Monday, March 16, 2009

Wake up, wake up, oh dormant desires!

For the last couple of years I have so enjoyed developing and sharing a high sense of eroticism and passion with GR. Let me explain where I am going with this.

While so many husbands and wives tell about how they anticipate the arrival of their O's, in my warped way of thinking I have often wondered, "What is the rush? What about the journey?" Do not get me wrong. I love to O as much as the next person, however, I have found that it is the journey which ultimately keeps my relationship with GR on fire. Many times I have orgasms.... I could O each and every time if I wanted... but then there are those times that I purposely do not and I never fully understood why I made those choices... that is... until now.

My latest, greatest marriage book explains exactly what I have felt in my heart about eroticism and passion these last couple of years. I have been reading Shmuley Boteach's book entitled: The Kosher Sutra: Eight Sacred Secrets for Reigniting Desire and Restoring Passion for Life, ISBN: 0061668354 . You see, so many of the books on the topic of sex explain how to quickly get to O or if they write about the journey to any great length, the suggestions are quite lame. As a nice alternative, Boteach explains how to enjoy the journey and use it to heighten eroticism and passion in your relationship. I have not yet read the entire book but I thought I would share a few of his quotes in hopes that it would wet appetites for Boteach's unique writing.

Boteach says:

"The main principle behind Tantric sex can be paraphrased in this way: people should live in a constant state of preorgasm. We are meant to harness sexual and erotic energy without allowing it to seep out, and utilize it in our waking, conscious life. In other words, unlike Western sexuality Tantra is means-oriented. It is sex with the purpose of heightening arousal by delaying orgasm and not allowing your body to be purged of desire. You prolong sex for as long as possible in order to heighten the sensations that lead to the expansion of human consciousness. This sensation is then redirected, channeled into the mind, ultimately allowing us to live indefinitely in a heightened state of arousal."

"The sexual consciousness of husband and wife is aroused by having foreplay without sex, and sexual intercourse without orgasm so that lust and desire are fostered."

"Sex does not consist merely of the act of penetration, but the act of two energy bodies rubbing against one another and generating first heat and then enlightenment. Tantra allows for the maximization of sexual pleasure because, by doing away with guilt and fear, it breaks down the self-imposed walls that serve to separate male and female even in the sexual act."

"Tantra teaches you to worship your sexual partner and to transform the act of sex into a sacrament of love. Lovemaking is a spiritual endeavor and mystical journey. If sex is accompanied by a deep and soulful awareness, it becomes a gateway to spiritual ecstasy and heavenly consciousness."

The Kosher Sutra is all about reawakening dormant desires through prolonged time spent on the journey and Boteach has some hot, sizzling methods to accomplish this. Do check it out!

9 comments:

KyWildcat said...

This is something that I think I would like more than my wife. At some point during the "process" she wants to get to PIV where I'd like to enjoy the process for a longer time as it does also increase the intensity of the orgasm.

KW

Gemma said...

It only takes one person to slow down the process, KW. GR and I both enjoy moving things along at a slow rate and we sort of take turns slowing things down.

Another thing we like to do is just rest our nude bodies against each other in bed. When we do this at night we often nod off to sleep before having sex. We'll wait for 30 minutes on up to a couple of hours before going for O's. Or if we do it in the morning, the first one who wakes up begins to ever so slowly arouse the other and we'll keep up "the dance" until we just can't stand waiting another minute.

Anticipation is hot!

Mark 9:24 said...

Gemma,

Thank you for pointing out this book.
I have been unsure about "Tantra" thinking it was Eastern Mysticism. Having a Rabbi write this book, and the reviews I read about him on Amazon is putting a new light on Tantra for me. One I am thinking of exploring through his books.

Thanks again.

Mark

bunnyhunch said...

This book sounds like something I'll have to read (read the introduction so far, online). I like the focus of 'worshiping' your sexual partner, transforming the act of sex into a sacrament of love. It implies that a far more intimate act is taking place (not just sex in and of itself).

Along the lines of slowing things down, something we particularly enjoy is taking turns pleasuring each other for a chosen amount of time (usually 10-20 minutes; we often use a using a quiet timer to insure equal time). We do this only when we can set aside an hour or more for lovemaking; to make it work well takes a significant amount of time.

The first round or two involve non-sexual touching, in order to completely relax each other. The intensity increases imcrementaly. We may take a break between sessions, but usually we just enjoy everything in succession. Soft music and candlelight add to the ambiance, as does the anticipation of what is to come.

By the time we're through (with O's for both of us usually), each of us feels very and loved and completely satisfied, and we snuggle up for a long time afterwards just basking in the afterglow of a wonderful lovemaking session.

The 'journey' is what it is all about when we do this; the slowness of it all and the personal concentration make for a memorable evening!

The concept of Tantric sex is new to me, but does what I describe sound something like what Boteach is trying to get across?

Gemma said...

Mark,

You have to be careful no matter what you read these days, even when the author claims to be a Christian. But yes, Boteach is a Rabbi. I've seen him on tv a couple of times so I've heard him talk, too. He has a lot of good nuggets to share about putting the spark back in the MB.

There are a few things in most books I read that I don't agree with so I just toss those thoughts aside... save the baby, toss the bath water.

Gemma said...

bunnyhunch,

What I like about Boteach is that he does not believe in sex outside of marriage. Many resources on Tantric sex use examples of unmarried folks. (Sigh, do they think married folks can't be sexual?)

In his book, Boteach talks about keeping yourself in a state of continual arousal. Not that you don't ever O; you do. But he talks about extending the journey... placing more emphasis on the journey than what is normally done in Western sexuality.

When you extend the journey and even skip Oing once in a while during some sessions, you can't help but stay in an aroused state with desire for your spouse heightened. He calls it a "state of preorgasm". You know, that good feeling you have before you O?

I would dare to suggest that even low-SD spouses could likely increase their sexual desire when practicing Tantric sex.

Mark 9:24 said...

Gemma wrote:
You have to be careful no matter what you read these days, even when the author claims to be a Christian.

That is sooo true!

There are a few things in most books I read that I don't agree with so I just toss those thoughts aside... save the baby, toss the bath water.

Except for the Bible, this is my approach as well. Some of the best "how to" books about sex are not written by Christians.

In his book, Boteach talks about keeping yourself in a state of continual arousal. Not that you don't ever O; you do. But he talks about extending the journey... placing more emphasis on the journey than what is normally done in Western sexuality.

This is what I find so interesting. I think it would be great (understatement of the year) if DW and I could achieve such a state.

Mark

herlover said...

This is one of Gemma's best posts yet, in my opinion. DW and I practice this method, and keep improving and enjoying the benefits. It is thrilling and ecstatic and just keeps building. A form of "edging" can be incorporated in this. Caution: I too as a Christian am wary of Tantric ideas. And I have not read the book, but have read elseware that for the male anyway, denying orgasm after prolonged arousal can be harmful to the prostate. We enjoy the elevated and increasing arousal, but finally do O. Lovely!

Gemma said...

herlover said"
"... denying orgasm after prolonged arousal can be harmful to the prostate. We enjoy the elevated and increasing arousal, but finally do O. Lovely!"

Yes, we do too-- finally O. Of the two of us I skip Oing the most. GR O's 99.999% of the time. Me? I'm the one who purposely bypasses some of my O's and it is so, very worth it.