Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant seeking beautiful pearls, who, when he had found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had and bought it. (Matt. 13:45)
My bible has a study note for this verse which states:
"In this parable, receiving the treasure requires that everything else must be sold, that is, a person must surrender all things [in order to receive Christ]." (my brackets added)
I found this description of a pearl:
The pearl itself is a beautiful, single entity, formed through suffering in the heart of the oyster.... and like the Church, will be put on display in a coming day. Unlike precious stones which must be cut and polished to reveal their clarity and beauty, the pearl is perfect as it comes from the oyster - the hand of man could only spoil it.
Are we even searching for that which is the highly sought after treasure in our marriage? If we don't see the "pearl of great price" as being worthy of our search and if we're not willing to surrender all other things... well.. we will not possess it. Instead, we will settle for slightly less than what God has to offer us.
What does that have to do with cultivating a desire for sex and meeting emotional needs during the sex act?
Perhaps some dw's don't know how to cultivate a desire for sex and are either afraid to move into that realm of eroticism or they just don't want to make it a priority for whatever reason. (ie- job, church, friends, kids, hobbies, distractions such as tv/computer, etc.) However, scripturally speaking, after our relationship with God our marriage relationship should come next, before all else.
If a wife is just going through the motions of having sex without passion she is, perhaps unknowingly, not meeting the husband's need for emotional release. He may as well masturbate or have sex with anyone to simply receive those same physical feelings. With dispassionate sex, a husband's hunger for an emotional tie is not satisfied.
So what is the point of having sex with our spouse? Is it just a "feel good" activity to pass our time away? No! No! No! God intended for it to be waaay more than just the physical release. Through physical intimacy we not only bond sexually but also emotionally and spiritually. We cannot separate the areas of intimacy in marriage. They are uniquely meshed together by God. If we have sex out of duty, it's like we are telling our spouse, "See, I'm doing what you want but don't ask me to fully give myself to you in an emotional or spiritual way while we're having sex. I am not going to do it!"
Why do you think sexual relationships outside of marriage are not mutually satisfying? It's because the sex is only......... sex. Usually one sexual partner wants more emotional and spiritual connection from the relationship than what the other partner is willing or able to give.
When a Christian is content to have sex purely out of "physical duty" while under the spiritual covering of marriage, it is really not much different than a worldly whore having sex. "WHOA," you say. But think about it. A whore goes through the motions of having sex and then walks away from the bed with no emotional ties to the sexual encounter. I can say this because I used to live as a worldly whore; I'm well acquainted with the mindset. A worldly whore cannot connect the dots of sex with emotions. Do we also experience that disconnect in our marriage bed? Could that be why we lack passion?
Wives who earnestly pursue having all that God intends for their marriage are usually rewarded with heightened sexual passion. We have to strongly desire sexual passion in order to pursue it. Do we want it? Do we even recognize that God wants it for our marriage? Other wives willingly acknowledge that they find no satisfaction in eroticism. Their honesty is a good place in which to start. Now if they are willing to earnestly seek through prayer they will learn to find delight in eroticism because they will know by faith that it is, indeed, a treasure to be sought. With renewed satisfaction in eroticism, comes passionate sex.
God wants and has so very much more for Christian marriages, truly. Are we willing to go after that pearl of great price?