Monday, February 2, 2009

How are showers comparable to preparation for sex?

As I am somewhat particular about *public* showers, I did not shower at the hospital. Oh, I am sure the shower was no worse than hotel showers but none the less, I turned down the offer to use it. Since being back home, I have dreaded showering. Do not get me wrong--- I LOVE showers and have been known to take 2-3 of them in a day's time during hot summer months. It was just that with all the pain from surgery I was afraid to get in the shower and then experience even MORE pain than usual, however, GR pushed me and I finally took the plunge this weekend.

Oh my!!! Did it ever feel luxurious! I wonder if surgery or IV meds have a negative affect on a person's skin and hair? At the hospital I did not even bother to use anything on my skin. Heck, it was all I could do keep the nausea at bay. So taking care of my skin was not a priority then but it is now. When I showered, I was able to use my pumice stone on my heals. Washing my hair brought all my natural curls back. After showering, GR treated my feet with my favorite cucumber-scented foot lotion. I love the smell of it so I slathered the stuff on my arms as well. Even my face, which is never really dry (Mediterranean skin), took a beating during the hospital stay so I applied my Oil of Olay moisture lotion to my face.

Sitting here this morning I almost feel as if the exterior of my body is back to normalcy, that it is prepared for life as I know and love. Ah, the simply things...

And you ask--- What does all this have to do with seeking and maintaining a passionate marriage? I do not know. Give me a break while I am on pain meds by allowing me a few minutes to think about it. Dum, de, dum, dum, dum... Oh, here we go! The word for the hour is------ preparation. How much time and at what point in our day or even in our week do we prepare ourselves for a passionate romp in the bed or even exhibit plain old passion for our spouse outside the perimeters of the bedroom? Do we daily make it a priority the way we daily set time aside in preparing to take care of our kids, our church or our friends? Or..... do we fly by the seat of our pants in regard to preparing for marital passion? And if we "fly", do we not care where we land or who is affected?

Now I realize that for some, myself included, preparing for (marital) passion comes as naturally as eating and sleeping. But what about for others? Is it acceptable to tell our spouse, "I'm just not that into you," and then devote all our time to everything BUT our marriage bed? We say our marriage is our most sacred relationship after our relationship with God but is it REALLY? I am speaking here to those who often say "no" but I am also speaking to those who mostly tease and tease... typically during times when sex cannot happen... and then when the opportunity for sex does come up, they will not follow through. In both situations lack of preparation is evident. In both cases, lack of a sense of sacredness for the marriage bed is evident.

So what can we do to sexually prepare ourselves to be the best we can possibly be for our spouse? Many folks make lists, "to do" lists, for everything they want to accomplish in a day. If prepping for sex needs a reminder, would it not make sense to also make a list of ideas to always keep before us that would make the daily prep work less burdensome? Sure, it is not always the case that lack of prep causes lack of passion but if we do take time to prep, perhaps many of us could eliminate a bulk of the difficulties in giving and receiving passion in marriage. So my post-op word for the hour is--- PREPARATION!!!


Tulipsanticipation said...

Hmmm, prepping for me would probably include:
trimming of hair
trimming of nails (nobody like to be scratched with rough nails)
picking up the clothes in the bedroom
doing my hair and makeup
maybe wearing something sexy
Just sometimes wish the guy would take on more of the prep and planning too.

midwestman said...

As I've said before, I'd like my DW to put sex on her to-do list! She makes lists for everything to do, even puts things she does that were not on the list on the list so that she can cross them off :O Sheesh.

If you're aiming more at actual preparation for the act itself, like taking a shower, or even just "washing up" down there, etc., I always do, no matter if I expect OS to happen or not.


Gemma said...

Tulip, when I read your comment my eyes immediately looked down at my fingernails which are, indeed, in need of a trimming. (Note to self: Trip nails.)

mwm, I'm referring to emotional and physical prepping for sex. Often times doing the physical prep can roll us right into the emotional prep... for those who have to put out more effort to be emotionally ready. As we physically prep it can't help but affect our emotional readiness.

This is a bad analogy but I think of times when I've had to be somewhere away from home and I didn't really want to go. My attitude can be off until I arrive at the destination and begin doing what I came to do. Then I'm into it more.

midwestman said...

I guess I'm always mentally prepped for sex. Now, there are those special days when we plan ahead for a special night - then I do more mental prep for the encounter than I normally would - mainly trying to keep myself sane while thinking about all the things we're going to do that night :)

DW on the other hand makes to do lists all the time. Sex is never ever ever on them. I've suggested it, suggested putting subtle reminders on her calendar, etc. - nothing. She even admits that it would probably help her to "think sex" if she did this but....nothing. We've talked about this six ways to Sunday but the result is always the same. I just bought several books on the topic of marital relationships, some specifically about sex. I cracked one open called "Is that ALL he ever thinks about?" just to see what it was like and happened to open to a page in the chapter about taking the initiative. Paraphrasing, it said "Ladies, you should try to initiate sex at least once every two weeks. Give your husband a suprise by asking HIM for sex. Mentally prepare for it by whatever means necessary: put secret reminders on your calendar; read some informative books on spicing up sex; wear slinky lingerie once a week to make you think sexy thoughts about whats under your clothes." I thought those were all great suggestions - just wish DW would take it to heart. Eventually I plan on giving her this book so maybe she will read it, and since it comes from someone beside me, maybe she will take it to heart???


Gemma said...


Have you tried making to-do lists for both you and your dw? I know you don't need one but I'm wondering if you approached it like a dual purpose project for both of you to work on... maybe she's be open to giving it a try.

You could make your to-do list more romance related and she'd see that you are working to please her and the to-do would likely impress her. Then you could turn around and say, "How bout we make a sex related to-do list for you?"

Maybe you've tried this but maybe not. I know your dw likes lists and this would be a good way to incorporate her fondness for list-making with ideas to improve the romance and sex in your marriage. You could even post both lists in your bedroom or where ever they would work best.

Sensuous Wife said...

Self care is such important part of sexual stewardship. Sex is like a gift exchange party. You're much more likely to be confident and have fun if you're sure you're bringing a good gift.

A great example of this is in the novel The Notebook where Allie shaves her legs in a hot bath and thinks sensuous thoughts before a date.

Gemma said...

I agree, SW. A couple of days in the hospital after surgery was all it took for my body to feel sadly neglected.

Gotta love The Notebook! :-)

Sensuous Wife said...

I'm very glad to hear you are feeling better, Gemma. I pray the surgery gives you lasting relief and you are soon shagging GR with no pain at all. (grin)

Gemma said...

I'm one step ahead of you, Shula. I jumped GR's bones one night about a week after surgery and that's when the pain stopped. So we're already shagging without pain ;-). It took me a week to get my bearings.

Thank you for your prayers. This has been the first of 2 needed surgeries for me. I'll probably be going through the second surgery sometime this summer.