Here are a few random thoughts that came to mind as I was responding to a reader under another article. Some folks on Christian marriage websites think I am a bit quirky... OK, a lot quirky. Here is the deal with me----
God doesn't expect me to be praying and/or reading the Bible before, during or immediately following a sex session. For those who feel the need to do all that simultaneously, go for it. Enjoying erotic, passionate sex while praying/Bible reading just doesn't mesh well with my dh and me so we don't worry about it right then.
And as far as I can tell, God is not displeased with the way I discuss sex on my blog. The reason I write this way is because 1) this is my writing and thinking style AND..... 2) to help free up other dw's or dh's who either, were or who are, trapped in a frigid body for one reason or another being unable to freely enjoy wild, passionate sex with their spouse. Many of my readers from TMB have told me that the freed up writing encourages freed up sex in their own MB.
Forgive my "riding the brakes" analogy below. Just this morning I was at the cemetery with a dd while she practiced driving (w/her driving permit). Even for those who are willing or more than willing to offer skimpy accommodation sex for their higher-SD spouse.... I compare it to someone learning to drive a car with their foot constantly on the brake.
*It slows down the learning.
*It keeps the driver in "fear" mode where they are too stressed and can't relax to enjoy driving.
*It can more easily cause accidents.
*It wears out the brakes.
*It costs more in auto repairs.
*If they drive with their spouse, it causes more arguments. (ie- "Why are you riding the brakes?")
There may be many more issues surrounding the habit of "riding the brake". Can you use your imagination and see how this would compare to having sex without your heart being into it... having sex but being afraid to enjoy it too much or too often? Nothing but problems and issues, right?
Everyone has their own ideas for helping couples deal with mix-matched SD's or to help them increase eroticism in their MB. What I do here is my method. When GR and I have sex, we don't forget that we're Christians. However, I don't feel like I have to *behave* a certain way in bed because God's eyes are watching us or because I'm afraid my dh will think I am a whore or a slut, which I love being for him, btw. Yes, I appreciate slow, tender sex but it doesn't usually have to be that way for me. Whether sex is rough or if it is gentle and tender, either way, I can enjoy it. And the words "whore" or "slut" work just fine for me. GR and I both know that I enjoy as my calling to be exclusively *his* whore, *his* slut... giving him as much quality and quantity of sex as he can stand.
And before anyone says, "I don't like to be called 'whore' or 'slut'," or "My dw would die before letting me call her those names," .... OK, but you're missing my point. It's not about what name comes to mind when you think of yourself or your spouse being wildly passionate in bed. It has everything to do with how we sexually engage with our spouse. Is it hot or is it not?
*When we're being sexually intimate, is our behavior intoxicating?
*Is it so hot that our spouse can barely think rational thoughts? (out of mind experience)
*Are we being as passionate as can be with our spouse whom we passionately loved when we were engaged?
*Do we even know HOW to be passionate in bed?
*If not, why aren't we learning how to be?
*Why are we settling for less?
*Is the passion hidden away, dormant?
*Did our passion leave since the beginning of our marriage?
*Do we even care if we get our passion back?
*Are we willing to put out every effort in our marriage to keep the passion up so that it's always in a state of "overflow"?
Can you tell that I am passionate about passion? :-) This is why I don't spend all my blog writing time suggesting "cute" ideas. Most low/no-SD spouses know all about how to come up with cute ideas. Please ::sigh::, I've heard it all. (ie- put panties in dh's pocket, etc. Boring!) When a spouse is extra horny, cute doesn't get it; passion gets it. You cannot have a hot marriage relationship without hot passion.
What changes are you willing to go through in order to bring about regular, hot, sizzling passion??? What changes are you willing to discuss with your spouse to push past the ordinary in order to love and make love in the extraordinary? My father, bless his heart, always taught me to be the best I could be. Here is one other area where each of us can choose to put forth our best effort... to "wow" our spouse.... to love and make love to our spouse so well that when he is going about his business throughout the day, the passion we share with him carries him through all other areas of his life.
Does our passion do this for our spouse? If not, then THAT is the task at hand. Learn how to increase passion. We all can benefit from improvements in that area. May I never get to a place where I feel that I have arrived at totally "wowing" my dh. He deserves all the "wow" and then some, that I can offer him. He is my love. He is the better half of me. He is the person that I swore to passionately love "until death do us part". We are not dead yet so may my passion continue in an upward spiral. I wish the same for you all, truly.
P.S. Quit riding the brakes!