...

Right as I was reading this last night (about 10:45pm) I was wondering how the night was going to turn out, because this is almost a daily issue with us.
In order for me to feel rested (and think there's any possibility of sex)I would ideally want to be in bed around 10:30pm or earlier if possible. DH prefers to see the clock hit 11:30 or midnight. Not so big of a difference you might think - wrong! If I do go to bed around 10:30 and actually dose off he will inevitably wake me up when he comes to bed. I'm a very light sleeper. But usually I just lie there tossing and turning and getting mad because he's not there yet.
There are layers of issues and problems this creates. Obviously regular sex is curtailed and becomes sporadic causing tension of itself. But also I just feel neglected and emotionally disconnected when he won't come to bed with me. It really does make me feel unloved. So what usually happens is I wait up with him, but then that makes me cranky and also feeling neglected because he doesn't care enough that I'm so tired. If we have sex at that point it can be 1am before we're snoozing.
Now here's what happens when we compromise and go to bed by 11pm ~ we have sex and sleep well!!! It's not rocket science. Three nights in a row now this week! YAY! After I read this last night (remember 10:45pm), I said, "ok hon.. early night?" because that's early for him. He didn't put up a fight! He actually told me when we got to bed, I think I need to go straight to sleep. Well it didn't quite work out that way and we had an amazing love making session.
So tell me, why can't he just come to bed with me by 11pm every night without a fight? I wish I knew. Sorry for the book!

Tamara said...

WOW, this has been a problem in our marriage since we got married. I go to bed, and then hubby stays up late and slides into bed in the middle of the night. I hated that when we first got married and i still do. But his reason is that he's never sleepy when i am sleepy. But all i want to do is to fall asleep in my husband's arms. So when we go to bed with these different schedules, relations suffer all around. Other than asking him to lay in bed until I go to sleep so perhaps I can be PUT to sleep and then him popping back up when im sleep, i dunno what else to do.

Dani said...

i am lucky in that i can fall asleep almost anywhere, anytime. i need more sleep then he does, so i head off to bed and he wakes me when he is ready. Sometimes we do go to bed at the same time and that tends to be a longer session, but one way or another we are together every night.

It used to drive me nuts if he tried to wake me for sex, but with my awakening, and with constant attention, i would be disappointed if he didn't. :)