Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Weekend getaways- How do they refresh your marriage relationship?

Recently, one of my readers... he can "out" himself if he likes... asked me to post about weekend getaways and how they refresh the relationship. Well, I am not the most knowledgeable one to write about this because GR and I have only had 1 tiny getaway since our kids were born. (How pathetic is that?) However, I'd love to hear what others have to say, esp how others get away for more than 1 night with the 17-21yo age group back at home. But whatever is your "getaway story"...

For years our family and friends did not possess the medical "know how" to be able to keep and care for dd#2 with us being away overnight. Yes, they could have learned the medical ropes but they didn't. That was then and this is now. Currently, dd#2 is 17yo and does fine taking care of her own medical care as long as someone else is with her.

Believe it or not, this past Dec, during GR's company Christmas party, was the very first time he and I had the chance to be away for the evening and overnight without the kids. His company threw the party at a hotel and paid for hotel rooms for all the employees. Since dd#2 is more independent with her health issues now and since dd#1 was with her, we were FINALLY free to go off for the night. What a thrill that was for us!!! Now we're ready to occasionally do more 1-nighters here in town, perhaps every 3-6 months. That way if dd#2 needs us here for medical reasons, we can easily run back to the house within 20 minutes.

So how do you plan getaways with kids or with kids who have medical issues to consider? How does it refresh your marriage when you are able to get away?


midwestman said...

Wow, I guess I'm coming out :O It was I that suggested this topic as my wife and I had just returned from a weekend away by ourselves. We do this between 1-2 times a year and its always refreshing to just be by ourselves with no kids, no schedule, no restraints, no things needing to be done around the house, etc. Just us two, free to do what we will, and that usually includes lots of sex no matter which one of us plans it.

The latest weekend was at a cabin (a real log cabin but its a good thing my wife is not high maintenance as this place was definately not a luxury stay!) up North, about 2-1/2 hours from home. The only thing I wanted was a weekend together without distractions. We definately had that, and that always leads to a lot of close time together, a lot of sex (I believe we had sex 7 seperate times from 6pm Friday through 11am Sunday), and time to talk.

I can't speak to your exact circumstances Gemma as we don't have a child with a medical issue as you do. However, since our youngest was about 13, we've gone away and left them home alone, other than killing each other over something important like who has to feed the dog, they're pretty responsible. Then I pretty much use the internet to find someplace inviting, book it and we go. Last time it was DW turn to plan one. This was a specific request by me since I end up planning most things like trips, etc. She asked me what I wanted for my birthday - my answer was that I wanted her to plan a weekend away, all I wanted to do was participate and be told where we're going and what we're doing. She planned a wonderful weekend at a B&B, a cool show on Saturday night, and some local sightseeing. In between we enjoyed snacks in our room, a lot of great sex, and just together time.

As for you Gemma, just getting away for a night or two in your own town is still special. The key is to forget about whats going on at home, don't talk about things that need doing, big decisions, etc. Just enjoy each other and have a great time :)

We always come back from these 1)exhausted but a good exhausted and 2)with a honeymoon feeling that lasts for several weeks afterwards. To me, they are totally worth it...


Gemma said...


I'm so glad you and dw had a good time. I'm not terribly high maintenance but we do like a/c when we are in bed... to keep the allergy symptoms down. My kids are also pretty responsible. It's just the darn medical stuff that we always have to consider. At the Dec 2007 Christmas party over-nighter, we actually left instructions in case the kids couldn't reach us, with names and numbers of several folks we know who they could also call for medical help.... and our pastor lives 3 streets over.

:::As for you Gemma, just getting away for a night or two in your own town is still special. The key is to forget about whats going on at home, don't talk about things that need doing, big decisions, etc. Just enjoy each other and have a great time :)

Absolutely! Honeymoon exhaustion is a good thing. So *you* are planning the next one, correct? Can't wait to hear what you've planned. I think we're due for a honeymoon sometime in July or early August. Yep, I believe we are overdue. Thanks for sharing your experiences, mwm.

Gemma said...

No one else has thoughts to share about what getaways do for their marriage? I know mwm and Buzz aren't the only two people who have gone on getaways.

Come out of lurkdom and tell us.

Sensuous Wife said...

DH and I get away every 3 months or so just for the weekend. It's wonderful to unplug from stress and just think about enjoying each other.

What's even more important to us is every month or so when our kids go away for the weekend to grandma's.

Delighted Husband and I can have fun at home going to restaurants we enjoy that are not kid friendly, working on projects together and generally being indoor nudists and just playing around. Sometimes we are more sexually active than others, depending on where I am in my fertility cycle. If I'm ovulating, watch out! :)

We really enjoy the companionship in and out of bed. He's a wonderful lover and friend.

It just occurred to me that everytime I can remember having multiple orgasms it was when the kids were out of town with grandparents. Staying in the zone where I stay at a low to medium level of arousal all the time so it's easy to step up to high arousal is the key for multiples for me. Just that sense of unplugging from motherly responsibilities and just getting into my body and into my DH's heart is a big big deal for me. I love the way he tastes and smells and sounds and the familiar know- him-by-heart nature of his touch.

Having said all that about staying at home and sending the kids away for the weekend...

lest I forget to mention, there is nothing like out of town hotel sex. Hoo-wee!! Mirrored dressers near the bed, mirrored closet doors, balconies, chaise longues, big king sized beds. God, I love hotel sex. (grin)

(makes mental note to check hotel rewards points balance and schedule some more hotel sex)

Oh I realized I never answered your how-to question. Delighted Husband and I deliberately chose to live within driving distance of our parents so our children would have bonded relationships with their grandparents and so we could have free babysitting for our marriage. Grandparents are good for kids and they make great babysitters which is good for parents.

Gemma said...

Lucky you, SW. Every 3 months, huh? Maybe after this year we'll be able to do every 4 months but for now it's twice a year- summer and Christmas time. Every 3 months would be a good goal.

And never take the grandparents for granted. We would have loved it but we never had that luxury when we had littles. What a blessing you have there!

:::(makes mental note to check hotel rewards points balance and schedule some more hotel sex)

Yes, we'll be using points this summer. [Note to self: Request balcony.]

:::Grandparents are good for kids and they make great babysitters which is good for parents.

Absolutely and again, you are blessed to have that.

Sensuous Wife said...

I'm so thankful. Yes we are blessed. Having grandparents in no more than a 2-3 hour drive distance was something Delighted Husband and I deliberately chose while we were engaged. We have sacrificed other job opportunities for it and we feel we made a good trade in doing so. My parents have promised me that if they move any further away, they will put airline tickets for the kids into their budget. For this I am IMMENSELY grateful. My parents make my kids a priority. I love that so verry much. Delighted Husband's parents have promised to stay in a 2-3 hour drive time distance.

Something else I want to say about weekend getaways. We don't always stay at fancy hotels. Quite often we borrow our friend's little cabin and just bring groceries and wine and music. Doesn't have to cost much. I remember one time one of the kids complained and I told them "reality check darling. husbands and wives need time to get away and do husband wife stuff. it's part of staying happily married. you need mommy and daddy to stay married more than you need a trip to Uncle's lake house." That ended their complaining and I think some of what I said actually sunk in to their grade school brain.

Gemma said...

Good answer you gave to your child, SW. They need to keep it all in right perspective.