Friday, June 13, 2008

Cool ideas for freeing up sex time

This morning GR and I discussed a definite need to regroup with our schedules for everything that we do... yes, that includes sex. For those of you who are younger, some of the rest of us need adequate rest and sleep if we are to regularly enjoy high quality and high quantity sex. Don't laugh. One day you will be in your 50's and we'll see how YOU manage :P. This need to regroup is not a huge surprise since he and I tend to regroup anyway about every 1-3 months because something always needs tweaking, doesn't it?

Lately, we've all been getting home around 7pm on work nights, doing late supper and getting to bed even latER. When dd#1 first began her summer work schedule, we were leaving the house at 11:10pm to take her to work 5 nights a week. (Can I say how much I hate her work schedule???) The problem was that it was putting us to bed too late so we asked her if we could bump it up a bit and leave the house at 10:30pm instead. We hope to have her driving and with her own car within the next few months. But for now....

The 10:30pm plan to leave the house keeps creeping back to 10:40, 10:45, etc. We are seeing ourselves coming and going with little sleep. Waking at 4-5am the way we like to for sex, has become almost an impossibility. Instead we're hitting the alarm, falling back asleep and then jumping out of bed at 6am so GR can get out the door by 6:45am. What we're doing now is not working and it is making us become two very sad people here [jk, sort of].

The new plan we're working on looks like this--

- supper menu planning, esp M-F, utilizing crockpot or chef salads more often during summer months and having earlier suppers, KIS

-GR and I going to bed as close to 8:30pm as possible, so we have option for sex or sleep some at that time

-leaving home at precisely 10:30pm to bring dd#1 to work

-being awake and more rested at 4-5am so we can, again, choose to have sex

-getting downstairs by 5:30am for coffee, breakfast, etc., so GR can be out the door by 6:45am, on time

Nothing worse than allowing life to screw up your sex time. And we've both been feeling it. Last night at 9:45, while dd#1 was getting ready to leave for work, GR and I jumped in bed and enjoyed a quickie so we could both have an O. Afterwards, I looked at him and said, "Thank you, I needed that." He did, too.

We both would have loved to make love again this morning but from the crazy schedule, we overslept... AGAIN. Now the schedule will be changing. First things MUST come first. [Note to self: Make more time for sex.]

Do you often find life attempting to crowd out time for sex? Do you regularly regroup to tweak your schedule? What cool ideas do you have to keep your sex time freed up? Or do you ignore the signs and wonder why you have little sex life?

8 comments:

Who am I said...

It seems like it is a constant battle in this culture to keep the pace of life at a manageable level.

My life seems to go better, including our love life, when the pace is more moderate, but it seems like it takes continuous effort on my part and my wife's part to not get going too fast.

It is so easy to get sucked into that whirlwind without even trying.

Cocotte said...

In the summer, DH and I are able to exercise in the evenings while it's still light out. When we get home, we take showers and are able ML while the kids are still awake and busy downstairs. It helps that they just think we are taking showers!

Gemma said...

The fast paced lifestyle seems to be in vogue these days. However, in keeping with my slow paced ways I vehemently detest it.

Cocotte, that is an excellent idea. One of the problems we are having is trying to carve out the best time for exercise. We'd prefer mornings but it just isn't working out that way. After he gets off of work may be a more convenient time.

What better time during the day for sex! Exercise after work, shower and then........ sex!

midwestman said...

Some things in life are not moveable or changeable: work schedules, school schedules, etc. Other things are optional: how many extra cirricular activities for spouses and kids are good examples. We generally have a pretty relaxed schedule and have throughout our kids' lives. We determined that we would not fall into the "take the kids somewhere 3-5 times a week for activities + Saturdays" trap. We watched friends become slaves to their kids sports, band, etc. schedules, and continually complaining about the fact that they are "soooooooo busy". Folks that work themselves into these kinds of corners have only themselves to blame when they find they have little time to do things they really want to do. Prioritizing your activities and cutting out those at the bottom of the list is the only way to free up your schedule. So, if sex is at/close to the top of that list, something on the bottom has to fall off. Maybe its kids activities, maybe its exercise time (or less of it), maybe its less nights out for social activities, maybe its a long term plan of less work time if you're working significantly more than a "40 hour week". Sorry, I'll get off my soapbox now - I just get annoyed with people that are artificially busy when they could have a much more relaxed life...

mwm

Gemma said...

Mwm, that's the only thing we're dealing with-- work and school schedules. The only other thing is fitting in exercise, which we cannot neglect for health reasons and because being fit enhances sex. Well, the sex is a health reason as well, isn't it? So work, school and exercise are set in stone as far as we feel. However, I totally agree with you on the extra curriculas. We aren't doing any of that and generally don't. I think I hate it as much as you do, mwm.

Presently, our biggest scheduling hiccup seems to be my constant taxi driving all day, M-F. Currently and temporarily, we are a 1-car family who is a wannabe-3-car-family. Dd#1 will get her driver's license soon but she's still lacking some funds to buy herself a cheap car. Our 2nd car is in the hospital (garage) waiting for more expensive repair parts so we can sell the car and replace it with a more dependable one. So the lack of cars will be resolved soon, in God's time but meanwhile, we're all up late at night trying to catch up only the essentials (ie- meals & laundry) that are not getting done during the day. I'm tired of being "the driver".

The other hiccup--- dd#1's crazy work schedule. Her campus security job this summer has her working straight nights, from 11:30pm-7:30am, 5 nights a week. (Can I say blech, blech, blech to her schedule??) We've already begun leaving the house at 10:30pm instead of 11 to bring dd to work, which puts us in bed slightly earlier. Our neighborhood is not the best for her to be riding her bike that late at night so we must drive her to work for now. But GR's going to do some general maintenance on her bike and then we'll start throwing it in the trunk when she goes to work so she can ride it back home in the mornings when it's safe. That will lessen my driving load by 30% in the mornings.

GR and I have been needing a little more time than what we've been getting for talking in private. Yesterday evening, I picked him up from the office and we spent a couple hours at a nearby lake... just the two of us... just to talk. We regularly need more of that so I'm scheduling it in for 1-2 times a week. These talks seem to be more productive when we're away from the house with all its distractions. Not that we can't ever talk at home but at least once/week we need to get away to talk.

Sorry, folks. I know this is not directly related to passion in marriage but believe me, it is related indirectly. I thought I'd throw out my problem here to see if others had ideas that we may be overlooking. If you do, please post your ideas here. Time for me to make another car run so I'll be back later on today. Toodles!!!

midwestman said...

After re-reading my earlier comments, I was thinking that could have sounded a bit harsh and non-understanding, which is not what I was intending at all so I hope you didn't take them as personally negative. I was pretty much on my soapbox there about people's business in general and that so much of it has to do with the fact that they think their kids have to be involved in 27 things at a time!

I can understand about the taxi service. We are a four person family with FOUR cars (read EXPENSIVE INSURANCE BILLS - like $350 a MONTH expensive with a 17 and 19 y.o. driver) and it seems somebody is always running around, althogh since both drive now, the load on DW is much lessened. I'm sorry about your lack of quality sex time, thats the pits when you really want it :( Good luck with your "car du jure" adventure!

mwm

Gemma said...

Don't worry, mwm. You didn't offend me. But I get what you're saying about the after school activities. Even when our girls were littles, we never bought into that mindset of them needing "away from home activities" all the time.

Good for your dw to not having to be taxi-driver any more. That's the place I want to be.

As for the quality sex time... yeah, bummy. We go to bed tired because it's too late. We have sex while tired because we're both too darn horny not to. We wake tired in the mornings, etc, etc.

Clearly, we are just not getting enough sleep. And although we're still enjoying sex, a lot, we'd both like the quantity cranked up a notch to maintain our normal frequency level. Lately, our frequency has been running a bit on the shy side.

So there you have it!

job29man said...

We have also made active choices to reduce outside activities for kids because it started destroying our family life.

When we instituted it for "family life" we found that it really improved "sex life" too.

Also we have found that we really need our teens to have their own drivers licenses and get themselves to work. We just can't balance it all, what with much younger children to care for as well.