Monday, June 9, 2008

It's all just words.. or is it?

It is so good to be intimately "linked" again with GR. As stated in a previous article, we were sexually inactive for 4 days during an out of town funeral with our kids in the hotel room. After arriving back home, GR and I connected for 2 days and then he had to leave town alone for the next 4 days on a business trip. It was like our worse nightmare, having 2 out of 10 days for sex.

After his trip, GR arrived home Friday evening and we enjoyed being intimate, however, it was limited somewhat with other things happening in our lives this past weekend. But last night--- ahhhhhhhh--- it was good to be back in the saddle again. Last night made me all the more thankful that we do not have to regularly live in lack in our marriage bed.

Passion does not always come easily when other things in life try to crowd it out. Jealously, we need to guard our marital passion. It can be more challenging, I know, if it is not a priority for your spouse, which brings me to a related point that I want to mention... something that came from one of my many random thoughts.

Regarding those who do not make sex in marriage a priority---

I wonder if their more passionate spouse would push sex by using the phrase "we need more passion" instead of "we need more sex"... I wonder if that would bring about a more positive change in their less passionate spouse?

It seems that many low-SD spouses tend to lean towards the "sex is blech" mentality when the high-SD suggests sex or they'd simply rather not think about it at all between sessions which makes it challenging to become excited when it's time to make love. But what if you use the word passion instead of sex? I mean, really, when you think about it, wouldn't all of us prefer to have passionate sex rather than plain old, hum-drum sex?

Has anyone experimented with this, trying to sell the idea of having more sex when calling it by another name? Does it help or not?

12 comments:

Who am I said...

I have been using the word passion lately, or passionate sex as I have shared about desires. I think it has made some difference but not huge.

I am in sort of a funk right now where I am not passionate about much of anything- and for my wife's sake, I have learned to moderate how much sexual passion I let out, because often I overwhelm her.

Gemma said...

Awe, wai, sorry to hear that you've been in a funk. I pray things get better and soon.

Btw- Have you read "Passionate Marriage" by David Schnarch? It's one of the books I have listed on my blog. Check it out at amazon if you haven't read it yet. This is one book that is mainly meant for the spouse who desperately wants to see change in the marriage bed. In other words, there's no need to ask your wife to read it. It would be for you to read.

Who am I said...

I have read bits and pieces of Passionate Marriage when I have had time at the bookstore. He has some interesting ideas.

midwestman said...

I slogged my way through about chapter five or six and gave up - too deep for me! Also, a lot of the things the book deals with are not applicable to us as we have no issues in many of those areas. I'm sure it helps some couples though, its reccomended a lot.

mwm

Wifey1974 said...

Hi Gemma, It's me... wifey from TMB... I've been playing catch up with your blog. :-)

"I wonder if their more passionate spouse would push sex by using the phrase "we need more passion" instead of "we need more sex"... I wonder if that would bring about a more positive change in their less passionate spouse?"... Well as I have tried to make sex a priority in our marriage, DH can go for a very long time without it. I have tried pushing sex with "we need more passion", and then tried, "we need more sex". I think in my case only prayer will work, because nothing else is. LOL

Who am I said...

Wasn't Passionate Marriage the one that had the chapter titled, "Fucking, Doing, and Being Done"

If I remember correctly the premise was that sometimes it is fun just to fuck, and within that sometimes it is fun being the aggressor, and sometimes it is fun being the reciever.

I thought it was a good chapter whatever book it was in.

Gemma said...

mwm, I have never read Schnarch's book in its entirety from cover to cover. Instead I've read parts of it in bits and pieces. I agree, it is a heavy read.

Hey Wifey, have you ever read Schnarch's Passionate Marriage? You'd be reading it, not your dh, and applying his principles to the way you think and react towards dh in regards to your MB. There are some spouses who resist change no matter how you word things but if you can learn how to change yourself the way Schnarch suggests, it could make a huge difference.

Who am I said: Wasn't Passionate Marriage the one that had the chapter titled, "Fucking, Doing, and Being Done"...

Yes, it was Chapter 10 of Passionate Marriage.

Mark said...

:::: I'll try to use the word Passion instead of Sex and see what happens.

Gemma,

I did this and I could see understanding in her face that I never saw before.

I don't understand this, but it is what it is.

How'd you get so smart? :)

Mark

Gemma said...

Mark, don't get bent out of shape trying to understand it. Just run with it!

How did I get so smart? Well, after years of stupidity you have to begin wising up at some point!

Mark said...

::::
Mark, don't get bent out of shape trying to understand it. Just run with it!


Running!! :)

She did give an incredible blow job for fathers day.
The best she ever has!!!

Mark

Gemma said...

Wonderful news, Mark. I pray that things continue to get better in your MB.

Anonymous said...

:::How did I get so smart? Well, after years of stupidity you have to begin wising up at some point!

Reminded me of the phrase, "Too soon old, too late smart." Thankfully, that's not always the case.

The Librarian