Saturday, August 8, 2009

A Reader's Favorite- Submissive/Dominant Talk and Dress

OK, folks, here is a favorite that I love. A reader wrote and shared this with me---

He said that he likes to hear his wife address him as "master" or "lord", speaking to him as a slave woman saying things like, "How may I please my master today?" "Would my lord please his handmaiden by licking my cunt?" This reader added that he really loves to go out in public with his wife dressed very conservatively to the public eye while underneath, have her dressed as his "whore".

He said that this kind of talk and dress sends him into orbit! I have to admit-- It sends me into orbit, too. I love to be forced to behave as a submissive slave, secretly treated as my husband's "whore" or "slut". Being told what to do, when to do it, and forbidden to do other things, has a certain element of humiliation that is exciting and even erotic. And I love to secretly dress as a slut underneath when we go out. Of course, I am a bedroom submissive with my dh by nature so this is easy and fun for me.

Do any of you enjoy being "master" or "slave" to your spouse in your marriage bed? When I say "in your marriage bed" here, I mean not only in your bedroom but anywhere that you enjoy sexual intimacies. What does this do for your marriage? Do you and your spouse equally enjoy this? Or is it one-sided where your spouse is not aware of your attraction to it or... your spouse is just not interested in playing along? Do you or your spouse think this is wrong and if so, for what reasons?

If you are the dominant husband, what sort of things do you demand or forbid of your submissive wife? If you are the sub wife, what things do you most enjoy that your dom husband demands or forbids of you? If you happen to be a dominant wife or a submissive husband, I am very sorry but you are at the wrong website..... just kidding. But seriously, we may attempt to get you to switch to the more traditional dom husband, sub wife roles so if that bothers you, then you REALLY ARE at the wrong website ;-).

51 comments:

Odo said...

Gemma, I guess I've been around too long and heard too many tales by male chauvinist jerks I've had to work with in various venues to want to talk "domineeringly" to my precious DW. I realize that works for you and many of the posters here and that's great, whatever works, keep it up. I respect you for that, all of you fellow Believers. I just couldn't go there with DW. We have our own "coding" and way of love-speak, as it were. I wouldn't want to introduce "street-speak" into the equation. I often wish she were more aggressive in our lovemaking but that's her. Not going to try to change her. If she were to burst out with "street-speak", during our lovemaking, not sure how I'd handle it...it would be a hugemongus-garnormous departure of character! My DW wouldn't say "poo" if you threw some at her! Anyway, just not our "bag". Oops. That term dates us for sure...Love you guys!

Gemma said...

Odo,

I'm right there with you regarding male chauvinism. It's certainly not attractive to see that in a man any more than it is attractive to see strong feminism traits in a woman. They both make for bad bed partners.

But just to clarify--- true D/s behavior in a marriage cannot exist if one or both spouses behave like a jerk, lacking love and respect for each other.

At any rate, I respect your personal preferences. What you practice in your marriage bed is between you and your wife. I always say, "Do what works!"

job29man said...

In our marriage there is no chauvinism, but a lot of respect and consideration going both directions.

This allows us to indulge our fantasy life when it crosses into the dominance/submission realm. When we do it it is like a game. We put on our "game mask" and go into "game mode". It's a lot of fun and full of teasing.

I'm the dominant player in these cases. She can stop at any time it feels uncomfortable to her by just saying "I don't want to do this anymore." Game over.

But yes I really do enjoy the language thing. She'll kind of play "Jeannie" from that show in the 60s "I Dream of Jeannie". Calling me Master and such. Very fun!

Or we'll play at Medieval Lord and servant. That kind of talk is fun too.

Haven't done anything yet where the roles are reversed.

The minute it's not pleasurable, it's game over.

Gemma said...

Funny you should mention the show "I Dream of Jeannie". I used to watch the show when I was a kid and loved the way Jeannie always felt it was her 'duty' to submit to her "Master". She often fell short and was a 'naughty' sub ;-)... and then she would receive punishment.

job29man said...

"Jeannie?"
"Yes Master?"
"Back in your bottle!"
"Yes Master."
LOL

Gemma said...

Major Nelson: Jeannie's turned against me.

Major Healey: She can't turn against you. Your her master. She as to obey you.

Major Nelson: Yeah, who says so?

Major Healey: I don't know, maybe it's in the genie manual.

Major Nelson: Then how come she's deliberately disobeyed me?

Major Healey: Maybe she wasn't issued a genie manual.

Do you all have your "genie manuals" written up? lol

Hiswildcherry46 said...

Great topic choice, Gemma. Funny references to 'I love Jeannie' and a great weekend project, drawing up a Genie manual.

Although I have asked my darling man to be more aggressive with me in bed, he is far too much of a gentle man and gentleman to go crazy on me, his beloved wife. It is one of my goals to get him to lose control with me, oneday. My wildcherry streak!

He has gotten much more domineering in satisfying my needs in bed and I love it so. He would NEVER hurt me physically so I know that I am safe being as fiesty as I want to be...he will always be a restrained lover with me.

Therefore, I can, and do, call him lord without reservation, whilst being tucked beneath his armpit!

Knowing I am sexually safe with my husband gives me incredible freedom to go crazy on him. He eggs me on, lets me do what I want and loves it all.

Through many years of being married, he knows that I am terribly afraid of being abused so is most gentle with me at all times. BUT, I have gotten him to go places where he would not have considered going in the last year. As long as I give the go ahead, he is game. My husband truly loves and protects me.

Dani said...

i can tell you there is nothing that gets me going like my husband being more gruff and demanding. We have been experimenting more and more with D/s and are finding it very fun, for both of us. i love serving him in every way and he is now noticing, even demanding more. Oh, it sends me into orbit. The spankings for when i am naughty are pretty fantastic as well....

Gemma said...

There's something to be said about having a *demanding*, 'in control' husband in the marriage bed. It kicks up the level of eroticism by several good notches, causing a good sub wife to obey every whim.

I'll just say this as tactfully as I possibly can to make my point. Before I met my dh, I enjoyed having sex with 'bad boys' all the time. The roughness and the unexpected kept things thrilling and edgy. Then I met my dh, we married and immediately fell into legalistic churches where the unspoken word was that it was sinful for wives to enjoy marital sex too much... that only whores/sluts behaved that way. So for years I snuffed out my sexuality, thinking it was displeasing in the sight of God.

How wrong was I! In the last 2 1/2 years my dh and I have experienced the best sex ever. My sex as a single 'pales' compared to what he and I share. A huge part of it is my freedom to enjoy being a slut for my dh and also his increasingly, dominant behavior towards me. I think, and this is only mho, but I think God intended all along for a man to take control of his woman in bed. What we now share scripturally lines up better than anything we ever had or anything we ever say with other Christian couples. So we'll keep doing what works. It ain't broke no more (spoken in southern dialect) so why fix it?

If your marriage bed isn't as exciting as you want it to be and it isn't totally erotic all the time, it might be time to take a step back and access the situation... see what you're doing and determine together where you'd like things to be. Each night when we're getting ready to head off to bed there is a huge element of excitement and anticipation. If you don't know what I'm talking about you may be missing something. Find out what it is and be bold enough to make adjustments no matter how kinky they may seem to be. Quit settling for hum-drum and instead, enjoy living in a passionate marriage bed.

so blessed said...

Hi Gemma -

You know I will have to chime in on this one! Thought I would start by answering your questions:

--Yes we enjoy this dynamic in our relationship, and for us it is Master and whore.
--We enjoy D/s both in our marriage bed activities as well as in public settings at times.
--We have found that D/s has greatly enahnced the intimacy of our marriage.
--Yes, we both enjoy life this way equally.
--Obviously, we don't think this is wrong, as it is something that enhances our relationship with each other.
--Demands? Total submission, absolute control. The sw (submissive wife) willingly and joyfully relinquishes all control to her loving DH (Dominant Husband).

D/s has been a wonderful discovery for us. Glad to see you bring this topic back again!

Gemma said...

Question for you, so blessed. Can you share details regarding how D/s plays out for you and your dw in public settings? While you're at it, I wouldn't mind also hearing how it plays out in your marriage bed.

Hiswildcherry46 said...

Tough topic for strong women to write on, Gemma, as we are always misunderstood by being subs to our dom men.

My husband is in charge of me, period.

From the length of my hair to the colors I wear, to the food I eat, to the 'get your ass in shape' mentoring (he's a body builder hunk), to the amount of money in my purse, to the time I spend on the computer. Everything. Yet, I am one of the strongest women he knows. My kids see me as invincible and outside of the family, I am revered by many as the woman who has it all together.

How to describe why a strong female bows to her husband and willingly calls him her lord and master? Love. He won my heart and I have never looked back. I adore him and he adores me.

Sexually, he loves me going crazy. I can literally make him go places he would not go without my prompting. He makes me melt for him and pant for his touch. Together, we are dynamite.

He is not into sexy underwear, it all comes off anyway! He loves it when I take the commando risk when we go out and craves to see me squirm as I get turned on in public whilst he whispers naughty somethings into my ears in front of other middle aged women ;-)

Why do I get such a buzz out of being his submissive wifey. Simple really. He is all I have ever wanted in a mate and more. I am half without him and would do anything to keep him in my life, even after 26 years of knowing him. I would not submit to any other man the way I do to him. He is my man, I am his woman.

Gemma said...

HWC, why are you always misunderstood by being sub to your dom dh? I don't understand.

so blessed said...

Re: your questions, Gemma, in public I still have total submission, absolute control. I am free to dress my sw any way I please, without objection. I stipulate her make-up, hair, jewelry, choice of heels, etc.

When we go out, she makes no decisions on her own, her sole purpose is to pleasure her Master. I choose her meal, etc., and any request I can think of is met with immediate performance.

(more on the MB later, gotta run)

Gemma said...

I'm especially curious to know how you handle being in public as a D/s couple if, say, you run into people from your church.

But yes, do post more when you get a chance.

Ancient Mariner said...

When I was in college, I hung around with the "island latins" (primarily Cubans and Puerto Ricans.) Those cultures traditionally have strong men and more submissive women. Even in this crowd, though, there was one couple which stood out. She was a sweet little thing, and he seemed boorish and not that attractive. We thought he was boorish because they had this strange practice: at night, when he wanted to urinate, he would wake her up, and she would present him with a chamber pot. After he used it, she would dutifully go to the bathroom and empty it before getting back in bed! We could not imagine why she would subject herself to such treatment, but never objected, and did this for years. Looking back now, I think perhaps there were living the D/s lifestyle, and none of us recognized it.

Gemma said...

How odd... about that couple with the chamber pot!

Hiswildcherry46 said...

Hey Gemma,

You asked : HWC, why are you always misunderstood by being sub to your dom dh? I don't understand.

From my experience,true submission is rare to witness and in women towards their husbands, even rarer. Either you are regarded as a sissy or as an abused woman behind closed doors. Many do not understand what willing submission means.

I have chosen to protect my man's delicate, yet massive male ego, through the years, by supporting his opinionated manner at home and in public.

I have lost female friends because of this as they could not stand seeing me 'debasing' myself when they knew full well that I was aching to have my say.

Was I a doormat? No, never. I simply respect my man and will not gossip,embarress or overspeak him in public.

Even my kids know that they have to mind their attitudes about their dad in front of me. When they get too fresh about his dominance as their father, I draw the line. Rarely do they trangress my support of my husband.
Long winded, sorry.

Gemma said...

Wow, HWC, your experience with others' opinions is very different than mine. I guess it all hinges on the culture in which we live... if the men in that culture are strong-willed men who naturally take a dominant place in their marriage.

But I do think there is a vast difference between what I would describe as a male dom/fm sub marriage relationship vs. one with a "chauvinist jerk" of a husband (Odo's phrase above) whose goal in the marriage is mainly to please himself and to have his way, regardless of how if affects his wife. In a true D/s marriage the husband is 'master', yes, the wife us submissive, yes, but in the husband's authoritarian role he loves his wife and wants to please her.

An example--

I had relatives, a husband and wife, where the husband always had to have his way and have his say with his wife. The problem was that in having his way he rarely pleased her. They spent their entire marriage with him having his way and her going along with it just to keep peace in the home. It was an awful marriage from all appearances. After the husband died we saw a huge positive change in the wife, as she finally was able to do things and say things that brought her little pleasures and joy. I'm sure she loved her husband in a strange sort of way but clearly the marriage was all about his pleasure and little about hers as he was a very self-centered man. In fact I know of another younger married couple in my family who also had a similar relationship-- all one-sided, all about the husband having his way, doing and saying whatever he pleased with no regard for his wife. Oddly enough, this man also came to an untimely death when he was in his forties. His wife moved on and remarried a wonderful strong, dominant man but the difference? They enjoy giving pleasure to each other so now she can enjoy her life, too.

I wonder if your *friends* have confused chauvinism with dominance? There is no comparison.

Hiswildcherry46 said...

Hi Gemma,
Thx for your reply.

Confusion regarding chauvinism and male dominance is entirely possible in the circles I have hung in.

"Stepford Wives", the old style movie, describes in pretty good detail, the types of relationships my marriage has been surrounded by.

I have witnessed many strange marriages, within our chosen church circles, whereby the females societally seemed to adore their men. Sadly, I met amazingly two-faced personalities regarding what they REALLY thought of their husbands. Often made me sick to my stomach being around them.

Double speak is an apt description of attempted communication with these women as my submission is from my heart whereas theirs is culturally imposed. Impossible to understand each other therefore I quit trying to get my point across long ago.

Introduce a sexual awakening like we all discuss and I quake at the knees even thinking about how I would be received by these women. Hiswildcherry's mouth shut.

Gemma said...

Hiswildcherry said:
"..my submission is from my heart whereas theirs is culturally imposed."

HWC,

When I mentioned "cultures", I meant that some cultures and even some churches lend themselves well and better than other cultures and churches for marriages of dominant husbands, submissive wives.

I come from an Italian/French culture where submission in wives was encouraged. My husband comes from a German culture where dominance in husbands was encouraged. Our church members are predominantly Arabics from Lebanon. Most of these married couples have very strong, dominant husbands who love their wives very much and the wives love their husbands very much and are comfortable submitting to them.

I guess what I'm saying is that my dh and I are blessed to be surrounded with heartfelt, cultural influences which enhance the D/s lifestyle that we are working on developing within our marriage. Culturally imfluenced submission does not necessarily mean that it can't be from the heart. The two aren't always exclusive of each other.

so blessed said...

Gemma asked, "I'm especially curious to know how you handle being in public as a D/s couple if, say, you run into people from your church."

When we are on a serious D/s date night, we just try to make sure that doesn't happen. We have a large city about an hour away, and we usually go there to play. We frequent areas/establishments where sexy dress is the norm, and sw doesn't stand out.

Otherwise, around home, D/s may be more of an undercurrent in the evening that can be easily covered over if we run into people we know.

On another note, here is something that works great for us, that I haven't seen mentioned on your blog. To simplify things, DW has two names; one her given name, and one for her submissive personality. We chose a different female name that we both thought sounded very sexy, and use that name consistently for D/s play. It just makes everything so much easier. Here's what I mean.

Everytime we wanted D/s sex, it took a long conversation: "Hey, want some D/s tonight? Sure! Ok, remember that I want you to this and this and this, and I am going to expect that and that and that, etc." It was just too cumbersome.

Now, I walk up behind her at the sink, for example, grasp her firmly by the waist or shoulders, and simply say her sw name softly, "Cindy?" (not her real name). If she answers, "Yes, Master?", then the game is on! All the rules and expectations are automatically in place, the roles are already defined, and she immediately puts down the dish in her hand and waits for instructions.

If we are on a D/s date night out of town, then I refer to her by her sw name all evening; around others, etc. It's really erotic for us!

And before someone suggests otherwise, NO, this is not about me wanting to be with another woman. It has just become a simple, effective way to manage her two personalities; one as my loving DW, and the other as my hot sw.

Did I explain that well enough?

Gemma said...

so blessed,

You explained it very well. Thank you. I have a couple more questions for you.

*On an average, how often do you and sw go the city to play?

*What types of establishments have you found where sexy dress is the norm? I'm fishing for ideas for places to go.

And I understand perfectly how the two names manages the two 'personalities' more easily.

Hiswildcherry46 said...

Hey Gemma,
Yes, you are indeed blessed to be surrounded by good examples of what should be traditional masculine/feminine behaviour in marriage.
We have lived in the Bible belt of the US for 24 years so are very familiar with what my husband and I have called the steriotypical Stepford wife, marriage scenario here.
Complicated, multi-layered character masks are so common in Christian marriages in this area that it takes a truly gifted counselor to unravel the marriage problems which result from the usual societal undertones.
Boring topic for people who do not live here but fascinating if one is into solving Christian marriage problems.

Gemma said...

I've spent all but 7 of my 50+ years living in the bible belt. Really, from what we've seen I think that that mentality varies from church to church even in the bible belt. You guys can't find a church that doesn't have so much of that Stepford wives stuff... a church where the pastor doesn't tolerate it... where he openly and honestly teaches against it?

so blessed said...

"*On an average, how often do you and sw go the city to play?"

We like to get there once or twice a month, but it has to be weekends for us and they don't always work out. We try to mix in more discreet evenings in our hometown to make up when we miss playing.

"*What types of establishments have you found where sexy dress is the norm?"

We have found that the more upscale an area is, the better. Look for those areas where the YUP-pies live; the theaters, restaurants, etc. will be more upscale, and the dress usually sexier. I remember one particular Italian restaurant we went to. It was pricey; over $100 for dinner for two - but we fit right in. I remember one particular woman in a dress split nearly to her navel. Showing a little cleavage wasn't a problem there!

Resort cities are always good for sexy dress as well. We have one a few hours away that is good for an overnight run when we can get away.

Hiswildcherry46 said...

How fascinating that you are from the same general area.

Challenge to get my tush back into a church family accepted with a huge grin, Gemma.

Both my husband and I would love to interact with people from different nationalities and share our faith in Christ. Thanks for the interaction via this medium. You are a gem!

Gemma said...

So blessed,

How do you do the discreet playing on those nights when you're out in your hometown?

job29man said...

I agree that dominance and chauvinism are totally different. We too only do d/s as a game. So it's like "are you up for the game today/ tonight? Yes? No? I'm fine either way!"

And it is a game, but the game reflects my real life desires. It is a balancing act for mature christians to be able to play d/s without getting into degrading the s. Yet we are able to do it just fine.

job29man said...

Soblessed said, "Now, I walk up behind her at the sink, for example, grasp her firmly by the waist or shoulders, and simply say her sw name softly, "Cindy?" (not her real name). If she answers, "Yes, Master?", then the game is on! All the rules and expectations are automatically in place, the roles are already defined, and she immediately puts down the dish in her hand and waits for instructions."

Brilliant soblessed, simply brilliant!

Anonymous said...

We stem from a western European based religious faith community in which the women still today wear modest clothing and prayer coverings to signify their chastity and their submission to their husbands.

So I have DW wear this ethnic dress including the prayer covering. When I take her to a restaurant or store, it draws some stares for awhile, and then I know that we have been "made" as a very, very conservative and modest couple. That's when the eroticism of contrast comes into play. And I'll have her flash me a "peek" at the naughty tattoo on her breast, or rub her nipples against me, or find a way for her to "grab me". Something a wife from that community would NEVER do in public (or so you'd think!)

Very erotic!

Wink!

so blessed said...

Gemma asked, "How do you do the discreet playing on those nights when you're out in your hometown?"

The D/s dynamic is still there, but it is much more subdued. I will dress her a little edgy, but still very acceptable. She waits to be helped out of the car, with a nice flash for me, of course. She is loving and attentive to me all evening, on my arm as we walk, etc. The conversation is definitely D/s in style, but in everything we keep it so that we could easily revert to "normal" should we see someone we know.

Looking for opportunities is part of the fun. I've had her flash me in discreet spots in the grocery store; we did up-skirt photos trying on shoes in an empty shoe store, and the naughty pix in the storage building on display outside Lowe's late one night were great!

Gemma said...

That's kind of funny. "Cindy, ur.. I mean Joyce,---" The Lowe's storage building at night, that's brilliant.

bunnyhunch said...

Our relationship is very much based on mutual respect for each other, and I have appreciated all these years that DH would never, ever say anything whether we’re alone or in public that would humiliate, insult, or intentionally hurt me. Since we’ve begun this new phase in our lives however, and because I trust him completely, I am okay with DH talking rough to me, ordering me around, always in the context of hot sexual play. Some of the things he says & words he uses serve to create sexual tension and are reserved only for our marriage bed.

I, on the other hand, am extremely reluctant to talk in the same to him because I am likely to unintentionally say something in an inappropriate manner outside of our marriage bed. It’s not so much the words I might choose as much as the tone; I do not ever want to sound disrespectful to him or to appear to others to be a domineering wife. That is not a just-for-show thing; it’s real.

Gemma said...

bunnyhunch,

In my relationship with my dh, when we're alone he is free to dominate me mentally, verbally and sexually but I'm like you in that I would never treat my dh that way. It just would fly so totally against my submissive nature towards him. The way he treats me is always, ALWAYS in a loving manner but we both like for our relationship to be one way- him dominating, me being submissive. We both thrive on the structure of our relationship.

bunnyhunch said...

Recently I showed this thread to DH to read. As usual, there’s much excellent discussion on this topic, all worth reading.

I told him how important it is to me to have much more of the D/s relationship in our marriage bed. Like you, Gemma, & HWC, I fall into the category of strong women who want to be dominated, particularly in our sexual relationship, but also in our marriage in general. I thought I was pretty submissive 24/7, actually. However, after talking with DH about the whole concept, he brought up a few things… He’s okay with me wanting him to dominate more in our marriage bed, but also wants it to carry over into other things. Apparently I’ve taken his silence on certain subjects to be his approval of them. WRONG. He’s just chosen what & when to push in order to keep peace. Ouch. I have some serious work to do. If he’s going to truly dominate, I’ve got to let him, completely. Time management, money… yikes. I do not want to be the head, or even to appear as such. Want it much less in our marriage bed. The more I give him control over all things, the more control he is likely to take in our marriage bed. It will be difficult to relinquish control in certain areas, but worth it. Can I do it? What a challenge.

DH has been reading up D/s and more – things that go beyond what we think we’d be comfortable with, but it is all good for eliciting discussion & broadening our horizons. The whole process is fascinating for both of us. The only hesitancy I have is that our relationship is fantastic; I don’t want to lose what we have as we experiment with these new sexual adventures. For some reason I have a little bit of fear about it, yet love the idea of expanding our sexual dynamics and adding tension.

Dani said...

bh- my husband and i had a very, very similar conversation. i didn't know how often he didn't express his thoughts, just to avoid an arguement. Oh, ouch! But now that i am learning to let go and have him take control, we have both been so much happier. Of course, the new-ness is part of it, but it does amazing things to me. lol

Anyway, my husband wasn't sure about getting me a collar, even just a few weeks ago, but last night he came home with one! Things have changed for us quickly!

Gemma said...

Oh, my... am I encouraging all this interest in D/s, collar wearing, etc, etc.? You guys DO realize how new this all is for me, right? I mean, 2 1/2 years ago I never thought about such things. Now I think about them all the time. Ladies, do your dh's ask you what kind of freaky blog you're reading.. and who writes it? lol

bunnyhunch said...

Gemma: Ladies, do your dh's ask you what kind of freaky blog you're reading.. and who writes it? lol

YES & THANK YOU!!!! Ha ha. It's so great to be delving so deeply into new, erotic territory with our husbands, and be totally okay with it!

Thinking about it all the time keeps me on edge, always ready if he is. It also keeps me moving. Nothing has ever motivated me to exercise like thinking about sex. You know, since this awakening thing started, I've dropped 30 lbs.? It can be practical! lol

Dani said...

lol- Gemma, yes, you have been quite the inspiration! my husband loves your blog, and reads it almost as often as i do. And you have two years on us! i really hadn't thought about it at all until very, very recently and now we are diving in head first. Thanks for planting the seed!

bunnyhunch said...

We have dabbled a bit in D/s, but never thought of it quite as Master/slave. A similar dynamic takes over, though, when he puts blindfold on me – I immediately become totally submissive, unable to speak or go against anything he says. It’s not a planned reaction, just what I’ve found to happen, and it changes my being somehow. Yes, I suppose I do become his slave & he, my master.

If he was to want to take that dynamic outside the bedroom but still keep it in a sexual context, he knows I would be willing to do whatever he would ask, with few reservations. For instance, on work days, I’ve asked him to please not mess with my outer appearance in such a way that would make people I come in contact with question what is going on. It would be terribly awkward; thankfully he’d never put me in that position... I don't think he would... would he? Underneath – anything goes.

I loved the early months of my/our awakening when I simply could not get enough sex or drink in enough knowledge & new ideas – I was on sexual edge 24/7 & then some, and am still reveling in its glow. This new thing permeated everything I did, and it was very hard to concentrate and get through a work day for want of more. When DH takes over – dominates me – it is the same way. We have only done it thus far for an evening here and there; I’d LOVE to expand on this – I crave it. DH is game, but needs to build his confidence and knowledge, too – he likes to plan. So, plan away, I tell him. Just tell me when & I’ll be ready.

DH grew a Vandyke beard at my request a few weeks ago. He hasn’t had a beard/mustache in years, so it took some time for both of us to get used to. (I always loved it when he’d leave a 5 o’clock shadow, though.) What is great is that it gives my nice-guy husband a bad boy, edgy look – I can be taken aback by the looks he gives me sometimes. Whenever he gives me an order now, I’m almost afraid not to comply! It’s like having the man in my fantasies jump out into real life.

I’ve asked him to not be afraid to give orders more often – and to please not back down if I attempt to argue with him. I want to do this on purpose sometime, just to see how he handles it – will I get punished?

He hasn't demanded much so far. He's not interested in dictating my clothing, make-up, etc. but has forbidden me to wear panties on occasion, or told to take them off when in the car or restaurant. I'm curious to see where he takes this as he learns more and gets bolder.

He has suggested that sometime I get completely made up like a waiting/wanting whore, with loads of eye make-up, incl. fake lashes (he always complains about women wearing fake lashes IRL), bright red lipstick, maybe even red hair, & ultra-suggestive garb, but it's not an order - thus far. It could just be something I do to surprise him sometime. Now that I think of it, though, wouldn't a black leather collar be in order for such an occasion? If we were in an unfamiliar, big city, where we could be fully anonymous, it would be a thrill to pull it off.

Gemma said...

Ladies, all I can say here is that I'm glad your dh's are happy with your blog reading. I'd hate to think that I'm influencing wives in the wrong way ;-). But then in our marriage beds, we ARE all just a bunch of wayward hussies, whores, cumsluts... all for our husbands, lol. Isn't freedom in the marriage bed fun?

Tulipsanticipation said...

Upon first reading this blog and various comments I have to admit I was really turned off to it all.

But more and more I'm a bit intrigued. However, I can't really see my husband wanting to behave in this way, even if it was just occasionally for sexual play. All of the more "kinky" things we've done have all been at my initiating and I don't want to push him. Any ideas?

job29man said...

Ideas... yes.

As the wife you don't even need to ask him about it to test him. In the same way that you were turned off but later intrigued you could expect a similar reaction from him, but don't be discouraged. Persist.

What you can do is to start off with simple actions like come up to him and ask "How may I please you this morning?" See that's not overt D/s talk, just sounds like being considerate.

As time goes by you make the questions more overt. "I am at your service this morning. Do whatever you want with me."

"How may I serve you tonight my husband?"

"I'm the girl genie in the bottle you just found. That makes you my master tonight. Master what is your wish?"

See how these questions get bolder but don't make a huge leap?

After you establish the Genie in a bottle thing, the title "Master" would not seem so awkward, just more of the same game.

Later you could add the word Lord. Like "Tonight I feel like your servant in medieval England. That would make you my Lord. Lord how may I please you?"

After time you won't need the intros but will get more into it as he gets more used to it and indicates that he enjoys it.

Gemma said...

Job suggested saying: "I'm the girl genie in the bottle you just found. That makes you my master tonight. Master what is your wish?"

Gemma adds, (this is Gene pleading) "But Master, please don't make me go back in my bottle! I'll do anything you say."

job29man said...

I have a question for the submissive wives.

Have you ever gone out to a public place, maybe a city where nobody knows who you are, and just called your husband Master or Lord all evening, and simply not cared who heard you? Maybe out to dinner, or theater or window shopping?

It seems erotic to me. And I've been asking myself what the drawbacks could be. It's clean language, it's not showing body parts. It's just extra, extra respectful language, and it is even familiar to many people from reading English literature about bygone eras. I suppose if someone inquired you could even have a handy excuse like "Oh were are going to the Renaissance Festival soon and are just "getting into character". He is my Lord and I am his wench.

I suppose for that matter you could go to a Renaissance Fair and just be totally "out there" about it all day, even introducing him to others like...

"This is my Lord David. I am his servant girl Sally."

Hiswildcherry46 said...

job29man,

Will begin to incorporate your idea about slowly introducing master/slave speak into our sex life. Great plan. If I initiate this kind of love play, my husband will be fine with it because he loves me to feel free with him. Through many years of marriage, he knows he is safe with me and vice versa.

I shudder to think of the risk people take in a master/slave play setting. I need to feel utterly protected in my sexual expression. My husband protects me in the physical, mental and spiritual realm and often speaks of how safe we make each other because of our love. What a blessing and gift to each other.

bunnyhunch said...

DH and I have been talking a great deal about the logistics of following through with one of my fantasies. We've also been talking about incorporating more D/s into our marriage bed. Eventually our discussions started centering around how to combine the two. Bless his heart, DH decided it was time to go for it. I'm going to post more details on a TMB fantasy thread, so since this thread relates to the Master/slave theme, I'll try to keep those details short.

Friday morning before I got out of bed, DH handed me an envelope. In it were instructions and some cash. I was told where to be and when, what to wear - and to be prepared with an alias and life story. Essentially, I would be picked up by a tall, good-looking stranger in a hotel bar that evening, and I'd better be prepared.

Being strangers, we wouldn't know each other's names. He and I each had to come up with an alias, to be used for the rest of the evening. Those aliases will be used from then on for other trysts. It actually worked very well; we both stayed in character all evening.

When the time came for sex - because of course, that was the point - his key line was "Do you trust me enough to..." In this it was to put a blindfold on me, but his intention is to use that line in subsequent trysts to get me into D/s activities. His alter-ego was so smooth, my alter-ego fell for it all hook line and sinker.
The next time we (the fake us) get together, dinner will be my treat, and he'll be bringing up some of the things he'd like to try. The fake me will be delighted to oblige.

I like how we have chosen to use totally different characters as an entrance to a totally different world, exploring sexual adventures that are a little out of our IRL selves.

Gemma said...

Job said: "Have you ever gone out to a public place, maybe a city where nobody knows who you are, and just called your husband Master or Lord all evening, and simply not cared who heard you? Maybe out to dinner, or theater or window shopping?"

Not yet, Job, but we're working up to that. GR did make me call him "Master" the other day while we were in the kitchen. One dd was in the next room on the phone and nobody was in the kitchen so I guess that doesn't count like addressing him that way in front of others. But that is something we'd like to eventually be comfortable doing.

Gemma said...

bunnyhunch, I enjoyed reading about your fantasy scene. Have you and dh done any others that you can share?

bunnyhunch said...

Not yet. We're still exploring this one. In fact, we're on for a date tomorrow afternoon & overnight... I can't wait to find out what he has in mind. Saturday is my birthday. What a way to celebrate! BTW - We have even set up separate email accounts for our alter-egos, and they do communicate from time to time.

I need to get back to writing about it again.