Tuesday, July 8, 2008

What keeps you coming here?

I love all my readers; I really do. Lately I've been wondering- Why do you come here and post? Or why do you come here and lurk?

You lurkers are the majority here, don't you know that? I would love to see all my lurkers post comments once in a while. What would entice you to do so?

What do you all like to see when you visit marriage or sex blogs? Or more specifically, what is it about these topics that you most passionately enjoy or WOULD enjoy discussing with others? What makes it impossible for you to keep silent at a blog, where you just have to post a comment... or you will bust ;-)? What makes you regularly visit the same blogs? So tell me- What keeps you coming here?

Please feel free to answer all or some of these questions any way you would like.

21 comments:

Dave Carrol said...

I found your blog google blog searching "christian sex".

I often blog about marriage and sex and am curious what others write about it too!

So I've been reading for a couple of weeks.

Who am I said...

I love all my readers; I really do. Lately I've been wondering- Why do you come here and post? -- I enjoy the conversations back and forth with you Gemma.

Or why do you come here and lurk?
I guess since I post a fair amount, I am not primarily a lurker on your site.


You know, you lurkers are the majority here, don't you?

I blog on blogger also. Is there anyway to see the number of hits or how do you know the majority of your readers are lurkers?

I would love to see all my lurkers post comments once in a while. What would entice you to do so?

What do you all like to see when you visit marriage or sex blogs?
Authenticity about the ups and downs of life, marriage, and married sexuality, and explicit sexual technique done in a non-clinical manner.

Or more specifically, what is it about these topics that you most passionately enjoy or WOULD enjoy discussing with others?

I just enjoy it when others and myself get into respectful, open conversations about whatever topic strikes our mutual fancy that day.

What makes it impossible for you to keep silent at a blog, where you just have to post a comment... or you will bust ;-)?

Usually when I feel like I have some insight, or experience that might be helpful to another person.

What makes you regularly visit the same blogs?

Authenticity, good information, and sometimes, but not always dialogue with the blog writer.

So tell me- What keeps you coming here? See above.

Please feel free to answer all or some of these questions any way you would like.

Gemma said...

Isn't that odd that you found me by searching "Christian sex"! I mean, I am a Christian but my main focus on this blog is not my Christianity. The focus here is more on being sexually passionate in marriage. And even then, I'm not terribly legalistic about sticking to "passion in marriage" with all my articles.

So I figure if anyone notices when I stray away from my blog title, they can just get over it (jk :-). A girl's gotta write about what is on her mind, you know ;-) ?

OK, I'm curious too. What is your blog link?

And speaking of blog links, what is the polite thing to do when bloggers initially visit another blog? Do we post our first comment there w/out sharing our link or do we include our link somewhere in our comment? Can anyone tell me?

Dave Carrol said...

Hi... my blog is www.bigearcreations.blogspot.com

you should see all the things people search for and find blogs. haha...

every month I actually do a whole blog post about "you googled WHAT and found me?"

Anonymous said...

All you have to do is click on Dave Carrol's name to read his blogs.

Gemma said...

wai said: I blog on blogger also. Is there anyway to see the number of hits or how do you know the majority of your readers are lurkers?

wai,

I use the free, basic plan at sitemeter.com (See "sitemeter" icon at bottom of my main blog page.)

wai said: Authenticity about the ups and downs of life...

I love to read blogs where the blogger does not claim to be a professional or an expert about his subject matter, unless of course, he IS a professional.

For those who may be wondering, I am NOT a professional. What I share on my blog is strictly my own experiences and thoughts, however deranged they may seem to some folks ;-). Occasionally I share the thoughts others. Never do I want to mislead others into thinking that I am trying to pass this blog off as a professional sex blog or anything of that nature.

I'm here blogging because I love to fuck and I do it often. One or two times a day, most days, is not uncommon around here. But even if GR wanted sex 3, 4 or more times a day, I would be right there with him. I am passionate about the way I fuck. What I consider to be an extremely high level of eroticism between GR and me is what keeps sex on the forefront of my mind. all day. every day.

According to Chapman's book, "physical touch" is the top love language for both my dh and me. "Words of affirmation" are a very close second in our relationship. "Quality time", "gifts" and "acts of service" come last. Yes, GR and I have the same priorities in our preferred love languages. So it is easy to see how I delight so in discussing sexual topics with my readers.

Gemma said...

Dave said: every month I actually do a whole blog post about "you googled WHAT and found me?"

How funny. I never thought about that and would love to borrow your idea one day... if you wouldn't be offended.

Anon, thanks for helping me out. It is obvious that I not computer savvy at all.

midwestman said...

I read and post here because I enjoyu learning about sex, others experiences about sex and how I can apply them to my sex life with my wife. One of these days I hope to find just the right thing that will pique her interest more intensely.

What I like about marriage/sex blogs is good honest conversation. I am turned off and will leave or not read blogs that are tittilation or just descriptive narratives on how someone has sex - thats available anywhere (I don't consider anything you've posted so far as the aforementioned). Some thought needs to be put into the topics that will stir discussion from different points of view.

I like to post if I have something substantial (IMHO) to say, or if I can offer advice to someone about an experiece I've had that could help them...

mwm

Dave Carrol said...

Go for it... here's the last one i did!

http://bigearcreations.blogspot.com/2008/06/you-googled-what-and-found-me.html

Gemma said...

mwm, I hope that day of finding the right thing comes soon for you. Keep posting. You always have something worthwhile to offer. Thanks.

Gemma said...

Interesting, Dave. You know, I've never googled my blog.

Who am I said...

Gemma,

Here are some more of my thoughts on this subject.

Over the years I have read alot of Christian books on sexuality, such as "Gift of Sex" by Penner's, ? by Ed Wheat, ? by Tim Lahaye, etc.

They all provide a good scriptural foundation for enjoying sex within marriage. Unfortunately, alot of the time, they are a little short on practical sexual technique and they don't give alot of insight into the author's love life. They can also be a little clinical.

That is what is so refreshing about your blog and some others is that there are alot of practical ideas, and as a reader I get to see the ups and downs in your life and how that impacts your sexual relationship for the positive and negative.

I have also been involved in some men's accountability groups over the years and read things such as "Everyman's Battle. both of which have been helpful. However, for the most part in my experience alot of the focus is on how awful sexual sin is and that we should avoid it- which is true, but not alot on how hot it really can be, or how to do all you can as a husband to make your sexual relationship with your wife hot.

So I really appreciate the positive view on passionate sexuality within marriage.

My other thought is that the world in general sure talks about their view of wonderful sex, everything from magazines to movies, to books, to frank discussion in the locker room, the golf house, etc.

On the other hand, for the most part the church is silent about sex, or points out all the negative concerns- which are valid, but often there isn't much of a positive picture painted of passionate married sexuality. I really appreciate that in your blog.

midwestman said...

Who Am I: I can SO relate to your comment "On the other hand, for the most part the church is silent about sex, or points out all the negative concerns- which are valid, but often there isn't much of a positive picture painted of passionate married sexuality."

That is so true in most churches. I can't imagine going to the board or to the pastors and saying I wanted to do a seminar on christian sexuality. It would get as far as me explaining that I want to do a seminar on how hot christan married sex can be when I was given the boot. Unless christian couples find places like TMB or this blog, they are completely without a christian perspective of HOT sex in a christian marriage. Sex can be so great if you work toward a passionate marriage and both spouses work toward understanding each others needs - and why not, its what our bodies were made for - why waste it!!!!!!!!!!!!

mwm

Gemma said...

wai,

Perhaps these churches are so heavily steeped in "demon hunting" that they have long ago forgotten that God made us to be sexual beings and that He desires for us to enjoy our marital sexuality. If these churches don't think about it, then they surely can't teach about it. No wonder so many low/no-SD Christian spouses don't see sexuality as a God-given privilege. Instead it's too often viewed as a chore or a duty.

I wish to speak to this from my female POV. Women are raised so much to be ladies; and that's good in and of itself. However, after they are married they have so much of that bred into them that when they finally have the freedom and God's blessings to be a whore in the bedroom, they don't know how. You know this old saying? "The perfect woman is a lady in the parlor and a whore in the bedroom." It is what parents and churches ought to teach young women who are about to be married.

Whenever I have used the word "whore" or "slut" in a positive way on Christian marriage sites, all the dw's go, "Eeuuww," and they shout me down as if I have said a dirty work. They don't realize that they have the freedom in Christ to be a whore or slut for their dh. They'll talk about stripping and pole dancing in their bedroom but if you say, "Make your goal to be a whore for your dh each day," all you get is, "Eeuuww!!!"

If a dw has no hang-ups in the name that she and dh use for her in the bedroom, fine. But if her self-image is at a poor state, then a change is in order. Many women would be amazed at the more positive self-image they'd have if they would only call themselves by a new and different name *when in the bedroom*... a name that their dh's want them to be.

I mean come on---- What images are Christian dw's trying to portray in the bedroom? Who are they trying to please in the bedroom, church friends or their dh?

I am not one to throw bible scriptures around; I hate doing that. However, there is an old testament scripture that I was reminded of at the time of my awakening. It can be found in the book of Isaiah 62:2-4 (NAS) where it says:

2 The nations will see your righteousness, and all kings your glory; and you will be called by a new name which the mouth of the LORD will designate.
3 You will also be a crown of beauty in the hand of the LORD, and a royal diadem in the hand of your God.
4 It will no longer be said to you, "Forsaken," nor to your land will it any longer be said, "Desolate"; but you will be called, "My delight is in her," and your land, "Married"; for the LORD delights in you, and to Him your land will be married.

Stay with me just a minute longer---

I, Gemma, have a new name that the Lord has designated for me. No longer will I be called "forsaken" or "desolate". I will be called "my delight is in her" and my land "married". Now, FINALLY NOW, the Lord delights in me and to Him, my land will be married.

Again, speaking from a female POV---

I know, some think that I am deranged but a gal's gotta do what works. I am Gemma and I am GR's whore and I am not ashamed to be called by that name. I thank God that he gave me a new name in place of the old.

Wives, are you still going by your old name? Dh's, are you still referring to your dw by her old name? Dw's and dh's, have you prayed and asked God to designate a new name? The mouth of the Lord is waiting to do so.

Gemma said...

mwm said:
Who Am I: I can SO relate to your comment "On the other hand, for the most part the church is silent about sex, or points out all the negative concerns- which are valid, but often there isn't much of a positive picture painted of passionate married sexuality."

Yep, it's kind of like one of my other pet peeves where the focus is on the negative rather than on the positive--

Spend taxpayers money to try and rehabilitate criminals (which success rate is very low) or just throw them in jail and keep wasting money building more and more jails.... OR..... maybe spend taxpayers money in schools to teach kids as they are growing up, what it means to be responsible, law-abiding citizens so that when THEY become adults, they will know better and live better than their parents did,

I know, my example was a totally different topic but I hate to see a person or institution waste time and money and not making a dent when they could be making a positive difference if they would only put their focus on what REALLY needs to be done.

If churches and parents would emphasize healthy marital intimacy from the get-go, there would be far few, sexually frustrated people involving themselves in sexual sin. Part of the problem is that so many of the pastors and parents are living in unhealthy marriages. How can they teach young people what they do not know?

GR and I have already told our kids--- Just wait, before you become engaged we will be having many long talks with both you and your fh and if either of you cannot handle the talks, then you have no business getting married. And our kids know we mean business!!!

walkhisway said...

I appreciate the honest way that you approach your sexuality. it is a positive example for others Christian or no.

Gemma said...

Thank you, whw. But tell me, what would be an example (to you) of a dishonest way for a wife to approach her sexuality?

Mark said...

gemma,

Why do I come here?

I like the frankness and forthrightness you use when talking about your marriage.

I like that you want to see others find what you have found. Passion in the Marriage Bed.

Plus you and GR give hope to others, like me, that Passion can return to the Marriage Bed.

Mark

Gemma said...

I have a theory about returned passion in the MB after ours returned. GR and I turned our marriage around and found passion that we lost over 25 years ago. With enough hard work, determination and prayer on the part of both spouses, any couple can do what we have done.

Some would say, "Well, that's not true. I want it so badly for my marriage. How come it hasn't happened for me? No matter what I do, my spouse does not respond in a positive way."

Well, it takes two to tango. And in my experience, the longer that a person has lived in a marriage with poor intimacy, the more time it will take to turn things around. We didn't get in the mess over night and it won't clear up over night, either. Now, don't freak. It doesn't have to take any of you 25 years like it did for us ;-).

Communication is crucial. Let's face it-- So many couples get in the habit of simply grunting back and forth to each other if they even acknowledge each other at all.

Say you had to work on a project at your job with 1-2 other people and 1 in the group was not communicating well. How would a resourceful boss handle things if he could sense potential in that person and didn't want to let him go? What would be some possible game plans to increase communication in the group? I'd love to hear thoughts on this. Anyone?

walkhisway said...

gemma,
What I appreciate is how you don't feel you have to spiritualize certain sexual things to make then acceptable. It is refreshing. So being honest or maybe open is a better word when you are frustrated or just plain horny. It seems like a genuine expression of a healthy adult perspective on sexuality.

Gemma said...

whw,

It's not necessary for me to spiritualize everything I say here. When I visit other blogs or websites that discuss sex, once I read what they have to say I can pretty much tell if their words line up with my Christian values.

The same thing goes on my blog. My readers have enough intelligence where we can discuss sexual topics here without "backing" everything I say with a scripture. Look at all the people who twist their interpretation of scripture to make it "back up" what they're saying. Now what does that prove?

A mature adult should be able to discuss sexual topics in a healthy way without having a scripture study alongside them, I think.

Think about this-- How many married individuals you know have been studying scripture for years, even decades, but they still don't know how to fulfill the sexual needs of their spouse? They have the scriptures. Now what they need is practical information that they can take to their MB and immediately put to use.

Like I've mentioned elsewhere on my blog, I am a Christian but this is not a Christian site, per se. Part of my goal for being here, what I feel I'm called to do, is to talk about these things with both Christians and non-Christians.

Sorry this was more than what you wanted to hear but I got a little long-winded here :-).