Saturday, November 29, 2008

Do you occasionally feel this way when your spouse cannot O?

This morning I got a glimpse of what it is like when a husband wants to see his wife O and she either cannot or will not. Tell me if this is true in your own marriages.

Because of being really sick all day Thursday and part of Friday, I have not been able to O these last couple of days. This morning GR really wanted me to and I will not get into the details of it but in helping me O, he ended up NOT Oing. Afterwards when we talked he said it did not matter this time because he was really only focused on helping me O and was not even thinking of getting his own. It kind of made me sad like he was missing out but he insisted that he was not.

As I write, he is still doing some phone support with his job so I am waiting for him to be freed up so we can go to bed and enjoy each other for the night.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Please note: new instructional links on my blog

In the right side bar under "Favorite Sites for Reading" I have just included two links that I feel could be useful for wives to either learn or to improve on how to pleasure their husband through "fellatio" or a "hand job".

The "hand job" link only shows a girl demonstrating HJ techniques with the aid of a dildo. The "fellatio" link is a written article which goes into detail on how to do OS on your husband. I have not viewed the entire "fellatio" site, but I know you will see sexual photos with real models who are dressed skimpy... just so you know.

To both husbands and wives, enjoy!

Have you ever had disoriented episodes after sex?

Early this morning GR was saying that he had to be getting up (to shower) so.... I got him up.... and we enjoyed a quickie. Afterwards he went and showered while I got stuff going in the kitchen so he would not be late for work.

First thing I did-- I got coffee going, or so I thought. I put fresh coffee in the coffee maker and went on to do other things. After GR arrived in the kitchen I noticed that the coffee was not brewing. "Oh my,"I told him, "I must have forgotten to turn on the coffee maker," so I hit the ON switch and went on to other things. Five minutes later he grins at me and asks, "Do I have to make the coffee from here on?" "You forgot to put water in the coffee maker!"

I mean, do you ever have disoriented episodes like this after sex?

Monday, November 24, 2008

OK, non-creative spouses CAN be creative in the bedroom!

Many times I have posted on marriage boards that we should not expect non-creative spouses to show creativity. Well, I was wrong. Yesterday, GR and I had a rare opportunity of having our girls out of the house from 1-5pm. Ahead of time, he and I talked and we both wanted to spend the time together at home so as soon as the girls left we went to the bedroom and began playing. GR is as nerdy as they come. He reads computer manuals for fun and loves computer talk.

We have the Bed Buckler and restraining cuffs that Liberator sells. My nerdy husband chose to put me in restraints on the bed and then.... would not tell me what else he planned to do to me. That is where his creativity kicked in. Usually he cannot surprise me a whole lot but let's just say that I was caught totally off guard to what he had in mind and I got to see the "tormenting" side of him in action. Between having me strapped to the bed and him pulling out a few other surprises, he took his time and then brought me to a mind-blowing O. After that, he wanted to do PIV-IC while I was still strapped down so he had his way with me some more while he O'd. He unbuckled me while we relaxed and talked a bit, made love some more and O'd again.

And I thought my nerdy husband did not enjoy being creative! I was so very wrong. Not only is he creative but he has an erotic "tormenting" side that I love. Are you or your spouse usually non-creative in the bedroom? Do you ever have surprising sessions?

Next week GR and I will be attending his company dinner at a hotel in town and staying the night there as his company puts all the employees up in rooms for the night. GR wants to bring all our toys. Hmmmmmm, wonder what he will have in mind?

OS on husband through a condom?

I read a comment where a husband expressed excitement because his wife was going to start giving him OS. Nothing unusual. But what had me curious, he said that she told him-- The only way she would do OS is with him wearing a condom.

Someone help me out here. Is that really exciting for a dh when he is wearing a condom and... is it fun for the wife to give OS through the condom? I don't get it.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

How did parents do each other in the olden days?

As GR and I cope with having sex while our grown kids' bedrooms are on both sides of our room, we are constantly reminded to keep the noise level down as much as possible when the girls are home. And we're all in our bedrooms with walls between us and doors closed. He and I play music or TV to help muffle the sounds we make during sex. Still, they hear things that they would rather not hear.

Back in the old days couples often lived in an open-style, one room log cabin. I envision the parents bed off to one corner and kids sleeping in the loft. I am sure they did not always have bedrooms with walls and doors. How did the parents have sex without the kids watching and hearing them? Sure, they could have hung blankets around their bed for a fair degree of visual privacy but did they always resort to "silent sex" for audio privacy? How did they do each other?

Thursday, November 20, 2008

What causes new surges of sexual energy in guys?

Say you are an over 40yo guy who preferred to have sex in middle of the night or morning rather than at bedtime because... well... because those are usually your body's best times to have sex. What would cause a surge in your energy level where all of a sudden you would be able to enjoy bedtime sex as well?

I only ask because this is what we are seeing in our marriage bed. GR, who is in his late 50's, would sometimes be too tired at bedtime for sex so he would sleep 3-4 hours and then wake me up for sex, which was fine for me. More and more he has been enjoying sex even at bedtime. The other day I briefly asked about it and he said that he knows I sleep better after sex. (My man can sleep anytime when he is tired.)

As you can see, I am a curious soul. I always want to know the reasons why things work the way they do.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

When in bed, just how much are emotions and sex related?

My husband is good, I mean, REALLY good! Something happened yesterday evening that was more of a big annoyance than anything else. It had nothing to do with GR or our kids. He and I went to bed and he began gently caressing me but I could not respond to his touch and I told him, "I am still so annoyed with this." (ie, I'm Italian and French; it is in the blood.) Without another word from me, he took it upon himself to aggressively ravish me. He was doing everything that he knew I loved him to do so it was not long before I had forgotten the annoyance and we were engaged in a hot love making session. When we were done, there was nothing in the air but emotional calmness and sexual satisfaction for both of us as we fell fast asleep.

The whole thing made me wonder...

Does sex sometimes go terribly wrong just because of poor communication or poor emotional connection when we are in bed? Do we occasionally push the wrong emotional buttons with our spouse when we enter our bedroom each night or day? When our spouse has his/her mind on the wrong things, do we make right choices for how to respond to it? Yes, we each need to take personal responsibility for our own thoughts but when it is difficult, can and should our spouse acknowledge the annoyance and then point us in the right direction so we can both enjoy sex, in spite of the troubled thoughts? Do we often see the annoyance in our spouse but are too inhibited to try anything sexual for fear of our spouse's reaction? If our emotional intimacy outside the bedroom is not in the most optimal healthy state, can you see how this same scenario could go terribly wrong?

SCENE 1
spouse A- I am so ticked off about this.
spouse B- Try not to think about it. Let's have sex.
(B's not thinking about anything but sex and A knows it. A little empathy might help.)

SCENE 2
spouse A- I am so ticked off about this.
spouse B- With eyes rolling B thinks- What now? I guess there will be no sex tonight.
(B knows better than to even say anything or try for sex.)

SCENE 3
spouse A- I am so ticked off about this.
spouse B- You ALWAYS come to bed upset about something. What is wrong with you?
(B uses the "always" word and proceeds to ridicule and insult A.)

SCENE 4
spouse A- I am so ticked off about this.
spouse B- I know. Why do you think it happened? Maybe it was a misunderstanding. Try not to worry about it all night. You will be able to talk to them tomorrow.
(B starts to earnestly pleasure A, knowing it will relieve A's tension; and it does.)

Can you relate to any of these or have you seen other scenarios play out in your marriage bed? When one spouse goes to bed with a negative thought in his/her head, how can the other spouse help to turn it into something warm, wonderful and passionate?

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Anyone familiar with books by Wendy Maltz?

Has anyone read Private Thoughts by Wendy Maltz and Suzie Boss? It was published in May 2008 but I just found out about it. You might have to scroll down a bit to get to the book description. I have the two poetry books that Wendy edited and they are wonderful (ie, Intimate Kisses and Passionate Hearts). Most likely I will purchase Private Thoughts unless I hear too many negative reviews on it.

HELP!!! The sounds of sex

What do you do when your kids keep hearing the sounds you make when having sex? Our house is some 70 years old and has all 3 bedrooms bunched together upstairs. We play the TV or a music CD anytime we are at it in order to help muffle sounds. GR and I do our very best to be discreet because our 2 college kids live here as well. Most of the time when we are in our room, we speak quietly or whisper.

This morning dd#2, our 18yo, privately informed me that she heard me O earlier before we came downstairs. I did not tell her any differently but what she probably heard was her dad moaning when he O'd; he was a bit too loud. Dd was downstairs in the living room studying and the living room is directly below our bedroom.

When this dd's in her bedroom she keeps a loud fan running and that works fine. Dd#1, who is almost 21, does not sleep well with fan or music noise in her room. I just spoke to her today and we think a TV in her room would solve her problem and she's well old enough and mature enough to monitor her own TV viewing. So we can fix the sounds from being heard in their bedrooms.

So the problem---

What can we do to prevent LMing sounds from traveling to the downstairs living area of our home when the girls are in that part of the house? Our bedroom floor is wood. I suppose that adding bedroom carpet might help? And it is just not comfortable enough for us to have sex in the basement so that is not a good option for us. I know that moving would solve the problem but that will not be happening for at least another year or more.

Please share your ideas!

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Serious question about dildos--

OK, it is a serious question but you can go ahead and laugh if it makes you happy! :-)

While looking at sex toy sites I have noticed that some of the dildos they sell are really big... no... I will have to say "huge"! Some of them are 2 or more inches wide and 7 or more inches long. If a wife were to use a dildo that was larger than her husband's penis, could the dildo stretch out her vagina and make it *permanently* larger? Or, does the vagina always spring right back to its normal size? I have been wondering about this for quite some time. Does anyone know?

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Inspirational creations

I would be too freaked out about getting bits and pieces stuck inside to try any of this but you have to admit, the photos are intriguing. Don't worry, there is no nudity or porn of any type on this page.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Who says non-creative people cannot come up with creative ideas?

A couple of days ago while enjoying an afterglow, GR and I were discussing his upcoming business trip this week. He left today and will not be back until Thursday evening. Honestly, I have never talked with him about having phone sex because... well... because... I know he hates being on the phone. So much of his work time is spent giving tech support by phone so when he is not working, he normally does not make phone calls.

Anyway, we were talking about how much we will miss having sex together while he is gone. (This is all the time but I was reminding him.) I sadly told him, "I will most likely have to masturbate at least once before you get back." And then he told me, "We can talk on the phone while you masturbate." I nearly fell out of the bed right then!!! This was my very geeky husband coming up with a sexually creative idea all on his own. He never frequents message boards because he works with computers on his job so I know he did not read about phone sex on a message board.

A creative idea really came from my non-creative husband and he shared it with me. I think he might have even surprised himself when he came up with the idea; he certainly surprised me!

Friday, November 7, 2008

When the sexual playground seems to be closed for the night...

When the sexual playground seems to be closed for the night are there times when God gives us the ability to reopen it out of sheer desire to please our spouse, if for no other reason?

In my last comment from my article entitled: On keeping the "withholding of sex" a dark secret vs. bringing it to light.... I mentioned having a true story to share. You can go to that article's comment page if you care to read everything that was said. Basically, I referenced what I was talking about to 1 Cor. 7: 1-7 and gave my "take" on the meaning of the passage.

At the very end of my comment I said: "There are always those rare occasions, and they should be very rare, where sex must be postponed like during extreme sickness, etc...... I have a true story to share (later) which is an example of what I am talking about here. It is something that happened to GR and me last night while in bed."

Here is what happened---

Yesterday morning during an appointment, I experienced a really huge, disturbing encounter with someone. I would rather not go into the specifics of it but suffice to say, on a scale of 1-10, it was a 10. I rarely become so upset that it brings me to tears but I was in tears throughout the appointment as it had me emotionally disturbed, really disturbed, all day long. GR was out of town on business so I didn't get to tell him about it until he arrived home last night. Again, I was in tears while relating the incident to him. This was so out of character for me to be this emotionally distraught over words coming from another person. I am just not that sensitive at all.

When we went to bed my heart was still heavy. I am such a person where if something emotionally upsetting bothers me or if I am in physical pain, I always want sex because it quickly de-stresses me or relieves pain. But last night, for the first time in two years, I went to bed and could not bring myself to think about enjoying sex. GR was very understanding so we simply relaxed, nude, in each others' arms. After about a half hour he began gently touching me in some of my hot spots. At first I could not respond but the more he touched, the more my body gave in. It was like my mind was slowly telling me, "It's OK, relax, enjoy it!"

Well, before long GR had to leave to bring dd#1 to work for her 11pm-7am shift. By this time we were both getting hot and bothered but he went ahead and brought her to work. That little bit of touching had relaxed me so much that before he even arrived back home, I must have fallen asleep. Normally if one of us falls asleep, we wait a few hours and then wake the other person up for sex. This time GR must have been good and horny because he woke me as soon as he got back in bed. I was so groggy by then but I was able to wake up enough for us to enjoy a wonderful love making session. After that we both fell fast asleep and slept soundly throughout the night.

The reason I wanted to share this---

It would not have been a crime if we had forgone sex last night. I was way too upset to feel guilty about anything and GR knew it. He would never have pushed if I had told him, "I just cannot tonight!" But rather than cave in to my distraught feelings and shutting down to sex, I worked hard at keeping the door open for sexual play and it worked.... partly because GR was in sync with my emotions and partly because I was determined to keep myself open in case we could make it work.

When a spouse is not in a sexual mood for whatever reason-- tired, upset, pain, you name it-- it does not necessarily have to mean that the sexual playground must close for the night. If we keep ourselves open, keep our hearts right, and work together as a Christian husband/wife team, we never know what God can do for our marriage bed. What He did for us last night was huge to me... I guess it was also huge for GR.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Time out--- commercial ;-)

Don't forget to vote early enough to make it before the polls close this evening. We were told to expect 2-3 hours of standing in line. God had mercy on us. We arrived there at 8:45am to find one huge line which was wrapped around the exterior of the building, however, that line was for another district. Our district's line only had a small handful of people in front of us. Apparently most from our district either voted before work, or planned to vote during their lunch break or this evening after work. We were only at the polls for 45 minutes from the time we got in line until we were through voting. We drove away at 9:30.

One other thing I want to share about this and some of you may disagree-- I hope that whichever candidate wins, that we all can be gracious to those who didn't vote our way and that we can all rally behind our new president when he goes into office and show the utmost respect for his office, if nothing else. A number of my readers live in other countries but for those who are Americans--- Never forget that the entire world sees how we address our political leader. With politics, there is little that I hate more than to hear Americans refer to our president as "Clinton" or "Bush". We can all be good examples of showing respect by addressing our president by his correct title of "President McCain" or "President Obama". God bless America.