Thursday, June 19, 2008

Ouch, I'm in pain.. and I'm horny, too!


So one of my readers, who may or may not choose to "out himself", asked if I would post an article on the topic of how to manage or continue having sex during a period of time where one spouse is medically not able or very limited. At least I think that is what he asked me to post.

Since my awakening I have hurt my back several times. Sex was tricky while waiting for my back to heal. Each time, GR was afraid he was going to cause me more back pain than I was already experiencing but we'd both be so dang horny. So I would lie flat on my back and say, "Look, just make love to me. I need you to do me. If anything gets to be too painful on my back, I'll let you know." And then I had to stiffen my back before we'd go at it.

Anyway, a few questions that come to my mind are---

*Do you still have sex when you are temporarily and physically limited?

*How does your spouse handle it?

*Depending on what part of your body is limited, how do you overcome the pain enough to enjoy sex?

*When in pain, do you find that some positions work better than others?

My reader (or anyone else) may decide to post some other questions; do feel free. Anyone have ideas, suggestions, please post them.

4 comments:

midwestman said...

I suggested this topic to Gemma, thanks for posting it :)

While there are usually positions one can find (my default being laying on my back right now and enjoying the pleasures my wife gives me), it still doesn't fully satisfy. Since I'm definatly the passive partner right now, we're not getting that real bonded feeling when we have sex as she is always afraid of hurting me and I'm always afraid of getting hurt (not by her actions but when I decide I want to get more involved and then it hurts too much to continue). For instance, last week I decided to *carefully* do doggie style - well, it worked for about 20 seconds before the low back pain became too hard to overcome and I had to lay back down. Then my wife was feeling bad, like she had caused me pain. So, beyond simply my pain, my wife is more or less afraid to have sex with me. I told her this: If we're fucking and I'm moaning, it's not bad. If I say the word "OW", then we need to stop - her problem was that everytime I made any moaning sounds, she thought I was hurting - therefore the specific word to let her know if/when I actually was.

The good news is that I started PT this week and one day felt good enough to actually do missionary (gently!) but it felt OH SO GOOD to be gently, lovingly fucking with my beautiful wife and feeling connected again (literally and figuratively)!

Other suggestions welcome!

mwm

Gemma said...

mwm,

Back pain seems to have a time frame of its own for how long it stays with us, doesn't it? At least that's how it is for me. But, hey, you were able to do doggie while still dealing with pain? That's better than no sex! :-)

mwm said: "... she said "I don't know, I was too busy Oing..."

Should we assume that your dw got over her fears of hurting you more? I'm happy for you guys!

midwestman said...

Yes, I think she's gotten more comfortable with the situation, knowing that I will tell her what I can and can't do. The particular case I was describing above was during oral sex so very little worry about me hurting myself outside of spraining my tongue :D We also had another very nice time last night and worked in some more doggie - it was great!

mwm

Gemma said...

mwm said:
"The particular case I was describing above was during oral sex so very little worry about me hurting myself outside of spraining my tongue :D"

:D