Wednesday, April 29, 2009

A Reader's Favorites-- "Homemade media sex" and "risky sex"

Here are a couple of ideas for all you tech geeks and "gamblers". This reader said:

"I like to take pictures and/or video of DW and me in the act. Unfortunately DW has zero desire to watch them with me which takes away much of the thrill. I would love it if she enjoyed watching them as well as making the pics and video into a "Music video". I also sometimes enjoy "risky sex". Like the time we parked behind a Kinkos at twilight and had sex in the car. I could go on but it could end up as TMI. :)"

The idea of "risky sex" is very appealing to me except for my one little quirk. I'm not afraid of others accidentally seeing us. But what kind of freaks me out is that risky sex is often done in deserted, slightly off the beaten path areas. I mean, you would not do risky sex in a highly crowded area, right? Having grown up in a city, my big fear with this is having thugs stumble upon us while we're doing each other. If anyone has ideas on how I can overcome my fear of thugs in these situations, I'm all ears!

28 comments:

hismilkmaid said...

Risk: Thugs? How about children? We often have our children out late at night.

Just a thought, not an accusation: Are you getting a thrill out of the "possibility" of bringing another person into your love making?

People here say that is what it is when you view porn, why is that not what it is when others view you?

I am not judging, because some times we take risks ourselves. This is something I struggle with, and I would like an opinion or two.

Gemma said...

hismilkmaid asked: "Are you getting a thrill out of the "possibility" of bringing another person into your love making?"

To whom are you directing your questions? It's not clear to me, although, I can try and answer.

I wouldn't be thrilled about another person watching us. When others view you having sex, you ARE sharing your marriage bed.

hismilkmaid asked: "People here say that is what it is when you view porn, why is that not what it is when others view you?"

Where did you hear that it's OK for others to view us? What exactly is your struggle?

Command0-182 said...

"Where did you hear that it's OK for others to view us?"

Actually the way you wrote the post, kinda left me thinking the same thing. But no matter, some people are nymphos and some are not.

I know I'm not! Who want's to see a guy? Not me! :0 :p

Gemma said...

I said, "I'm not afraid of others accidentally seeing us," meaning- I don't worry about it. We use precautions and beyond that I don't worry. Just like at home, we lock our bedroom door and try to keep the noise down so we don't disturb the kids. Beyond that, I don't worry.

But I DO WORRY about thugs coming around while we'd be in the act.

hismilkmaid said...

You wrote, "The idea of "risky sex" is very appealing"

I was wondering what makes it appealing if it is not the risk?

I still struggle with some things... My husband finds the risk appealing too. I play along and I feel guilty. So I am trying to understand this.

I enjoy sex outdoors, (in the woods, in the car etc... we go skinny dipping...) but if I think there is a "risk" I can't enjoy it.

You said, "I'm not afraid of others accidentally seeing us."

I think, what if a child were watching me give my DH a BJ, for instance, and I didn't know it.

The risk has to VERY negligible for me to feel comfortable. It is not that way for him. (The more risk, the more appealing.) Though he wold never intentionally let someone watch us.

I thought if I asked you all, you could help me understand this. I promise I am not accusing anyone. I am sharing the self-accusations that run through my head and keep me from enjoying these "risky" times with my husband.

Gemma said...

Don't know if this will help you understand or not but----

For me it is the risk, alone, which is appealing. The hope that others may see us is not an appeal or desire. When a person takes a risk there is usually a thrill or a high that goes along with it. It's really and only all about the risk factor.

hismilkmaid said...

Still don't understand then, what risk ARE you talking about, if it is not the risk of being seen? Is it the risk of thugs? Sorry, I guess I am dim witted.
In the woods it could be a skunk or bugs,(ticks) lol. We have had that happen. I wasn't laughing then.
I have read that part of the thrill in having an affair is the chance of getting caught. How sad.
By the way I read your blog almost everyday since finding it, and you are a favorite on TMB.
You have a true ministry at work.

Gemma said...

hismilkmaid asked: "Still don't understand then, what risk ARE you talking about, if it is not the risk of being seen?"

Perhaps it's the risk in knowing that someone could possibly see what we're doing if we're not in the total privacy of our bedroom. It's also the thing of having sex in a totally different setting. We wouldn't want to be seen, we wouldn't try to be seen but the potential for it is sort of a high. I'm not sure how else to explain it. Maybe someone else here can share their views on this?

bunnyhunch said...

In order for there to be 'risk', there has to be a negative consequence should something not go right, thus the thrill. For example, the thrill in bungee jumping might be that you risk death by jumping off a cliff and hope the cord holds you. You are scared out of your wits, which for some is exhilarating.

Ian Kerner writes about adrenaline rush and how it affects sexual excitement in his book, Passionista(formerly He Comes Next). He points out that living a sexually passionate life involves being willing to take some risks. Always playing it safe (or doing the same thing every time) becomes makes for dull sex, essentially. Adding risk gets the adrenaline going, giving fervor to the sex act. Knowing someone could be coming any minute or might see you really pushes things along! I think, though, that HisMilkMaid has a much lower tolerance for risk than Gemma does; no one here has suggested anyone wishes to have an outsider see them in action. It's just that some of us don't worry about it if we've taken appropriate precautions.

Having sex in places or at times considered inappropriate is risky because you might be seen by others, whether our children or others, even police. That doesn't mean you are inviting someone to watch you, and I don't think anyone who has posted on this thread is implying otherwise. Maybe it is more 'naughty' than 'risky'. Having sex in the back seat of a car at Kinko's, for instance, could be fun just because it is a little naughty. The police might catch you and send you home, but who cares that much - you're married and it's just fun to live a little on the edge. The thug thing, though... is it necessary for you to get over that fear? I think I'd find someplace that carries a little less risk!

Our sons had lots of friends over many nights during their high school and early college years, often quite late. The house, upstairs and down, would be full of friends. We always locked our bedroom door when it was time for us to call it a night, so we were never concerned about intruders, but we were concerned about noise. The risk for us was that they might hear me moaning loudly or the floor creaking during sex. Certainly we didn't want that to happen, but we weren't going to forgo lovemaking just because the guys were in the house. It was a challenge - and maybe a bit of a turn-on - for us to stay as quiet as possible (DH often had his hand over my mouth or kissed me deeply at the necessary times) and move as little as possible. That's not as exciting as lovemaking in a public place (we've done that, too), but it's a story.

Mark 9:24 said...

Gemma wrote:
For me it is the risk, alone, which is appealing. The hope that others may see us is not an appeal or desire. When a person takes a risk there is usually a thrill or a high that goes along with it. It's really and only all about the risk factor.
These are my feelings as well when DW and I have had "risky" sex. I would just curl up and die if we were actually caught at it I think.

Perhaps it's the risk in knowing that someone could possibly see what we're doing if we're not in the total privacy of our bedroom. It's also the thing of having sex in a totally different setting. We wouldn't want to be seen, we wouldn't try to be seen but the potential for it is sort of a high. I'm not sure how else to explain it.I think you are explaining it very well.

bunnyhunch wrote:
In order for there to be 'risk', there has to be a negative consequence should something not go right, thus the thrill.
You may have something there.

He points out that living a sexually passionate life involves being willing to take some risks. Always playing it safe (or doing the same thing every time) becomes makes for dull sex, essentially. Adding risk gets the adrenaline going, giving fervor to the sex act. Knowing someone could be coming any minute or might see you really pushes things along!This is so true I think. The time sex felt the absolute best for me was after I picked up DW from the airport after she had be away a few days. I took the HWY exit for a state park that was closed for the evening, it was about midnight, and we had sex in the car not 100 ft from the highway. it was a real turn on and I had never felt sex that was that great before or since.

Having sex in the back seat of a car at Kinko's, for instance, could be fun just because it is a little naughty. The police might catch you and send you home, but who cares that much - you're married and it's just fun to live a little on the edge.Yes it was a lot of fun. Doing it behind a place called Kinko's just added to the thrill. ;-)

....The risk for us was that they might hear me moaning loudly or the floor creaking during sex. Certainly we didn't want that to happen, but we weren't going to forgo lovemaking just because the guys were in the house. It was a challenge - and maybe a bit of a turn-on - for us to stay as quiet as possible. One time my brother-in-law was visiting us and I called down for DW to come upstairs for a moment. When she did so I had her give me a BJ and when we were done we went back downstairs like nothing had happened.

...That's not as exciting as lovemaking in a public place (we've done that, too), but it's a story.Oh do tell! We want to hear about it.

Mark

Mark 9:24 said...

Hey, no one has said anything about pictures and video of yourself having sex.

Mark

bunnyhunch said...

Oh do tell! We want to hear about it.lol! I may have mislead you into thinking we've ML in the middle of a public square or something, but that's not it! Once again, it's mostly outdoors - in the middle of a prairie at a campground once (yes, there were people working nearby, but not too close and we were desperate and it was very quick!); behind a display at an outdoor wildlife sanctuary; other places like that. See? They're not quite as exciting as Kinko's. Well, maybe they were. Maybe a little risky and yes, illegal. But that's the only illegal stuff we do, I swear!

Anonymous said...

I love the webcam idea, but right now it is enough of a jump just to get my wife to be open to me watching in a mirror sometimes.

Mark 9:24 said...

bunnyhunch wrote:
I may have mislead you into thinking we've ML in the middle of a public square or something.
What? You don't?? I am SO dissapointed!!! :-)

Once again, it's mostly outdoors - in the middle of a prairie at a campground once (yes, there were people working nearby, but not too close and we were desperate and it was very quick!); behind a display at an outdoor wildlife sanctuary; other places like that. See? They're not quite as exciting as Kinko's. Well, maybe they were. Maybe a little risky and yes, illegal.Looks as risky as Kinko's, and fun too!

But that's the only illegal stuff we do, I swear! Sure it is! :-)

Mark

hismilkmaid said...

Thank you all for explaining. It helps.

I think the worst risk we took was in an elevator in a 4 star hotel in Denver, Co. at 2am. We felt pretty safe as long as we got done before we hit the lobby. It was mostly a matter of a time limit that made it exciting.

It was on our 25th anniversary. LOL.

so blessed said...

Gemma said: If anyone has ideas on how I can overcome my fear of thugs in these situations, I'm all ears!Maybe instead of risky sex, you could focus on more risky foreplay. Instead of looking to "do the deed" in a deserted parking lot in the city, maybe you focus instead on teasing, tantalizing, and hold the actual sex until you are home (or in a safe place.)

I mean, how much CAN you do in a dark, nearly empty theater? (plenty!) How far CAN you get in a dimly-lit restaurant? (very!) Ever snuck into a dept. store dressing room together? Find semi-public places for flashing your DH; go to a restroom after dinner and roll the waist band of your skirt to shorten it considerably. Then be sure to walk out ahead of your DH, so he gets the view.

Those are all things that create a thrill, and involve a bit of risk, without the fear of thugs. And they can sure lead to some hot times later! Just a suggestion; some food for thought.

Gemma said...

I wonder, is it more private to sit way in the front of the theater since most people sit in the middle or the back? Or is the very back row the best?

I need to find us some more dimly lit restaurants.

so blessed said...

Here's your game plan: Choose a movie that is near the end of its run, i.e., when theaters start dropping it and it is down to only one or two. Go to a late showing, starting 9:30 PM or so. Get there early, and sit in the darkest spot of the top row (probably the middle).

Attendance that late, at an older movie will likely be sparse, and as people come in, they tend to spread out. Odds are, you won't have anyone sit near you.

Take a jacket along. It can be used as a cover; but can also be used as a screen: Prop one foot on the seat ahead of you, extend your arm straight out to rest on that elevated knee. Then spread the coat across your arm for a screen to block the view of those on that side.

Then if you have both gone commando, and the DW is in a dress or skirt for better access; oh my! The mischief you can get into!

Gemma said...

And you're sharing all this from personal experience, right 'so blessed'? ;-) Sounds like a good game plan. GR always likes me to go commando with a skirt or dress when we go out alone so this will be easy to try out in the theater.

so blessed said...

well, er, um . . . maybe so ;)

If he hasn't, encourage GR to go commando in a pair of loose, dark slacks or jeans too. The accesibility is great, but you will love it when you sneak a feel through the fabric, I promise!

Gemma said...

GR has NEVER gone commando when we're out but I have no trouble gaining access to his private parts and I can do it without anybody noticing. Well... they don't notice where my hands have gone.

Mark 9:24 said...

so blessed,

Do you have any other great ideas like this that you can share?

Mark

so blessed said...

Here is another one for you, Mark. You would have to hold this for a cooler evening, or when it's raining.

Dw dresses in her sexiest pieces of lingerie, maybe a sheer little teddy, or lacy bra/thong, with stockings or thigh-highs, stilettos, and a hot dress. She wears a coat to dinner, and takes a large purse that is fairly empty.

After dinner, dw goes to the RR, removes her clothes and returns to the table in her stockings, heels and coat. This idea can work two ways.

If it is a D/s night, DH chooses each piece of the outfit and has her dress for him. He gets the coat and discreetly insures that the purse is large enough and fairly empty, without giving away his plans. After dinner, he instructs dw to go to the RR, and exactly how much she is to remove.

OR, If DW is being the hottie and surprising the DH, she chooses the outfit, makes certain that DH sees every piece as she puts it on, they then go to dinner, etc. She then excuses herself to the RR, strips and returns to the table. She says nothing, but leaves the top of her purse open and makes certain that DH sees the dress in her purse.

Then for fun you stop somewhere on the way home for a little shopping, and do whatever flashing and touching you can get away with. An all-weather style coat with a belt that ties in front works great for this.

Gemma said...

OK, help me out. What is the point in wearing the dress to the restaurant? Why wouldn't you just have your wife wear everything you mentioned except for the dress, put the coat over it and head out the door. Am I missing something here? I realize if she wears the dress during dinner she's able to take the coat off. Otherwise, no dress-- coat must stay on during meal.

so blessed said...

Hey, that could work, too.

The idea here is the surprise factor. In D/s she just thinks she is dressing sexy for the evening, no idea that she will be made to strip in a public place.

When she is being the hottie, the surprise is on him. He's thinking she just went to the RR like usual, and then seeing the dress folded in her purse? Yowza! (Where's the red light emoticon?)

This idea is a cross-over to your curent thread as well.

Gemma said...

Ah, made to strip in public place. Good one!

bunnyhunch said...

I like to take pictures and/or video of DW and me in the act. Unfortunately DW has zero desire to watch them with me which takes away much of the thrill. I would love it if she enjoyed watching them as well as making the pics and video into a "Music video".I know this is an older thread, but could I comment on the 'homemade media'? Maybe someone else would still like to jump in, too.

As we were preparing to get away for a couple of days, DH was deciding what fun things to take along. He mentioned that he had an idea he was sure wouldn't fly with me: bringing a camera.

Now, the old me (only 4 months ago) would have said "Absolutely NOT!" The new me said - as I do with everything else now - "YES! If you'd like to, bring it!"

It was fun to take pictures of us nude, even in various stages and positions of lovemaking. The best, though, was a brief video of us in the act. There were red lights in the ceiling, surrounding the bed. They cast a nice, warm, sensual glow in the room that actually made me feel more comfortable.

We only have a digital camera, not a video recorder, but it was still good and even useful. Having been so self-conscious about my overweight body in the past, I would never have allowed DH to take nude pictures of me, much less would I have viewed them with him. Interestingly, I enjoyed looking at them. What I saw was what DH sees - not necessarily a heavy-set woman, but one who looked pretty normal, with curves where they should be. I did not see what I see when I look at myself in the mirror. And to see the two of us in the act on video was very intimate and erotic.

All the pictures have been deleted now, but we continue to take more. We'd love to be able to print and store them somewhere safely so we could go back and view them at other times. Maybe we'll have to make a special box for them along with a sign that reads: "Burn Without Viewing," so our kids won't inadvertently see them when they clean out our room after we're gone. Then again, what will they think when they see the rest of the paraphernalia?!

Gemma said...

bunnyhunch said: "Maybe we'll have to make a special box for them along with a sign that reads: "Burn Without Viewing," so our kids won't inadvertently see them when they clean out our room after we're gone. Then again, what will they think when they see the rest of the paraphernalia?!"

I've often wondered about saving intimate photos or movies, even with a "Burn without viewing" sign on it and I've even wondered what I would do if I found a box with such a sign on it in my parents home after they're no longer with me. Would I really burn a box of photos without viewing, knowing that it was photos of my parents who I'd never see again in this life? Dunno! What about you guys?

As for my kids finding sexual toys, books, etc, after we're gone.... I don't think I would care about that at all.