One of my dear readers, Tractor, expressed this in the comment section of my blog:
"I have read that sometimes when women make a consistent, conscious choice to make love, that eventually their desire goes up. I keep hoping that will happen with my wife, but until then I am trying to more and more enjoy what we have."
I thought I would respond to Tractor's comment here so others could read it and comment. Here is my theory on this---
With increased LMing frequency, many low-SD's can indeed raise their SD level since "the more we do, the more we want". However, our individual "desire" level will always play a part in how high the SD level is raised. By this I mean- the desire to enjoy healthy sex and the desire to see our spouse sexually pleasured and satisfied, not once in a while, not even weekly, but on a daily basis. Daily, we can all check in with our spouse to assure that those needs are being met. For some low-SD and/or low desire individuals, this can only be accomplished through their own prayers, asking God to change them. The same goes for spouses who are not meeting emotional needs in their marriage. It requires a humbling before God, asking Him to change ---- who??? Yes, "God change *me*!!!"
When we're apart from spouse, we should want to look forward to uniting again in order to bless their socks off. If we can't anticipate it naturally, then we need to ask for God's supernatural help. Before my awakening it never entered my thinking to pray for God to help me increase my desire and anticipation for having sex with my dh. For some spouses, that's what it takes. Are you OK with asking God to equip you for offering supernatural sex or supernatural emotional support when the natural isn't doing it?
For the spouse who only offers low sexual desire or low emotional support-- What is so difficult about praying for God to change that in our lives? We pray for all the other spiritual needs for our family and for others. Shouldn't this be our main prayer request to God--- to change *me*, to make *me* be a better intimate partner in every way for my spouse?
And one more thing before I go---
I've said this before but it's worth repeating. We need to be careful with the crowd we run with. Don't be offended by this but let's face it--- Many church women tend to be rather prudish about marital sex as if they're still dealing with the "sex is dirty" factor. (I can say that because I used to be one of the prudes.) We wives, or husbands, should be acting as adults totally enjoying the gift of sex that God has given us. If most of our female church friends are not excited about marital sex, chances are that we won't be either. We will become like the crowd we run with. It's not like we go on and on talking about our sex life with our girlfriends. However, we can get a good feel for the mindset of others in regards to marital sex. Occasionally, I also ask GR about how the guys at work feel about sex in their marriages. Guys can pick up on these things too.
Soooooo..... what kind of girlfriends do we wives hang with from church? Or, what kind of guy friends do dh's hang with from church? Is it time to do an inventory of the type of friends we have? Are we even in the right kind of church which encourages healthy marital sex or is the subject totally ignored. For high-SD spouses--- Do you feel your church is an asset or a liability in fostering healthier sexual thoughts in your spouse and in your marriage?