Thursday, June 18, 2009

A Reader's Favorite- guilt-free hot talk

This reader shared with me in saying, "I agree that "hot talk" should be a totally guilt-free experience for a husband or wife to do. ..... hmmm... maybe this is worth a separate topic?"

What exactly does "hot talk" mean to you? Do you use it? Why or why not? Would you like to begin using it? Why or why not? If you use it, what does it do for you and/or your spouse? Does it bother you as a Christian to use "hot talk"? If God wants you to experience ultimate pleasure in your marriage bed, and I believe He does, do you feel that your using "hot talk" would bother Him?

10 comments:

Ancient Mariner said...

Our bodies are complementary: women have vaginas, men have penises. There are other ways to propagate the species (like fish egg fertilization, where the female lays the eggs, and the male deposits his sperm on them.) But because of our complementarity, I believe God wants us to enjoy the act to the maximum. For this reason, I believe that anything which heightens the pleasure for us, within the bounds of marriage, is OK. Sex is a beautiful thing, and the various strictures placed on it (only missionary position--in the dark; no french kissing; doing it more than a couple of times a month is excessive; nothing anal) are put on by narrow-minded people, generally operating within a framework of some legalistic organization, be it a church or something else. We should not pay attention to them., and we should not attach any measure of shame to such a wonderful experience shared by two people in love with each other.

My dw and I are trying to emerge from that negative mindset. We used to use lots of euphemisms. Whenever she wanted to ML, she would say, “would you like to--you know?” then get embarrassed. This is after many years of marriage, with all its attendant ups and downs. I have seen her naked, she has seen me. I have watched her give birth to our children, where she was splayed open for the world to see, while the head of one of our babies, in coming out, pushed a stream of excrement out of her anus. And she STILL gets embarrassed! I finally told her that I was too old to keep on pussyfooting around. For starters, my new vocabulary is:

When she says:
Do you want to--you know?

It means to me:
absolutely nothing

When she says:
Do you want to come inside me?

It means to me:
do you want to ejaculate inside me?

When she says:
Do you want to fuck me?

It means to me:
Now we’re talking! I get that.

She still struggles with being direct, but she is improving, under my (relentless) tutelage! for me, hot talk is direct talk. It does not have to be laced with the latest in crude street talk, but it should be direct and honest. Both partners should express their innermost desires and feelings sincerely. What you share is between the two of you only, and it should be a complete and honest sharing. That DEFINITELY heightens the trust and the passion!

P.S.
When I say, “permission to come aboard?” I am not really asking for permission...

hiswildcherry46 said...

Hi Gemma,

Timely topic.

I shocked the heck out of myself and my man, a few weeks ago, when I made the first move towards talking dirty about what I wanted him to do to me!

During an awesomely passionate moment, my hidden sailoress mouth said some amazingly graphic things. We the hottest sex ever..we were amazed and so in love with each other.

Is it easy to say hot stuff after struggling for the past year to surface for air out of a legalistic foundation? No. Legalism got us good.

I grapple with being a clean talking woman of God versus being a turned on, hot-talking sex goddess for my man. Guilt and shame slide in fast. I still feel that I have eyes of disapproving older women watching me in my marriage bed...weird but there you have it!

I find it helps me to mentally shut off the disapproving matriach faces I 'see' in my head. Most likely, I will NEVER meet those same people again and if I did, they would run from my newfound sex-on-the-brain-24/7, sexy wife-ism like the plague ;-) Sweet wildcherry revenge !!

Our sex-saturated marriage bed is becoming the journey of a lifetime. We're not looking back, ever again.

Gemma said...

Ancient Mariner said: "(only missionary position--in the dark; no french kissing; doing it more than a couple of times a month is excessive; nothing anal) are put on by narrow-minded people..."

A.Marina,

While I agree that the regular practice of missionary only, lights out only, no French kissing and infrequent sex are usually preferred by narrow-minded folks.... I don't agree that couples who don't practice AS are narrow-minded. I realize you said "anything anal" and that could include anal play. But I just wanted to bring up the point that many husbands and wives together decide that AS is not for them. My dh and I are in that group where neither of us are interested in AS and we don't consider ourselves to be narrow-minded at all. AS is not for everyone.

AM also said:
"Both partners should express their innermost desires and feelings sincerely. What you share is between the two of you only, and it should be a complete and honest sharing. That DEFINITELY heightens the trust and the passion!"

ITA!

Gemma said...

hiswildcherry46 said:
"I grapple with being a clean talking woman of God versus being a turned on, hot-talking sex goddess for my man. Guilt and shame slide in fast. I still feel that I have eyes of disapproving older women watching me in my marriage bed...weird but there you have it!"

You can be both-- clean talking when outside the bedroom and hot, passionate talking in the bedroom. When Christ Jesus walked the earth did he always talk the same to everyone in every circumstance? No, His words and tone fit the occasion. Ours should too!

And kick those disapproving older women out of your bedroom once and for all. Put up a mental "no trespassing" sign for them and enjoy your MB.

Hiswildcherry46 said...

Hi Gemma,

Thx for the reminder about in bedroom/out of bedroom talk. Got it.

Will work out a creative way to wrap my head around a 'no matriachal trespassing' mental image. Our MB is smokin' hot which is enough to make this issue a 'history' for me. Will keep walking my new walk with my man.

Ancient Mariner said...

Gemma,
I agree completely. With that particular judgemental mindset, ANY thought of the "back door" other than strictly in the context of excretion would be a grave sin and a perversion. That is what I meant, though I did not state it well enough.

Gemma said...

No problem, AM.:-)

Command0-182 said...

Hot talk is a problem for me. Not hearing it but saying it. It creeps me out to hear my own vice saying those things. I am a turn off to myself which can be awkward at times. :/

job29man said...

I love hot talk.

DW is a prim and proper missionary's kid (MK) who never "swore" in her life.

I come from "the street" and had a foul mouth as a youngster.

When I came to faith in Christ I put away my filthy language. "Crude" words about sex I put off limits to myself for 30 years and never, ever uttered them.

Still I found it erotic to hear my good little MK wife talk that way, so after about 25 years I asked her to start "talking" to me during sex. About 5 years later I asked if she would be offended if I started "talking" to her too. She was all for it.

It has been very liberating to me, and the words that were formerly coarse and crude are now beautiful words of love for me, even though a big part of the allure is the "brashness" of them!

Gemma said...

Job said: "a big part of the allure is the "brashness" of them!"

Gemma agrees.