Sunday, October 12, 2008

What do we see in each other in the "secret place" behind closed doors?

For 25+ years of marriage, we lived a hellish life because of my "refusing" and then, seemingly out of nowhere, I was finally ready to repent and turn from my wicked sin (of refusal). Once I repented, God saw fit in His goodness and mercy, to restore and heal our marriage. Since Dec 2006, GR and I have both been living above and beyond our sexual expectations for our marriage.

As an ex-refuser and former "gatekeeper" to the sex in our marriage, this is a little something that I have been learning since my awakening:

God does not force His way into our marriage, nor does He restore it when one spouse (or both) continues living in sin towards the other spouse. God is holy and cannot live in an unholy vessel. My dh was praying hard; he wore his knees out, believe me. However, God still would not have restored us had I not finally repented by determining to turn my back on sin so I could be the wife that I was meant to be.

Today, I have a little better understanding of what it means to be a good Christian and more specifically, a good Christian wife. It is not enough to pray, read our bible, attend church services and bible studies, be deacons, lead worship and all those things that I used to believe helped me be a better Christian. In God's eyes those are all good things in and of themselves but they are really "works".

Although the bible tells us that 'faith without works is dead' as explained in James 2:14-19, God judges us more by our behavior and our heart condition when we are in the secret place, behind closed doors, yes, even the doors of our MB. If my dh cannot see Christ in me when we are in the bedroom, then he would have every right as a Christian husband to wonder if Christ is really in me at all.

So, in the secret place of our home and especially in our bedroom, what does our spouse see? What do we see in them? Do we draw each other towards Christ by the way we treat each other in the bedroom? Do we sacrificially demonstrate passionate love to each other as Christ would have us do? This has been a hard lesson for me. It took over 20 years for me to repent and then another 6 years to figure out how to get it all right. But once I repented God began healing me and restoring our marriage. My word for the hour--- REPENT! Repent for what we do in the secret place behind closed (bedroom) doors.

4 comments:

Who am I said...

Hey, I just noticed that you had changed your intro on your sidebar or whatever it is called.

I really like the detailed intro you give here- great work.

Gemma said...

Yes I have changed it, wai. Many of my readers have been asking to see a detailed "telling" of my story. So there it is, in the right side-bar.

Thank you for your words of encouragement.

Mark said...

I too noticed the addition of your story to the sidebar and I think it's a great idea.
It will help people know where you're coming from faster and shows people that things can change for the better, and they don't have to go looking for it! :)

One thing your blog about the "secret place" has me thinking about is roles and names we have for ourselves and our spouse in our bedroom.
For example your use of the term "GR's Whore" for yourself. I understand why you call yourself that and I was wondering what GR calls you in the "secret place"?

The reason I am asking is that things have slowly been getting better between my wife and I in the bedroom, and the last two weeks even better.
She now says that she is my whore, my slut, my wife, which means that I can have her any way, any time, anywhere I want. She said this yesterday and today!
(she does still have this little voice in the back of her head saying that she is not, but she says she really means what she says and that the little voice is her old nature not wanting to let go.)

I would bring this up on TMB but you can imagine the reaction I would probably get. I think your Blog is a much better place to discuss this, if you don't mind.

Mark

Gemma said...

Thanks Mark. I guess I'm a little slow. Folks have been asking me to show the whole story and it took until now to actually get it up on my main blog page.

Mark said:
"For example your use of the term "GR's Whore" for yourself. I understand why you call yourself that and I was wondering what GR calls you in the "secret place"?"

Why, he calls me secret names, of course ;-). Actually he rather likes the phrase "whore". For so many years he begged for sex and still got nothing from me. To call me his whore reminds him of the sexual freedom he now has with my body.

He also calls me honey, sweetheart, 'my little girl', and many other affectionate names. He doesn't consistently stick with any one name.

A name is just a name and whatever works for you and your dh... is a good name. Are you fishing for names for your dw, Mark? If so, just talk to her and ask her which names she prefers.