Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Are LD spouses capable of making HD feel sexually desired most of the time?
GR and I, both HD's, were engaged in a lively conversation at 5am this morning. What conversation would be lively at 5am? Glad you asked! We were discussing possible reasons which would cause one to appear to be LD yet when in the midst of having sex, they enjoy themselves. And of course, we got off into related thoughts as well.
Please, feel free to voice any opinions you may have or to answer as many or as few questions as you like. I realize that not all LD or HD act and think alike. Your answers may reflect on your own marriage or from your general thoughts of LD vs. HD.
1. What do you think goes on in the mind of a LD from the time that they hear those *dreadful* words [how LD views it] from HD spouse saying, "Let's have sex," to the point where LD is enjoying a sexual encounter? And I realize not all LD's do end up enjoying the sex. Some are of the, "Are we done yet?" variety.
2. We all know that HD think about sex throughout the day where LD usually don't. Do HD force themselves to think about it or does it always come naturally like thinking about a favorite hobby? Do LD purposely avoid sexual thoughts when they pop into their heads throughout the day or do those thoughts never enter the radar? Is it possible that LD do get fleeting sexual thoughts but they are just so good at repressing them for lack of interest or whatever reason?
3. In general, do you think HD offer adequate foreplay to help LD reach arousal? Or do they offer too much where boredom sets in? Is it possible that LD just don't like sex very much? And if LD once loved sex, what happened to the high interest? The spark that was there when they were dating... where did it go?
4. If HD does offer enough foreplay, why do you think so many LD resists warm up period? Possible answers that come to my mind:
-lack of interest
-unresolved emotional baggage
-too much trouble, not enough benefits
-bad priorities (ie- kids, job, other hobbies, relatives, friends, housekeeping)
-unhealthy emotional intimacy between spouses outside the bedroom
-too tired, not allowing enough sleep/rest
5. For someone to say "I'm LD"... could that be an excuse for not putting out effort to make HD spouse feel sexually desired? Is it even possible for a LD to regularly keep HD spouse feeling sexually desired? Can you think of ways that a real LD spouse could overcome this hurdle, resulting in their HD spouse knowing he/she is desired?
6. Many Christian spouses place huge emphasis on dh and dw praying together on a daily or weekly basis and yet these sexual struggles remain prominent in the marriage. (ie- I refused for 25+ while praying with my dh.) It's like they can't connect the prayer to the sexual struggles. If this was discussed between LD/HD spouses on a weekly basis, do you think it could make a difference in the marriage?
7. OK, and as an add-on--- Do you think it would be too much to ask a LD to initiate sex maybe 2-4 times a month as a way of showing that he/she really does desire the HD spouse?