Sunday, August 24, 2008

Which is less complicated? Just doing each other vs. thought and planning

As I try to patiently wait for my surgery to be on the calendar, I'm noticing that my energy level is not what I'm accustomed to it being. Most mornings I still wake early but with the pain hitting me every few hours, I am in and out of bed throughout the day. Of course, this is wrecking some havoc on my nightly sleep but I am managing. It just means that GR and I are having slightly, more than usual middle-of-the-night sex ;-).

So, essentially I'm trying to work with my body's demands as much as possible. It is nothing short of amazing to me that GR and I have been able to keep up our desired sexual frequency in spite of this inconvenience that my body is putting me through. But then, keeping our sex life alive and well is a huge priority to me. GR has held back a few times for fear of pushing me beyond my physical capability but I continue reassuring him that I will speak out if pain becomes too much of an issue during sex. Otherwise, we carry on!

Sexual intimacy with my wonderful husband is as critical to me as being emotionally tied to him outside our bedroom. And we both feel this way. Like early this morning when we sort of woke each other up. We both reached for each other, we both initiated sex and we both enjoyed making love before climbing out the bed. It's become a natural part of our sleep habits. Often, I wonder if some couples make frequent sex, or just sex in general, more complicated than it needs to be. I mean, sure, occasionally you want to include various sex toys and whatnot in your sessions but I never want the "accessories" to contribute to a decrease in frequency and/or enjoyment.

Does the actual thought and initiation of sex sometimes hinder your desired frequency and enjoyment of just "doing each other"? ... as if it's too big of an event or too much trouble? Can you think of ways to KIS so that the thought and initiation process can become more natural, less complicated and perhaps less burdensome to a lower-SD spouse? Sure some sessions will always be more involved than others but if it is increased frequency that you're after, what can you do or what DO you do to encourage that to happen where both spouses enjoy passionate sex each and every time and as often as you want it? Do you feel that "simplifying" might be a key to increase passion and frequency in your marriage bed?


Who am I said...

I love nights wtih lingerie, candles, wine, etc. and my wife enjoys them also, but I also think you have a point that I have heard from my wife that sometimes simple lovemaking is great and the frequency might be more if there were more simple nights.

Trying to find the right balance for us both.

Gemma said...

It's kind of like any other "hobby". It's common knowledge among women who sew that their sewing machines get used more when they're kept out in a designated sewing area, along with other sewing supplies. Then when they get bits of time [or large blocks of time] they can sit down and get right to it without fussing over "set up".

That's how I like sex to be. For the most part, GR and I prefer easy set up. For those times when we desire other things in the mix, we pull it out but our highest frequency is probably owed to simplicity... just doing each other... all the time.

Mark said...

Right now I am encouraging my DW to use her vibrator and I am trying to be positive about the sexual contact we do have. No mater what form it may take.

I am hoping that this will encourage her and get her to the simplicity of "just doing each other...all the time"