Tuesday, August 11, 2009

A Couple of Quick Notes

If you look at my list entitled "Books From My Home Library" in the right sidebar, near the bottom, you will see that I have some 6-7 new books on the list marked with the word *NEW* written after them. Just wanted to mention that for those interested in knowing what my brain feeds on to get it the way it is (ie, quirky). IOW- Read at your own risk ;-).

For those interested in "slave" jewelry--

GR and I wanted to get me a slave chain link collar with a padlock. The ones we saw on the internet ran from $12-20, which we were willing to pay but we decided to make one instead.

So this evening we went shopping at Lowe's and found a really cool stainless steel chain (no rusting) that we felt was perfect so we purchased the length we needed. Then we found this teeny tiny black and silver padlock with the word "MASTER" written on it. How appropriate for the brand name since this collar signifies GR being my master.

Total cost of this piece of jewelry-- $6. I love the look but I had to tease GR after we purchased the stuff, "Big spender you are on my jewelry, huh?" We plan on purchasing more materials from Lowe's and Home Depot in the future for other homemade marriage bed items.

117 comments:

Dani said...

i picked up Master/slave by Morley, hot stuff. i love it.

Gemma said...

Yes, it is hot stuff. It's always a difficult choice in deciding whether I want to read a story from the fem sub POV or if I want to flip the book over and read a story from the male dom POV. It's fun to be able to alternate reading between the two POV's.. from the two ends of the book.

so blessed said...

So where would you anticipate wearing this new slave collar, Gemma? Is it something for public view? Just curious.

Gemma said...

I will be wearing it in our bedroom, when we go on dates and when just the two of us go away alone. It has a definite "hardware chain" look to it because of the large size of the metal links so it probably wouldn't be confused with regular jewelry, however, at the same time it also could be viewed as regular jewelry with a 'kink' to it. I know, it sounds like I'm contradicting myself but it's hard to describe.

Maybe this will help. Here are a couple of photos that look similar to what we made:

http://www.bdsmstore.com/productcart/pc/product859.asp

http://www.leatheretc.com/Merchant2/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Product_Code=3646&Category_Code=Bondage_Collar&Product_Count=5

Ancient Mariner said...

This is a great idea! My wife loves jewelry, so each Christmas I shell out a lot of money buying rings and necklaces. She never wears them for long, because she says they get in the way when she is doing housework. I just may get her a dressy choker with a link for attaching a leash. That way, she won't have excuses to not wear it, and I will have my collar...

Gemma said...

If you really want to attach a usable leash to a choker, you want to make sure the choker is strong or else the choker, the leash or both will break when you use it. The slave chain we made is extremely strong. Have you been wanting your wife to wear a collar, AM?

Ancient Mariner said...

Gemma:
Not at all. I am not an original thinker in these matters ;-) After reading this topic, the thought popped into my head unbidden! I have been frustrated that she seldom wears the expensive rings and necklaces, so we will go "downmarket" and see what happens.

Gemma said...

Well you certainly can't get more "downmarket" than a $6 slave chain collar made from hardware materials lol, but if you're wanting something more dressy, just know that it probably won't be strong enough for leash use.

Mark 9:24 said...

Gemma,

Very Arts and Crafty of you and GR.
When I 1st read your blog post I wondered "Where at Lowes did they find a lock that said MASTER on it?"
Then I remembered the MASTER brand of locks.
D'oh!
Now all you ned to find is the SLAVE brand of locks! ;-)

Mark

Gemma said...

Yep, it was the Master brand of locks. Truth be known, the padlock on my slave chain collar was the only one at Lowe's which was the in the small size we were wanting. At first I was bummed out at the slim pickings of small padlocks but then I thought, "Oh, what the heck. My master owns me so why shouldn't my collar have the owners name on it?" LOL

While we were at Lowe's, my dh did mention that we might be able to find a plain padlock without writing on it at Target's luggage department. If we decide to change padlocks to a plain one, that will be no biggie.

so blessed said...

A nice addition to your slave chain collar would be a slave bell anklet. The bells constantly make a light, tinkling sound as you walk and with every step you both are reminded of what you are!

Gemma said...

So is that something that can easily be "homemade" or if I need to buy it, where is a good online source to purchase one? It sounds like something I'd like.

Btw-- We're at a hotel right now and when the (younger than I) waiter came to our table to take our breakfast order he made a comment, "Oh, you have a lock on your necklace. That's cute!" I had forgot that I was wearing it.

Hiswildcherry46 said...

Gemma, that was the best laugh I have had for a while. Even funnier that the young guy was cool with it. Kudos.

Soblessed, another idea is pierced earrings with tiny bells on them which tinkle as the woman moves. Her man can hear them if close and she can enjoy the potent reminder of her desire for her man!

Gemma said...

GR and I did kind of laugh about it when the waiter wasn't around. Every time he came to the table I noticed him eyeballing my 'slave chain and giving us these "I-know-what-you-guys-do" looks with a smile, lol.

job29man said...

I hope GR left him a really good tip!

Gemma said...

Yes, as a matter of fact he did. Why?

job29man said...

Because the waiter didn't make you feel weird or uncomfortable. He just went with the flow of his guests. That was pretty cool of him, so your evening was more enjoyable that way! Good man.

Gemma said...

Ah, I see. Yep, he was tipped well.

so blessed said...

Gemma, you can just do a Google search for Slave bell anklet" and find several places that sell them. Here is a quick one that I found: http://www.intimateaccents.com/details/Accessories/SOA110detail.htm

If you like Ebay, I have also seen them on there. Not really expensive unless you go sterling silver, but they add a really nice touch to an erotic evening out!

bunnyhunch said...

Love the restaurant story, Gemma!

Ancient Mariner said...

Well, I just ordered my wife's slave collar. It is a dressy black leather one with a D-ring, so she should be able to wear it anywhere. I am now looking for a pendant I can attach to it and put my picture in. To the uninitiated, it will declare my wife's undying love for me. To those in the know, however, it will say: HANDS OFF! This wench is owned!

When I measured her neck before placing the order, she was curious as to what I was doing. I just told her it was none of her business, and she stopped asking! Curious...

bunnyhunch said...

We were just talking tonight about the whole idea of wearing a slave collar or jewelry with similar meaning. He said it didn't do anything for him; I said it would only do something for me if it did something for him. Since it doesn't, I won't be wearing any but... I have to admit, I am oddly jealous!

Gemma said...

Mariner,

Aren't you going to tell us which collar you ordered or... is it a secret?

Gemma said...

BH,

If you had asked my dh as recent as 6 months ago if my wearing a collar did anything for him, he probably would have said "not at all". But my dh and I are changing so much in our relationship, in a good way. I'm not saying that one day your dh will want you to wear a collar because that may not happen but we never know what the future holds.

bunnyhunch said...

Quite right, Gemma. He never thought stilettos would do anything for him either, yet a light bulb turned on the first time he saw me in them. Now every time I put them on, there's a cocky grin and funny look in his eye... He knows & likes what they mean. ;-)

It is very possible that as we explore this new sexual realm, it will be HIS idea to get one after all.

Dani said...

lol- love the story, too, Gemma.

i was looking at the collars you had on your wish list a few weeks ago and my husband asked me if i wanted one. i said i did and he wasn't so sure, but after a few weeks of playing with Ds, i was so excited that he came home with a new collar for me last night!

Ancient Mariner said...

Oh, sorry. Never thought to link to it. Here it is:

(http://www.bdsmstore.com/productcart/pc/product256.asp)

It is an understated black leather one, and looks conservative enough to be worn everywhere. I am not sure if the ring is gold or silver-looking, so I will wait for it to arrive before I get the locket.

I looked at a lot of them before settling on this one. Many of them were too "out there" for us first-timers.

Gemma said...

On a guess, I would say that the collar is probably going to be trimmed in a silver metal rather than a gold metal. What type of locket do you plan to get for it? Do you have links for ideas of lockets you're wanting?

What type of leash will you be buying? At first I thought I'd want a leather leash but the more I thought about it, I decided that a silver chain leash with a black leather "handle" would look more like jewelry as opposed to a leash draping down between my breasts from the collar ring. I'm getting a 2 1/2 ft leash rather than a longer one.

Ancient Mariner said...

I am thinking of a round locket, something which looks like regular jewelry. I am clueless where to look, though. I will search the internet tonight.

I like the look of metal leashes. They have that "dungeony" industrial look. The heavier the chain links, the better, up to a point (not as heavy as my boat anchor chain, but heavy.) Plus, I like the sound chains make! It will be the same "color" as the locket and the O-ring. Do you have a (web) link for the leash? And why only 2.5 ft? That seems short.

Gemma said...

I also like the look of metal leashes. The 2.5- 3 ft. length is great because it basically extends from the collar to just past the fingertips. Hence, the length won't be so obvious in spring/summer... it can look like arm/hand jewelry... and then in fall/winter, the 2.5 ft. leash length can easily be "hidden" underneath long sleeved clothing or jackets/coats. This lends itself well to being more discreet. If you go with the longer 4 ft. leash lengths, it's harder to "hide" it if you run into people you know who would not understand. Obviously, if hiding it is not an issue for you, then you can easily go with any length.

Links for chain leashes:

http://www.leatheretc.com/Merchant2/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Product_Code=3005-Black&Category_Code=Leashes&Product_Count=1

http://www.bdsmstore.com/productcart/pc/product264.asp

so blessed said...

Would this be of interest to any of you ladies?

http://www.shanalogic.com/item.php?item_id=498

Gemma said...

The heart padlock choker is similar to what my dh and I made with a length of chain and a regular padlock from Lowe's. Personally, the heart shape is a little too cutesy for my taste but that's just me. If I purchased the choker it would be for a younger person-- high school or college age. I'm not saying a wife couldn't wear it. It's really all about your personal preference.

so blessed said...

Just saw it; thought it might interest some as a cross-over piece for those who still want to be very discreet. If you wear it backwards, it is a flat heart pendant since the keyhole won't show.

Gemma said...

Yes, it would serve as a cross-over piece for those who don't mind wearing hearts :-).

bunnyhunch said...

I'm not one to wear cutesy things either, but it does seem like a pretty good cross-over piece.

I might be uncomfortable wearing a black leather choker while in nearby towns, where I know people, but would be willing to wear something like this on a D/s night. Otherwise no way.

But - Now you've got me thinking. If DH & I could design & make something for the same purpose that wouldn't be "cutesy", that'd be just about perfect. I have a good-sized piece of sterling silver just waiting to be made into something. I was saving it to make a ring, but maybe creating our own charm, our own symbol instead - that's sounding like an excellent idea. The meaning would be completely private while the charm itself an attractive piece of jewelry.

Thanks for stirring up my creative juices, SB & Gemma! Time to start drawing.

Ancient Mariner said...

Gemma, thanks for the chain links (excuse the double entendre). Those chains look a little on the light side, though. Perhaps I should pay a visit to my local chandlery...

Gemma said...

I haven't really searched much for chain leashes. I found those 2 links at a quick search. There may be some out there there have heavier chains.

Hiswildcherry46 said...

Bunnyhunch, I am with you on the velvet choker. I think I could go for a sterling silver, long length chain for a leash. Haven't figured out the handle yet.

My husband is not into the master/slave thinking at all BUT I have noticed a glint in his eye when I mention wearing a collar and leash for him ;-)

However, he has always called me his sex goddess, even when I was heavy with child or nursing, with breasts the size of watermelons! Darling man.

In the sex goddess vein, I could change things up a bit for a date night! I have a sterling silver, harem styled, hip skirt which he has been wanting me to wear.

Maybe I will add a request for a slave anklet, slave bracelet and velvet choker/silver chain to complete the outfit.

Now to get up the courage to do my belly dance routine, which I took classes for, a while ago. Nail biter for me. Have to, have to, have to keep my gym routine going to wear all of this with wildcherry confidence!

Mark 9:24 said...

Gemma,

Does GR keep the key to your slave collar when you are wearing it?

Mark

Gemma said...

Yes, GR keeps a key on his keychain. When we were leaving the hotel he teased me and told me he wanted me to come back to the house with it still on, where the girls would see it but I talked him out of it. I don't think our girls need to see it.. not now.. maybe in a few yrs but not now.

Mark 9:24 said...

Gemma,

If you did get a lock with nothing written on it would you engrave "slave" on it?

Mark

Gemma said...

I might not have that engraved. I'm not sure how we'd handle that if we ran into someone we knew while out on a date with me wearing a lock with "slave" written on it. Ideas?

Gemma said...

Mark, would your wife wear a lock with "slave" on it?

Mark 9:24 said...

Gemma,

Jean would wear a lock that says slave if I wanted her to.
(keep in mind that we're still working out way back into a D/s relationship)

I find it interesting that GR was teasing you about wearing your slave collar home for your DD's to see.
I think he's happy and even "proud" of you being his slave and he wants to show you off.

Mark

Gemma said...

Yes, GR seems pretty pleased with himself now having a slave wife, lol.

Gemma said...

This is a new side of him that he's enjoying. He doesn't really want the girls to see it. He was just teasing about that. We were leaving the hotel and I asked him, "Are you going to unlock me so I can take this off before we leave?" And he teasingly says, "No, I want you to keep it on."

Mark 9:24 said...

Gemma said...

I might not have that engraved. I'm not sure how we'd handle that if we ran into someone we knew while out on a date with me wearing a lock with "slave" written on it. Ideas?



How about having SLAVE engraved on one side, and you could wear it backwards so people couldn't see it.

Unless you wanted then to see it. ;-)

Mark

Gemma said...

Ah, there's an idea. We might do that. But where to find a tiny padlock like the size of the "master" one we have now? GR said he thought Target might carry small locks near their luggage. Not sure where else we'd find them?

Mark 9:24 said...

Gemma said...

Yes, GR seems pretty pleased with himself now having a slave wife, lol.


A lot of husbands would be as well! ;-)

Mark

Mark 9:24 said...

Gemma,

Walmart or Target may sell generic locks

Mark

bunnyhunch said...

Gemma, try this site:
http://www.allpadlocks.com

I've looked through some of the locks. They come in lots of sizes.

Gemma said...

Thanks Mark and BH. I'll check them out.

bunnyhunch said...

Look at these! They're not all that small, but man, would they get the point across! I'd LOVE to have one of these... maybe not around my neck, but... where?
http://www.save-on-crafts.com/anrepafr3eat.html

Mark 9:24 said...

Great links bunnyhunch. :-)

Gemma said...

Yes, I love those locks, BH.

bunnyhunch said...

Thanks, Mark. Gemma, I hope you've found the links helpful.

DH doesn't like the idea of me wearing a padlock on a choker, necklace, but does like me to wear a necklace when we're out together or even during sex. On a spontaneous fantasy tryst yesterday & today (will post about it on a different thread), I started brainstorming & drawing, trying to come up with a design for a pendant which will be a symbol that stands for our D/s relationship, something that means I'm his in every way when it's around my neck, yet be lovely to look at, even sensuous. Then again, it may be sharp-edged & more authoritative... don't know yet. But it's been fun to explore different ideas, getting Mr. BH's input along the way. I need to do a lot more drawing, but it is a fun concept to deal with. Can't wait to go from concept to creation!

Mark 9:24 said...

Gemma,

I found these on the 1st link bunnyhunch posted.

http://www.allpadlocks.com/ez-catalog/X380790/117/A3825

http://www.allpadlocks.com/ez-catalog/X380790/117/A3838

Mark

bunnyhunch said...

Looks good to me. It would be interesting to engrave it rustically with the word 'slave' done at an angle (adds tension), rather than to have a professional do it with perfectly uniform letters, wouldn't it? You could do it yourself. Maybe you know someone with an etcher/engraver, such as a Dremel.

Hiswildcherry46 said...

Can't get this stuff off my mind!

I turned green with envy as I read all of these posts. Our sex life gets better and better but still, I want more. He does, too. YYYEEAAAHHH.

Began to speak the D/s speak this weekend and had a few fun moments when I was able to feel my husband's dominant streak REALLY take hold of him. So freaking exciting.

For a so-called, professing, non-visual guy (since turning 50!), I have been noticing him openly lusting after me with his eyes. Would have scared me before last year, but I crave his lusting looks more than ever, now.

Wildcherry talk to self : The most important aspect of all is the communication between spouses as to the likes and desires of one to the other. Answer : Yes, we are sharing and listening to each other. All good.

One step at a time.

bunnyhunch said...

HWC: For a so-called, professing, non-visual guy (since turning 50!), I have been noticing him openly lusting after me with his eyes. Would have scared me before last year, but I crave his lusting looks more than ever, now.

One step at a time.


HWC, it looks like you've taken one GIANT step. Good for you! Enjoy those looks.

I made mention to DH today that perhaps his DW has gotten a bit too raunchy. Did he mind? I loved the look in his eyes & his huge grin - no, he doesn't mind, & he'd be fine if she got a little more so. 'Tis good to see him so happy.

bunnyhunch said...

In doing research for designing a pendant, I googled "slave symbols." A lot of interesting information came up, including of course much BDSM stuff, incl. custom jewelry, though none of it appealed to me. Then I got on this site: http://www.thechinesesymbol.com/chinese-symbols/for-I.html. I think the symbol is perfect. Beautiful and states exactly what I'd want it to say, that I am my DH's concubine, his woman slave.

Next I found a site that makes pendants with Chinese symbols on them: http://www.sorellajewelry.com/chinese-character-pendants2-s/112.htm The jewelry's style is exactly what I like - sleek, classy and beautiful to look at. DH likes the concept, too. I thought maybe I'd just check into buying from them instead of making it. Two problems: this company doesn't make the concubine symbol (maybe custom work), and even if they did, it would be $200 bucks.

Since I already have the silver I still think it makes sense to do it myself. I'd just have to get a few more supplies. It would be a very rewarding project. I may also check into seeing what it would cost to have a local custom jeweler make it for me.

It certainly doesn't have the naughtiness factor that leather, chains, & padlocks do, but DH doesn't like that idea. I like the idea of having something symbolic, so this could be it. What do you think?

Gemma said...

There's no such thing as a wife being too raunchy, bunnyhunch. Our husbands revel in our raunchiness, lol.

Gemma said...

Mark said: "Gemma, Walmart or Target may sell generic locks."

This morning I measured my lock. It's about 1 inch tall. The "loop" part on top is silver and the rest is mostly black with the name "MASTER" written on it. It's really a nice lock but I may find another that we can get "SLAVE" put on it on only one side. That way I can wear it in public without others reading the writing on it.

so blessed said...

Gemma -

Here is a line of small padlocks with a smooth brass face that could probably be engraved:

http://www.1st-in-padlocks.com/masterlock-economy-c-12_65_67.html

Gemma said...

Thanks for posting the link for plain padlocks, so blessed. The only problem I have with it... and maybe it isn't a problem... is that my collar is stainless steel and these padlocks are brass. I'm not so sure how the total look would be.

Mark 9:24 said...

Hiswildcherry46 said...

Can't get this stuff off my mind!


That has been happening to me too as DW and I have been getting back into D/s. ;-)

For a so-called, professing, non-visual guy (since turning 50!), I have been noticing him openly lusting after me with his eyes. Would have scared me before last year, but I crave his lusting looks more than ever, now.


Isn't that the way it's supposed to be between a husband and wife? :-)

Wildcherry talk to self : The most important aspect of all is the communication between spouses as to the likes and desires of one to the other. Answer : Yes, we are sharing and listening to each other. All good.


One thing that many often find surprising as they explore D/s is how much it opens up communication.
For D/s to be successful requires a LOT of communication and trust.

One step at a time.

DW reminded me of this last night, as we are working our way back into D/s. I needed this since my emotions want to dive head first into the deep end. ;-)


Mark

Mark 9:24 said...

bunnyhunch said...
I made mention to DH today that perhaps his DW has gotten a bit too raunchy. Did he mind? I loved the look in his eyes & his huge grin - no, he doesn't mind, & he'd be fine if she got a little more so. 'Tis good to see him so happy.


Raunchy wives......
WHOOOO HOOOOO ;-)

IMHO ALL, wives s/b ranchy with thier hubbys. ;-)

Mark

Mark 9:24 said...

bunnyhunch said...
In doing research for designing a pendant, I googled "slave symbols." A lot of interesting information came up, including of course much BDSM stuff, incl. custom jewelry, though none of it appealed to me. Then I got on this site: http://www.thechinesesymbol.com/chinese-symbols/for-I.html. I think the symbol is perfect. Beautiful and states exactly what I'd want it to say, that I am my DH's concubine, his woman slave.


That is so perfect bunnyhunch!

I love it!

....I like the idea of having something symbolic, so this could be it. What do you think?

Hey. I said I Love it. What else do you want? ;-)

Mark

Mark 9:24 said...

Gemma said...
...It's really a nice lock but I may find another that we can get "SLAVE" put on it on only one side. That way I can wear it in public without others reading the writing on it.


That's a good idea, but I wonder, would it fool anyone since you are wearing a padlock?

Maybe it's my "dirty" mind but if I saw a woman with a chain and lock around her neck I would KNOW that she was owned.
But maybe that's just me.
In the vanilla world it may just slip by them.

Mark

Mark 9:24 said...

Gemma,

At the site bunnyhnch posted I found this lock that is not brass:

http://www.1st-in-padlocks.com/abus-38-series-c-8_78_11.html

Mark

Gemma said...

Mark said: "Maybe it's my "dirty" mind but if I saw a woman with a chain and lock around her neck I would KNOW that she was owned."

Yeah I know. My dirty mind wouldn't be fooled either ;-). Maybe I should just leave well enough alone for now. I'm good with the chain collar and padlock like it is. Besides, I'm trying to carve out some time to get a few more bedroom items and books ordered.

Ancient Mariner said...

Question for the group: I am trying to decide between a 1 1/4 inch diameter and a 1 3/4 inch diameter locket, leaning towards the larger one. Does anyone have experience with lockets and their various sizes?

job29man said...

Funny, I wouldn't have a clue about the "darker" meaning of a lock and chain! I'd think it was some "latest fad" kind of mock jewelry thing and that it would disappear in a few years.

I'm sooooo naive that way! (rolls eyes) even though I usually think I'm pretty "clued in", I'm clueless about this stuff!

Mark 9:24 said...

job29man said...

Funny, I wouldn't have a clue about the "darker" meaning of a lock and chain!


Job, just curious, but why would you consider this "darker"?

Mark
(This thread sure is getting long!)

Hiswildcherry46 said...

Fascinating reading. Your site rox, Gemma.

Interesting quiz of job29man, by Mark, on what has been subconsciously bugging me since this thread started.

My kids rib the heck out of me for my so-called 'dirty mind'. I realize more every day how sexually oriented I am. What else motivates us in life, for real? Yes, of course, my relationship with God drives me towards becoming more Christ-like but in my marriage, sexual intimacy with my husband occupies my mind all day long...literally.

I have noticed that I have been struggling with expanding my sexual appetite for fear of going over to the darker side of sexuality. I stand on the shore of the careful side of my sexual, adventure bridge!

Why do I consider the master/slave subject dark? Heck, good girls don't go there, EVER. Yep, not girl anymore but full-fledged woman yet deeply ingrained training is hard to eradicate.

I spend much time researching sexuality. The subject fascinates me as I am a people person to the max. The darker side of sexual behaviour has always intrigued me but scared me at the same time. The control and loss of control factor is most intimidating for me.

I admit that I have coupled D/s with s and m bondage. Hard for me to separate the two.

Whatya'llthink?

job29man said...

I don't mean "evil", but "secret". You know like maybe that's not where the girl just likes to keep her bicycle lock!

job29man said...

HWC and Gemma,

I got online yesterday and did a little looking around at "christian" (HA!) sex sites concerning BDSM. It was ... bad!

They were justifying all manner of evil.

I'm just cautioning everyone to be very careful and not get carried away here. There IS a dark side. Don't go there.

so blessed said...

HWC wrote: "I have noticed that I have been struggling with expanding my sexual appetite for fear of going over to the darker side of sexuality. I stand on the shore of the careful side of my sexual, adventure bridge! . . . What ya'll think?"

HWC I love your adventurous spirit and your obvious hunger for your DH. Here is what I think: In dealing with issues like this where your up-bringing has had a strong impact on your thinking, you need to go back to the basic root question; "Is this OK with God?", because that is what really matters. Try this series of questions:

Is this practice identified as sin in Scripture? If yes, then don't cross that bridge. (TMB has a good article summarizing sexual sin on their home page)

Will it be harmful to either of us? If yes, then don't cross that bridge.

Will this practice strengthen the bond of marriage between DH and DW, and thereby bring glory to God as others watch our relationship? If yes, then . . . (where's that flashing red light emoticon???)

You do need to expand your horizons slowly, asking about each new possible adventure, "Is this pleasing to God?" If Scripture is silent on the matter, and it edifies your marriage, then delve in prayerfully. And feel free to enjoy your new-found freedoms so long as your conscience is not checked by the Holy Spirit for correction.

Gemma said...

Job said: "... did a little looking around at "christian" (HA!) sex sites concerning BDSM. It was ... bad! They were justifying all manner of evil."

You're going to find evil at most sites both Christian and non where BDSM is discussed. That just goes with the territory. It's the same thing with books. If you want to read books that discuss D/s you almost always have to sift through the BDSM books to find the D/s stuff.

If a person can't handle that then I'd say "stay away from it". Personally, it doesn't bother me. I can read online or book information and keep the baby while throwing out the bath water.

Hiswildcherry46 said...

Thank you for the food for thought, so blesssed. Read the TMB info. Concise and helpful. I will make a list of your questions and make them a part of my Holy Spirit infused, sexual compass. I appreciate your insight and encouragement.

Thank you, job29man, for taking the risk for some of us. You're a gentleman. BDSM scares the cr..p out of me. Can't even handle researching it. I have spent many years developing children and appreciating innocence so I find it repulsive to take any devious, sexual behaviour lightly.

Thank you, Gemma, for a candid presentation of your own preferences whilst providing space for your readers to pursue their own paths. I have had the courage to check out some of your new book listings but do so in small chunks! I love your generous heart as you monitor this blog.

bunnyhunch said...

SB: HWC I love your adventurous spirit and your obvious hunger for your DH. Here is what I think: In dealing with issues like this where your up-bringing has had a strong impact on your thinking, you need to go back to the basic root question; "Is this OK with God?", because that is what really matters.

SB, like HWC I still struggle with wanting to both break past sexual boundaries, and to know that we're not going past God-given ones. I still ask DH, "Is this really okay?" We are on a wonderful new adventure, one that I believe is blessing our marriage. Thank you for the advice you gave HWC; it is good and helpful to me as well.

I cannot tell you how much I appreciate all the suggestions, advice, wisdom, ideas, inspiration, etc. I/we've gotten from all of you who post here. It has been invaluable.

Signed: Suddenly Sappy

Mark 9:24 said...

job29man said...

I don't mean "evil", but "secret".


Ahhh. I see!

You know like maybe that's not where the girl just likes to keep her bicycle lock!

LOL. Good one!

Mark

Mark 9:24 said...

Hiswildcherry46 said...
....
My kids rib the heck out of me for my so-called 'dirty mind'. I realize more every day how sexually oriented I am.


You know, even though I used the term "dirty mind" too, there actually isn't anything dirty about it at all, since it's all directed towards our spouse. :-)

but in my marriage, sexual intimacy with my husband occupies my mind all day long...literally.

Your husband is a blessed man!

I have noticed that I have been struggling with expanding my sexual appetite for fear of going over to the darker side of sexuality. I stand on the shore of the careful side of my sexual, adventure bridge!

Come to the Dark Side! Ignore that troll under the bridge and cross it. ;-)

Why do I consider the master/slave subject dark? Heck, good girls don't go there, EVER.

You're right. Good girls don't.

Yep, not girl anymore but full-fledged woman yet deeply ingrained training is hard to eradicate.

But a woman can!
To quote Yoda, "You must unlearn what you have learned".

The control and loss of control factor is most intimidating for me.

And yet, it can be the most exciting and liberating thing about all this.

I admit that I have coupled D/s with s and m bondage. Hard for me to separate the two.

Even when DW and I were much more into D/s years ago, we never EVER touched S&M. We just won't go there. We did play with bondage, but you can be into D/s and not into bondage play and visa-versa.

Mark

Mark 9:24 said...

Job,

You re right. So called "Christian BDSM" sites can be dangerous.
Specifically the S&M side.
I have always Hated the term BDSM.

However D/s doesn't have to have anything to do with S&M or BDSM at all.

Like Gemma said, there is a lot of mess that often has to be waded through to separate out the D/s from the BDSM sites and content.

Mark

Mark 9:24 said...

bunnyhunch said...
SB, like HWC I still struggle with wanting to both break past sexual boundaries, and to know that we're not going past God-given ones. I still ask DH, "Is this really okay?" We are on a wonderful new adventure, one that I believe is blessing our marriage. Thank you for the advice you gave HWC; it is good and helpful to me as well.


This has prompted me to post two messages below that were once posted to a Christian forum years ago.
I did not write it, but it is a acutare replection of how I have always approached D/s.

It was titled:
D/s Marriage vs. Biblical Marriage
------------------------

When I first read this subject line I thought, "There is no
difference; a Biblical marriage is a D/s marriage." Then again, not
all D/s marriages are Biblical. For example, you can have female
dominated ("FemDomme") marriages which are D/s but not Biblical.
Likewise not all D/s marriage are among believers and thus are not
Christ-honoring or Biblical. But since marriage was designed by God
to be a reflection of Christ and the Church, all Biblical marriages
are D/s. Now *HOW* that D/s plays out is another matter; one which
may vary somewhat from couple to couple. Did you have specific
questions about some aspect?

===============================================

From a purely relational standpoint, there would have been little need
for such a group until recent decades; the headship of the husband and
submission of the wife according to Scripture was assumed since the
earliest days of Judaism and throughout Christianity until the last
century. In recent decades, however, the onslaught of feminism,
humanism and an fashionably anti-male culture has brought the church
to the point where headship is no longer taught in many circles. In
theological terms, the traditional D/s position is called
"complementarian" because of the understanding that that men and women
fulfill different (but equal) complimentary roles. The other side is
called "egalitarian" and they stress (among other things) that men and
women have interchangeable roles in every area of life, with neither
gender having any headship over the other. In more vulgar terms, the
complimentarians think of the egalitarians as evil feminists, while
the egalitarians things of the complimentarians as evil sexists from a
bygone era of oppression. The battle between the two is one of the
most divisive issues in Christianity today.

The battle began in the early part of the last century and took root
in two areas: mainstream Protestantism (Presbyterian, Lutheran, etc.)
and most branches of Pentecostalism. Today, any of today's
"mainstream" Evangelical churches either reject the headship of the
husband or timidly teach it in hushed, embarrassed voices. As early
feminism TV Mary Tyler Moore has morphed into male-mocking Everybody
Loves Raymond and the Lilith fair, the church, too, has gone from
female-friendly to overtly feminized.

The egalitarian answer to your question ("the difference between
[D/s] and a biblically-based marriage") would be, "in a Biblical
marriage the husband and wife submit to one another according to
Ephesians 5:21, with neither having any gender right to rule over the
other." In other words, they'd say "D/s" and "Biblical" are mutually
exclusive...at least nowadays.

There really is no reconciling the two sides.

Hiswildcherry46 said...

Phew, just fried my dear, little brain Mark 9:24...better let that sit for a while and digest it all. Awesome food for thought. Big thanx. Will go think!

Gemma said...

Wild Cherry: "BDSM scares the cr..p out of me. Can't even handle researching it."

WC,

Don't let that keep you in fear. You can play with D/s all you want without fooling with BDSM. There are a number of sites which don't have photos and they are very informative. Otherwise, I find that reading my books works well especially:

*The Loving Dominant, Warren and *Different Loving, Brame

Both books are chock full of ideas from which you can pick and choose.

Oh, and don't overlook books by Shmuley Boteach. I have a copy of his book: "The Kosher Sutra: 8 Sacred Secrets for Reigniting Desire and Restoring Passion for Life". He's a Jewish Rabbi who has keen insights into sexual passion.

Gemma said...

HWC said: "Why do I consider the master/slave subject dark? Heck, good girls don't go there, EVER."

Is that your marriage bed goal, to be a good girl for your husband? My goal is to be as bad as bad can be for my husband ;-). Besides, being bad for my husband IS being a good girl for my marriage bed... so there!

Gemma said...

Mark, thanks for posting your "D/s Marriage vs. Biblical Marriage" article. Can you share some of your own thoughts about it? Did you first read it years ago or was it that you found it recently but it was written years ago?

bunnyhunch said...

Gemma, I plan to get the two D/s books you've mentioned. DH & I recently read the Boteach book. It's probably a subject for another thread or another time, but I'm very curious what your thoughts are on his book. We got the most meat out of the last chapter or two; we didn't find the rest particularly useful. Another discussion perhaps?

I second the idea of being a 'bad girl' for our husbands. It has been a thrill to see DH respond to my newfound sense of freedom in our marriage bed. The more open I become, the more adventurous he feels he can can be, since he no longer worries about me nixing his ideas.

Hiswildcherry46 said...

Hey Gemma,
You go girl. Meouw.

I have made it a goal to begin to look through your book list. I have heard of that particular rabbi and was interested in what I read of him.

I learn primarily by reading so will dig in.

My darling is busy providing food for all of us so trusts me in my research. We have great conversations about my latest fun finds! Most discoveries spice up our bed.

Funny enough, I joked with my husband yesterday about being HIS BAD GIRL. I am too spicy to be a good girl so I hereby hang up my hat in that arena....hmmmm, Friday night is going to be so much fun! He looks forward to my crazies after slogging at work all week.

Gemma said...

bunnyhunch said: "Gemma, I plan to get the two D/s books you've mentioned."

BH,

If you get the books "The Loving Dominant" by Warren and "Different Loving" by Brame... just know ahead of time that you can learn so much about D/s from them but they also contain quite a bit of BDSM info. You just have to apply the baby/bath water concept while you read these books.

bunnyhunch said...

Thanks for the heads up. DH would rather I not buy them but borrow them, but of course they're not in our public library.

Gemma said...

bunnyhunch, have you see Rabbi Shmuley's site? http://www.shmuley.com/

Gemma said...

bunnyhunch, you can always do like I did. Before buying the 2 books I ordered them from my local Barnes & Noble and when they came in, I was able to view them in the store without committing to purchase. Of course, I did end up buying them anyway because I liked what I saw.

bunnyhunch said...

That's an excellent idea. It will be a couple of weeks before I can go, but it's something to look forward to.

No, I haven't been on his site yet. Thanks for the reminder. Do you and GR ever read books together? Boteach's book, if nothing else, got some good conversation going. I took notes & might start a discussion on it next door. You know, on TMB. ;-)

Gemma said...

With his job, GR's away from the home M-F, ~11 hours per day, from 7am through 5:30-6pm. He's on call every few weeks for phone consultations and the calls usually do come in on nights and weekends. We have 2 college kids who both live home and commute and still need parental guidance. Besides keeping up house repairs GR also does most of our car maintenance for our 3 cars. (He'll be replacing some parts on dd's car for a few hours this weekend.) So our personal time is already very limited, as you can see ;-). His free reading time is much more limited than mine but we do what we can for reading and discussing books. Obviously, I love to read but our main priority is to keep our time freed for frequent, passionate sex. Reading these books is secondary, lol.

so blessed said...

Another 100-comment thread going here, Gemma?

Gemma said...

It does seem to be a popular thread, 'so blessed'. Some threads die young and others like this one live to a ripe old age ;-).

Mark 9:24 said...

Hey, I'm back folks. Been having a very busy time as you may know if you saw my prayer request on TMB.

Hiswildcherry46 said...

Phew, just fried my dear, little brain Mark 9:24...better let that sit for a while and digest it all. Awesome food for thought. Big thanx. Will go think!


I hope it was a help to you. :)

Mark

Mark 9:24 said...

Gemma said...

HWC said: "Why do I consider the master/slave subject dark? Heck, good girls don't go there, EVER."

Is that your marriage bed goal, to be a good girl for your husband? My goal is to be as bad as bad can be for my husband ;-). Besides, being bad for my husband IS being a good girl for my marriage bed... so there!


My thoughts about this go something like this:

No, good girls don't do this, or go there.

However, all you wives are women not girls. ;-)
You can go anywhere that pleases you or your husband when is comes to Master/slave sex.
You can go the limit of what you and your husband want to explore. What Gemma is calling the bad girl. ;-)

Besides, if you do this you can always say "My husband made me do it" and feel guilt free, becuase there really isn't anything to feel guilty bout.

Mark 9:24 said...

Gemma said...

Mark, thanks for posting your "D/s Marriage vs. Biblical Marriage" article. Can you share some of your own thoughts about it? Did you first read it years ago or was it that you found it recently but it was written years ago?


Gemma,

This is a copy of a post from a few years ago on an Christian D/s yahoo group. It was posted by a friend of mine who It's still there, but it has lost it's old spark and is basically inactive.

I always tried to approach D/s from a Biblical standpoint.
What I mean is that the husband is the head of his wife, the Dominant one. The wife is commanded to submit to her husband in everything. To submit. (and submission is ALWAYS voluntary and you cannot actually force some to submit, as that is not actually submission)

It means that I have responsibilities to my wife and her welfare, etc. It means that I listen to my wifes opinions ad views. She is not a doormat. It means that I NEVER ask her to do anything that is a violation of Gods Word
It means that she obeys me in her submission. The Bible says that the wife is to submit her husband as the Church submits to Christ, and who would say that the Church is not to Obey Christ? Submission without obedience is contradictory. However, Biblically, if I ask my wife to do something un-biblical she doesn't have to do it as Gods Authority trumps mine. BUT, she needs to show me why it is un-biblical.
It also means that she is free to correct me if I spin off in an un-biblical path.

In the bedroom, it means ANYTHING goes, as long as it doesn't violate Gods Word. She is to do what she is told (with the above caveats) and submit and obey to me.
Actually, we practice that out of the bedroom as well. It's not limited to sex.
Part of what I need to do has the husband is to also “understand” my wife. If I ask her to do something that she is uncomfortable with, in or out of bed, them both of us need to understand why. It just may be to new to her and is something that needs to be worked up to. Or if is actually ungodly then I need to drop it. If there isn't anything wrong with it, Biblically speaking, then she is to obey.
Remember, that if you always agree on something, submission doesn't really have a chance to be exercised. It's when she is asked to do something she us unsure about, that isn't un-biblical, that she has the chance to practice real submission.

It also means that if I tell her to do something that turns out to be a bad idea, then the responsibility lies with me, not her.

I didn't intend to go on for so long, but you did ask. :-)

Mark

Mark 9:24 said...

bunnyhunch said...
I second the idea of being a 'bad girl' for our husbands. It has been a thrill to see DH respond to my newfound sense of freedom in our marriage bed. The more open I become, the more adventurous he feels he can can be, since he no longer worries about me nixing his ideas.


Congrats to you two and the new territory you are exploring and the new adventure you are on. ;-)

Mark

Mark 9:24 said...

Hiswildcherry46 said...
Funny enough, I joked with my husband yesterday about being HIS BAD GIRL. I am too spicy to be a good girl so I hereby hang up my hat in that arena....hmmmm, Friday night is going to be so much fun! He looks forward to my crazies after slogging at work all week.


Ahhh,.. the reward for a week of hard work. ;-)

Mark 9:24 said...

so blessed said...

Another 100-comment thread going here, Gemma?


Lets keep it going people! :-)

Mark

Gemma said...

Interesting explanation, Mark. I just find the similarities between D/s marriage and biblical marriage to be so compatible with each other. It makes me wonder why so many Christian couples object to D/s relationships claiming it's too 'out there' too sinful, etc.

bunnyhunch said...

Do you suppose, Gemma, that it's because many people can't or don't separate D/s from BDSM? Another thought is that though some claim it is, as you say, too 'out there' or too sinful, they are really just uncomfortable with it because it's not politically correct. It doesn't put men & women on equal footing - duh. Though from my standpoint, it really does since, as Mark's posting stated, a wife is allowing her husband to dominate her; it is not by force.

Mark 9:24 said...

Gemma,

I think it comes from a secular view of D/s. I think the way the secular world sometimes practices D/s is a perversion of Biblical Marriage.
That is why I wanted to be clear on how we, as Christians, can practice D/s and that it can be Biblical.

Mark

Hiswildcherry46 said...

I wonder if another aspect could apply to D/s sexual encounters...that of absolute love for one's spouse.

Although many secular folks do adore their spouses, there is an aspect of this endearment which is missing from a purely secular mindset: God's love shown through people.

Without intimately knowing the unconditional love of one's creator, the capacity for conveying that all-encompassing acceptance of another person i.e. spouse or child/ren, is incomplete.

Thus, in a D/s situation, those who adore their creator always have a sense of a greater presence in their lives which lends itself to unselfishness and compassion for their lover.

We can therefore have outrageous sexual freedom and even dabble in the 'raw stuff' without fear of disrespect or degradation because God is in both partners' lives and that is literally our saving grace.

Tulipsanticipation said...

Can anyone recommend a good website to buy erotic jewelry from? I want to make sure it is good quality, and it's hard to tell. I really want to go all out - cupless bra, nipple and clit jewelry, ect.

Also - to everyone that has commented on this post, I see none of you have your blog open to the public and I would love to have access to other similarly minded people.

Thanks!

Gemma said...

bunnyhunch said: "Do you suppose, Gemma, that it's because many people can't or don't separate D/s from BDSM?"

I'm sure that's a big part of it, BH. If someone's afraid to read secular material they would never learn to understand these terms. Half of the sex books I listed on my blog book list are secular. My dh and I are not afraid to read them. When we run across dirty bath water we just toss it but keep the baby.

Gemma said...

Cherry said: "We can therefore have outrageous sexual freedom and even dabble in the 'raw stuff' without fear of disrespect or degradation because God is in both partners' lives..."

I think that can be true to life for Christian couples but honestly, the non-Christian D/s community don't worry about disrespect or degradation.

Gemma said...

Tulipsanticipation said: "to everyone that has commented on this post, I see none of you have your blog open to the public and I would love to have access to other similarly minded people."

Tulip, I'm getting ready to head out the door so I can't post links for erotic items right now but, hopefully, others will see this and post some for you.

And yes, are my readers hiding their blogs????

Mark 9:24 said...

bunnyhunch said...
Do you suppose, Gemma, that it's because many people can't or don't separate D/s from BDSM?


BH, I think you may have somthing there. I have always separated the two. Personally I can't stand the term "BDSM".

Another thought is that though some claim it is, as you say, too 'out there' or too sinful, they are really just uncomfortable with it because it's not politically correct.

Two for Two BH?. I think you're on a roll for what be the correct explnations. :-)

It doesn't put men & women on equal footing - duh. Though from my standpoint, it really does since, as Mark's posting stated, a wife is allowing her husband to dominate her; it is not by force.

Three for three. It's a home run! ! :-)
So many people miss that! It is TOTALLY volentary! And just becuase one submits and another is in charge means nothing about not being of equal value. It's just different roles. :-)
I think this is one of the biggest sticking points with people who "just don't get it".

Mark

Mark 9:24 said...

Hiswildcherry46 said...

.......We can therefore have outrageous sexual freedom and even dabble in the 'raw stuff' without fear of disrespect or degradation because God is in both partners' lives and that is literally our saving grace.


I like the way you think!

Mark

Mark 9:24 said...

Tulipsanticipation said...

.....Also - to everyone that has commented on this post, I see none of you have your blog open to the public and I would love to have access to other similarly minded people.


I can tell you that I don't have a blog. I do have a blogspot account, so you can see my avatar, but a blog? No.

Mark

Mark 9:24 said...

Gemma said...

If someone's afraid to read secular material they would never learn to understand these terms. Half of the sex books I listed on my blog book list are secular. My dh and I are not afraid to read them. When we run across dirty bath water we just toss it but keep the baby.


Dittos on that one!

...the non-Christian D/s community don't worry about disrespect or degradation.

And if this is all people see about D/s then they will not know that it doesn't have to be this way.

Mark