Saturday, June 13, 2009

Fishing for more O's

This article is in reference to men Oing so husbands please reply or if you are a wife, please reply for your husband. I know it is more challenging for men to have multiple O's during any given session but when it does happen what do you feel causes it for you?

GR and I just arrived home today from a week of R&R mingled in with a lot of fishing at our vacation resort. While there, he and I daily enjoyed our time in the marriage bed but that is not unusual for us. What IS unusual is what happened to us early this morning.

Around 5am I awoke feeling sexually aroused and somewhat restless so I immediately began giving GR a hand job, waking him up in the process. One thing led to another and eventually he was wanting to do PIV-IC so we moved into IC. Here is what shocked me. He O'd once. He O'd a second time. He went for a third O and by this time I was thinking, "Surely this will be his last," because he never O's more than 3 times in any one session. Well, this time he went for another O, enjoying a fourth one. "You had 4 O's, didn't you?" I asked in disbelief. "Yes, I did," he replied. "Must have been all this fishing, huh?" I jokingly asked him. "I suppose so!"

Guys, when you have more than one O, what do you think contributes to it? What makes you keep going like the Ever-Ready battery? Or... do you think it is just the luck of the draw? Please help me in my understanding.

19 comments:

herlover said...

Well, I don't know how he does it, but I am envious.

I think his secret may be.........Gemma!

Gemma said...

Well, nobody's let me in on the secret because I am in the dark. If it's something I'm doing or not doing, I really don't know. When ever we have sex I never know if it will be a 1-Oer for him, a 2-Oer or a 3-Oer... and I guess now it could be a 4-Oer.

inquisitivesensitive said...

for my husband after 1 O he goes soft and can't continue because he slips out or bends and hurts himself.

About 3 times in the almost 2 years of our marriage he has O'ed 2 or 3 times, but that is because we waited in between times and just laid in bed while he worked up the ability to have another erection/session.

I'd love to know how to make the multiples happen more often, cause often I want more but he is too tired/soft and I feel guilty wanting more. I feel like I am wasting his time or being selfish for wanting more stimulation, like with a vibe or his fingers or body close...

Any advice appreciated!

~Heather

Gemma said...

Heather said: "I feel like I am wasting his time or being selfish for wanting more stimulation, like with a vibe or his fingers or body close... Any advice appreciated!"

I just want to address this comment you made, Heather. Let go of those thoughts. There is nothing selfish about needing more stimulation. (I hope your dh isn't making you feel selfish during those times?) If you're putting this on yourself, stop it.

If a dh loses an erection after Oing, it doesn't have to mean play time is over. It only means no more PIV-IC. What's wrong with your dh giving you more pleasure through man-stim, stim with a toy, OS, etc. after he O's? Or he could pleasure you more before he O's. We have times where my dh pleasures me both before and after he O's.

The ultimate goal should be that both spouses walk away from each sexual session feeling totally satisfied. If one spouse is not totally satisfied, then the session should continue until mutual satisfaction is achieved.

inquisitivesensitive said...

My hubby isn't making me feel selfish. Just my own insecurities. He does sometimes continue after his O with a toy for me. Thanks for your concern

Gemma said...

Well in that case you'll have to learn that if you want/need more stimulation, you are not wasting his time and you are not being selfish. The flip side of that--- If your dh wanted/needed more stimulation in any given session, would you feel that he was wasting your time or that he was being selfish? Probably not!

Command0-182 said...

Hey Gemma,

Regarding your topic of multiple male O's. I've heard that stimulation of the male prostate gland has the potential to cause full body O's. Which as you may know is totally foreign to us. For us it's all "down there". I don't know much about it though. All I know is that some people like it. Never tried it myself, it would be kinda difficult, that and the psychological aspect would pretty much suck out all the pleasure (if any) for me. But you seems adventurous.

Also, back when I was reading all kinds of websites that spoke of tantra, I learned that, supposedly, orgasm and ejaculation (what wears men out) are two separate things. Folk who've mastered separating orgasm from ejaculation can have multiple O's easily, full body ones even...supposedly.

Perhaps as the author of this blog you might be willing to shed more light on such practices for those of us who know little of them?

Anyway, take care!

bunnyhunch said...

I think we need to take up fishing again. ;)

Gemma said...

C,

GR and I have not pursued prostate massage at all so I cannot offer any help or advice on that topic. Some of my readers may be able to offer info on this, though.

As for any light shedding of separating O from ejaculation--- Everything I know of what my dh does in that area, I have already shared here.

Charis said...

Well, I've heard the same thing about O-ing and ejaculating being different. But, since we're newlyweds and out of practice, after one O (like Heather's man), my dh is also wiped out! =P So, what I'm really interested in, Gemma, is finding out how YOUR dh does it! =D Did he learn a technique? Is he just a superman, or what??! If I can take your dh's techniques and teach them to my dh, I'm sure he'd be a much happier camper. I think I scare him when I tell him I can go one more time after O-ing 2x. =P I'm interested in rdg teh follow-up comments.
PS - this is my first time commenting, but I've been subscribed to your blog for at least a month, and I want to thank you for it, Gemma! =D

Gemma said...

Hello there, Charis, and welcome out of lurkdom ;-).

In my understanding, there are vast differences between men and women in the causes of multiple O's so you can't compare your multiples and expect that you dh will be able to do the same. From what I am gathering in my questioning of this topic, the bulk of multiple O's with men is purely genetic. That's the gist of what I've been told so far.

Ancient Mariner said...

Dear people, don’t worry too much about the number of O’s. As Gemma said, it is all about giving and receiving pleasure. My dw and I tried an experiment recently: I took a low dose (10 mg) of viagra (no ED, but as I said, this was an experiment), and we proceeded with LM. I am normally a one-shot wonder who needs several hours to recover, but this time, I remained hard after we finished. Dw asked if I wanted to try for another O. I agreed, but this time, even though I was going through the motions, and we were both enjoying the physical stimulation, the hunger, the sexual need, was gone. After a good while, I realized I would not O, and she was drying out, so we stopped. It was odd to be engaged in LM without the normal urgency, and it was definitely not as good as the “natural” way. We decided to only do this on special occasions, when she tells me beforehand that she wants penetration and thrusting for a LONG time (i.e., when she wants to use me as a human dildo ;-) Enjoy your single Os. Mine are intense, particularly if we have delayed it as long as we can stand. When that happens, we really are so wiped out, all we want to do is rest.

Gemma said...

Nothing is hotter than sexual hunger. There are times when GR and I are horny and then there are times when we are frantic with hunger. I'll take one O from frantic hunger any old day over multiple O's from being just plain vanilla hungry. It's all good, don't get me wrong. But when we're frantically in sexual need/desire the eroticism, the passion is so very much heightened.

Hiswildcherry46 said...

Hi y'all,
The multiple o's subject has bothered the hang out of me for days.
When I read, herlover's comment, I grieved as no matter what I do, my man is just not able to go for it like he would like to. If I were more of this or more of that???

Reading Ancient Mariner's post was a joy as I am realizing more and more that the amazingly awesome sex life we have is really ok since it belongs to only us and we don't have to compare our frequency with anything we hear or read.

As a recently awakened wife, I have battled with many 'what ifs'.
If I had been sexually responsive for all of our married life, would he be more open to me thus responsive and able to be more into his climaxes. They are good but not powerful like he remembers them when he was younger. OMG, I have grieved terribly over the lost sexuality we could have shared and did I screw him up:(

My orgasms are literally freaking both of us out at their intensity. (Hence my call sign of Hiswildcherry!)

I cry inside when his = 'pleasant' climaxes.

I even found myself going crazy on him orally and saying that I wanted him to feel what I am feeling. I was sad and felt alone in my ecstasy and wanted him to share my physical bliss. He feels more with oral sex but nothing like I do.

I will admit that our sexual compatability has sky rocketed since last year and each time of love making seems to be better than the last. I truly want more for my man than he is experiencing.

Patience as he opens more to me is a possible answer but the hormonal changes of 50 and HIGH job stress are killers of many male sex drives, right.

so blessed said...

Hi hiswildcherry46 -
It is so refreshing to read posts like yours, of spouses who have such a renewed desire for their mates. Had a couple of thoughts as I read your post.

Unfortunately our male ego is a very fragile thing. If your DH was refused or put down sexually in the past, his ego is bruised and it will take time for it to heal. It may be awhile before he can re-build his trust that you are really serious about this new-found desire for him, and be able to fully open up to you again.

Be willing to give him that time, and meanwhile meet every hint of desire from him with exuberant enthusiasm. He will likely come around, but it may not be quickly. Just don't give up, don't become frustrated; as much as he needs and wants you, his brain is still afraid of being hammered again. Getting past that just takes time and repeated re-affirmation.

Also wanted to add that if he is 50's and under lots of stress, he needs a hiding place, an outlet, a stress-busting diversion. Work your buns off to become that outlet for him! Nothing beats stress and resets my system like good hot sex. I suspect he may feel the same. Pour yourself out for him, give yourself as fully as you can to him. Help him learn to hide from the stress outside, in your arms and your body.

May God bless you both to each other like never before!

hiswildcherry46 said...

Hi so blessed,
You have blessed me with your post. Much to think about so I will reread it and take it to heart. I am extremely teachable and will make my man my assignment this weekend!

I am an ever ready bunny when it comes to wanting to please my man so this weekend will see me recharging my wildcherry batteries and knocking his sox off with my craziness.

You are right, he is REALLY scared of getting hammered again and we talk about this bruising to his ego, a lot. He is aware of his standoffishness so that is a major step forward for both of us.

Interesting that you describe a hiding place for him. I have been using words like that on him and creating bedroom moods which have made our love making 'dates' ultra special. I am on the right track and will ramp up my efforts. (yes we have love making dates as we have a large family and 24/7 commitments to his job and mine as mom!)

Bless your honey this weekend with your passion for her and thank you.

so blessed said...

Sorry, Gemma. Don't mean to hijack your thread, but can I share a bit more?

wildcherry46 -

A couple of suggestions that may be of help to you:

Your DH needs to know that you now want him, that is important for sure. But his struggle will likely be in opening up and expressing his desire for you. To help this along, declare certain nights as "Hubby nights." You tell him ahead of time that you want to totally please HIM that night, and ANYTHING he wants is OK with you(and set your parameters, if there are things you won't do). Name things you think he may be interested in - "I would love dress up for you, I'd love to give you OS, PIV doggie if you want, I'll MB for you, etc." Kind of a "You name it, you got it." approach. What you want to do is free him to ask for anything he wants, and then affirm his desire by totally fulfilling his request. And then as the after glow sets in, softly remind him that he can ask for any of that, any time, you will always be there for him. He'll naturally be hesitant at first, but this will help him open up to you.

To help with his stress relief, make a standing rule with each other that your marriage bed is totally off-limits to any problems. No disussing work, stress, the kids, etc. is ever to be allowed there. When you are in bed together, it has to be about you two, and that is on a regular basis, not just on date nights. Then when you can, extend that provision to your entire bedroom. That area of the house becomes your safe haven then. Deal with the family problems over the kitchen table or on the sofa, but when you get to your room, it's just you, DH, and the candles. Then he knows that there is one place he can go to get away from it all, and guess who will be there to pleasure him!

hiswildcherry46 said...

Gemma, thank you for this opportunity to unload struggles and be fed by others who have something to offer. I have not found another site with such an open minded, yet monitored focus.

Once again, so blessed, I will reread and absorb your ideas.
I can use all of them and will do so as I get bolder.

I am fierce about our bedroom being a haven but have had to acquiesce to the presence of his laptop as he works from home. Hate it but am concentrating on whatever positives I can muster; ie :

He gets to see me as I ready for bed and I get to learn how to parade in front of him with my sassy stuff whilst he pretends to still be 'square-eyed'. Evil female smile !

I've nurtured 7 kids over the past 23 years so now I get to baby him during the day in our bedroom, whilst he works, and HE LOVES IT. The rest of the house is kid territory but I can massage him, play secretary and sit on his lap as he works or 'boob his face' without worrying about the kids seeing me.

I write my sex journal every night. He knows what I am doing and gets to view my back as I lie there waiting for him to get to bed...subtle turn ons.

I commandeer his laptop for mood music during our bedroom date nights so it serves a dual purpose, then.

Nothing is perfect but I am sure not hanging up my hat anytime soon. I am believing that as we focus on our marriage more every day, his work habits will seem foreign in our bedroom. Can't make him drink but can be his salt lick.. ;-)

Gemma said...

You're welcome, HWC :-).