Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Toys vs. husband


GR is coming home tonight. I was commenting earlier today on a marriage site about toy usage vs. PIV-IC with dh. There is no comparison, truly. Since my dh left Monday morning I have had to MB a few times. Oh sure, it gave me the physical release I needed but I will take my dh any day over a vibe. After all, we cannot have passion with a toy, can we?

Just because I have times where my O comes from the added help of a toy, still, it NEVER causes me to turn down good sex with my dh. Rather, it makes me want him more. I'm glad that he is secure in knowing that he cannot be replaced. This morning I MB'd to O with a vibe and my hiny is already tingling for my dh. For those dh's who worry about their dw's becoming too attached to toys, get over it, OK? In most marriages, I would dare to say that the dh is "the man" with passion. The toy is just a toy.


luvmygirls said...

Thanks, G. The reassurance helps. Some of us still have to get over a lot of stuff from a lot of years.

Gemma said...

Honestly, LMG, I'm not sure what "stuff" you have heard from others through the years. Would you be willing to share some of the comments you've heard?

Who am I said...


Hope you had some awesome fucking last night or this morning or both knowing you.

BTW-I have happened across a few blogs where people are writing about having adultery, or contemplating it. I am so encouraged that you write to help people get the idea in their heads that married fucking can be as hot or hotter than affairs, without all the downsides of divorce, disease, secrecy etc. Keep proclaiming the message of passion within marriage.

midwestman said...

No problems here with DW using toys, with or without me there. In the end, she always let me know she wants my body parts inside her body parts :) However, she also uses toys infrequently on herself and I don't know of a time when she used them without me there - and I've asked. Her response is always that she would rather wait for me :)

I imagine though, that for some couples, toys could be an issue. Most likely in some marriages that are having problems, masturbation and toy use takes away from actual sex and desire for the mate...


Gemma said...

mwm, I can only imagine why some dw's would rather wait and why they don't feel comfortable MB with or without toys when dh's away. Maybe they're afraid that solo experiences might lower the SD where sex with dh might be more challenging.

Granted, I don't LIKE to have to use toys when I'm alone. I'd much prefer having GR with me but I will do it to calm the SD until he and I can be together, kwim?

And... I know... because I've seen the difference in me... The more I have O's with or without GR, the higher my SD stays. Sometimes I'll use a toy when alone even when I'm not frantically horny just to help me stay revved up. It really does help.

midwestman said...

My DW is just the opposite. She has told me that she won't MB because "I have enough trouble keeping up with you already, so I don't want to MB and have an O, then not have the desire to have sex with you". I've not been able to make any headway with the "the more Os you have the more you want Os" argument :(


Gemma said...

mwm, that's a tough argument to get across to someone. It's like blind faith to believe that MB solo will increase desire and SD.

Mark said...

with all the discussion I am seeing that masturbating can increase sex drive I'm thinking I should encourage DW to MB hoping it would increase her sex drive.


Sensuous Wife said...

Selfpleasure keeps the pilot light lit. For sure. That way it's so much easier for me to heat up from simmer to boil when Delighted Husband wants to fool around. I would never prefer selfpleasure to making love with my husband!

Something else that hardly ever gets mentioned when the idea of whether or not toys replace a husband or benefit a marriage.
Toys have no refractory period. A toy in the hand of a loving husband can give his wife tremendous pleasure and release if Mr Happy is resting.

Of course I believe toys are helpful not harmful to marriage, or I wouldn't be opening a toy store. :)

Gemma said...

SW, I like to heat things in a hurry on our electric stove-top. When I'm getting ready to heat a pot but I'm not quite ready to tend to it, I'll often put the burner on LOW just to get the heat started while I'm busy with other things. When I'm ready to flip it to HIGH, it heats up fast.

Yes, toys are useful tools and sometimes "Mr. Happy" needs his rest ;-).

luvmygirls said...

Gemma, sorry I haven't replied to your question, but I've been busy. Another young couple got married today and DW and I were involved in the wedding and in some informal counseling (kind of supplemental to their formal counseling; we tend to see things more similarly to them, so they asked. It was nice).

Anyway, regarding the question about "what stuff": it was all "size matters and you ain't got it" type stuff. Basic body image insecurity crap that everyone has faced or continues to face. It has nothing to do with my doubting DW's love for me or attraction for me (for whatever reason), and she's never said anything but positive about my parts. My issues stem from a couple decades of locker rooms, jokes, and more recent advertisement. Yes, I should know better. I'm not a total idiot. But there is still the issue of "what if..." that I fight regularly. And as I get older and my body changes in other areas, it just adds.

So now that we've introduced toys, I want to make sure that she doesn't find more pleasure from a machine than from me. I know that she could never have that emotional connection, but a larger penis with moving parts designed to do what I can't still seems like a threat.

Stupid? Yes. Sad but true. And lately several things have come between our desire for good LM and the reality of it, so I have to work extra hard at performing, which just adds extra stress. I love her so much and want to do all I can to make sure she is pleased. I know I sound like an idiot, but really, isn't that why we ask questions anonymously online? So people can know I'm an idiot, but they don't have to know it's me?

Gemma said...

:::I want to make sure that she doesn't find more pleasure from a machine than from me. I know that she could never have that emotional connection, but a larger penis with moving parts designed to do what I can't still seems like a threat.

You know what, LMG? Yesterday I couldn't O and I could easily have pulled out my rabbit vibe which works like a dancing penis and has clit stim but when I realized I wasn't going to O and we were running out of time, I just put the thought aside and we moved on.

There's always a next time and being intimate with my dh is far more important.

Have you ever asked your dw how she feels about all this?

luvmygirls said...

Nope. I've made comments before and she's gotten onto me about it, so I know it's not a shared worry. It's my battle to fight. She's never made any negative comments about my body, at all, ever. I'll just have to work to get past it and continue to trust her. Thanks.

Gemma said...

My apologies, lmg. I didn't word that correctly. I wasn't implying that your dw's made negative comments about your body. What I meant was-- Perhaps if the two of you worked on this together you might more quickly see positive results.

For example--

Suppose I have a low self-image and I can't kick it so I go to dh for help and support. (That's what we do in our marriage when one of us has an issue to get through.) Dh could respond with comments like "quit worrying".... "get over it".... or "don't talk that way", etc.... but that wouldn't be very helpful in the long run.

On the other hand, I can tell him each time the thoughts hit me and he can verbally talk me through the negative thought pattern to help me learn how to battle it for when it hits the next time around. And there WILL BE a next time, most assuredly.

Each time dh and I work through this, I end up increasing my thoughts of positive self-image for when future episodes of negative thinking come my way.

To say "it's my battle to fight" implies to me that this only concerns you but it doesn't. The thoughts are concerning... and I'm only guessing... how you feel about your body, how your body "performs", how well you pleasure dw and what she must feel about it all. Sounds like two people involved in this battle, don't you think?

luvmygirls said...

I see your point.