Friday, October 24, 2008

What do you think of this quote?

"A husband wants a cook in the kitchen, a lady in the parlor and a whore in the bedroom."

Do you agree or disagree with it and why? Is it unrealistic for a Christian wife to want to be this way for her husband? Should Christian husbands want to view their wives this way? Are wrong teachings from church or from growing up years preventing Christian wives from letting lose in the bedroom? Do wrong teachings sometimes cause Christian husbands to discourage their wives from letting lose in the bedroom... almost like a Madonna-whore complex?

20 comments:

Mark said...

I know that this is what I want, and my wife has agreed to it as well recently.
She has also been doing a great job at it! ;-)

I don't see anything unrealistic about it for a Christian wife. I also think it is Biblical. A wife is to be a keeper of her home (cook), a wife is to show Christ in her life (lady) and a wife, and husband, do not own their own bodies sexually (whore).

I do think that wrong teaching from both our society at large and in to many churches has prevented all three roles and especially that very important one that's in the marriage bed.

Mark 9:24

midwestman said...

While I would like all of these, there is much more than these qualities that make up any woman...

mwm

Who am I said...

Yes, deep down, that is what I want. Afraid to admit it to wife because of the negative connotations of the word whore.

A different word I have thought of is excellent lover in the bedroom. I have realized that a whore has sex for money, and many different men, but good ones really study how to be enthusiastic and technically excellent in their profession of having sex. I don't want my wife to have sex for money or multiple men, but I do long for her to be enthusiastic in the bedroom and technically excellent in lovemaking skills- both of which she is currently focusing more on than she has in the past.

My wife is an excellent cook and a wonderful hostess.

I don't think it is unrealistic for Christian wives to be this way for their husband or for husbands to view their wives in that way.

I think alot of wrong teachings in church and society and alot of sexual abuse in church and society have put a damper on Christian women enjoying all that they can in the bedroom or even seeing it as desirable.

Gemma said...

Mark, I agree with you in that those qualities are biblical for Christian wives.

Gemma said...

mwm said:
"While I would like all of these, there is much more than these qualities that make up any woman..."

Absolutely, mwm, and I didn't intend to imply that these qualities were all that women should strive to achieve. I only first heard the quote a few years ago. Back in the early 80's when GR and I first began attending church together, I wish I had been familiar with the quote. It would have made a difference for me as I was one who became a Christian and felt that hot sex even in the marriage bed was unfit for a Christian couple. Boy, was I confused!

Gemma said...

wai,

If "excellent lover" works for you and your dw, go for it. The end result is what counts.

Of course, no Christian wife should be living like a whore with others but it's the enthusiasm and technical excellence that we can practice as God originally designed it for married couples. We are not borrowing ideas from whores, not really. Rather, we are following the instructions of Christ. It's the whores and other sexual perverts who stole exciting marital sex from the church and perverted it for their own deviant use.

Who am I said...

Well, your post really got me to thinking deeper about all of this issue of what I as a man wants. Alot of this I have thought before but maybe haven't put it all together before in ways that others understand.

I think bottom line is that I hope for the same attitude in the bedroom as I see my wife do in the kitchen and the parlor so naturally, and I wonder why it is so hard for her at times to do that.

For instance, my wife is a good cook. Over time we have bought decent utensils for the kitchen, and she will go buy quality ingredients, and make dishes for us or for others that are really good and tasteful and lots of times different. We have several cookbooks that she choses from. My wife probably wouldn't be the White House chef and I don't expect her to be, but that takes years of education, and practice, lots of money and a big staff.

In the living room, we have tasteful furniture, if company is coming it gets vacuumed and dusted even if I can't see the dirt, magazines are picked up, and my wife is a pleasant host. Most people really seem to enjoy her hospitality. Our living room doesn't look like Martha Stewart and our parties are not Martha Stewart parties, which is fine- we don't have the money and the staff for that.

Deep down I long for, sometimes get, but not as often as I hope the same treatment in the bedroom.
I love it when she does take the effort to freshen up the makeup, put on perfume, light the candles, wear lingerie, all without me asking and then try something new without being asked. Sometimes it seems like doing those types of things is such a chore for her, other times not so much. That is my puzzle, why it seems so hard for her or that I have to ask for that type of thing most of the time.

I don't expect her to be as dressed or as sexually adept as the high priced call girls you read about who have no husband, no kids, no other job, a limited number of clients, alot of money, and extra time, just like I don't expect her to be the White House chef or Martha Stewart.

I so wish the church did a better job of portraying the beauty and passion of married sexuality. Mostly it is ignored, or the ills of sexual sins are pointed out- which is nescessary-but the positive needs extolled also.

Sorry this is long, but you did get me to thinking deeper.

Anonymous said...

Agree with the premise, but like some others, don't like the word "whore." I have become recently aware of the great tragedy of human traffiking around the globe and the horrors of girls and young women being exploited in this way. So, while the idea of kitchen, parlor, bedroom roles rings somewhat true, I would never refer to myself as my dh's "whore" prefering to be his "lover."

Gemma said...

who am i,

GR and I decided some 8 years ago that we could no longer leave our marital destiny with our (then) church and had to walk away from it and move towards a Christian church which has a healthier attitude towards marital sex. It was the best decision for our marriage and it certainly will be a good thing for our kids when they are ready to be thinking about getting married.

Gemma said...

anon,

Sadly, females will always be exploited that way. I don't think of myself as a "whore for my dh" in that same sense; I just don't. And I've lived as a worldly whore before I met my dh so I truly "get it" regarding their lifestyle.

I understand that many dw's don't share my view. The name isn't important. It's how you relate to your dh. Being your dh's "lover" is what works for you. Nothing wrong with that. Be his lover.

Anonymous said...

Excellent lover in the bedroom, exciting, uninhibited- that I can agree with. The other word has extremely negative connotations for me, and makes my stomach turn to just think of it. I would feel so degraded if my husband ever used that of me, and I know he wouldn't. Marriage as a picture of Christ and the church is exciting, full of passion--but degrading to women, or anyone-never. It's exciting, passionate and holy all combined--just like true praise and worship is.
My dh and I are charismatic, and our praise is uninhibited and demonstrative, as it our love life. I once had a pastor who commented on that one Sunday--using us as an example--telling people that if they'd get that free in God, their love life/sex life with their spouse would be equally as free.
The devil and all his works of darkness--which are all counterfeits of what God has for us--are nothing to be compared with the true realities experienced in the presence of God.

Gemma said...

Anon,

The name(s) we each choose to use in our marriage bed doesn't need approval from anyone besides our spouse and ourselves. Being your dh's "lover" is what works for you so be his lover.

Anon said:
"The devil and all his works of darkness--which are all counterfeits of what God has for us--are nothing to be compared with the true realities experienced in the presence of God."

If you're referring to my preference of the word 'whore' as being "works of the devil" in the general MB (not your MB) then I respectfully disagree. If someone's choice of words in their MB is "of the devil", then just about everything else in the MB would also be "of the devil".

The list would include: all sex toys, sex furniture, restraints, OS, anal-play, manual-stim, French kissing, etc. To get real sticky about it, everything except missionary style PIV-IC would be "of the devil" because street whores use them all. Is that really how you feel about all these things that I mentioned?

Gakkuri Neko said...

I find it interesting, amsuing and a bit disheartening that so many people get offended by the word "whore". *I* know what you mean by it... and I wholeheartedly want to be my husband's whore, and for him to regard me as such!!! I take GREAT pleasure in the thought that my body will be his and his alone (we are currently engaged, and were at one time in a sexual relationship, before a rearranging of priorities!) the day that we proclaim before God and man that we are One.
Awesomeness for you and your DH. I'm so glad that you found joy in your MB! ^_^
Neko

Gemma said...

Yeah, the word "whore" used even in Christian marriage beds really hits some nerves... mostly with wives more than with husbands.

Congrats on your upcoming wedding.

KyWildcat said...

I think the problem is with the actual definition of the word "whore". It means a person that sleeps around or sells sex.

I understand that you are talking about an unashamed, uninhibited, sexually confident and sexually aggressive woman. What sane, straight man wouldn't want that?

KW

Gemma said...

What's in a word, KW? When I was in high school a "whore" was a girl who loved to have sex with all the guys. A "prostitute" was a girl who had sex for money.

When I refer to myself as being "my dh's whore", I mean that I love to have sex with my dh, therefore, I am my dh's whore.

Truly, I understand why many Christian wives are not comfortable with the word but for me it fits and GR loves having unlimited sex all the time. I always say- You whatever words work in your MB.

KyWildcat said...

Gemma said:

What's in a word, KW? When I was in high school a "whore" was a girl who loved to have sex with all the guys. A "prostitute" was a girl who had sex for money.

When I refer to myself as being "my dh's whore", I mean that I love to have sex with my dh, therefore, I am my dh's whore.


Well you asked us what we thought of the quote and I told you why I thought people took issue with it. You mention above what the definition of the word is in your post.

I have no issue with you and your husband redefining the word in your marriage bed. I really think that's great.

However, to expect that others will accept and understand that alternate meaning outside of you and your husband's marriage bed is, IMO, expecting too much.

What's in a word? It's understood (defined) meaning. To personally redefine a word and then expect others to just accept that redefined meaning and understand what you actually mean when you use that word is unreasonable IMO.

I think the word "whore" is different from the word "fuck" because the former means to have a sinful type of sex (paid or with whomever is available or willing) while the latter just means to have passionate sex. "Fuck" doesn't need redefining so you're just changing its context. To change the context of "whore" doesn't change its defined meaning. To be your husband's "whore" he'd have to pay you based on the definition (actual meaning) of the word.

Again, what you do in your marriage bed or on your blog is your business. I just answered your question. People don't just "take exception" because they're prudes but because the defined meaning is in the opinion of many degrading to women because it means a promiscuous or immoral woman.

Of course that's what also gives the word some of its power when you describe yourself as "your husband's whore". I understand that but I don't think it would be unreasonable for someone to think that he is paying you in some way to have sex with him because that's the word's definition.

I'm really not trying to be disagreeable. Frankly what you and your husband do in your marriage bed is your business. I just don't think it's reasonable to expect others to accept or understand your redefinition of the word.

Perhaps being your husbands "nympho" would be better understood?

Blessings!
KW

Gemma said...

KW,

I don't expect others to accept anything I say. I only asked what my readers thought of the meaning of the quote; that's all. And, no, let it be known--- My dh surely DOES NOT PAY me to have sex with him :-). As for the word "nympho"... the more I hear it the less I like it so I do not use the word and that's just me. I thought I made myself clear in all the comments regarding that quote that each couple should use phrases and names that suite themselves. Perhaps I wasn't quite clear enough about it? If so, my apologies. I was more asking in generalities what everyone thought of the *meaning* of the quote. A person could just as easily use the quote with a rewording and say:

"A husband wants a cook in the kitchen, a lady in the parlor and a hot babe in the bedroom."

or... "A husband wants a cook in the kitchen, a lady in the parlor and a sexy wife in the bedroom."

or.... "A husband wants a cook in the kitchen, a lady in the parlor and a lover in the bedroom."

See what I mean? I was only curious to know what others thought of the meaning of the quote, no matter which word each person prefers to insert for the word "whore". Does that make sense?

KyWildcat said...

Gemma said:
I was only curious to know what others thought of the meaning of the quote, no matter which word each person prefers to insert for the word "whore". Does that make sense?

Sure. I personally don't like the word "whore" so I didn't really like the quote but I agree that a husband wants those things plus some others things as well. Some men may not be interested in a cook in the kitchen because they enjoy cooking themselves.

Does she just have to be a "whore" in the bedroom? Personally I wouldn't mind if she were a "whore" in the kitchen occasionally and "cooked" in the bedroom every once in awhile. ;)

KW

Gemma said...

She can be whatever the dh and dw agree upon. And the quote is really just a simplistic quote that somebody wrote many years ago I'm guessing to help newlywed wives and it just sort of got passed down through the years. It was written during a time where wives weren't even supposed to like sex or if they did, they had to keep it secret. Of course there are many other things that a dh, that MY dh likes to see in me.