Saturday, November 15, 2008

HELP!!! The sounds of sex

What do you do when your kids keep hearing the sounds you make when having sex? Our house is some 70 years old and has all 3 bedrooms bunched together upstairs. We play the TV or a music CD anytime we are at it in order to help muffle sounds. GR and I do our very best to be discreet because our 2 college kids live here as well. Most of the time when we are in our room, we speak quietly or whisper.

This morning dd#2, our 18yo, privately informed me that she heard me O earlier before we came downstairs. I did not tell her any differently but what she probably heard was her dad moaning when he O'd; he was a bit too loud. Dd was downstairs in the living room studying and the living room is directly below our bedroom.

When this dd's in her bedroom she keeps a loud fan running and that works fine. Dd#1, who is almost 21, does not sleep well with fan or music noise in her room. I just spoke to her today and we think a TV in her room would solve her problem and she's well old enough and mature enough to monitor her own TV viewing. So we can fix the sounds from being heard in their bedrooms.

So the problem---

What can we do to prevent LMing sounds from traveling to the downstairs living area of our home when the girls are in that part of the house? Our bedroom floor is wood. I suppose that adding bedroom carpet might help? And it is just not comfortable enough for us to have sex in the basement so that is not a good option for us. I know that moving would solve the problem but that will not be happening for at least another year or more.

Please share your ideas!


herlover said...

I really do think that carpet with a good quality thick pad underneath would help.

And I guess play the music as loud as you and everybody else in the house can stand it!

We are blessed to have a split plan where we are at extreme opposite ends of the house. Look for that in your new home.

You could tie a gag over each others mouths!! I'm only half kidding. Well, just consider it another form of light bondage play. You know, blindfolds, restraints, and now gags. I'm getting carried away here. Time to stop.

Scotty said...

Hi Gemma,
I decided to give myself a name since I plan on reading your blog regularly. I love your insight and passion for your marriage. I asked you about your frequency the past couple of days as 'anonymous'. Anyway, I don't have many suggestions as this is a problem for us too. You have to pass our bedroom to get to the kids' rooms. We have an 8 yr and 14 yr old. The 14yr can't even handle us kissing in front of her so if she ever hears us ML I think she'd want to die. I can't imagine she hasn't heard us though. She does have a fan in her room so I'm hoping that helps. We try to muffle our moans when the kids are home and I think we've got pretty good at that.
Anyway - no real suggestions, just saying I can relate girl!

Cocotte said...

It "sounds" like you are doing everything you can already. I think it would be a shame to cover the hardwood floors. Seems to me like GR just needs to put a sock in it - literally!

Gemma said...

herlover, I decided 2 years ago that our next house will have the master suite on opposite end from the other bedrooms.

We aren't crazy about carpet. Every room in our house, except kitchen and baths, has the original hard wood floors. Today, GR and I were discussing this and I thought about just getting a large area rug that would fit underneath all four legs of the bed and stretch out beyond the bed some.

Good name, Scotty.
The problem we're having with college age kids is that they instinctively know when sounds are from us having sex. When kids are little, they often have no idea what they're hearing. Like this morning when my 18yo told me that she heard me O. It's not a sound you want your kids to recognize nor is it anything you want your kids to have to tell you.

cocotte, I love my wood floors but I want some privacy here until we are able to move into another house. It was a bit surprising to hear GR being so loud when he O'd this morning. In normal circumstances I love when he's loud but not when the kids are home and can hear it.

I guess at this point I'm wondering and hoping that a large area rug would help even though it wouldn't be wall-to-wall carpet.

Odo said...

Wow, gemma, we, too, can relate. You are wise in going for the rug. Get the THICKEST, largest area rug you can fit into the room. Get lots of soft stuff around the room, too, to try and deaden the sound movement. We are now empty nesters but can relate when our kids were at home. This house we built a few years ago is well insulated though the floors squeak due to bad quality control. Our bedrooms are insulated between them also which helped. And DW was not very "demonstrative" shall I say, in her Os. Wished she would be, that would be enticing! But I digress. Can you plan time together when they are out with friends or at classes? I'm sure you already "seize the moment" when you find yourselves "home alone"! Maybe keep a generous pillow close by for each of you to, um, express your pleasure into...yell into to muffle things! You may still have to quell your collective ecstasy until you get your new house! Ouch! Sorry I couldn't be more help.

Gemma said...

Part of the problem is that our two girls are never on the same schedule so one of them is usually home AND.... GR works full-time during the day hours when the girls are at school. He's gone M-F from 6:30-7am until 5:30-6pm.

Both girls are full-time college students and both work part-time jobs so they're usually home at night studying because there's not much time left in their schedule for socializing.

We have established a monthly movie/lunch day where we pay them 1x/mon to head to the theater and lunch for a few hours but we can't afford to send them away more than that. GR and I have sex more than 1x/mon so the monthly theater idea is hardly a solution.

I've seriously thought about purchasing one of these to help out: or one of these:
Anyone use a "bit gag" or a "muffler"? Comparing the two- pros and cons?

During the night and again early this morning we both had very quiet O's. Boy, is that hard to do!

job29man said...

Excuse me for laughing! Wow! This is such a great problem to have!! God bless you both!

I guess I'd err to the side of your daughter's side. It is more important to respect her dignity than to have the hardwood floor. My advice is skip the area rug. Go wall to wall with the most sound absorbing pad you can, and put a nice thick carpet on it. Say good bye dear beautiful hardwood floor and HELLO loud, unabashed orgasms!!! Yippeeee!

The only alternative I can see is to talk to an insulation guy and tell him your daughter hears all your "footsteps" etc and you want to know your acoustic insulation options. He may be able to blow in some good sound barrier insulation in the ceiling above DD.

Oh man, I'm still grinning at your problem! :-)

Gemma said...

You're excused, Job :-). As much as we didn't want to put carpet in the house, I'm afraid this may have to be one exception.

Actually, it's the living room that is below our bedroom so when either of the girls are in the living room while GR and I having sex.... well.... they seem to hear a bit more than we or they want them to hear.

The girls' bedrooms are on both sides of our bedroom. I don't know if insulation can be blown between those bedroom walls but we need to check on all that.

I know, I know... our problems could be much worse.

midwestman said...

I can relate Gemma. Our girls have generically told us they can hear us "doing it" from time to time. They generally both listen to music when in their rooms however, so it hasn't been much of a problem, although when we have sex we generally muffle our moans and groans - gosh thats hard to do sometimes though. But I don't think its unhealthy that your kids know you have sex - thats what married people do. Not that you want them listening to all your LM sounds, but if thats the worst that ever happens to them, they're pretty lucky!

I too treasure those days when both DDs are out of the house. We generally take advantage of it too. We used to have every Wednesday evening to ourselves and we made the most of it. For almost a year we took turns from "101 nights of great sex" and had some really good times :)

I would go with the carpet too although there is only so much you can deaden sound when DD is in a quiet room directly below you. Even with carpet sound is going to penetrate (ooo, did I make a pun there???). Good luck!


Gemma said...

No, I don't think it's unhealthy for the kids to know we have sex; they know, boy do they know! GR and I have sex just about every day, sometimes both morning and night. I just wish we could make more noise without disturbing them. You're right- It is hard having quiet sex. Grrrr....

It's the living room that is directly below our bedroom so when the girls are in the living room, they claim they can hear too much. I suppose we'll need to install carpet in our room. Every little bit will help.