Wednesday, December 30, 2009

New Year Resolutions

This time of the year people often talk about New Year resolutions. In a way it is sort of like praying except resolutions are only made at the beginning of the new year. Typically New Year resolutions are things that we either need to be doing or things that we need to cease doing to make ourselves a better person. For it to be effective we have to be truly honest when choosing a resolution which requires our attention. When you think about it, prayer should also be this way but often times folks only pray about what they feel like changing in their life rather than what they should change or they pray, "God change ------ (so and so)."

Following a quick search, I found a few articles on this topic so I have posted them below. Have you ever had New Year resolutions pertaining to your marriage bed? If so, what have they been? Did you and your spouse stick to them? Why or why not?

Resolve To Improve Your Marriage

How To Keep New Year’s Resolutions For A Better Marriage

New Years Love Resolutions For Happy Relationships

A New Year's Resolution For A Better Marriage

On New Year's Day we could all start with a fresh, clean slate and resolve to have the most passionate marriage bed ever. Try keeping a copy of your marriage bed resolutions in a prominent spot in the bedroom where it can always be seen and then read it together once or twice a month to help you and your spouse stay true to your goals. You could place it in a clear page protector and fasten it to the bedroom door like hotel room fire escape routes ;-). You can call it the "Unhealthy Marriage Bed Escape Route".

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Christ is born, glorify Him!

In case anyone is wondering or cares--- I am enjoying some down time with my husband and kids. GR goes back to work tomorrow and then has another few days off for the New Year's holiday. The kids will be off from college for a couple more weeks. Tomorrow or Tuesday I will likely be back here in full swing.

Christ is born, glorify Him!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Boots, boots! The more you have, the more you want!

I had to edit the article I wrote about my boots. Now I have six pairs. I wanted a pair of short black boots which would be more casual and comfortable than my black ankle boots with the silver buttons but would be a little nicer and not so warm for indoor use than my UGG's. Last week I got a pair of short black biker boots. They fit the bill perfectly. I think I am hopelessly addicted to boots but..... GR also loves when I wear them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

From my original article on "boots"---

Do I have a boot fetish or something going on or is this normal? I had one pair of boots purchased a couple of years ago but since this past August I have purchased five more pairs. Now keep in mind, we live in a climate where boots are well used three seasons of the year. Please tell me that I am not a sicko with a boot fetish, please??? (I am not taking food off the table from my family, honest.)


In August I bought a pair of black ankle boots trimmed with silver buttons.

Then from the end of September until now in a little over a month's time, I purchased:

A pair of knee high black boots. My black knee highs have been discontinued so this is not an actual photo of my boots. Mine have the two buckles but they are black with lower heels.

A pair of dark brown, ankle length, western boots

And a pair of red, mid-calf height, western boots . (Ooh... these red beauties just arrived in shipping. They are more hot IRL than they are online!)

I have had my snow boots, my black, Ultimate Short UGG’s, for a couple of years now.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Keeping the marriage bed alive during Christmas season

Saturday evening GR and I enjoyed a wonderful evening at a hotel for his company Christmas dinner followed by a night's stay there. We do this each year in December. It was a nice break from our current crazy routine. Sex at night, sex in the morning.... Late morning we checked out of the room, stopped at Starbucks for coffee and then enjoyed a movie at the theater before heading back home.

Do take time for your marriage and for your marriage bed during the Christmas season. Do not let it fall to the wayside.

Reducing stress

These days, many spouses are consumed by added stress that the Christmas season brings with it or they are simply stressed over the way the economy is affecting their lives. It is when the stress is carried over to the bedroom that it really creates havoc in the marriage. While thinking about this I decided to search for articles on how to reduce stress. Do you have any stress-reducing tips which are not mentioned in these articles?

How To Enjoy Sex When Stressed: How to Get In The Mood When You're Too Stressed For Sex

More sex, less stress

5 Ways to Reduce Stress, Raise Desire

Stress Relievers: 25 Ways to Reduce Stress

Tools and Tips for Living A Low-Stress, Healthy Lifestyle

7 Ways to Sideline Stress

How to Reduce, prevent, and Cope with Stress


Stress Management - Ways to Relieve Stress

Stress management

Stress management

Do you use guilt and forgiveness appropriately?

I saw this question asked elsewhere.

Do you generally feel that you do not deserve your spouse or that you never even come close to being as good to them as they are to you?

Here is my reply. What is yours?

Several years ago I felt that way, whenever I found myself dwelling on my many years of refusing but I no longer "go there". My dh does not want to waste any more precious years of our marriage dwelling on the past and with me carrying around unnecessary guilt. I have done the deed. I confessed it. I abandoned it. I was forgiven. The guilt is gone. I keep it behind me as I tend to the present and look ahead to the future. If I continued going back to the guilt it would be like not accepting the forgiveness.... like saying "thanks but no thanks".

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

If it ain't broke, don't fix it. But if it is broke, ditch the game plan and find one that works.

One of my readers made the following comment in a recent blog thread of mine which is entitled: “What is wrong with everyone?”

He said:
“There are plenty of evangelical, protestant, orthodox, and adventist churches, where sex in marriage is not covered in the pulpit. This problem is not confined to the Catholic Church. Many other congregations have the exact same difficulty. Human sexuality is not covered at all within those faith groups, or if it is, it is discussed in terms of sin: Do not fornicate, do not commit adultery.”

I posted the following lengthy response to what was being discussed in the thread. Please do not take offense to what I am sharing. No offense is meant towards any Christian Faith. My point in all this is to encourage us all to be bold enough to do whatever is necessary to fix what is broke in our marriage and in our marriage bed.

In the first place the teaching of healthy marital sexuality need not be "from the pulpit" to be effective. It can be taught just as well in sufficient premarital counseling and/or in classroom settings. In regards to marriage bed issues on TMB forum--- I do not mean this in an insulting way. I am just trying to explain how I see it from my POV of having been in all three Christian Faiths. Which Christian Faith is most represented on TMB forum by a good 80% or higher? The Protestant Faith, of course. So if this is a huge problem for Roman Catholics (RC) and Christian Orthodox why are more of them (us) not on TMB crying for help? Also of the three Christian Faiths it is the Protestant Church (PC) who is most at liberty to preach/teach anything they want "from the pulpit" so why are they not doing it? If pulpit teachings on sex are the answer, why is it not being done in the PC?

My opinion? Respectfully, I think the keeping of secret sins of porn, premarital sex, sexual refusal in marriage, etc., is more rampant in the PC because of the huge public shame put on those who are caught in these sins AND because true confession before a pastor/priest is not exercised in the PC. Instead Protestants are told, "Your sin is only between you and God. You do not need a mediator so when you sin, just confess to God and all will be well." The problem that we saw when we were in the PC is that most people chose to ignore their sexual sin. If you refuse to acknowledge sin even to God, how can you possibly confess it and turn away from it? We can only turn away from that which we acknowledge to be sin in our lives. Even as adults, having a Father confessor can be greatly helpful in guiding us to thoroughly search our hearts so that nothing gets overlooked.

Rather than undergo public humiliation that many PC are known for putting people through when caught in sexual sin, the guilty parties choose to keep this sin secret as long as they are able until the sin is discovered by a distraught spouse. By then the lies and deception are so great that it takes twice the time and effort to correct the wrongs if they are ever corrected. From personal experience this is why my dh and I finally felt the need to walk away from the PC and to join the Christian Orth Faith. For years as a Protest Christian I had little conviction of the way I spoke to my dh or of my sexual refusal AND I knew that if I confessed anything to our pastor in search of help I would have been humiliated beyond what I felt I could handle.

Secret sin-- It is a horrible, terrible habit to keep sin secret. You are essentially telling God, "Am I not the good Christian? I do not do anything in public that you would call 'sin' but do not bother me about how I behave behind closed doors." This kind of reminds me of the many Protestant denominations who adamantly state, "We do not drink or smoke because it is sin." At one time we were in such a church and I cannot tell you how many folks in our church made that claim while drinking and smoking in secret." Who are we kidding with secret sin?

Really, this is not about RC vs. PC vs. Christian Orth. Rather it is about all Christian Faiths stepping up to the plate to practice deep soul searching, true confession, seeing lies and deception as sinful as other sins, eliminating the useless public humiliation over sexual sin, etc. PC can make fun of RC and Orth use of a Father confessor but I can tell you that when we became Orthodox and I began confessing my sins to God before our priest, it was like I had an "ah-ha" moment as I learned to dig deep and quit hiding secret sin. That was when I first began acknowledging that my sin of sexual refusal was indeed sin.

So, I guess what I am trying to say is that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. But if it is broke, ditch the game plan and find a new one that will work. Having a Father confessor works for my dh and me. We have also seen it work for our kids for things that in the past as Protestants they would have kept secret but now have no reservations in confessing before our priest.

Btw- Technically we do not confess TO our priest. We confess to God WITH our priest present as witness and spiritual adviser. We know we can confess ANYTHING with our priest and he will keep it in confidence and counsel us to spiritual health. In the event that the counsel needed is over his head, he does not hesitate to point us to the appropriate professional.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Being into each other

Hope your turkey day was fun, ours was! It was great to get away for a few days and see relatives but can I go on record to say-- Hotel stays are not as hot when you are simultaneously trying to visit with relatives. It is just not the same as when staying totally ALONE when you can just be into each other.

Oh and Job, we not only had a hotel wall separating us from the kids but we had a hotel wall, a hallway and another hotel wall. We strategically placed the kids across the hall from us rather than adjacent to our room. (I did not just fall off the turnip truck ;-)

That is all for now, guys. Enjoy the rest of your Thanksgiving weekend!

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

What does Thanksgiving Day have to do with private bathrooms?

If I do not get back here before the weekend you guys all have a good holiday. GR, the kids and I are spending Thanksgiving Day out of town visiting relatives only we will be staying at a hotel for the two nights there, in two separate rooms- one for the kids and the other for *my husband and me*. Am I excited? You bet! Here at home all four of us share the hall bathroom so when we do a hotel stay it is like luxury for GR and me to be able to enjoy our own private bathroom. Ahhh, the simple things in life!

Today, I will be busy packing toys and things ;-). We leave in the morning. Have a happy Thanksgiving!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

What do you do to cultivate sexual thoughts?

Do you take time in your day to think sexual thoughts about your spouse? Some of us automatically thing about these things but for those who do not, do you make a conscience effort to direct your thoughts in that direction? This really goes a long way in preparing your mind to anticipate the next sexual reunion.

A funny thing— Sometimes GR will... do things to me in bed in the mornings and then he will tell me, “I am doing this because I want you to remember me today.” Well, I ALWAYS remember him but he likes to leave me with sexual memories to ponder throughout my day.

Do you do anything throughout your day to cultivate sexual thoughts and if so, what is it that you do?

Monday, November 16, 2009

Story Telling Time

Perhaps I am the only one who cannot get on TMB forum, however, if none of you can... and I hope I am not the only one, hehe... here is something for you to ponder.

Briefly share your story from the beginning of your marriage to the present. Focus on how your marriage bed began, how it might have changed for better or worse, what you believe caused the change, what you wish you had done differently and then conclude with the current status. I will share mine here to give you an idea of what I mean by “brief”.

We married almost 30 years ago. Immediately we wanted to start a family and I began refusing sex except for during times when we were TTC but we were dealing with infertility in both of us. Our of guilt I blamed the infertility on my promiscuous past. Church friends thought we had a wonderful marriage but behind closed doors I was a demanding bitch and GR felt unloved and sexually neglected.

Because I stopped taking BC at the onset of our marriage, bad periods of heavy bleeding and cramps resurfaced. Within 6-8 years I was doing 3 week cycles-- a good week, a PMS week and a period week, with the P week being so bad that I would almost pass out from the blood loss. Being naive we thought this was normal. Fifteen years into the marriage I underwent an emergency hysterectomy. The sex gate mostly stayed closed, often for years at a time.

Not to excuse my sin, I essentially lived with female/fertility issues, issues from my past and refusing issues. Food was my crutch. I slowly gained 150 pounds although I am now 25 pounds from my goal weight. In 2000 I took ownership of my sin of refusing and began earnestly praying about it but I still did not know how to change. Six years later I read Schlessinger’s book: The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands, stumbled into TMB forum and the rest is history- instantaneous change from refuser to whore. One of my biggest regrets? I wish we had gone for professional counseling early in the marriage.

The end!

What is your story?

Sunday, November 15, 2009

What is your season?

Which season(s) is your favorite for enjoying sex? Fall is my favorite season of all followed by Winter, then Spring. Summer is my least favorite. The reason I prefer Fall over the others is because I know I get to enjoy three seasons of sex in cool/cold weather before summer roles around again. Overall, I suppose I prefer cool/cold weather for most anything but especially for sex.

So what is your favorite season?

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

What is wrong with everyone?

Are that many couples beginning their marriages with issues keeping them and their spouse sexually apart? I keep reading on the internet about couples who in the early stages of marriage begin struggling with sex. What is wrong with everyone? How come more couples are not going into marriage being equipped to be sexually generous spouses? Are that many immature, uninformed couples getting married? Do the parents and pastor of engaged couples not see a responsibility to train or teach these young people in what it takes to be sexually generous in their marriage bed?

And then, as if that is not enough, most of these confused young couples go for months and years fumbling around in the dark before they finally speak out but by then the story goes, "We have been married for 5 (or 10, 20, 30) years and our marriage bed has NEVER been good! What should we do?" OR.... "We have been married for 10 years (or longer) and our marriage bed was only good for the first few weeks. Please help!" Well, by then the bad habits are so cemented that it is a monumental task to undo the damage if it can EVER be undone. I get the impression that parents and pastors are telling young couples, "Hey kids, if things do not turn out as expected do not complain. Just suck it up!"

I just do not get it. Someone please help me understand this. Job, I know you and your wife train your engaged children. What is it that you have done with your kids where you see other parents and pastors missing the mark? Do tell!

Sunday, November 8, 2009

How is passionate sex like our Christian walk?

Last night GR was really tired and had to go to bed before I did. Dd#1 was concerned about her younger sister and needed to talk to me while her sister was sleeping so I stayed up a bit longer with her but then I got tired and went to bed.

Even during emotional trials you have to find ways to sexually connect or your trials will eat you for lunch. After I slept for a couple of hours I was awakened to GR caressing me, one thing led to another and before I was fully awake we were at it in a hot and heavy session which we both thoroughly enjoyed. Yes, we were tired but there are times that you have to push the sex to keep the intimate connection going.

We can always catch up sleep but it is not always easy to catch up on sex. Once left unattended the sex can quickly go downhill. In my thinking passionate sex is not too unlike our Christian walk. When life gives you a tough "row to hoe" you keep both of them going strong no matter what.

What are your absolute priorities when you have a tough row to hoe? Is passionate sex high up there on the list where it should be or is it somewhere on the bottom?

Friday, November 6, 2009

Is something wrong with me?

Do I have a boot fetish or something going on or is this normal? Just last night I was sharing with GR how buying boots has been giving me a degree of satisfaction. Since the end of September I have spent money on three new pairs of boots. Yes, you read right--- THREE PAIRS!!! Now keep in mind, we live in a climate where boots are well used three seasons out of the year. And then I recently lost a huge amount of weight so I am naturally more fashion conscience than I have been in years.

In August I bought a pair of black ankle boots.

Then from the end of September until now in a little over a month's time, I purchased:

A pair of knee high black boots

A pair of dark brown, ankle length, western boots

And a pair of red, mid-calf height, western boots . (Ooh... these red beauties just arrived in shipping. They are more hot IRL than they are online!)

I have had my snow boots, my black, Ultimate Short UGG’s, for a couple of years now.

Suddenly I am realizing that I have five pairs of boots--- YIKES!!! How did that happen? I do love all my boots and so does GR but please tell me that I am not a sicko with a boot fetish, please???

EDITED TO ADD---

Now I have six pairs of boots. I wanted a pair of short black boots which would be more casual and comfortable than my black ankle boots with the silver buttons but would be a little nicer and not so warm for indoor use than my UGG's. Last week I got a pair of short black biker boots. They fit the bill perfectly.

Monday, November 2, 2009

How do you hang on?

OK, guys, I am just going to be real with you here. Life is just so darn hard right now for GR and me with our current parenting issues but in spite of the difficulties, he and I have such a need to stay passionately and sexually active. It is the only way that we see ourselves surviving the trials we are going through with our daughter.

Sex is the glue which keeps the flames going for GR and me. Yes, emotional intimacy is important and we are having to hold on to our spirituality, of course, but the sex is that which keeps our relationship hot and heavy. Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on all our souls and help us to keep the flames burning in our marriages.

When life tries to crowd out your marital intimacy, what do you do to keep yourselves hanging on together? How do you prevent life from sucking your marriage dry? How do you pray for your marriage? Can you trust God while you are in the furnace? Is God bigger than your trials or do you allow your trials to overtake your life? If you don't trust God, where do you place your trust?

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Boys and girls, it is time for bed!

Generally, GR and I go to bed together AND enjoy retreating early in the evenings but there are times and circumstances where it is just not always possible. Presently we are living in such a time. With all the parental stuff in the last two months with one of our daughters, some of our early intimate evenings are being temporarily "robbed".

Last night GR went to bed while the girls and I had to stay up later to work on some restructuring of bipolar daughter's facebook account. It took a couple of hours with the three of us meticulously going through all the photos and writings, deleting all the stuff which GR and I deem to be "undesirable". (Btw- Do you know what your kids have on their facebook? I was amazed at how much we had to delete.) Then oldest daughter and I put together on paper a new set of facebook rules and guidelines for my youngest daughter to follow, along with serious consequences for violations of said rules.

By the time we were done I was so mentally exhausted. I quickly got a small snack and then headed off to tuck myself in bed, however...... before going to sleep I woke GR enough to let him know that I was available and hungry for sex. We were able to enjoy a good and lengthy romp before I went to sleep.

Do you and your spouse make a (bad) habit of regularly going to bed at different times? How do you handle situations when it simply cannot be avoided? Which one of you usually hits the bed first? Which of you tends to more jealously guard this time from distractions or do you guard it equally as GR and I do? If different bedtimes are causing sexual frequency to significantly drop, what might you or your spouse do to correct the problem?

Monday, October 26, 2009

Slow Dancing vs. Jumping Bones

Do you always "jump bones" when you get in bed with your spouse or do you sometimes take a more subtle, laid back approach? GR and I have times where we jump each others bones and race towards the destination of orgasms because we cannot get there fast enough. Then we have other times where we are deliberately subtle and slow-moving in a way which I feel can also be, oh, so hot and highly erotic. Most people are well aware of the bone-jumping approach to sex, however, if you were watching a couple go through the subtle approach it could almost be described as two people who are not at all interested in having sex. Such a couple could look like they are simply tired and going to bed OR.... it could look like a couple who possibly might be interested in having vanilla sex. Ahhh, but the discerning eye and the discerning mind can see beyond the surface of what seems to be the beginnings of sleep or vanilla sex and understand that this couple is moving into an intricate, erotic, sensual “dance”.

How does this dance work and why would a couple choose this approach? When my husband and I do the slow dance it is because we want to savor every moment. Some of our most intense O’s result from the slow dance of long foreplay. Typically, the slower we go, the longer we O! What has been your experience? Do you sometimes jump bones? Do you also find yourself being drawn towards the slow dance? Does your preferred method depend on your mood or does it occasionally depend on other things? Can you tell the difference between your spouse wanting to slow dance from when he/she is really not thinking sex at all? If your spouse is not interested, which approach do you most often use to entice him/her?

Thursday, October 22, 2009

"To despair is to turn your back on God." (Marilla Cuthbert in Anne of Green Gables)

This morning I was reminded of a scene in the film "Anne of Green Gables". Anne Shirley is beside herself over something that happened to her. As she and Marilla Cuthbert are heading upstairs in their home Anne is in tears and tells Marilla, "Can't you even IMAGINE you're in the depths of despair?" Marilla in her 'no-nonsense' way replies, "No I cannot. To despair is to turn your back on God."

Yesterday I had an extremely productive meeting with bipolar dd's counselor. I walked into her office feeling the beginnings of despair and walked out with a renewed trust in God. GR has been out of town on business since Tuesday morning. I cannot wait to share with him what I learned when talking with the counselor.

Confession---

GR and I were on the phone late last night. Both of us have been running on raw nerves these days. In his half-asleep mode, he said something to me that was very much on the snippy side. Well, I was so shocked at his words that I immediately got quiet for a few seconds, realized that I had a strong desire to verbally retaliate in like manner, excused myself and......... I hung up on him. GASP!!!!! Yeah, I know, I know, a childish thing to do but I did it and it is done. It was either that or engage in an ugly argument so I chose the lesser of two evils.

Only a few minutes after I hung up on him he realized how his words had affected me and he tried to call me back on my cell. I could not pick up. He tried again to get through on my cell. Again, I could not pick up. Finally he called on the house phone and by then I was calmed down enough to talk so I answered the phone and we talked it out.

Looking forward to having GR back home....

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

"Sex" and "stress"-- Do these words confuse you or your spouse in your marriage bed?

When we go through difficult, stressful times, it is not uncommon for the stress to interfere with the level of joy we normally receive from sex. GR and I have been undergoing an extreme amount of stress in these last couple of months. During this time and on more than one occasion, I have gone to bed at night or woken up in the morning with our daughter on my mind. Talk about a mood breaker ;-).... but in spite of the worries over her health and well-being GR and I have somehow managed to remain sexually active.

Many mornings and nights it has taken a deliberate effort for us to push the stressful thoughts aside enough so we could have sex even if it meant that we initially would only go through the motions to get things started. Once we would begin, we would find ourselves getting into the moment well enough to receive sexual pleasure and satisfaction. He and I both have desperately needed to remain sexually connected so we have gladly done this for our own good.

How does stress affect your sex life? How does it affect your spouse in the marriage bed? Is it ever easy for you or your spouse to push stress aside in order to enjoy sex and/or to relieve the stress? Is it fair to our spouse and to our marriage bed to regularly use stress as an excuse to neglect our sex life? When your spouse says, “I am too stressed for sex at this time,” do you use that opportunity to help them understand that stress is not a good excuse for neglecting the marriage or do you tell them “OK” and then back down?

Do you think it is sometimes true that the very things which can help us are the things which we most avoid simply because it seems to be the easy way out? In relation to stress, why do you think God gave us the marriage bed? Do you think he intended for us to avoid it whenever we are stressed? When we regularly allow stress to overcome us and to inhibit our marriage bed, are we giving more power/credit to the stress than what we give to God in trusting that He will carry us through the trials?

Friday, October 9, 2009

Health Issues *****UPDATE ADDED*****

Many of you asked why I have not been writing much on the blog lately. Well, in the last month GR and I have been dealing with some life-threatening, health issues with one of our kids. In times of crisis I become stressed and all my mental energies go to the issue at hand. Our sex life had to continue. Without that I would have been done in by now and GR would have been equally out of sorts. I had to prioritize. It was the writing about sex and passion that I had to put on hold.

So here we are, a month into the health mess, attempting to find our way to the other side so we can get back to a *normal* life, whatever normal is until.... the next crisis comes along :-). Yes, this has been our life with this child.

Thank you all for being patient and please keep us in your prayers. Pray for GR and me and for this daughter with her health issues and also pray for our other daughter because this takes a toll on her life as well. God bless you all.

*****UPDATE ADDED*****

Daughter was distracted with school starting in August and in the process, she negligently got off her bipolar meds for about a month. She kept forgetting a dose here and there and before she knew it, she was missing more pills than she was taking and then all her bipolar symptoms gradually returned. Last week, her counselor told us that it will likely take another 2-3 weeks to get her meds fully back in her system before all the bipolar symptoms die down. Meanwhile, we wait it out!

Now we require her to keep her pill dispenser on the kitchen counter where I can regularly check it. She takes her bipolar meds four times a day- when she wakes, at noon, at 4pm and at bedtime. Whenever she takes the noon or 4pm dose from school or work, I require her to text or phone me to say, "I took my pill".

While she was coming off her meds I asked her every 1-2 days, "Are you keeping up with your pill schedule?" She did not want to alarm me so she kept it hidden that she had been missing so many of her pills. Like what we have been going through this past month and a half has not been alarming? HELLO???

We see this as a long, hard road for daughter. This morning she met our pastor’s wife and spoke alone with her. Tomorrow I meet daughter’s counselor alone. Next week daughter sees her counselor again. There is so much to learn about this disorder and it seems that the more we read, the more we realize that the medical profession can only do so much for those suffering with this... as it is with many diseases and disorders.

FYI---- I have been researching books at amazon and we have begun gathering a collection of what I consider to be "the best of the best" books on Bipolar Disorder, both memoirs and also books written from a medical perspective. When I get a chance I may post the titles here on the blog. There must be a gazillion books written both by and for people dealing with this disorder but only a handful of them are read-worthy. The book I am currently reading is a memoir written by a Professor of Psychiatry at Johns Hopkins School of Medicine, who coauthored the standard medical text and who also has had Bipolar Disorder her whole life.

With our daughter's health this has been like a tormenting déjà-vu for us. Over ten years ago she was hospitalized for a week and diagnosed with a disease that will stay with her for the rest of her life unless they find a cure. Now with the Bipolar Disorder diagnosis, once again we find ourselves learning the ropes of coping with sickness and disease. Our daughter will have to battle this along with the disease for the rest of her life unless they find a cure.

Please pardon my little pity party but GR, oldest daughter and I have had a rough one and a half months helping this daughter get past panic attacks, depression, thoughts of suicide and several other symptoms which reoccurred when she messed up her meds. We feel like we are past the hump with *this episode* but from all my readings it seems that this sort of thing periodically happens with those suffering from the disorder. And she is currently trying to finish her second year of college. Both the disease and the disorder make for quite the mentally challenging environment for her to get through classes, studying, and test taking not to mention the challenge all this has been for our oldest daughter as she goes through her third year of college in the midst of so much family chaos.

As I speak youngest daughter is texting me from school. She has two exams today and one more tomorrow. She texted me this morning before her first exam to say “I AM DOOMED!!!”. I asked her, “What is wrong?”… thinking something awful must happened. “Oh, nothing, I am just freaking out.” Just now got another text after her first exam, “I am done.” I told her, “Good- One down, one more to go for today.” It is like she needs every little bit of encouragement to get through her days at school.

Thank you all for keeping us in your prayers.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Define "normal frequency"!

What makes a person wake up in the middle of the night starving for sex? At least not on a regular basis most of us do not do this but what triggers that behavior? The times that GR and I woke each other for sex it was not because we were sex-starved. Take yesterday for example--- We had sex yesterday morning and again around 9pm last night before going to sleep. This morning by 3am I was awake and horny so I woke GR and we enjoyed another romp. He does the same if he wakes during the night and will reach over to me to get things going.

So what is the deal? How can a person have sex twice in a day and then wake from sleep six hours later needing more sex? Is this simply normal behavior as a result of being high-SD? For those whose spouse does not appreciate being woken--- If you could do it, would you? I would like to think that this is normal sexual desire and behavior, that sex should be as natural and as frequent as eating and sleeping. On second thought, I take that back. Every four hours I usually eat something so maybe sex should be as natural as sleeping ;-)?

My husband and I have been doing this dance for almost three years now and it is still somewhat of a mystery to me. He and I came downstairs at 6am for coffee and since I woke him from sleep I asked, "Are you still tired?" "A little," he says. "You know," I tell him with a mischievous tone in my voice, "We could skip some of our morning and nightly romps and then we would get more sleep?" His reply, "So! Is that what you would want to do?" "No," I tell him. No more words were needed. Our exchanged looks said it all. He and I will continue cutting into our sleep for what we consider to be normal frequency until one or both of us decide that it is NOT normal. For now, neither of us foresee that happening anytime soon.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Is it EVER easy to be apart?

I just wanted to pop in here to say that I really, REALLY miss my husband. He left Tuesday morning for a business trip and will not be back until tomorrow evening (ie, Thursday). We go through this every couple of weeks but it never becomes easy to be apart. Those of you who are fortunate to have your spouse with you, enjoy being sexually intimate together. End of my whiny pity party. Thank you for putting up with me.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

If marital romance is necessary, why not marital sex?

On marriage forums you always hear wives complain of their husbands lack in the romance department. You hear comments such as:

"I do not feel loved."
"He does not care about me."
"All he thinks about is sex."
"He will not put out any effort to romance me."
"He is selfish."
"He will not take time to come up with creative ideas."
"He says he is not creative enough."
"He says he is too busy, tired, or stressed for romance."
"He is ------- . " (Fill in the blank.)
"He says ------- ." (Fill in the blank.)

Wives instinctively voice their opinions when their husbands fall short with the romance and everyone tells them, "He should be romancing you. Make him do it," (my paraphrase). Why are husbands often told that it is wrong to demand, suggest or even expect a healthy marriage bed? Is there a double standard here? Is it OK for a wife to selfishly withhold sex but if a husband is stingy with romance, then he is an inconsiderate, uncaring, selfish husband?

Before someone brings this up, I will mention it here---

What about in situations where there is emotional sickness from a wife's past? Should that give her a "free ticket" to withhold sex? I have not recently checked the stats but from what I read on marriage forums, it seems that there could easily be some 40-60% of married women suffering from emotional issues stemming from their past. If they were all given free tickets, that would mean that about half of all married women would have "excusable reasons" for withholding sex. NOT!!!

How do you feel about insisting on a wife receiving professional help when there is emotional trauma preventing her from enjoying a healthy marriage bed? Is it good to insist on professional help for physical sickness out of love for that spouse? Would it not be equally as good to insist on professional help for emotional sickness? Why or why not?

And I will add that there is nothing wrong with a husband seeking professional help in the romance department if help is, indeed, needed.

Friday, September 4, 2009

A Reader's Favorite- Piercings & Permanent Tattoos on Wives (Wait, don't go away! This is not all we discuss here.)

One of my readers wanted to know---

What do wives think about getting a permanent body modification such as a piercing or a permanent tattoo which would serve as a reminder of their pledge of submission to their husband? Wives, would you consider it if your husband asked you to do it? Husbands, would your wife consider it if you asked her? Have you wives considered offering this to your husband and would you ask him if he would like it even if he never brought it up?

I am not a person who thinks about piercing or permanent tattoos as they generally do not appeal to me. But if my husband asked me to have it done, I would do it in a heartbeat. My only request would be to have the option of having it done in a private area on my body where only he and I would be able to see it. I would also consider asking my husband if this is something that he would be interested in having me do. My husband has no piercings or tattoos so I would be surprised if he expressed desire to have me get one but you never know about these things, do you?

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Please share your thoughts with me!

Some of you may have noticed that I have not been writing as much as usual lately. Please accept my apologies for that. Part of the reason-- I have been taking some time to try and get my thoughts organized so I can begin writing a book. It will most likely be a memoir. As I have been contemplating what I want to include in this book I have also wondered what would benefit my readers the most.

A big part of my life prior to marriage was my promiscuous lifestyle. And then most of my marriage to date has been about me being a refusing wife, my sexual awakening and what has taken place since my awakening.

If you were going to read a book that I write, what things would you most like to see in it? What have you not seen in any other books that you would like to see in mine? I do not want to waste time writing material that is already "out there", you know? Are there any specific things about my past that you would find beneficial for you and for your own marriage? Are there any probing questions which you would like to see me expand on in a book?

Please do not be shy, I really want to hear your feedback on this. Share your thoughts with me so I can better share mine with you as I begin writing this book. Thank you.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Like my new boots?

Like my new Eric Michael Soho boots? I ordered them in black and plan to wear them mainly with casual dresses and skirts as a walking boot (ie, the short heel). This pair of Think! Aida's was my first choice but they sold out of black in my size so I settled for my #2 choice.

OK, now be honest. Since I'm in my 50's do they look too youngish for someone my age? Too old-fashioned? Too kinky? I was shooting for a slightly kinky, sexy, comfortable, walking boot but don't want to look like I'm trying to relive my 20' or 30's, kwim? ;-)

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Spousal Accountability vs. Male Dominance/Female Submission

These are two related yet distinctive concepts. Let me try and explain my thoughts about this. Do you feel that both husbands and wives should be spiritually accountable to each other? GR and I do practice mutual, spiritual accountability. Do you have a teachable spirit? When your spouse brings up a grievance do you stop and listen to them and take their words to heart OR... do you find yourself rolling your eyes and changing the subject or walking away to avoid talking about it? As we all fall short in different ways, what methods do you generally use to grow in your own weak areas?

If you practice spousal accountability, how does it play out in your marriage bed? This is where it can become tricky, in knowing how to mesh the two.

A personal goal of mine is to become a total submissive in my marriage bed for my dominant husband with his requests and commands to the point where he says "jump" and I ask "how high, Sir?" How should this play out in your marriage relationship in light of mutual accountability? If a wife wants to be totally submissive in the marriage bed how should she approach her husband if there is something she needs to address in his behavior outside the marriage bed? I realize that not all couples want this much dom/sub in their marriage bed relationship but if you prefer female submission to any degree, how do you make the distinction between a wife being sexually submissive and a couple being spiritually accountable to each other?

Am I making sense? If not, feel free to ask questions for clarity.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Brief Announcement- HELP!

For some 6 months or longer, a stupid, stupid person I know (moi) has been saving a large amount of important marriage bed information in an Outlook "Draft". At some point in the last 1-2 days I must have accidentally deleted it which would not have been so bad except that since then, I emptied my "Trash" file so to my knowledge this Draft is gone.

I only discovered the tragedy last night and it practically brought me to tears. Does anyone know of a way to retrieve an emptied Trash file?.. that is, without having to purchase a $100 program to do it? Oh, and I'm using Mozilla Thunderbird.

Gemma, who has been kicking herself in the hiney for being so careless!

Edited to add:

It appears that because I had this information stored in a "draft" rather than an actual "file" it cannot be retrieved. GR came home for lunch and followed the advice you posted, Mariner. I can kiss it good-bye. The "draft" is lost. But thank you anyway for trying to help. Now I have even more incentive to get my "saved" information in order so I will not have to live through this again.

For those of you who have kindly posted or emailed me links for harnesses, books, what have you... you all know who you are... if it's possible, could you please email the info to me again? I would be so grateful.

One of you, I will not mention your name, has a copy of my list of sex books which I was going to purchase. Could you please send me a copy of my book list? Thanks.

Gemma, going to have a pity party!

Does appearance matter to you and your spouse?

How important is weight/fitness, grooming and clothing/shoe styles to you and your spouse? Have either of you changed anything about your appearance in recent years? What was the motivation? Did it alter the way you or your spouse felt about each other and if so, in what ways? Do you feel that changes in appearance are good for couples of all ages or do you feel that they are only for the young? Between you and your spouse, which of you is affected the most by visual appeal in each other? Do either of you resist giving in when requested to change something about your appearance? What does it say to you when you see a couple who do not seem to care about their looks? What about when you see a couple who do seem to care?

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

A Couple of Quick Notes

If you look at my list entitled "Books From My Home Library" in the right sidebar, near the bottom, you will see that I have some 6-7 new books on the list marked with the word *NEW* written after them. Just wanted to mention that for those interested in knowing what my brain feeds on to get it the way it is (ie, quirky). IOW- Read at your own risk ;-).

For those interested in "slave" jewelry--

GR and I wanted to get me a slave chain link collar with a padlock. The ones we saw on the internet ran from $12-20, which we were willing to pay but we decided to make one instead.

So this evening we went shopping at Lowe's and found a really cool stainless steel chain (no rusting) that we felt was perfect so we purchased the length we needed. Then we found this teeny tiny black and silver padlock with the word "MASTER" written on it. How appropriate for the brand name since this collar signifies GR being my master.

Total cost of this piece of jewelry-- $6. I love the look but I had to tease GR after we purchased the stuff, "Big spender you are on my jewelry, huh?" We plan on purchasing more materials from Lowe's and Home Depot in the future for other homemade marriage bed items.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

A Reader's Favorite- Submissive/Dominant Talk and Dress

OK, folks, here is a favorite that I love. A reader wrote and shared this with me---

He said that he likes to hear his wife address him as "master" or "lord", speaking to him as a slave woman saying things like, "How may I please my master today?" "Would my lord please his handmaiden by licking my cunt?" This reader added that he really loves to go out in public with his wife dressed very conservatively to the public eye while underneath, have her dressed as his "whore".

He said that this kind of talk and dress sends him into orbit! I have to admit-- It sends me into orbit, too. I love to be forced to behave as a submissive slave, secretly treated as my husband's "whore" or "slut". Being told what to do, when to do it, and forbidden to do other things, has a certain element of humiliation that is exciting and even erotic. And I love to secretly dress as a slut underneath when we go out. Of course, I am a bedroom submissive with my dh by nature so this is easy and fun for me.

Do any of you enjoy being "master" or "slave" to your spouse in your marriage bed? When I say "in your marriage bed" here, I mean not only in your bedroom but anywhere that you enjoy sexual intimacies. What does this do for your marriage? Do you and your spouse equally enjoy this? Or is it one-sided where your spouse is not aware of your attraction to it or... your spouse is just not interested in playing along? Do you or your spouse think this is wrong and if so, for what reasons?

If you are the dominant husband, what sort of things do you demand or forbid of your submissive wife? If you are the sub wife, what things do you most enjoy that your dom husband demands or forbids of you? If you happen to be a dominant wife or a submissive husband, I am very sorry but you are at the wrong website..... just kidding. But seriously, we may attempt to get you to switch to the more traditional dom husband, sub wife roles so if that bothers you, then you REALLY ARE at the wrong website ;-).

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

A Reader's Favorite- What you see is NOT what you get!

One of my readers is into "fooling the public". Let me explain.

This reader wrote to me and shared an idea that he and his wife enjoy. He likes to take his wife to a distant city where no one knows them and then they behave in a more daring manner while there. He tells her what to wear and it is often an ultra-conservative outfit to "fool the public". They will go out shopping or to dinner and his wife will behave very submissive and subservient to him. Underneath her conservative appearance she will have a shaven pussy and/or objects 'hidden' in her pussy. On her thighs and breasts she will have temporary tattoos which say things like "I'm your bitch" or "I suck cock" or "It's not going to lick itself". He says the contrast is so erotic for him. What the world sees on the surface is totally different from what is underneath.

Is it arousing for you and your spouse to go out on the town with hidden sexual 'secrets' between you? If you have never done this, would your spouse be open to discussing the possibility of doing this with you? Why or why not? How would you like to see this sort of thing played out with your spouse? What would you show in the way you dress? What would you "hide" underneath? Do you think this sort of play would change the dynamics of your time spent out in public? Do you think this sort of play would bump up the eroticism in your relationship?

Thursday, July 30, 2009

A Reader's Favorite- Using food during sex

A reader asked me if we could have a discussion about using food during sex, saying that he liked to eat food out of his wife's body. This topic is so not a preference of mine but I am sure many of you are into the sex with food thing. If you enjoy it post your comments, ideas and questions. Be as graphic as you like. We can take it ;-)!

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

A Reader's Favorite- Intimate Jewelry

One reader expressed interest in intimate jewelry-- nipple jewelry, clit clips, erotic looking chains dangling from or between nipples and/or clits, jeweled butt plugs... both piercing and non-piercing. This reader commented that the sites which display jewelry on live models or mannequins, give a much better idea of how the jewelry is worn and what it would look like on the person wearing it and I have to agree. I have been to sites where they only display intimate jewelry against a backdrop and I would generally not buy from them because I prefer to see it on a body before making a purchase.

So what is your opinion of intimate jewelry? Do you have any? Where do you prefer to shop for it? Have you ever made jewelry of this sort? Do you wear intimate jewelry in the bedroom? Do you wear it on dates or when you are out of town? Do you wear it around the house or when running errands or at your job?

Saturday, July 18, 2009

A Reader's Favorite- Surviving death of spouse

This is a much more serious topic than what my readers usually submit as "a reader's favorite" but stay with me. It is just as beneficial to think about these serious topics as it is to think about the fun stuff. This reader wants to discuss what happens at the death of a spouse- how a spouse prepares for death or how one prepares to be the surviving spouse.

What do you do with the love you have for your spouse at the time of death and afterward? As you fall more and more in love with your spouse through time and also through your awakening, how can you prepare for the loss which you will eventually face at the time of a death? Can one adequately prepare? Do you presently live each day with your spouse like there may not be another day or is your relationship such that you and your spouse are still taking each other for granted? For a surviving, high-SD, Christian spouse-- What is a healthy way to go on living? Can you rely on your Christian Faith to carry you through that season of life and if so, how? Be specific. (ie, It is not enough to say, "I will pray and read my bible." As part of the grieving process it is not uncommon for one to initially be angry at God so prayer may be challenging at best.)

If I may just add one more thing before I go---

GR and I view death the same way we view the birth of a new life. We see each as a natural part of life and as such, we do not view death as a scary thing. This was not always the case for us. Our comfort around death came about through the deaths of loved ones in our past. There are several good books on the market which pertain to death and dying. A few that we have are:

*A Grief Observed, C.S. Lewis, ISBN: 0-553-27486-4
A current edition would be ISBN: 0-060-65238-1

*Surviving the Loss of a Loved One, Anthony M. Coniaris, ISBN: 0-937032-89-1

*On the Issues of Aging, Sickness and Dying, Stephan Jarmus and Andrew Jarmus, ISBN: 1-895096-02-2

And here are several books that I have not read but they all looked to be interesting and were rated highly at amazon. If you're interested in reading more on this topic, the 3 books I mentioned above and the ones I list below, could be useful. If you have a different favorite book that you love on this topic, please feel free to post about it in a comment.

*On Grief and Grieving, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross , ISBN: 0743266293

*I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping and Healing After the Sudden Death of a Loved One, Brook Noel, ISBN: 1402212216

*How To Go On Living When Someone You Love Dies, Therese A. Rando, ISBN: 0553352695

*Finding Your Way After Your Spouse Dies, Marta Felber, ISBN: 0877939322

*Widow To Widow: Thoughtful, Practical Ideas For Rebuilding Your Life, Genevieve Davis Ginsburg, ISBN: 0738209961

*Getting to the Other Side of Grief: Overcoming the Loss of a Spouse, Susan J. Zonnebelt-Smeenge, ISBN: 080105821X

Monday, July 13, 2009

A Reader's Favorite- How to have a sex adventure weekend

One of my readers is experimenting more and more with what he calls "sex adventure weekends" and I am only assuming that he is mainly referring to weekends away from home. Do you plan many weekends of this sort? What do you plan or what would you like to plan? How often do you have these weekends? Have you discussed this idea with your spouse?

OT- An undesirable hole!

And this is why we shouldn't be multi-tasking while texting. For all you folks out there who text while walking or, God forbid, while driving--- STOP DOING IT--- or you will find yourself in an undesirable hole, pardon the pun!

Thursday, July 9, 2009

A Reader's Favorite-- If you had your way, what would your birthday wish be?

One of my readers wanted to see this as a blog topic. What would you ask for if you could have anything at all from your spouse for your birthday? Be specific with your answers.

On second thought, let us make this even more interesting because I do not want to hear, "I would ask for this or that but my spouse probably would not give it to me." If you can think of three things, list the top three gifts you would like to receive from your spouse. Here is the deal--- Whatever you ask for, your spouse will enthusiastically give it to you. There would be no limitations at all so whatever you ask, you will receive. (This is kind of like having a genie in a bottle, huh?) Feel free to reveal or not reveal whether or not you think your spouse would actually deliver your birthday requests.

Monday, July 6, 2009

A Reader's Favorite- Photography in the marriage bed

One of my readers is interested in photography. I have to admit, my husband and I have not experimented with the camera while having sex. What fun ways do you incorporate photography in your marriage bed? For those of us who are inexperienced with this--- Can you share what enjoyment you receive out of using your camera this way? After you film or take pictures, where do you store them? How often do you look at them?

Cool stocking stuffer

What wife would not just adore finding this sweet treat in her stocking on Christmas morning?

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Nymphomania: A History by Carol Groneman

While surfing the net I came across an interesting excerpt from a book entitled Nymphomania: A History, Carol Groneman, W. W. Norton & Company, ISBN: 0393322424 . (Leave it to me to find these quirky books.) Have any of you read this? What do you guys think of her book topic? Do you think it would be an interesting read?

You can read 6 pages of Groneman's book at amazon but here is a paragraph of it to give you a taste of her book.

In 1841, Miss T., the twenty-nine-year-old daughter of a Massachusetts farmer, was diagnosed with nymphomania. According to the physicians who described the case in the Boston Medical and Surgical Journal, her conversation and actions left no doubt that she suffered from the disease: she uttered the "most disgusting obscenities" and moved her body in ways that expressed her uncontrolled "libidinous feelings." Although in good health, she had been restless and morose, exhibiting a "paroxysm of hysteria" when the doctors arrived. After a vaginal examination, they determined that her uterus was enlarged, her vagina over-abundantly moist, but her long and "tumid" clitoris was the telltale sign of nymphomania. They applied various caustics to her genitals to cool her ardor and tried other traditional remedies, such as bleeding and cold-water douches. After several weeks, the doctors pronounced her greatly improved, with "not a symptom remaining referable to nymphomania." This time when she was examined vaginally, she exhibited "every appearance of modesty," including a retracted and very diminutive clitoris.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

A Reader's Favorite- Acting Out Sexual Fantasies in Public & Fantasizing About the Rest of Them

One of my readers told me that this would be a fun topic to discuss on my blog so, here it is! I am not sure what the reader specifically had in mind but we will see where this topic takes us. Have you ever acted out a sexual fantasy in public? Do you have fantasies that you have not acted out but would like to one day? What about the ones that pop up in your head but you know you would never really act out? Do you share any or all of your fantasies with your spouse? Is your spouse happy or horrified to hear about them? Please share your fantasies with us--- the good, the bad and the ugly.

Gemma has a confession to make ;-). Although my dh and I are very discreet when in public, *in my fantasy world* I could easily enjoy the life of a sexual exhibitionist. First I will list a few realistic exhibition scenarios that we have either tried or would like to try:

*Husband and I go out fully dressed except, as usual, I am going commando underneath my dress and I am wearing a jacket. He has me collared and leashed. The leash runs from my collar and through my jacket sleeve where he holds the end of the leash that is sticking out my sleeve and leads me around as his sex slave the entire evening.

*Husband and I are walking in town and he becomes overwhelmingly aroused so he drags me into an alley, pushes me against a wall, shoves my dress up and penetrates me. When he is done with me he wipes us dry with his hand and makes me lick it clean. Then we leave the alley and go on about our business.

*Husband and I are sitting side by side in a restaurant and throughout the meal we man-stim each other... me by sliding my hand down his pants... him by slipping his hand up my dress or skirt.

*Husband and I go walking along a secluded beach by the sea. Before we step outside, he insists on putting breast clamps on me and a harness which fills me with a dildo and a plug. I wear a summer dress over it. We walk along the beach this way for an hour or so and then we enter the water while taking off our clothes and he takes off my clamps and harness. We enjoy water play and have sex while in the water.

*While shopping and looking at stuff together, husband stands right behind me and discreetly grinds his body against mine while kissing my neck. As we move to different aisles in the store we stop, grind, kiss and then move on to another aisle. This takes the boredom out of shopping.

*Husband and I go out on the boat, find a remote area and shove our clothes aside just enough to allow us to have sex. This way we are "covered" in case another boat shows up.

*Husband and I have sex on the hood of the car or inside the car while it is in the garage.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now here I will describe a few of my more raunchy sexual exhibition fantasies. BE FOREWARNED--- If it bothers you to read raunchy fantasies, stop here and read no more. Otherwise, continue on. Keep in mind, what follows is nothing but fantasy for me that will never come to fruition so please do not lecture me on the inappropriateness of some of the scenes. That is why I say they will always and only be fantasy for me.

*Husband and I are nude, unbeknownst to us, and we are walking down a street. While many people are walking past and pointing at us, we suddenly realize that we are nude but have no way to quickly cover up or escape the eyes of others so we have to continue walking for a long time with everyone staring at us.

*Husband and I are walking in town and he becomes overwhelmingly aroused so he drags me into an alley, pushes me against a wall, shoves my dress up and penetrates me. We have been going at it for a while and we finally O. As we are Oing we suddenly are aware that others have been watching.

*Husband and I are seated in a public building like a restaurant or a meeting hall and nobody is around. We think we have the place to ourselves. To have fun while we are alone, husband makes me stand while he cuts my dress to a length half-way between my belly button and my vulva, leaving me totally exposed. He orders me to put my feet up on furniture with my legs spread wide apart while he ties my ankles in place. Suddenly people begin filing into the room. Oops! To try and cover me up in front of the others, husband quickly places is hand over my vulva. After a while he gets bored and begins discreetly fingering me while we pretend that nothing is wrong.

*Husband and I go nude walking along a nice beach by the sea. Before we head outside, he insists on putting breast clamps on me and a harness which fills me with a dildo and plug. We walk along the beach for about an hour with others around. He gets an erection and I am becoming more and more aroused but he forbids me to have an O so I am going out of my mind with arousal. Suddenly I cannot hold back any longer and I have an O with others watching. Husband is displeased with my disobedience. As punishment he ties me to a nearby picnic table and gives me a good spanking only the spanking keeps me in an aroused state. He finally gives up and uses me as a sex toy from behind.

Last but not least, this is a lengthy one---

*I have been extremely naughty and deserve punishment so husband teaches me a lesson. He strips me and brings me to a busy downtown intersection. I am shocked at what he is doing. He ties me to a bench face up with my head dangling off the edge. He attaches my feet to a wide spreader bar to further embarrass me so everyone can see between my legs and he places a mouth gag on me to keep me quiet.

He sexually teases me, walks away and leaves me there a while where others walk by, point and make lewd comments. He comes back, teases and walks away several more times. Each time he walks away he leaves me more and more aroused until I am begging him to allow me sexual release but he is not through with the punishment.

He unzips his pants, grabs me by the back of my head and makes me deep-throat him while he roughly thrusts my head back and forth from his body until he is ready to O. Just before Oing he pulls my head away from him, shoots his cum all over my face and neck and leaves me that way. He makes me beg for another hour while he continues to sexually tease me but no release is allowed.

Then he unties me and repositions me face down on the bench from the waist up, leaving my legs dangling towards the ground and my ankles still fastened to the spreader bar while he reties me. He gets behind me and does me like a dog until we both O. As he finishes he hisses in my ear, "I hope my little whore-wife has learned her lesson. Next time you disobey me, the punishment will be twice as bad. Now there is one more thing you must do."

He hangs a sign around my neck while I am still nude. The sign reads, "DISOBEDIENT WHORE-WIFE-- HUSBAND TAUGHT ME A LESSON." He ties a rope around me, passing it tightly around my breasts and between my legs accentuating my private parts and leaves a ten foot "leash" forcing me to walk way behind him. This creates quite the scene for others walking by as he pulls me through the streets especially since I end up having several O's on the way home from the tight ropes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Remember---

My husband would never seriously treat me this way in real life and mean it. If we acted out these exhibition scenes in private we would do them to have fun with our fantasies. Like I mentioned earlier--- Sexual exhibitionism is only something I could easily and enjoyably live out in my fantasy world as I pretend to be a bad girl. In real life I would never do these things in front of others. Now you know one of my dirty little secrets ;-).

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Postpartum Sex- You have got to listen to this!

I was checking something out at liberator.com when I stumbled upon this very cool and informative video presentation on the topic of Postpartum Sex.

If you have recently had a baby or if you are expecting a baby you have got to hear this presentation. As I was listening to it, all I could think was "wow"..... just "wow". Check it out. Even if you and spouse are through having babies like GR and me, check it out anyway. You may see what you did wrong and be able to properly counsel another expecting couple.

For some of you this information may be "old hat" but judging from what I have read on TMB of the number of sexually neglected husbands months and even years after baby is born, I suspect that for many of you this may be new revelation and you will be thinking, "Wow, how come nobody told us this when we were expecting?" Please share your feedback with me.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

How did you celebrate Father's Day?

In the GR/Gemma household we like to keep things simple and fun. For Father's Day I wanted to give GR 3 sex sessions instead of our usual 1-2. I wanted his sexual cup to really overflow. So we had sex around 1am this morning, again around 5am and will do each other again tonight when we go to bed.

Also, GR and I recently completed our first set of golf lessons. This morning he wanted to go practice at the driving range so that is exactly what we did. He is better than I at golf but we both enjoy it.

Now we are all putting together a grilled meal.

How has Father's Day been in your household?

Thursday, June 18, 2009

A Reader's Favorite- guilt-free hot talk

This reader shared with me in saying, "I agree that "hot talk" should be a totally guilt-free experience for a husband or wife to do. ..... hmmm... maybe this is worth a separate topic?"

What exactly does "hot talk" mean to you? Do you use it? Why or why not? Would you like to begin using it? Why or why not? If you use it, what does it do for you and/or your spouse? Does it bother you as a Christian to use "hot talk"? If God wants you to experience ultimate pleasure in your marriage bed, and I believe He does, do you feel that your using "hot talk" would bother Him?

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Fishing for more O's

This article is in reference to men Oing so husbands please reply or if you are a wife, please reply for your husband. I know it is more challenging for men to have multiple O's during any given session but when it does happen what do you feel causes it for you?

GR and I just arrived home today from a week of R&R mingled in with a lot of fishing at our vacation resort. While there, he and I daily enjoyed our time in the marriage bed but that is not unusual for us. What IS unusual is what happened to us early this morning.

Around 5am I awoke feeling sexually aroused and somewhat restless so I immediately began giving GR a hand job, waking him up in the process. One thing led to another and eventually he was wanting to do PIV-IC so we moved into IC. Here is what shocked me. He O'd once. He O'd a second time. He went for a third O and by this time I was thinking, "Surely this will be his last," because he never O's more than 3 times in any one session. Well, this time he went for another O, enjoying a fourth one. "You had 4 O's, didn't you?" I asked in disbelief. "Yes, I did," he replied. "Must have been all this fishing, huh?" I jokingly asked him. "I suppose so!"

Guys, when you have more than one O, what do you think contributes to it? What makes you keep going like the Ever-Ready battery? Or... do you think it is just the luck of the draw? Please help me in my understanding.

Friday, June 5, 2009

Arrivederci! ... Good bye!

Tomorrow GR, our two college girls and I will be heading to a cottage at a lake resort for a week of R&R. GR and I will have our own bedroom, of course. We have also reserved a pontoon for the week so we look forward to some enjoyable boating while there. A few beloved family members will be staying in a nearby cottage as will our dear friends, Mr. and Mrs. Rkt from TMB.

I probably will not have internet access while there so while I am away please think good thoughts for us and behave yourselves ;-). I will miss you all so be sure to show your faces upon my return. I expect to be back here by Saturday evening or sometime Sunday of next week... weekend of June 12-14.

Have a good week. Arrivederci!

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

A Reader's Favorite- In the heat of the moment, what do complimentary words do for you and for your spouse?

Do you use complimentary words in your marriage? This reader does:

"I also love praising my wife for her amazing body. There is such power in giving words of exultation during love making."

We each have our own word preferences. The following questions are in reference to words we use in the marriage bed. What do complimentary words consist of for you? Do you know which words "do it" for your spouse and if not, would they tell you if you asked? What is the difference between offering genuine complimentary words and giving words of flattery? Why is flattery damaging even in bed? Which words to you most enjoy receiving? Does your spouse know of these words? Have you told him/her? When in the heat of the moment, what do complimentary words do for you and for your spouse? Please share your thoughts.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

A Reader's Favorite- Erotic Seduction

I am sure this reader is not alone in his fondness for seductive scenes. He wrote in to say:

"The subject of seduction is a good one. My wife and I went to dinner a while back. She was looking stunning. She went to the bathroom and came back with an extra button open on her shirt. It exposed just enough. We started talking about sex and each other. As we sat in the car on the way home she lifted her skirt revealing crotchless pantyhose. It drove me wild. I could barely wait until we got home.
There is something about exciting me before the act that really gets me going."

The inclusion of the word "erotic" in my article heading was my addition. I included it because 'general seduction' as many people understand it to be, has been so terribly watered down in our society that the person on the receiving end hardly feels like they are being seduced in a passionate, loving way. I am by no means a specialist in etymology but I do like to occasionally study words from Merriam-Webster, one of my favorite dictionaries. (Now I am going to sound like Toula Portokalos' dad, Gus Portokalos, in "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" :-).

According to Merriam-Webster the word "erotic" comes from the root word "eros" which means:

EROS Etymology: Greek Erōs, from erōs sexual love; akin to Greek erasthai to love, desire; Date: 14th century
1: the Greek god of erotic love 2: the sum of life-preserving instincts that are manifested as impulses to gratify basic needs, as sublimated impulses, and as impulses to protect and preserve the body and mind 3: love conceived by Plato as a fundamental creative impulse having a sensual element boften not capitalized : erotic love or desire

The word "seduction" comes from the root "seduce" which Merriam-Webster defines as:

SEDUCE Etymology: Late Latin seducere, from Latin, to lead away, from se- apart + ducere to lead; Date: 15th century
1 : to persuade to disobedience or disloyalty 2 : to lead astray usually by persuasion or false promises 3 : entice to sexual intercourse

In my simple thinking TO SEDUCE simply means "to lead towards sexual intercourse". Yawn-- hum-drum! Folks, anyone can seduce another person or seduce many people. But TO EROTICALLY SEDUCE means "to lead towards sexual intercourse with love and desire in order to gratify and preserve the basic needs of body, mind and spirit".

Husbands, if your wife enjoyed exhibiting an attitude of erotic seduction, would you be able to enjoy her behaving like a "bad girl" with you or would it scare you as a husband? I ask because some husbands say they want this but if their wife develops a seductive attitude it can rattle the husband out of fear and insecurity that their good-girl-wife may be turning bad (ie, Madonna/whore complex). The flip side is when husbands learn to erotically seduce their wives. If you are a wife would this scare you or turn you off? Would you be able to embrace and encourage your husband's erotic seductions and feel treasured in body, mind and spirit or would it make you feel used and abused?

Another way of putting this--- Husbands and wives, would you rather your spouse exhibit mild affections towards you so you can remain conservative and respectful around them the way you were taught to be around the opposite sex when you were growing up or.... would you like to break through that mold and become the tiger-husband or wife that God intended for you to be? Do you sometimes confuse erotic seduction for your spouse with ungodly, sinful behavior? What is holding you back from enjoying erotic seduction in your marriage bed?

As a side note--- It is challenging to find much of substance on the internet pertaining to the Madonna/whore complex but I am posting the following two links to give you a little something to read about it. If you desire to learn more you are welcome to do your own search and post comments to this article with links included.

Urban Dictionary

Wikipedia

Thursday, May 21, 2009

A Reader's Favorite- Shhhh... Silent Sex

One reader asked, "Silent sex: Can it be as big a turn-on when we have to focus on being as silent as possible as it is when we can be as noisy as we want? (whether restraining ourselves vocally or by being so still we don't squeak the bed)"

Is this, can this, be a turn-on for you? One aspect of being silent is truly erotic in my marriage bed. GR and I love to whisper in each others' ears. There is something about having his breath blowing on my ear during sex while he is whispering nasty things to me.... it is hot. The nastier he gets, the more aroused I become. (Hmmm, what does that same about my raunchy mind? ;-) Having silent sex all the time would be dull but occasionally it can add a dimension of eroticism that we might not generally see.

What about you? Is silence ever sexy in your marriage bed?

Friday, May 15, 2009

Do you need to call a "time out" to arrange a new game plan for your life?

One of my readers recently asked me if I could make a list of practical things that I do and that others could practice in order to "live in a state of arousal". Well, folks, I don't know how to make a list for that but I thought I would write about it here for the benefit of those who are interested. This reader commented that he felt his wife struggles to reach arousal because of hectic, busy days with young children, because of tiredness and because of a general lack of desire to enjoy sex. Can you relate to any of that? He shared with me that his wife does actually enjoy sex once her arousal kicks in but getting herself to that level of arousal is extremely challenging for her. I addressed this article to women who need help with arousal but if you are the wife of a husband who struggles with it, perhaps some of what I share will apply.

My theory... and it works for me... is that many people are too quick to quench their arousal. They become aroused and it is like, "Oh, quick, let's have sex so I can O." It is all about becoming aroused, quenching it with the O and then it is over. What if they occasionally enjoyed sex only to get to the edge and then stopped short of Oing? Do you think their arousal would just up and disappear? Of course not, at least mine does not go away. It leaves me raging horny until the next time we have sex. It leaves me obsessed, if I may use that word, with erotic thoughts until my husband and I are sexually joined again. So it is hot. It is erotic. But to make this work to one's advantage the person has to want to become aroused and they have to want to live in a state of arousal and, of course, they also have to want sexual release either some or most of the time. They must be willing to have sex often, frequently, in order to keep their sex drive in "high" mode. If we are talking about females-- the more we have sex, the more we want it; that's a fact. Now, it is no big secret around here that I am a high-SD person just like GR. Even if I do not start out aroused, he only has to give me "that look" or slightly touch me and I become instantly horny. But any male or female can keep their libido alive and ticking if they are willing to tend to it.. if they make it a priority... if they want to be a generous spouse.

A wife who is busy with little ones and hectic schedules may have to work extra hard in learning how to pace her daily work load and how to slow herself down in the later hours of the day. Often I hear moms say, "My child is too old now and will not take naps," and they use that to justify having the child up all day long. Let me tell you something--- You can have all your kids take naps or have a read/rest time in their beds every afternoon until they are 10-12 years old and it will not kill them. What it will do is give your wife a little breathing room in the early afternoon each day. While the kids nap or read in their beds your wife can take a much needed "mom break". Many wives cannot work, work, work from sun up to sun down being homemakers and moms and then turn into sex fiends at bedtime. It just is not going to happen. And, rest assured, I would never say to husbands, "Just help around the house more and your wife will always or usually want sex." We all know that is not realistic, however, for the sexually generous wife who truly wants to give all to her husband--- Making the kids take mandatory nap/rest after lunch, lightening her daily work load from say... 4-8pm, getting the kids to bed on time and getting herself to bed on time will do wonders for her sexual energy and desire later that night and/or early in the mornings.

Which is more important, the house or the kids? The kids or the marriage? Order of priority should be God (not church), husband/marriage bed, kids and lastly, the house. Please do not tell me, "My wife is busy preparing and teaching Sunday school each week or with worship team or choir but she cannot find time or energy for sex." If that is true, her priorities are terribly wrong. I do not care how badly she or you think your church NEEDS to have her involved in any particular ministry. God does not equal church. People think that if they put their marriage bed before church that it means they are not putting God first; that is so wrong. After your relationship with God, your marriage and your marriage bed should be your very next ministry, before any church ministry (ie, one of my pet peeves- marriage bed is ministry, too).

A husband and wife may both need to lower their standard for housekeeping. Dust, dirt and stuff will always be there to clean the next day. Do what you can and at a certain time each day, perhaps 4pm, call it quits! A major portion of supper prep, if not all of it, can be done before 4pm. Living in a state of arousal may mean saying "no" to the kids for some things between 4-8pm so that it does not steal a wife's energy which she should be saving for her marriage bed that night. Our two kids are now in college but as their ex-homeschooling mom for grades K through 12, I am well-acquainted with the ease in which moms can mix priorities and place kids before marriage and especially before the marriage bed. Moms struggle with feelings of parental failure more than dads, I think, but we still need to keep our marriage and parenting ministries in right perspective. There is nothing that my mom or dad neglected to do for me or with me that makes me cry today. In the grand scheme of things some of the parenting stuff we worry about is just stuff we need to release. Let it go, for goodness sakes!

Now I ask you---- How many of your life priorities are out of order? How much of this could possibly be the culprit in keeping your wife from easily attaining a high level of arousal and having energy for sex? You say, "I'd change things in a New York minute if I could but my wife will not budge." Well, perhaps you should call a "time out" and sit down with her to discuss a new and better game plan because she will surely perish without a good plan and so will your marriage bed. Do you want an aroused wife? Our minds and bodies can only take so much each day and if we are constantly consumed with responsibilities and stress, how can we possibly make time for arousal? My husband and I are alike in that when we are stressed, we both reach out for more sex as a stress-reliever but many wives cannot focus on both responsibilities/stress and sex like most husbands can do. What place of prominence does your marriage bed have on the "to do" list? Does it even rate prominence? Those of you who have been reading my blog for a while and reading my TMB posts, you already know that this is a hot topic for me. Pray about this and give it some serious thought. See if God is not trying to tell you that you need to rearrange your daily schedule.

I welcome your comments and, as always, please feel free to email if you have anything you want to discuss with me that you would rather keep private.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

My bed buddy is gone

I missed my bed buddy last night as GR and another tech instructor had to do some teaching out of town yesterday and today. The bed is a lonely place for one person. When I have to sleep alone I can't wait for morning so I can leave the bedroom. That is all I wanted to say. It was a sad night. I look forward to having GR back tonight.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Enjoying PIV-IC without Oing

"Say whaaaaaat???" You read correctly! This is something that GR and I experienced a handful of times when we have already O'd and enjoyed the afterglow. But then... I will be playfully giving him a hand-job while we are talking because my hands never stop when, lo and behold, we become aroused again and he is hard once more. I hate to waste a hard dick and we both really enjoy PIV-IC so when this takes place we go at it again. The only difference is that if we are all O'd out then we cannot O of course but, regardless, we enjoy the fucking until we drop.

Doing this totally flies against the "need-to-O-every-time" mentality but do not knock it until you try it. PIV-IC without Oing is a hot, mutually satisfying way for a couple to end their love making. You will be thanking each other throughout the day for the erotic conclusion to the session.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Are you sometimes preoccupied on work mornings where you jump out of bed too soon?

What do you think of this, folks? I am a SAHM and GR works M-F. He is an early riser but every once in a while he will not wake up super early on a work day and he will tell me that he needs to get in the shower. On glancing at the clock, though, I can see that he has time for a quickie so I proceed to arouse him. He does not resist, of course, and thoroughly enjoys the quickie. I guess I am wondering if this is typical morning behavior for working guys.

Do many of you guys (or husbands of you gals) feel rushed and preoccupied on some work mornings with getting work thoughts organized that a morning romp does not enter your thoughts? This has not caused problems for us since, when GR does not initiate I do, but I am curious to learn if others deal with this on work mornings.

It was kind of funny this morning when this same scenario unfolded and we had quickie sex. GR entered me from the front and he O'd. Often he will O a second time so I flipped over, he entered from behind and O'd a second time. I told him, "See, if you had jumped out of bed you would have missed your two O's!" He replied with a satisfied smile, "You are right!"

Sunday, May 10, 2009

A Reader's Favorite- Privately expressing sexuality in a public place

Here is another reader's favorite topic. This reader says,

"...expressing sexuality privately in a public place. What I mean is like when DW wears something "special" under her conservative outfit, or maybe wears nothing at all underneath, and I'm the only one who knows. Or when we take a seat at a noisy cafe and sit close and talk explicitly about sex. No one can hear us except us. Or other such things like that."

GR and I also enjoy this one. Just yesterday we were running a few errands and it was a windy day. When we go out he likes for me to wear dresses without panties. As we quickly ducked inside a store entrance while I desperately tried to hold my dress down I told him, "Wow, it is so windy and you know I am not wearing panties so if my dress flies up, the whole world will see me." The visual of that possibly happening put a smile on his face. (He has a wicked sense of humor.) Whenever we can, we like to sit side by side in restaurants so we can talk dirty and touch each other throughout the meal and not worry about others hearing or seeing us.

Do any of you have ideas for how you would like to share sexuality with your spouse in public places or can you share stories of what you have done?

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Why do husbands enjoy having their fingers licked and sucked by their wife?

Often, before during or even after sex GR likes to play with my mouth with 1-2 fingers, slip them into my mouth and watch me lick and suck on them. It is obvious from the look on his face that he loves doing this, that it is a turn-on for him, and I equally enjoy having his fingers in my mouth that way. (Heck, he could put most anything in my mouth and I'd enjoy licking and sucking it.)

Men, do you enjoy this type of play, watching your wife lick and suck your fingers? Or do some of you wives enjoy licking and sucking on your man's fingers? Why do men enjoy this? Talk to me about the appeal. I understand that it is a turn-on but why? What does it do for you guys?

Sunday, May 3, 2009

A Reader's Favorite-- Do you have a particular sexual success story to share?

One of my readers expressed a desire to hear about others' sexual success stories:

"Success stories would be great - tales of what sex is like after we or our spouses conquer those mental demons that hold us/them back. I think they'd be very exciting to hear and encouraging to others in the same boat."

Well, folks, here is your chance to share! Let us hear of your small or large successes which have led or are leading to a more passionate marriage. Please do not feel like you need to share your life story. Just focus on a particular sexual success and share it with us.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

You'd Be So Pretty If...

I have not seen this book yet but heard about it this morning on The Today Show and thought the info was worth posting. Dara Chadwick wrote "You'd Be So Pretty If". You can read more about her book here and read about what led up to the writing of it in this article entitled "Body image: Like mother, like daughter". Chadwick explains how even small comments can have a big impact.

A Reader's Favorites-- "Homemade media sex" and "risky sex"

Here are a couple of ideas for all you tech geeks and "gamblers". This reader said:

"I like to take pictures and/or video of DW and me in the act. Unfortunately DW has zero desire to watch them with me which takes away much of the thrill. I would love it if she enjoyed watching them as well as making the pics and video into a "Music video". I also sometimes enjoy "risky sex". Like the time we parked behind a Kinkos at twilight and had sex in the car. I could go on but it could end up as TMI. :)"

The idea of "risky sex" is very appealing to me except for my one little quirk. I'm not afraid of others accidentally seeing us. But what kind of freaks me out is that risky sex is often done in deserted, slightly off the beaten path areas. I mean, you would not do risky sex in a highly crowded area, right? Having grown up in a city, my big fear with this is having thugs stumble upon us while we're doing each other. If anyone has ideas on how I can overcome my fear of thugs in these situations, I'm all ears!

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

OT- A Paschal sermon from years back

In 2008 I posted a copy of this Paschal sermon which St. John Chrysostom (347-407AD) wrote. Click on the link above and then scroll down to the article entitled: "Christ is Risen! Indeed He is Risen!" The Orthodox Churches all over the world read this letter every year at the end of the Pascha service. Normally I would have posted this last Sunday on Pascha but I was sick as a dog that day so I am placing a repost of it here for anyone interested in reading it.

A Reader's Favorites List

Here is a favorite topic list from another reader. She wrote:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Location, outdoors & in. Any nature lovers out there?
*Favorite scenarios or rendezvous.
*When one has grown up (& spent a good deal of married life) thinking of sex in terms of what's NOT okay, at what point do we finally decide we've gone far enough as far as what's right? My DH is marvelously uninhibited; I not as much, but I'm working hard on it. It would be great to feel completely free.
*Sexy pre-tryst meals. We've certainly found that the great dinners in the right setting can really boost the desire level. Have others found that to be true as well? What are some suggestions?
*More discussions on useful books.
*Biggest turn-ons for a man, or at least some new ideas I could try for my DH.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ideas? Suggestions? Comments?

Monday, April 20, 2009

Welcome to my pink world- An OT comment

Take a look at what GR bought for me Saturday. We're taking golf lessons and plan to spend some regular time playing together. GR has only played a few times with coworkers and customers; I have never played. When the golf shop employee began showing us bags, he pointed out a couple of blue ones but I had already scanned the place while we walked in and knew they had pink stuff. I tried to politely listen to what he had to say and then I replied with a typical female comment, "You need to know that I don't like the color blue. Can you show us something in pink?" And we found this pink bag on sale for $50 along with a set of pink clubs to go with it. Well, it all had to match, you know, and it had to be a girlie color. I know I will be able to play better with pink clubs ;-).

Friday, April 17, 2009

A Reader's Favorite- Lack of sexual confidence with body image

One of my readers voiced concerns about this topic:

"How about a discussion on accepting our bodies as they are? I'm sure this would be more geared toward women, simply because we tend to be much more critical about our physical attributes. (Who of us hasn't cringed when looking in a mirror!) But isn't accepting our own bodies one major step in being able to fully enjoy our sexuality? If we can get over that hurdle, don't our husbands respond with even more enthusiasm? (I'd love to hear from men about this.) Maybe being comfortable and confident in our own skin can be just as much a turn-on as any negligee we might put on."

I have not thought about sexual confidence much in my own life. From what I have read, though, there are many wives who struggle over this in regard to their own body image. Those of you who understand this, please share your thoughts. Tell us what you think causes the problem for many wives in the first place and if you can, share ideas for permanent solutions.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

A Reader's Favorite- Wondering what others do in their marriage bed

This is what I love about all my readers-- individualism and... curiosity. This reader posted to say:

"While not at the top of my list, and this may be kinda wierd, I like to look at people and guess what they do sexually based on the way they look/talk/interact with others/etc. Not that I am wishing or imagining I was having sex with them, just wondering "what they do" :) I look at some people and think "Never - nope, zero, zilch, nada"."

Weird? No, not in my world! I tend to do the same thing when I see people out and about while I am running around town. Perhaps it is a high-SD that causes one to do this as I know that sex is always on my mind. I 'break' to think about other things ;-). When I see folks I think---

*Do they enjoy sex?
*Do they really "get it" how wonderful a gift God has given us to enjoy?
*Is it a major part of their marriage, do they make it their top priority? Or is it kind of hum-drum, only thought of when there is nothing else on the 'to do' list?
*Are they the adventurous one in their marriage bed, is their spouse or are they equally adventurous?
*Do they enjoy kissing and caressing their spouse each day or do they lean towards being frigid?
*What type of sexual activities do they enjoy?
*Do they enjoy anything on the kinky side?
*Do they get a sexual 'rush' before, during and after a good romp in bed with their spouse?

I could go on and on with the questions that pop in my head. Sex is a favorite topic for me and it is on my mind all the time so it is only natural that I would think about it when I see folks. I am not sure if this is what this reader is talking about but it is how it plays out for me. Have others done this IRL?

Easter

Happy Easter to all of you in the Western Christian churches! Our Eastern Orthodox Easter, our Pascha, is next Sunday.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

A Reader's Favorite- light bondage

Here is one sexual topic that is near and dear to my heart. One reader wrote: "I am fascinated with light bondage." Dear reader, so am I!

It was interesting to me when I discovered two years ago that I had strong attractions to some forms of bondage. As my attraction to it became more and more evident it brought back many fond memories of years ago as a child, playing outdoors with my siblings and friends.

We always had plenty of rope for playing. One game we would act out was "cowboys and Indians" where the person getting caught was tied to a tree and sometimes *whipped* with a tree branch while pretending to be in agony. We would gather sticks and leaves around the tree and pretend we were burning the captured person at the stake. If you were too mouthy when captured, you would also be gagged. Often I would purposely allow myself to be caught so I could be tied up and gagged because.... it felt good.

Or we would play "cops and robbers". The robbers would commit a crime, always get arrested and then they would have to serve their time in jail as punishment. I was so *naughty* ;-) because I loved being the robber who was arrested, having my wrists handcuffed (tied) behind my back or tied around a tree.... and having my ankles tied together or both wrists and ankles tied and be forced to stay in *jail*. It gave me a super rush. Those were among some of my most favorite games as a child.

GR, on the other hand, dabbled with dominant behavior growing up as the oldest of three boys. When he was about 10 years old he built a stock in the basement of their home. The basement was dreary enough as it was but he turned it into a dungeon of sorts when he tricked his youngest brother into trying out the stock. Once his brother was inside it, he could not get out. GR went back upstairs, turned the basement light off and left his brother in the dark, screaming his head off in the stock.

Can you see where this is leading? From years ago as a child I had submission tendencies and although I never quite understood why I had them, I certainly recognized the attraction and enjoyed playing with it. So, two years ago when I experienced my sexual awakening and realized that Christian married couples could have fun with bondage, I was like a kid in a candy store. Oh, the possibilities!

After sharing my bondage attraction with GR, specifically my attraction to submissiveness, he did not fully understand but he was "game". He and I soon purchased our first few bondage toys-- blindfolds, Chinese silk rope, Liberator's Bed Buckler and Thigh Cuffs, to name a few. And we have been enjoying these toys ever since. When we do bondage play... there are times that we do not... GR is always the dominant partner and I am always the submissive one; that is our preference.

Do you like bondage play? Or if you have never dabbled with it, have you ever thought about trying it? Do tell! And for those who already enjoy this, please feel free to share what bondage toys you have in your marriage bed. It is always fun to hear what others use.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

A Reader's Favorites- (He likes it all ;-)

This reader had some second thoughts and posted another list of things that his spouse isn't up for trying at this time. (Yes, you can post "a wish list" of sorts.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"well, I have had some more time to reflect, also realized that it was probably ok to post things that I was interested in, but I know my wife isn't enthused about. So here are some more.

Having my wife strip for me, me stripping for her. Oral sex on her or myself. Always fascinated with lingerie. Love garters and hose, crotchless, thongs, etc.
Sex at different times of day, morning, noon, night, late nate.
Extended sexual intercourse.
Multiple orgasms for her or me.
Sex toys and sex furniture."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Others here will have to comment on the stripping. GR and I don't like stripping. But crotchless--- Oo-la-la! No other way to go, imo. Perhaps your wife would agree to go crotchless on a special date night? Or for a gentler idea-- trying something crotchless in bed one night, where it's just she and you. Day sex can be really hot, with having sunlight or even daylight shining on you. It gives a whole different feel to having sex. I understand, not agree with, a dh or dw being leery of using sex toys or sex furniture. You really have to throw inhibitions to the wind.

Well, I don't want to say too much here. Your comments?