Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Does appearance matter to you and your spouse?

How important is weight/fitness, grooming and clothing/shoe styles to you and your spouse? Have either of you changed anything about your appearance in recent years? What was the motivation? Did it alter the way you or your spouse felt about each other and if so, in what ways? Do you feel that changes in appearance are good for couples of all ages or do you feel that they are only for the young? Between you and your spouse, which of you is affected the most by visual appeal in each other? Do either of you resist giving in when requested to change something about your appearance? What does it say to you when you see a couple who do not seem to care about their looks? What about when you see a couple who do seem to care?


Charis said...

My husband and I are both overweight newlyweds. We both know we need to lose weight, yet we're both very encouraging towards one another and it definitely doesnt stop the sex from coming! =D We also never criticize each others bodies. When one of us laments about love handles or sagging thighs, the other is there to step in and bring comfort.

Just 2 days ago, I read something at the OB-GYN office that said men need to ejaculate a min. of 3-5x/wk for prevention against heart disease and stroke. I brought that info to my husband thinking he'd run scared at the thought of having sex that many times. (We've been avg 2x/wk since the honeymoon b/c he has issues of performance anxiety at this stage and tends to come too quickly.) But, instead, he took it to heart and was like, ok, let's start with every other day. =D! This doubles our sex time! So, I would say, although we are aware of our body image (not impressed with our own bodies), we still openly love and admire each others bodies. We desire to lose weight not so much for good sex (altho, if I make that my motivation, I'm sure I wont mind exercising as much!!), but mainly b/c we married in our 30s, we need to be healthier to have a family and raise them later, and we want to live long to serve God.

The other thing I do to make myself feel better and also b/c guys seem to be more visual than ladies, is that I ALWAYS FLIRT with my husband by flaunting some body part. I think good appearance is really a matter of confidence. So, even tho I think my stomach is too big and my thighs are too big, etc., still I'll come out of the shower topless and let him 'say hi' to my breasts, or tell him I'm not wearing underwear to bed, or make him guess what sexy lingerie I might be wearing, etc. I do this for my confidence, as I said, and I also to let him know how much I want him and I dont ever want anything to get in the way of our sex life. Just the other day, I promised him I would sit next to him topless while he watched TV. And so I did! It was my first time doing it and it was fun and later was even more fun! =D I've also given him hugs and just fondle him on the behind or on his crotch just so he knows I always want him. My personal feeling is that if we can keep our passion alive thru flirtation, then the body image complex is reduced and we will feel better about how we look now as well as feel motivated to lose weight and get healthier.

Gemma said...

Charis said:
"I'll come out of the shower topless and let him 'say hi' to my breasts.."

I had to laugh when I read that, Charis. Too cute! Congrats on your marriage and may God grant you many years together. Your attitude about sex now will go a long way for your marriage. Keep up the good work. I'm sure your dh loves it. And yes, do work on the weight to improve your health. You and dh want to be as healthy as you can be so you can enjoy a long life together.

Anonymous said...

Weight isnt such an important thing for us. But good health is. We have found that being fit enhances of sexual experience. It also enlarges and strengthens the erection.

As far as what we wear. Anything that shows my DW wonderful body is a must.

Mark 9:24 said...

Appearance doesn't matter much to my DW, which explains why she married me! :-)

On the other hand she sometimes doesn't take care of herself as much as she should because of this.


Odo said...

Gemma, DW and I at 60ish (her -, me +) know aging is a factor. We are both one size above what we were when we were married 36 yrs ago. We both try to exercise when energy and time permit and watch what we eat. It's important how you feel about yourself. If you know you look good, especially for your age, you will consciously project that. It's easier to flirt when you know you have something to flirt WITH. Without obsessing about it, we need to care how we look. It reflects how we feel about our mate who has to look at us more than anyone. I tell my DW often that she has a lovely bum, especially when ML to her, from behind! She says she knows it needs to be "less" and she's working on it. I'm working on "me"/"mine" too. Yes, looks are important, but again, not to be obsessed over. But we all still need to take better care of ourselves. I guess the saying might go: "if you don't care about your body, no body else will". Probably we all have seen testimonies or letters in various venues from spouses whose DW/DH doesn't care and won't bathe, use deodorant, etc. and it effects their relationship tremendously. DW welcomes my opinions on what she wears and how she wears it. I welcome her opinions about my dress and looks too. Guess I need to stop, rambling too much, but I hope I've expressed my and our feelings on the matter.

Gemma said...

Not a favorite topic for you guys, huh? If someone had asked me these questions as recent as 3 years ago I would have had different answers but I'll just respond with the current state of my marriage in mind. Weight/fitness, grooming and clothing/shoe styles are very important to GR and me although, of the two of us, I am the one most affected by our appearances so I'm the one who frequently dictates what we purchase to wear. We're both working at getting fit and losing unwanted weight. Our main motivation is to be healthy of course but now that we're getting close to our goal weights, we also appreciate the differences we see in our appearances. With grooming and fashion, we both voice our opinions. GR likes my hair with some length. I'm working on it and almost have it the length we want. My hair is naturally very curly so I wear it down my neck and in layers. I like him in a short haircut, no facial hair.

Clothing and shoes are tricky at our ages. I'm in my early 50's and GR's in his late 50's. While we don't want to dress like 20-somethings we equally don't want to dress like old fogies so we try to strike a balance. We usually dress casually and go for a layered look. One of my kids always tells me that I have a shoe fetish. I don't know, maybe I do, lol. I've always had to wear good shoes. You know how some folks can get away with buying PayLess shoes? Well, neither of us can wear cheap shoes. I like GR in dark colored shoes. For myself, I go for a good mix of fashion and comfort so I can walk in them. I prefer 1-2 1/2 inch heels so you won't see me in 3-5 in heels, no matter how sexy they look. I have a thing for buckles on shoes, lots of buckles, because I think they have a hot look. I'm even particular about jackets and coats. When we go out on dates I like for GR to wear his long, black wool dress coat even if he's wearing jeans. I like the look of the dress coat on him. On me I prefer feminine jackets and coats.

Both of us majorly changed our appearances back in Dec 2006 when I had my sexual awakening. We went from "plain vanilla look" to the look of a couple who love sex. Our motivation for the change in appearance was to express our love for sex. The appearance change did have a good affect on how we felt about each other in a sexual way. Now we turn each other on all the time just by the way we dress. When we see a couple who don't seem to care about their looks it screams, "I hate sex." It really does scream that to me.

Odo said...

Great description of yourselves, Gemma. My DW has long, lovely legs and they look even lovelier in nice sandals with about a 2 or 2-1/2" heel. Knee length skirt (or above if I can convince her!). We definitely don't want to look like a couple of "old farts"! LOL! I'm a jeans and western dress or short sleeve shirt. Maybe western boots. Nope, no old farthood here for us. It really blesses us to see an older couple, older even than us looking great. Not wanting to act their ages. Not a thing wrong with that. Like and old "Blue Eyes" (um...Frank Sinatra!) song, "....when your young at heart"!

job29man said...


Please go back to the drs. office, copy the article and post the reference on here or TMB would you?

I think a lot of men on TMB would thank you.

job29man said...

Our body image is important to us. We each try to work out a lot and stay trim. I succeed a bit more than DW and keeping up the workouts.

It does make us feel hotter for each other when we see that the other is really working and succeeding at the fitness.

DW loves to see me in my western boots and nice clothes. And what I love to see her in is a nice dress or top and skirt.

Gemma said...

Ohhh, cowboy boots ;-)... I love them! I especially love western boots with dresses or sexy looking short boots that have lots of buckles on them to wear with dresses. (The short boots are so the legs show.)

Hiswildcherry46 said...

We are fanatical about our health and have been throughout our relationship. Since we are sssoooo polar opposite, this is a miracle in all aspects. Without our joint agreement about great health, we would both struggle with the other.

We are extremely aware of what we eat, love working out and shaping our bodies, and hate clothes on each other ;-) No joke, I moan every morning when he covers his delicious body up! If we could stay naked all day, we would be happy. Neither of us would like to make a scene so we refrain....but joke about going butt- naked to our favorite coffee haunt every Sat. morning and often imagine what the people's faces would look like. I'd have to fight the women off and he is beginning to say things about not letting me out of his sight since I have gotten in better shape and lost weight.

Seriously though, my husband is outrageous for 50, with a fantastic physique, from body building since he was a teen. People stop and question him all the time.

Him : I love my husband's butt in blue jeans. Yum. He looks great in figure hugging t's and long sleeved t's in the winter. And that leather bomber OMG. His muscles look amazing. Shoes....I am working on him in that department as he wears old guy sneakers and I hate them but he is comfy so I remain subtle and kind. His workout gear looks great except for a few doggarned, mesh tanks which are so hole-riddled that I get embarressed by them but he swears by them in the heat for running...grrr. Old story about the man with the favorite "whatever" that the woman would love to chuck.

HWC : He loves me in high heels and I love wearing them. I will not go above 3" although I would love to. So very sexy in our eyes. I feel a bit too old for super sexy, now :(
My legs are improving so I can go with mid thigh length skirts which he drools over. Although my boobies are a bit sad!, I do have a good back and shoulders so show my upper body off with fitting tops. All hail the push up bra!!!

Swimsuits were a huge challenge during my baby making years but I have gotten braver/shaplier and wore a monokini this year which caused my man to feel me out constantly. Yyyyeeeaaahhh. I think the pool lifeguards were suspicious as they kept an eye on the two of us. Spoil sports.