Thursday, April 9, 2009

A Reader's Favorite- light bondage

Here is one sexual topic that is near and dear to my heart. One reader wrote: "I am fascinated with light bondage." Dear reader, so am I!

It was interesting to me when I discovered two years ago that I had strong attractions to some forms of bondage. As my attraction to it became more and more evident it brought back many fond memories of years ago as a child, playing outdoors with my siblings and friends.

We always had plenty of rope for playing. One game we would act out was "cowboys and Indians" where the person getting caught was tied to a tree and sometimes *whipped* with a tree branch while pretending to be in agony. We would gather sticks and leaves around the tree and pretend we were burning the captured person at the stake. If you were too mouthy when captured, you would also be gagged. Often I would purposely allow myself to be caught so I could be tied up and gagged because.... it felt good.

Or we would play "cops and robbers". The robbers would commit a crime, always get arrested and then they would have to serve their time in jail as punishment. I was so *naughty* ;-) because I loved being the robber who was arrested, having my wrists handcuffed (tied) behind my back or tied around a tree.... and having my ankles tied together or both wrists and ankles tied and be forced to stay in *jail*. It gave me a super rush. Those were among some of my most favorite games as a child.

GR, on the other hand, dabbled with dominant behavior growing up as the oldest of three boys. When he was about 10 years old he built a stock in the basement of their home. The basement was dreary enough as it was but he turned it into a dungeon of sorts when he tricked his youngest brother into trying out the stock. Once his brother was inside it, he could not get out. GR went back upstairs, turned the basement light off and left his brother in the dark, screaming his head off in the stock.

Can you see where this is leading? From years ago as a child I had submission tendencies and although I never quite understood why I had them, I certainly recognized the attraction and enjoyed playing with it. So, two years ago when I experienced my sexual awakening and realized that Christian married couples could have fun with bondage, I was like a kid in a candy store. Oh, the possibilities!

After sharing my bondage attraction with GR, specifically my attraction to submissiveness, he did not fully understand but he was "game". He and I soon purchased our first few bondage toys-- blindfolds, Chinese silk rope, Liberator's Bed Buckler and Thigh Cuffs, to name a few. And we have been enjoying these toys ever since. When we do bondage play... there are times that we do not... GR is always the dominant partner and I am always the submissive one; that is our preference.

Do you like bondage play? Or if you have never dabbled with it, have you ever thought about trying it? Do tell! And for those who already enjoy this, please feel free to share what bondage toys you have in your marriage bed. It is always fun to hear what others use.

124 comments:

bunnyhunch said...

I have only one laughable experience with it. Many years ago, Dh tied my wrists to the bed. Only one tie held, but I enjoyed it so much I held my free wrist as though it was still tied fast - it was way too much fun! I don't know why we haven't done it since. Have to change that and soon...

Anonymous said...

I have never quite understood my wife's hesitation to tie me up. I have never seriously suggested doing it to her, because of concern for her past struggles with abuse.

What makes it a hot thought to be on the recieving end I guess is just the thought of her being focused on getting me so aroused that I can't stand it.

Also, I realize that when I am that excited, sometimes I don't realize my own strength with her- so if I was tied, and over the top excited, hopefully, I could totally let go physically and not hurt her.

Have done it once or twice, but just hasn't been her cup of tea, sure wish it was.

Anonymous said...

Can anyone share any eadvice on using toys and bondage?

Mark 9:24 said...

When DW told me years ago about her interest in being tied up I didn't understand it either, but like GR I was "game" as well. ;-)

Mark

Who am I said...

An interlude in the discussion here to say "Happy Easter. Christ is Risen!"

Isn't it awesome that He came to bring redemption/resurrection, to our whole life, including our sex life, marriages, relationships.

Gemma said...

Anon, can you be more specific with your questions?

so blessed said...

Hi Gemma -

We too share your interest in bondage, spanking, and D/s play in a Christian marriage. We discovered this a few years ago, and it has been a great addition to our sex life.

Would it be appropriate to share a particular experience here, that others might like to try?

Gemma said...

Absolutely, 'so blessed'. Please share.

Mark 9:24 said...

Do I see stocks and a dungeon in your future Gemma? ;-)

Mark

so blessed said...

Well, here's one that we did years ago, and still talk about, it was so hot. Maybe some of you would like to try it as well.

DH (Dominant husband) takes sw (submissive wife) out to dinner in another town. Back in the car, he asks if she can be "taken" that night. She agrees, and DH places a blindfold on her lap. "If you put this on, you give me absolute control of your body for the rest of the night, and you cannot remove the blindfold for any reason until I tell you." Of course she puts on the blindfold.

DH then gets a cheap motel room, and walks sw inside. He immediately makes her strip for him, and fondle herself in all the appropriate places as he gives direction. She then is told to strip DH, and service him with her hands and mouth as he wishes.

Later, sw is restrained in the bathroom doorway with door cuffs, and liberally spanked with a hand, belt, etc. Then she is taken to the bed, placed on her back and clamps are attached to her nipples. She is then made to MB for DH, with him giving directions, with which toys, how many O's, etc.

By now, sw has O'ed multiple times and is totally spent. DH climbs between her open legs to take her sex in missionary, and then turns her over to finish by pounding her from behind in doggie.

And here's the key: The blindfold never comes off, not even afterward. DH helps sw to the bathroom, helps her dress, and walks her back to the car. Only after some miles down the road does the blindfold come off.

When we did this, it became totally surreal to sw. Being ravaged like that, and not knowing where, or even what the room looked like was a huge turn-on. In those circumstances, she felt totally reduced to an object for her DH's pleasure and LOVED every minute of it! (I know some would flame that statement, but if you enjoy this kind of play, you understand her feeling that way.)

By the way, Gemma, we love your use of the word "whore." We have now co-opted that word for our marriage as well!

Mark 9:24 said...

so blessed,

That is so HOT!

Mark

bunnyhunch said...

After I clapped my hands & said "Please, please, PLEASE!!" DH said "WHAT?" in disbelief (that I would love it). He'll surprise me sometime, I hope!

What a grand sexual adventure! Thanks for sharing.

bunnyhunch said...

Don't nipple clamps hurt?

This kind of thing, as exciting as it sounds, can only be good if the sw has complete faith in her Dh, I would think. If Dh had tendencies to be too rough - even abusive - it couldn't be good.

So blessed, your wife must have complete trust in you.

Gemma said...

so blessed said: "she felt totally reduced to an object for her DH's pleasure..."

I love being my dh's object!

so blessed, that does sound hot. You guys had a fun time. Why haven't you done it again in more recent years? It would be worth repeating at least once a year. Thanks for sharing your experience.

Gemma said...

Nipple clamps don't have to hurt. Mine are the tweezer types with a 1/4" silver chain connecting them so it's really quick and easy to adjust the clamps. My dh isn't too rough around my clamps. He knows I'm not into major pain.

Gemma said...

Mark 9:24 said: "Do I see stocks and a dungeon in your future Gemma? ;-)"

You never know what the future holds. GR and I love having fun with bondage.

Mark 9:24 said...

so blessed said:
"she felt totally reduced to an object for her DH's pleasure"
This has prompted me to share part of an email exchange I had with my wife after she decided to no longer refuse me.

I am to Ravish you and use you and your body for any sexual pleasure I want......and will use you for MY sexual pleasure as I, not you, see fit. She completely agrees with this. She wants me to be in command in our sex life.

Mark

Mark 9:24 said...

so blessed,

Has your wife ever experienced the phenomenon known as "sub-space"?

Mark

Gemma said...

Mark,

I just started reading about "sub-space" the other day. The meaning can be fuzzy so I thought I'd post this link to help explain it to others: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Subspace_(BDSM) . At the bottom of the article there is a reference to another link which actually does an even better job of describing what sub-space can be. (It's different for each person and even for each session.)

Long before I even heard of the phrase "sub-space", I've experienced it during our D/s play. As a teen I used drugs. Sub-space reminds me of that drug-induced "high" only without the drugs. I've always had scoliosis and I've heard folks claim that they can't have sex because of back pain or some other form of chronic pain. When I'm experiencing sub-space there is NEVER back pain.

'so blessed' and Mark, please feel free to share more. You guys are a few years ahead of me on this topic.

Gemma said...

Oh, and for those who don't know me well, GR and I have only dabbled at D/s or B/D never S/M. S/M is a whole 'nuther ballgame.

Gemma said...

Mark said: "I am to Ravish you and use you and your body for any sexual pleasure I want......and will use you for MY sexual pleasure as I, not you, see fit. She completely agrees with this."

Mark, that is the ultimate attitude within a Christian MB, when spouses can agree to that for each other. It works well for GR and me. You are a lucky and blessed man and I'm sure your wife is too.

Mark 9:24 said...

Gemma wrote:
I just started reading about "sub-space" the other day. The meaning can be fuzzy so I thought I'd post this link to help explain it to others.....
That artical does an OK job of explaining subspace. I found another that fits better the experiance that DW have had when she has been in subspace.
http://www.albanypowerexchange.com/Ds/subspace.htm

Long before I even heard of the phrase "sub-space", I've experienced it during our D/s play.That was going to be my next question for you, if you had experienced it.

It was amazing to see my wife in it. It was like she was high, sort of zoned out and not there. yet she was there becuase she was VERY physically responsive. She could cum on command, whether I was touching her or not. My voice was enought to make her have an orgasm. She was also very compliant. When I would tell her to give me a BJ, while she was in subspace, it was the only thing she wanted in life, that she HAD to have me in her mouth. Anything I told her to do she would do, no hesitation of any kind. Sometimes though I had to cut through the "fog" of subspace to get through to her.
It was TOTAL submission and trust in me.

Oh, and for those who don't know me well, GR and I have only dabbled at D/s or B/D never S/M. S/M is a whole 'nuther ballgameSame here. I have NEVER liked the term BDSM, becuase of the SM part.

Mark said: "I am to Ravish you and use you and your body for any sexual pleasure I want......and will use you for MY sexual pleasure as I, not you, see fit. She completely agrees with this."

Mark, that is the ultimate attitude within a Christian MB, when spouses can agree to that for each other. It works well for GR and me. You are a lucky and blessed man and I'm sure your wife is too.
Thank you Gemma. I am blessed, and so is DW since she is finally getting what she has longed for.

To clairify this. Currently my wife and I have not been into any D/s play for a few years. However I have come to realize that since my wife has agreed to be essentially my "sex slave" for want of a better term, that we are back into it now, but in what I am thinking of as a more real way, even if we are not using the terminology.
Yet ;-)

Mark

so blessed said...

Glad you all enjoyed our adventure - and hope it will be a good one for you too some day.

bunnyhunch - we use the tweezer-style nipple clamps like Gemma mentioned. They are totally adjustable, so you get only as much stimulation as you want. Anything from a soft pinch to a hard burn, and a huge responsibility for a DH is to know just how much his sw wants, and how to push her limits just enough to make her explode. D/s play is really hot for us, but if it isn't working for her, I can tell you it isn't working for me either!

You are right that this kind of play requires complete total trust. That is a result of YEARS of working together on our relationship.

Gemma - don't really know why we haven't repeated that exact scene again, maybe because it was so perfect the first time. Maybe don't want to tarnish the memory, I don't know. But we have done so many other things; I just keep trying to come up with something new, I guess.

Mark, Gemma - I am not familiar with the term sub-space, so don't know if she has been there or not. Will have to look into the wiki page and see.

And for the record, Gemma - we too are like you guys. Love to play with D/s, do some B/D, but pain and degradation have no place in our marriage; no S/M for us either.

Mark 9:24 said...

so blessed wrote:
Mark, Gemma - I am not familiar with the term sub-space, so don't know if she has been there or not. Will have to look into the wiki page and see.
Take a look at http://www.albanypowerexchange.com/Ds/subspace.htm

This is a pretty good discription of what my wife has experienced in the past.

If I had done to my wife what you had posted she would have been in subspace almost the whole time. ;-)

Mark

Mark 9:24 said...

so blessed wrote:
D/s play is really hot for us, but if it isn't working for her, I can tell you it isn't working for me either!
Oh this was so true for us when we were into D/s play!

....huge responsibility for a DH is to know just how much his sw wants, and how to push her limits just enough to make her explode.Yes it is a huge responsibilty, and a trust that CANNOT be violated. When you can do this, and successfully push her limits, or even past them showing her what she is capable of, it can be utterly fantastic!

And for the record, Gemma - we too are like you guys. Love to play with D/s, do some B/D, but pain and degradation have no place in our marriage; no S/M for us either. I never got S/M. I worry about someone who enjoys true pain but I worry more about someone who enjoys inflicting it.

Mark

Mark 9:24 said...

Gemma,

Thank you for your post and to everyone else and your replies.

Since my realization that my wife and I are probably (almost certainly) back into D/s in the bedroom since she has so totally given herself to me, I am finding the desire in myself to just acknowledge it and bring it out into the open with her.

When my wife wants me to, and I quote: I am to Ravish you and use you and your body for any sexual pleasure I want......and will use you for MY sexual pleasure as I, not you, see fit. it sure sounds like D/s to me.

If it quacks like a duck, and walks like a duck,......


Mark

Gemma said...

Mark, is it time for you guys to start floating on the pond?

Mark 9:24 said...

Maybe. At least in the bedroom.

Quack Quack. ;-)

bunnyhunch said...

When you are experiencing sub-space, are you aware of it, or is only your spouse?

Mark 9:24 said...

bunnyhunch wrote:
When you are experiencing sub-space, are you aware of it, or is only your spouse?
Keep in mind that I have never experienced it myself, but I have seen it in my wife.

I'd say it's sort of like being on nitros oxide at the dentist office. Aware of what's going on, being able to participate, and enjoying it all. with your will totaly handed over to your husband and no worries. :-)
She, and others that I have read, describe it as very liberating and freeing. To be able to trustfully had over all control.

Oh ya, with LOTS of orgasms tossed in. ;-)

It's not a bad thing, when built upon a proper marriage.

Mark

so blessed said...

Gemma -

was wondering how much the "control" factor plays out in your D/s play with GR. How far do you like him to go in his control of you? Do you allow him to control your O's, for instance?

so blessed said...

Mark wrote, "Aware of what's going on, being able to participate, and enjoying it all. with your will totaly handed over to your husband and no worries."

By that definition, oh yeah. sw has been there many times. She loves the freedom she has when she has given everything she has to me.

Gemma said...

bunnyhunch, it's just as Mark described.

so blessed, I wouldn't want GR to always control my O's because there are times when my O's are hard to come by and I never know from day to day when I will struggle to O. Usually I can and usually I can O 2-3x. But GR's control of anything else is very appealing to me.

Mark 9:24 said...

so blessed wrote:
...was wondering how much the "control" factor plays out in your D/s play with GR. How far do you like him to go in his control of you? Do you allow him to control your O's, for instance?
My wife is VERY multiorgasmic and back when we were into D/s I often used to contoll her O's.
She found it very hot, so much so that when she was allowed to have one it was like a bomb going off. ;-)

Mark

bunnyhunch said...

I should have made my question more clear, addressing it to Gemma or Mrs. Mark; my apologies. Thanks for the excellent explanations.

This all sounds absolutely fascinating. I am game for the D/s thing, but for us it may be a bit soon for us at the level you're talking of. Man, I had no idea how interesting and inviting this topic would end up. The idea of my DH being completely in charge of my body and everything it does is a huge turn-on for me.

You must all have some pretty heavy-duty equipment in your toy chests.

Tonight when I came home from work, DH was gone (working tonight, late)... but he'd left a camera and several of my silk scarves on our bed. I think he's enjoying this thread, too. lol!

so blessed said...

Just wondered, Gemma. Control is just such a huge factor in D/s for us. When we are going out for a D/s evening together, I will often have sw go home, strip naked, and wait for me that way. From that point on, I take total control; choose her clothes, whether or not she wears any underwear, I direct her makeup, and generally control her actions for the whole evening. Things usually get highly erotic for us when she lets go of her inhibitions that way!

Orgasm control for her can be mind-blowing, if you play it right. I.e., maybe I have sw playing with her Pocket Rocket. When I know she is getting close, I tell her she can't come without permission, but then I make her increase her pace with the vibrator. She will usually hit the point of begging for an O pretty quickly. Sometimes I demand that she keep up that pace, but control her body and not allow it to come until I get to zero. I then start counting backwards from ten, and of course get slower and slower toward the end. If I time it right, I hit zero at just the last possible second when she can't stand it anymore, and her explosion inside is mind-blowing.

In that case the DH has to really know the sw and watch her carefully, so that he takes control of the O at just the right time. That would eliminate your problem of GR controlling your O on one of your off nights.

Gemma said...

Ah, bunnybunch, you could possibly be a 'closet sub' ;-).

Gemma said...

so blessed said: "In that case the DH has to really know the sw and watch her carefully, so that he takes control of the O at just the right time. That would eliminate your problem of GR controlling your O on one of your off nights."

I'm not sure I am following you. If I'm struggling to O one night, how can GR control my O... if it's not happening? How would that eliminate the problem?

so blessed said...

Ooh, sorry, let me restate. I should have said, "That would eliminate your problem of GR TRYING to control your O on one of your off nights."

What I mean is that for this to work really well, the DH has to know instinctively when the sw is really into it, and the "volcano is about to blow," so to speak. And THAT is when he steps in, as the DH and takes control of the pace and her subsequent O's.

For instance, say he challenges you to MB for him and it just isn't working, you are struggling with it. Then he has to realize that and doesn't go here at all; instead, he does whatever is necessary to help you O, (if you are wanting to.)

I was meaning to say that if he is really attuned to your body, then this eliminates the risk of a DH trying to control an sw's O when it just isn't working; cause he knows instinctively not to go there that particular night. He doesn't try to take control of something that is not there. (Puts a big responsibility on the DH, but he is being given a wonderful gift to enjoy, too!)

Does that help?

bunnyhunch said...

So Blessed, I'm sitting here with my eyes and mouth wide open. That's a LOT of control! I cannot imagine not being allowed to O while at the same time turning up the vibrator.

When you experience the most awesome sex, don't you just wish you could just tell someone about it? In the flesh, I mean. I always wished I could talk with my best friend about it, but it's a no-go. This blog & TMB sure help.

I feel like we're complete amateurs compared to all of you! So much to learn, so much fun to have...

Gotta go find some more silk scarves. ;)

Gemma said...

so blessed,

Now I see what you mean. Let me try and explain the story of my O's. For me, 99.9% of the time I can O at will and often O 1-3 times a session. What I can't always control is the exact moment which I'm able to release that O. It could take me 10 seconds or it could take 15 min or longer. Yesterday I had a vibrator-assisted O. I was tied with rope and had SmartBalls inside me. The moment I felt the vibe touch my body, I instantly O'd.... no kidding, it was like 2-3 seconds into it. There would have been no way for me to hold that one back, kwim? It just happened without any effort. And then there are times where I purposely don't want to O because I love to live in that "in heat" mode. It's an erotic high that I often crave. Last night I had an O. This morning I jumped GR's bones but I did it solely to give him release before he left for work where I wanted to stay "in heat" all day today. There are times that I desperately need to O and then there are other times when I get off on not Oing and I deliberately don't. So you see, my ability and even my desire to O is rather qwerky although, honestly, I'm not sure how I compare to most women. Perhaps I do fall within "the norm", whatever that is, lol.

So, wow, yeah, for GR to control my O's.... I'm just not so sure if that would be to our advantage or not? And he knows when I'm about to blow. There are times when he tells me, "I don't think you're ready to O just yet," and he'll tell me that when I'm about to blow but he'll purposely inhibit me from Oing just to drive me crazy, lol.

Does that help explain the nature of my O's? As always, I'm open to suggestions :-).

Gemma said...

bunnyhunch, why can't you talk to your best friend about it? ... using a healthy degree of discretion, of course.

so blessed said...

Hi Gemma -

Sure, I understand what you are saying. But honestly, I think you all are playing with this already and maybe haven't realized it. You may just need to learn from each other how to implement it in a way that will be most erotic for you both.

Here's why I say that: Gemma wrote: "And he knows when I'm about to blow. There are times when he tells me, "I don't think you're ready to O just yet," and he'll tell me that when I'm about to blow but he'll purposely inhibit me from Oing just to drive me crazy, lol."

If you enjoy being inhibited like that, then maybe you incorporate the O control in this manner, almost as a last minute thing, and only when he knows the time is right. But when you get to this point (quote above) maybe instead of being passive (I don't think you're ready . . .) he gets dominant: "Hold that O for me, Gemma! And he keeps up the stimulus making it harder and harder for you to hold off, still telling you "Hold it! Don't O yet!" until he sees you starting to explode, and then he releases you, "Go Gemma! Go! Now! Come for me now!" Let me tell you, that causes some major explosions at our house!

And remember too, that O control is not only about holding back. It is also about pushing a sw through to second or third one, especially in those times when her mouth is saying "no" but her body is saying "YES!"

so blessed said...

Hi bunnyhunch -

yes it is a lot of control, but that's just the way my sw likes it, so that's how we do it!

If you guys are new at this, just start off slowly. He has to build your trust to a very deep level before you can freely give yourself to him this way. It takes time, and you both have to work at it.

He HAS to learn you and your body, what your triggers are, what excites you; until when you are LM he can read you like a book. D/s sex for us is about digging out all her deepest darkest secret desires, and then "making" her do those things for me and for my pleasure.

It's been a wonderful journey!

bunnyhunch said...

Gemma-

I have attempted to talk with her in recent months, but she is obviously not comfortable with it. Also, she said things a few years ago that lead me to believe we are not on the same page at all when it comes to the importance of sex in our marriages. Someday, if SHE starts the discussion, I'll be happy to go there.

I have a married sister who I can confide in. I don't need to go into detail with her (though it's okay to); it is just nice to have someone I can call to say "Oh, man, did we have a great time last night!" She knows what I'm talking about.

Gemma said...

so blessed,

I see what you're saying about "O control" and will certainly give it a lot of thought. Meanwhile, I am trying to learn more about D/s in general... trying to learn what else there is in a D/s relationship other than "O control". You can find tons of internet info on BDSM but it is challenging to find stuff specifically about D/s. I'd love to find a well written book which explains step-by-step how to move into a D/s relationship and also describes in examples, what a D/s relationship looks like (ie, a look into the lives of D/s relationships).

Gemma said...

bunnyhunch, I'm confused. Are you Mr. bunnyhunch?

so blessed said...

Wow. If you ever find such a book, please let us all know. I would love read that myself. I know we have just sort of evolved into this dynamic over a period of years. We are definitely a mutual submission couple, so far as our general relationship goes, with mutual respect for each other, opinions, preferences, etc. But when it comes to our sex life, it is heavily D/s.

My DW is a "giver", and is most fulfilled sexually when she knows she has given everything she has, and totally satisfied her DH. You can see how that would lead to a great D/s relationship! We began incorporating more and more D/s into our LM, and now it has become a major dynamic for us. It is far from just O control for sure. It is more like "total control." (on the nights that we do D/s, that is)

Maybe I could answer some specific questions for you? No expert by any means, just know what has worked so well for us.

bunnyhunch said...

Just Bunnyhunch. Perhaps I should have quoted your question before responding to it.

Gemma: "bunnyhunch, why can't you talk to your best friend about it? ... using a healthy degree of discretion, of course."

My best friend is the 'she' I referring to. Sorry for the confusion.

BTW - Of all books, articles, and postings I've read so far on the subject of sex, this thread is by far the most interesting and enlightening. Thank you so much for exploring this topic!

Gemma said...

Thanks, BH. I went back for a reread. I get it now. Sorry.

Gemma said...

so blessed,

I did recently stumble upon this site: http://www.albanypowerexchange.com/site_map.htm which has a load of info, including this book link: http://www.albanypowerexchange.com/Writings/writings.htm which has a few of their recommended books. The only problem is that I don't know enough to know whether or not their site information is accurate so I was hoping to get some opinions on it??

Again, I want to make it clear to my readers that I am not into S/M, sadism and masochism, which is also included in this site. But I didn't want to throw out the baby with the bath water so I'm reading through their articles.

As I read and learn more I'm sure I'll have more questions so I appreciate your offer to help me along in this learning process.

I know "Mark 9:24" also has plenty to share on this topic because of his background.

Regards,
Gemma

Who am I said...

Wow. A simple little thread leads to 51 comments. In this blogging stuff, sort of never now what post is going to hit the jackpot and what one is just going to go nowhere.

Gemma said...

You're right, we never know! :-)

so blessed said...

Thanks for that site reference, Gemma. Will try to check it out myself as well. Interesting, I remember seeing one Christian-BDSM site who modified the acronym: Bondage, Discipline, and Sexual Mastery. That's more along our lines! Anyway, feel free to PM me over at TMB if I can help further.

Thanks for all you do to promote healthy Christian marriages!

God bless -

herlover said...

Wow! To think I almost missed this thread. I read the first 4 or 5 comments with great interest and then didn't check back when this was no longer at the top.
This has got to be the most thrilling, erotic (to me anyway)subject that you have put on here Gemma. Thank you Gemma for this wonderful blog, and thank you So Blessed for sharing and creating a fantasy for me that, knowing my DW as I do, will be a reality for us soon.
Question: Do some of you desire that the DW become the dominant one, and do you sometimes take turns.
Gemma, maybe you should start a new thread that says to go back and read the comments on the Light Bondage thread. I bet many people moved on to the next subject at the top, like I did, and missed these great comments. I don't know what made me go back and read this, but I"m so glad I did.

Mark 9:24 said...

Gemma said:
I know "Mark 9:24" also has plenty to share on this topic because of his background.
I'm gonna jump back in here as soon as I can. I've been real busy the last three days so I have had no time.

Mark

Gemma said...

herlover,

Bondage is erotic for me as well. My dh has no desire for me to be the dominant one. He likes to be dominant and I like to be submissive. We never take turns because we only like it this way.

Don't worry. We've had so much interest in the bondage topic that I will be revisiting it from time to time.

Mark, whenever you have time, just jump in ;-).

Who am I said...

Gemma,

Having watched your blog for quite awhile and your comments at TMB, I am sort of surprised that you would always want to be the submissive one in the bedroom.

In your writing and comments, you are very direct, certainly not one to just sit quietly by. You have been very clear on your blog, what you will or will not tolerate.

Just seems like a role reversal in the bedroom. Not saying it is wrong- just one of those things I never would have guessed about you.

Any insights into all of this?

I would have guessed that you would have been the more dominant one a higher percentage of the time, but certainly not all the time.

Guess this ties right into the post about guessing other peoples sex lives. I would have been wrong on this big time.

Gemma said...

'who am I', let me try to explain.

It's not that I just sit quietly by in our marriage bed; far from it. I am as high-SD as GR. We are like one high-SD couple, if you will ;-). We take turns initiating sex at about a 50/50 ratio. When he's not reaching out for me, I'm reaching out for him. Constantly, we are pawing at each other. So in this respect I'm neither dominant or submissive. We're on equal footing.

On the other hand, when GR and I are involved in D/s behavior or bondage, I take a huge step backwards moving into a totally submissive role. These are times when I crave to be dominated, to be used (in a loving way) as GR's sex object. He loves dominating me so this works for him as well.

So during these times the more GR orders me around and takes control, the more turned on we both become. I am his sex slave. He decides what we'll do, how we'll do it, when we'll do it and for how long we'll do it. My part is to obey him.

It's like two different sexual beings working inside of me but at separate times. And I love them both; GR does too. This works for us.

Does that help clarify at all?

Mark 9:24 said...

so blessed wrote:
Mark wrote, "Aware of what's going on, being able to participate, and enjoying it all. with your will totaly handed over to your husband and no worries."

By that definition, oh yeah. sw has been there many times. She loves the freedom she has when she has given everything she has to me.

Does she seem to go into a trance, or act as if she is high as well?
That is also part of subspace.

Mark

Mark 9:24 said...

bunnyhunch wrote:
Tonight when I came home from work, DH was gone (working tonight, late)... but he'd left a camera and several of my silk scarves on our bed. I think he's enjoying this thread, too. lol!

So did anything come of this? ;-)

Mark

Mark 9:24 said...

bunnyhunch wrote:
So Blessed, I'm sitting here with my eyes and mouth wide open. That's a LOT of control! I cannot imagine not being allowed to O while at the same time turning up the vibrator.

I used to do this to DW all the time.
It was real hot and she loved the control, and when she had her orgasm, look out! ;-)

When you experience the most awesome sex, don't you just wish you could just tell someone about it? In the flesh, I mean. I always wished I could talk with my best friend about it, but it's a no-go. This blog & TMB sure help.Yes this blog and TMB really help.
It's one of the reasons I am here.

Gotta go find some more silk scarves. ;) Hey cuffs with chains work well to. Imagine the erotic clink of the links when blindfolded.

Mark

Mark 9:24 said...

so blessed wrote:
If you guys are new at this, just start off slowly. He has to build your trust to a very deep level before you can freely give yourself to him this way. It takes time, and you both have to work at it.

He HAS to learn you and your body, what your triggers are, what excites you; until when you are LM he can read you like a book. D/s sex for us is about digging out all her deepest darkest secret desires, and then "making" her do those things for me and for my pleasure.

so blessed in right on the money here.
People are different, so you'll have to find out what works for you and what doesn't.

Mark

Mark 9:24 said...

There is a book I would recommend.

It is called the Loving Dominant, by John Warren.

Mark

Mark 9:24 said...

Who am I said:
Wow. A simple little thread leads to 51 comments. In this blogging stuff, sort of never now what post is going to hit the jackpot and what one is just going to go nowhere.

And here I go adding to it. :-)

Mark

Mark 9:24 said...

so blessed wrote:
I remember seeing one Christian-BDSM site who modified the acronym: Bondage, Discipline, and Sexual Mastery. That's more along our lines!

Unfortunetly, thier message boards are no longer active, or even there as an archive.

Mark

Mark 9:24 said...

Who am I wrote:
Gemma,

Having watched your blog for quite awhile and your comments at TMB, I am sort of surprised that you would always want to be the submissive one in the bedroom.

I cannot speak for Gemma, but I don't see anything to be surprised at. Being submissive to her husband doesn't have to translate to her submitting to another, or on TMB. It may actually mean the opposite.

Just seems like a role reversal in the bedroom. Not saying it is wrong- just one of those things I never would have guessed about you.
Often those who find submission to be thier thing can find themselves feeling more powerful in other areas of thier life. It can complete something in them and it can make them feel more valued as a person.

Mark

so blessed said...

herlover wrote: "thank you So Blessed for sharing and creating a fantasy for me that, knowing my DW as I do, will be a reality for us soon."

Glad you liked it, herlover. This was honestly one of those "OK, it's Friday night, what can I think of to do with her?" moments. We've had many, many similar nights (see why I am So Blessed?)

Mark wrote: "Does she seem to go into a trance, or act as if she is high as well?
That is also part of subspace."

I wouldn't call it a trance, she is always still very much present. But when she is my sw (submissive wife), wow! No request is refused, and NOTHING else matters except pleasing her Master as totally and completely as possible.

Gemma - your explanation to Who Am I fits our relationship perfectly. When she is in D/s mode, anything goes, and the more I ask for the better she actually likes it. One phrase we often use is "Total Submission, Absolute Control." She loves the dominance, and I love the "taking" her!

Gemma said...

so blessed, I think it's the nature of personality types who are attracted to D/s... the similarities between what I described and what you and your wife do.

Mark 9:24 said...

so blesssed wrote:
But when she is my sw (submissive wife), wow! No request is refused, and NOTHING else matters except pleasing her Master as totally and completely as possible.

It's an amazing thing isn't it. ;-)
(and fun too!)

Mark

bunnyhunch said...

So did anything come of this? ;-)Mark- Unfortunately, DH came home so late, we were both way too tired to do anything adventurous. I had spent the whole evening making things extra nice for him, though, which he liked. We stayed up a little longer for some fun; it was just quieter than we planned and couldn't be helped.

Maybe I'll get the stage set soon myself... and get some chains out. He'd get a good laugh anyway, and we could always switch to the silk scarves. We are way behind all of you, Gemma, and SoBlessed when it comes to these things!

Gemma said...

Hey, don't look at me, BH. We've never used chains, although it's in the plans. :-) So Blessed and Mark are the leaders of the pack here with D/s stuff.

bunnyhunch said...

I went on a field trip yesterday to a toy store recommended in a Lou Paget book I'm reading. It was a worthwhile trip, for sure. Actually seeing these things gave me a reference point I sorely lacked.

You know, nipple clamps look a whole lot less scary IRL. Somehow I had pictured them to be much larger and heavier than they are. Probably because the only clamps I've ever seen are in my DH's wood shop. :) Aside from the whole domination thing, what is the draw? Do they feel sexy or provide stimulation while DH is everywhere else?

I found myself drawn to the dildo section not because I was that interested in them, but just because many were simply beautiful, especially the glass ones. While perusing them, I suddenly realized I was also in the middle of the BDSM section. It caught me a bit off guard. Besides reading all of the PWM postings, I had followed Gemma's atlantapowerexchange link & read everything there. Here I was in the middle of all of this stuff - floggers & the whole lot. Anyway, it was a bit creepy and amusing at the same time. A beginner's bondage kit? I chuckled. Didn't buy it - yet - but it was interesting.

I did buy a few souvenirs. We'll have some good reading to do and a bit of fun besides.

Please answer the nipple clamp questions, anyone who can.

Gemma said...

bunnyhunch said: "Aside from the whole domination thing, what is the draw? Do they feel sexy or provide stimulation while DH is everywhere else?"

Do you ever self-stimulate your breasts and nipples? I do. When you wear nipple clamps it does the same thing as when you or your dh stimulate your nipples. It raises arousal level. Besides, nipple clamps are hot looking to wear. Mine are the tweezer type and have a metal chain connecting them.

Good reading? Did you purchase some books? Which ones?

bunnyhunch said...

Thanks for answering the nipple clamp question. They'll go on my wish list now. I swear, I could O just through some great nipple stimulation - and DH is great at it. :) I haven't done it much myself.

I bought Ian Kerner's She Comes First and the companion book Passionista (used to be published as He comes Next; not sure why there's a title change. I'm in the process of reading Lou Paget's Orgasms, too.

DH didn't know I was going to go to the toy store, but thought what I brought home was fun. Actually, I'm holding onto a few things for later. It will be fun to surprise him.

Gemma said...

I know what you mean. When we're in the middle of any type of breast/nipple play, my dh can do anything he wants to me and I'm willing to give him his heart's desires. The way to a woman's heart....

so blessed said...

Wow! This thread is still getting traffic. Ok - since you all are discussing nipple clamps and D/s, here is another idea for you to try, if you like mild to moderate nipple stimulation/pain:

DomH asks sw if she can be bound and used that night. She agrees, and he asks to place a collar around her neck. (If you don't have a fancy one, a black nylon web dog collar works great.) She accepts, and he buckles it in place, and blindfolds her.

DomH takes tweezer-style nipple clamps on a chain, and passes one clamp through the D-ring in her collar and pulls them down until they are even. He then asks sw to lift her breasts, and fastens a clamp to each nipple. When he instructs her to release them, the breasts "hang" by the nipples from the chain.

DomH then puts sw in WOT, and orders her to @#$% him. Every time she goes down, the breasts bounce and the clamps tug at the nipples. He controls her pace with his hands on her hips, increasing it as she gets closer to her O. By the end, she is pounding away at him, and the clamps are now snatching at her nipples with every stroke. The visual is tremendous for him, and the increasing nipple pain as the tempo increases makes for a mind-blowing O for her!

(If the chain length on the clamps isn't right for your particular body size, simply buy a chain-style doggie leash at Dollar Tree and make it whatever length you want.)

Gemma said...

so blessed,

Explain to me what running the chain through the collar does as opposed to just wearing the chained clamps? I'm not quite understanding what the collar does for this idea.

Gemma said...

Oh, just went back and reread. Do you mean that the breasts are literally hanging below with nipples holding them above?

so blessed said...

Yeah, that's it! It greatly increases the over-all stimulation to the nipples, because the clamps are held at a fixed length while your breasts are free to move. Hopefully the chain length is such that when attached this way, your nipples are pulled slightly upward, with the weight of your breasts "hanging" slightly from your nipple tips. Now imagine, for instance, everytime you even tilt your head back or arch your back, how your nipples are pulled upward by the chain.

In WOT sex, your breasts bounce, right? So everytime you hit bottom, and your clit is stimulated on his pubis, simultaneously you get that tug on your nipples as your breasts bounce down and the nipples are stretched upward by the chain. The harder you f#$%, as you get close to O, the more stimulated your clit gets, and the more your breasts bounce, making those clamps pull harder and harder on your nipples.

It's like your DH pinching your nipples harder and harder just as you hit your pleasure spot as you stroke on him, only his hands are free to do whatever else he wants!

Warning: With that hard wire that is connected directly from her nipples to a woman's sex, this can definitely lead to sensory overload and uncontrollable explosions. :)

Gemma said...

That's why I love breast play so much during sex, because of the sensory overload ;-).

bunnyhunch said...

Mark: "So did anything come of this?"I have to revisit this, because the answer is different now. (Yea!)

DH had to be gone for a couple of hours the other night. I had planned to get a few things done around the house before he returned, but thought I'd check my email one more time beforehand. Out the window went my plans. There was a message from DH, giving me a list of explicit instructions to follow while he was away in order to prepare for his return - and a promise of what would happen when he did (we've NEVER talked like that to each other ever!). That two hours was pretty intense and erotic, too, as I attended to every detail, right down to the temperature of the bath water.

Fast forward: Wow! We were completely spent afterwards; I could barely move. For a first attempt, it was pretty fun. A little awkward, maybe, but fun. I loved having him in complete control, my only job to fulfill any and every request he makes. Now it's time to add some new things to our toy box. Have list; will go shopping, and soon! ;) (As for a dog collar? I don't know...)

"... when she is my sw (submissive wife), wow! No request is refused, and NOTHING else matters except pleasing her Master as totally and completely as possible." Yes! THIS is what I want to do for DH!

Gemma said...

On April 14 Gemma said: "Ah, bunnybunch, you could possibly be a 'closet sub'."

Well??? ;-) Was I right?

Mark 9:24 said...

Our toy chest was depleted in 2004 for due to personal reasons.
I went trough a bad time after working 80+ hour work weeks for a very long time.
We gave up D/s at the time, and I stopped listening to talk radio and only listed to Christian music and radio station for a long time.
I had a lot of things to work out, and things got better.

That being said I am rebuilding our toy inventory. I am waiting on delivery on the following items which s/b a lot of fun. ;-)

Everything is from Liberator.com
Wedge/Ramp Black Label combo http://www.liberator.com/z_black_products_combo.php
Pro Cuff Kit (red) http://www.liberator.com/products.php?id=49
Thigh Cuff Kit http://www.liberator.com/products.php?id=76
D-Ring Collar http://www.liberator.com/products.php?id=78
Doggy Rider http://www.liberator.com/products.php?id=579
Universal D-ring Clips http://www.liberator.com/images/products/prodshots/ProdSilk_8.jpg
The Lovers Day Gift set was free due to the purchase of the Wedge/Ramp http://www.liberator.com/promo_gift.php

Fun times ahead in the Mark household! ;-)

Mark

Mark 9:24 said...

bunnyhunch wrote: "... when she is my sw (submissive wife), wow! No request is refused, and NOTHING else matters except pleasing her Master as totally and completely as possible." Yes! THIS is what I want to do for DH!

Gemma wrote:
On April 14 Gemma said: "Ah, bunnybunch, you could possibly be a 'closet sub'."

Well??? ;-) Was I right?

I think you're right about bunnyhunch Gemma. ;-)

Mark

Mark 9:24 said...

Who am I said...

Wow. A simple little thread leads to 51 comments. In this blogging stuff, sort of never now what post is going to hit the jackpot and what one is just going to go nowhere.

And it's still going!

Will it make it to 100???

Mark

Gemma said...

Gees, Mark, 80+ hours a week? What did you think you were, superman? Last time GR kept that kiind of work schedule, which was before I met him, he ended up throwing a hammer at a co-worker just out of sheer stress. Now the most he does is 50-60 hours a week, which is great plenty. He's away from home 50 hours a week on a normal work week, leaving here at 7am and arriving back home around 5:30-6pm. Then he's on call every 3-4 weeks but that's mostly phone work.

I don't know why but I didn't realize that liberator sells inexpensive D-Ring collars. Guess I'll have to order me a black one from them ;-). Help me out- What do you do with the D-ring clips? I mean, how would you use them?

Do let me know what color ZOMI toy case they send you. I've rec'd 2 free ZOMIs from them already. Each time I begged them over the phone to send me a color other than blue. Both times they sent me blue, saying they couldn't honor color choices for the ZOMIs, grrrr. Overall, liberator is a great company to do business with but I spend so much money with them that I figured, how hard would it have been to send me non-blue ZOMIs?

I know you and Mrs. Mark will enjoy the new toys.

Gemma said...

Mark 9:24 said: "Will it make it to 100???"

I can see that I'm going to have to keep a "D/s, bondage" thread going on my main blog page... soon as I figure out how to keep it on the main page. This seems to be a hot topic.

bunnyhunch said...

Gemma wrote:
On April 14 Gemma said: "Ah, bunnybunch, you could possibly be a 'closet sub'."
Who knew?! :)

Umm... How do I get rope marks off my ankles? Last night got a little rough. (I'd like to add about 10 sirens to this posting!)

Mark - I'm so jealous of your order! We/I just spent about $300 on other toys; furniture will have to wait until fall. But NOT the Bed Buckler & cuffs, etc. We need them NOW.

so blessed said...

Bunnyhunch said: Wow! We were completely spent afterwards; I could barely move.Woo Hoo, Mr. Bunnyhunch! Big kudos for going out on a limb and giving youw DW something she really wanted, even if it was a bit foreign to you.

And Ms. Bunnyhunch, I hope you are continuing to affirm your DH, and his decision to do this for you. It is a really vulnerable feeling the first few times a DH "takes" his DW that way, and we really need strong confirmation that it was good for you too. If you want more of that, just keep ladling on the praise for the last time!

Anyway, congrats to you both! Just wondering, would you be comfortable sharing that list of instructions with us?

Gemma said...

bunnyhunch said: "How do I get rope marks off my ankles?."

All I can say is "ouch". Get thee some more comfy restraints.

Mark 9:24 said...

Gemma wrote:
Gees, Mark, 80+ hours a week? What did you think you were, superman?

Nope, but I was in telecom and if you wanted to keep your job you worked what was required.

I don't know why but I didn't realize that liberator sells inexpensive D-Ring collarsWhen I saw the price I couldn't resist. ;-)

Help me out- What do you do with the D-ring clips?I'm hoping to use them so I can use chains for restraints instead of the tethers provided.

Do let me know what color ZOMI toy case they send you.Will do! I hope mine is red.

I know you and Mrs. Mark will enjoy the new toys. I sure hope so! ;-)

BTW, I am also waiting on delivery of this: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000K7CV2I

As you can see I have a red/black theme going.

Mark

Mark 9:24 said...

Gemma wrote:
This seems to be a hot topic.

Ya think?
I wonder why? ;-)

Mark

Mark 9:24 said...

bunnyhunch wrote:
Mark - I'm so jealous of your order! We/I just spent about $300 on other toys; furniture will have to wait until fall. But NOT the Bed Buckler & cuffs, etc. We need them NOW.

All this talk got me going and I just couldn't wait!

Mark

Mark 9:24 said...

so blessed wrote:
I hope you are continuing to affirm your DH, and his decision to do this for you. It is a really vulnerable feeling the first few times a DH "takes" his DW that way, and we really need strong confirmation that it was good for you too.

Isn't that the truth!

Mark

Gemma said...

Mark, I think dh's old job was set up the same way. He had to put in the 70-80 hrs per week to keep his job. Hence, the hammer thrown at the co-worker ;-).

bunnyhunch said...

And Ms. Bunnyhunch, I hope you are continuing to affirm your DH, and his decision to do this for you. It is a really vulnerable feeling the first few times a DH "takes" his DW that way, and we really need strong confirmation that it was good for you too. If you want more of that, just keep ladling on the praise for the last time!Oh, he's hearing it, and if he ever thinks he's not hearing it enough, he'll probably just order me to dish out more. I'll oblige! We've tried this twice now in one week (the first time I expected it, per his e-mail; the second, last night, was a total surprise). Last night he looked anything but vulnerable, and seems to be having fun just thinking up new things. We'll be just fine. I suppose we should read up on this too, eventually, but is there something that doesn't include the disturbing stuff? You know, like Mark does? ;)

Just wondering, would you be comfortable sharing that list of instructions with us?I am not at liberty to say. However, he is a man of his word and delivered on his promise, lol.

All I can say is "ouch". Get thee some more comfy restraints. I will, and very soon. The ropes were a complete surprise; he had hidden under the mattress a few days ago. he wasn't sure I'd actually like being restrained, so he went for the homemade option first. I wasn't about to ruin his fun last night by refusing to be bound by rope. The ankle marks are mostly gone now. So, Liberator's offering free shipping?

The Eroscillator package came today. DH had everything laid out on the bed for me when I got done with work. I feel like a kid in a candy store! Can't decide what to try first!

Gemma said...

Besides liberator's Bed Buckler restraints... Chinese silk rope is very body-friendly. Our local sex store sells 15 feet of this rope for about $15. We use both BB restraints and the rope as they're both comfy. I'm not much of a pain whore ;-).

so blessed said...

Being bound for sex is a favorite of ours as well. Recently I have been working with my sw on taking this to a deeper level - being bound by my words alone; i.e., willing her body to stay as I position her, no matter what is being done to her. Believe me, that's a mind game, but when it releases, wow!

bunnyhunch said...

The other night after our 2nd bondage event, DH held me tightly in his arms, kissing me slowly and sweetly. We always snuggle after making love and it is wonderful, but DH was particularly tender that time. Do those of you who have experience in sexual bondage find yourselves extra tender toward each other afterwards usually? Do you find bondage to be bonding?

The Bed Buckler set has been ordered. Yea!

Gemma said...

so blessed said: "Recently I have been working with my sw on taking this to a deeper level - being bound by my words alone; i.e., willing her body to stay as I position her, no matter what is being done to her."

SB, can you give us an example of how you do this? It sounds intriguing but I'm not sure what you mean.

Gemma said...

bunnyhunch said: "Do those of you who have experience in sexual bondage find yourselves extra tender toward each other afterwards usually? Do you find bondage to be bonding?"

My dh and I are ALWAYS kissing and caressing when we're not engaged in other specific sexual acts. I wake up often through the night. I guess it's my age, I don't know. Every time I wake I either spoon GR and caress his body all over or I ask him to turn around and spoon me, in which case, he begins caressing my body all over. Even when he spoons me I always have my right arm reaching back behind me to caress him too. We do this constantly through the night, before, during and after sex.

Both of us are very much into physical touch so it's the main way we both give and receive love.

And yes, bondage play is both erotic and emotionally bonding for us.

BH, you'll have to let me know how you like your Bed Buckler after you try it out.

so blessed said...

Gemma said, SB, can you give us an example of how you do this?

D/s play for us is so much about the "control" factor, and creating extreme tension between obedience and pleasure. We do this in many different ways; here are a few for you:

Gemma, I think I remember from somewhere that you liked spanking. Instead of being buckled down to be spanked, suppose your DomH restrains you with words, "Tonight, I am going to spank your @#$. Go lie down, on your belly, with your hands down by your sides. No matter how it stings, DO NOT move your hands to cover yourself, try to roll away, etc., etc." If you slip up, you get a dominant chastising, are put back into position, and he starts again.

Or, a nude sw is called to stand before her DomH. "Spread your legs, and place your hands on your hips. I am going to man-stim you to a huge O. You may make all the noise you want, but DO NOT allow your body to move! Keep your legs straight, your body straight, hands on your hips, DON'T MOVE." If you slip up, there is a quick swat to your butt, you are put back into position, and he starts in again. (Her legs have literally buckled after this one; had to catch hold of something to keep from falling!)

One more: DomH places sw on her hands and knees in WOT, and orders her to @#$% him. When things are going well, and she is about ready to O, he grasps her hips firmly at the very top of her stroke, his P barely in the lips of her V, and says, "Now stay, right there. Don't move, control your body for me, cause now I want to @#$% YOU! He then moves his hands away from her hips, and thrusts into her from beneath, slowly building until she O's, and stopping to correct her anytime she moves. sw is helpless; she feels the O coming, but can't move to respond and help it along. She just has to allow it to explode inside her body whenever her DomH brings her there.

Any action that a DomH wishes to have from a sw works, really, when she allows his words to become the ropes that hold her in place for his pleasure.

That help?

Gemma said...

Ahhh, now I see what you mean about "the control factor, and creating extreme tension between obedience and pleasure". It sounds really hot. So where did you learn this stuff? I want to learn more and be able to learn at a faster rate.

bunnyhunch said...

So Blessed, once again I am sitting here with my jaw dropped. DH is reading these posts, too. Being newbies to this whole thing, we're both soaking in all the information we can get. How did you learn all this stuff, anyway? Did I ever say thank you for sharing all your expertise?

I want to turn the tables a bit regarding the whole bondage thing: DH has said that whenever the Bed Buckler arrives, we will use it that evening, but with one stipulation: it'll be HIS turn to be bound. He's not sure it'll become his favorite thing, but wants to give it a shot. As always, I'm willing to oblige, but I need help. I hate to keep pulling the newbie thing, but it's only been about 2 1/2 months since we've started doing anything but PIV, hand jobs, & some OS. (It was good, it really was, just not that adventurous.) DH is a pretty even-keeled guy. I'd love to blow him away with pleasure - to do something memorable, but he's not that excitable. Well, not in general, but is moreso in the sex department. If the little guy wilts, it's going to be a downer.

I've got a couple of ideas, but could use more from those who have done this before or have had it done to them.

While DH does read these posts, I will be restricting his reading for awhile, in order to get the most out of whatever anyone has to say and to not spoil the fun. I'm in charge this time, so - what's good for the goose...

Gemma said...

I can't help you any, BH. When we use bondage my dh has no desire to be bound. Maybe some of the guys can offer suggestions.

so blessed said...

BH, sorry, but I can't help you turn the tables either. D/s is strictly a one-way thing for us as well.

Gemma and BH, unfortunately I can't recommend any books or sites for you. Most of what we do, I have developed through experience. When we first began I did read a bit on the basics of D/s (like your Albany Power Exchange site), but then just took those principles and began trying to apply them to a Christian marriage sexual relationship.

I began to focus on that mantra of "total submission, absolute control", and how can I implement that in such a way that she is mind-blown when it is over (cause that's when I am happiest!) So long as you stay Biblical, let your imagination run wild . . . and follow it!

And by the way, I am so glad that my posts have been helpful to you all! Thanks, Gemma, for starting a great post on a controversial subject!

Gemma said...

blessed, I will be covering this topic again really soon in a new article since it has been a well talked about favorite topic ;-). Meanwhile, feel free to continue posting comments under this article as much as you like.

Mark 9:24 said...

Gemma wrote:
Do let me know what color ZOMI toy case they send you. I've rec'd 2 free ZOMIs from them already. Each time I begged them over the phone to send me a color other than blue. Both times they sent me blue, saying they couldn't honor color choices for the ZOMIs

I received our shipment yesterday.
My ZOMI case was Chocolate Brown.
We weren't able to try out the new shapes last night and we're going out of town with the kids this weekend so we won't be using the shapes until next week.
Boooo!

Mark

Mark 9:24 said...

Gemma wrote:
I can see that I'm going to have to keep a "D/s, bondage" thread going on my main blog page... soon as I figure out how to keep it on the main page. This seems to be a hot topic.

This is the thread that just keeps on giving. :)

Mark

Mark 9:24 said...

so blessed wrote:
I have been working with my sw on taking this to a deeper level - being bound by my words alone; i.e., willing her body to stay as I position her, no matter what is being done to her. Believe me, that's a mind game,

DW and I used to do this. It was amazing how well it worked and it was hot!
it's a good time to get out a feather duster, a faux fur duster and a dog grooming glove. http://www.amazon.com/Simple-Solution-Grooming-Glove-Pets/dp/B0002APPFS/ref=pd_bbs_sr_2?ie=UTF8&s=home-garden&qid=1241180690&sr=8-2

Anything that you can think of that can bring interesting sensations for sw. And be sure she's blindfolded so she has no idea of what is, er, cumming? ;-)

It can really test verbal/mental bondage. ;-)

Mark

Mark 9:24 said...

bunnyhunch wrote:
Do you find bondage to be bonding?

We did.
After all, this kind of play can push the limits of how much a sw trusts her DH.
That kind of trust is very bonding.

Mark

Mark 9:24 said...

so blessed wrote:
......Any action that a DomH wishes to have from a sw works, really, when she allows his words to become the ropes that hold her in place for his pleasure.
It sure looks like you two really have this down. ;-)

Mark

Mark 9:24 said...

bunnyhunch wrote:
I want to turn the tables a bit regarding the whole bondage thing: DH has said that whenever the Bed Buckler arrives, we will use it that evening, but with one stipulation: it'll be HIS turn to be bound.

Can't help you there. It was always DW being bound.
And personally, and please don't take this personally, I have never understood why a husband would want to be dominated by his wife.

Mark

Gemma said...

Oh, lucky you, chocolate brown ZOMI. I'm jealous. I told them, "Please, any color but blue and they sent blue."

Enjoy your weekend away, Mark.

so blessed said...

Bunnyhunch -

Have you seen the new thread on TMB: "How do I dominate my DH?" May find some ideas there that would help you.

bunnyhunch said...

Mark 9:24:
Can't help you there. It was always DW being bound.
And personally, and please don't take this personally, I have never understood why a husband would want to be dominated by his wife.
No offense taken, Mark. Ever since we began reading and talking about D/s bondage, DH has said he doesn't think he'd like to be bound. Now that we've actually purchased the Bed Buckler, though, he's curious to see what it's like. Personally, I don't really want to dominate over him, either, but he has been so good to me in this new adventure; if he makes a request, I want to oblige. We'll try it once and see how it goes.

I haven't gotten very far with suggestions, but did come up with a few ideas on my own. Instead of forcing him to doing things, I thought I'd taunt him, doing things I've never done before (that's easy!) but not allow him join in on the fun until I decide it's time. It might be time to "give him a show." Whether I'll allow him to watch or blindfold him and tell him every detail I don't know yet. It depends on my comfort level that evening. With a couple of glasses of wine and some inspiring music, maybe I can pull it off. We'll see. I have other ideas, too, but suggestions are still welcome!

I have spent a lot of time planning and preparing for our evening of fun. The Bed Buckler arrived yesterday, so we were to have our fun last night. Unfortunately, there was an emergency with one of our sons, so it is on hold for now. Sex is not, just the adventurous stuff until we can concentrate on it again.

Anonymous said...

In answer to the question about why a husband would want bound- I thought I would give my insights as a man.

This is one of my fantasies, and not one that my wife is keen about.

One reason is that so often I am the sexual aggressor and creative one, that it would be nice just to let her be the leader in seeing how hot she can get me.

A second reason is that sometimes when I am very excited I am so strong that I can hurt her without even realizing it. If I was restrained I might be able to more just enjoy allowing myself to get totally excited with less concerns about hurting her.

Mark 9:24 said...

so blessed wrote:
I began to focus on that mantra of "total submission, absolute control", and how can I implement that in such a way that she is mind-blown when it is over (cause that's when I am happiest!) So long as you stay Biblical, let your imagination run wild . . . and follow it!

That is how we did it, and I am looking to do it again. DW and I had a talk last week about submission and control. :)
There used to be Christian based online resourses but it looks like they're no longer active.

Mark

Mark 9:24 said...

bunnyhunch wrote:
No offense taken, Mark.

Thanks bunnyhunch.
I thought I might stir up a hornets nest with what I said.

Mark

Mark 9:24 said...

bunnyhunch wrote:
The Bed Buckler arrived yesterday, so we were to have our fun last night. Unfortunately, there was an emergency with one of our sons, so it is on hold for now.
So how did it go? Have you had a chance to use it yet?

Mark

bunnyhunch said...

Have you seen the new thread on TMB: "How do I dominate my DH?" May find some ideas there that would help you.Thanks for the suggestion, SoBlessed. I had started looking under bondage and found little so far. After typing in what you suggested, I found plenty. We'll see where it leads!

So how did it go? Have you had a chance to use it yet?I hate to say it, but it's still in the package. :( We were preoccupied for a few days with a son's precarious health. He's doing okay now, but then we had a horribly busy weekend besides. We need some concentrated time to fully get into it, and that'll happen soon.

I did blindfold DH the other night, though, and play with strings of pearls and lots of Astroglide. It was a big hit, and another first for us. :)

I/we are really enjoying this new lease on our sex life!

so blessed said...

Bunnyhunch -

I just PM'ed you with some info over at TMB.

Mark 9:24 said...

bunnyhunch wrote:
So how did it go? Have you had a chance to use it yet?I hate to say it, but it's still in the package. :( We were preoccupied for a few days with a son's precarious health. He's doing okay now, but then we had a horribly busy weekend besides. We need some concentrated time to fully get into it, and that'll happen soon.
Good to hear your son is doing better.

We too have had a very busy time, so we have yet to use out Black Label Ramp/Wedge combo either.

We'll get to use out new toys soon and then let the fun begin! ;-)

Mark