Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Does "stuff" choke the life out of your marriage?

Ahhhhh, a breather; finally!!!! GR and I have been so overwhelmed lately with important "stuff" that could not be ignored. By "stuff" I mean things other than our marriage such as helping dd's 1 and 2 get settled properly in college.... dealing with dd2's medical issues..... restructuring our household finances. With GR away from home M-F from 7am until 6pm along with a few, 2-3 day overnight business trips sprinkled in here and there, we have had to squeeze time out from our marriage relationship to enable us to care for these other things that would not, could not wait. It seems that the worse of it is finally behind us, I hope.

Funny how stuff in life can mess with your head and with your marriage relationship. Last night we went to bed, both of us thinking the other didn't want sex. That doesn't sound so awful in and of itself but the truth was, we both DID want sex. Life stresses were messing with our heads. There we were in bed each discussing how we wanted sex while the other was sort of doubting the sincerity of it. How pathetic is that? By the time we got past the stupid talk, GR had about 20 minutes left before he needed to run out and pick up dd1 from her campus job. The stupid talk was wearing on us as we looked at the clock and agreed--- It's almost time to pick up dd1. Why bother with sex right now? Why not just wait until he returns back home.

I told GR---- Enough already of the late nights. I can't do this anymore and neither can you because we're not getting enough sleep. We agreed that we needed to reestablish our normal routine for evenings and nights:

*By 8pm, begin wrapping up any and all projects which need to be finished before bedtime.
*8:30-9pm, get our bodies into the bedroom.
*From then until 5-6am, we only do "sex, sleep and relax", in no particular order.

Anyway, both of us desperately needed to destress so once we reestablished our routine, we enjoyed a fast and furious quickie before reluctantly pulling our hands off each other so GR could dress and leave to pick up dd1. By the time he returned home we were both sleepy so we spent the entire night pressed against each other. Sleep was delightfully sweet.

Is your marriage choking from life's stuff? Do you need to establish or reestablish better routines for your marital intimacy? Things change. People change. None of us remain the same all the time. Hopefully, we grow and mature which causes us to change in a positive way as an individual. How does our change affect our spouse and how does it affect our marriage? This is why it is so crucial for a dh and dw to do a periodical evaluation, maybe once a month or once every 3 months, to help keep the marriage in a healthy state.

40 comments:

Cocotte said...

This is a hard topic for me to deal with, being a SAHM. My days are usually the same, except for having the kids home all summer. However, for my husband, he has certain times of the year that are extra busy and stressful for him at work. It has taken me many years to respect the fact that during those stressful times, I need to back off and give him some breathing room. That sometimes means allowing him to veg out in front of the TV instead of having an energy filled night in the bedroom. Am I disappointed? Sometimes, but we've both learned to make concessions. Even though we may have to skip ML on most weeknights during that time, I know that weekends will be busy in the bedroom as well as making up for lost time when his projects are finished at work. Maybe that's why I love spring and summer so much!

Mark said...

This is so true!
Stuff and "time Pirates" take so much of our energy. Plus having children who are still in elementary school steals our energy and time.
What really bugs me about this is that my wife has agreed to never turn me down for sex and to do anything I want whenever I want and I have to often let the "stuff" get in the way.
The last time we had sex was a week ago Monday and my wife was saying why don't we do this more often?
Stuff!
Mark 9:24

Gemma said...

I know what you mean, cocotte. Often, SAHM'S have the same routine day in and day out where those working outside the home have outside forces (their jobs) which also factor into the mix.

And really, who likes to ML if they feel mentally worn to a frazzle? GR easily gets that way in the evenings. The big thing is to work together to find a plan that is doable for both spouses.

Hey, little M-F sex can easily be hot, erotic weekend sex. Saturday mornings have become one of our favorite times because GR doesn't work on Saturdays and our kids always want to sleep in. So I'm never wondering if the kids can hear us and we can even go downstairs and enjoy afterglow in privacy throughout the rest of the house.

When he arrives home from work, GR likes to veg out for an hour or so, without having to think about problems and such.

Sometimes, he'll come home and munch on appetizers and wine or beer while waiting for supper. Either we'll sit and visit in the living room or on the porch or else he'll veg with the tv for a bit.

Often, he'll come in the kitchen and help me finish supper plans while we have our own little "happy hour" with wine and appetizers.

Cocotte, it sounds like you and Mr. cocotte do a good job of keeping your relationship healthy and balanced.

Sex should NEVER add stress to the marriage, truly.

Gemma said...

Temporarily dealing with stuff is not so bad as long as you both know that there is an end in sight and you can see see the end. We just don't want stuff to overtake us. When that happens, it is like living in a continuous train wreck, aarrgg. Don't you think, Mark? Usually one spouse over the other, has more a tendency to give in to too much unnecessary stuff. We just have to jealously guard our intimate times for the sake of our marriage.

Anonymous said...

Gemma said: "Sex should NEVER add stress to the marriage, truly."

The unfortunate reality is that sex does add stress to marriage for many reasons. For us, our history of sex issues still adds stress to our relationship. For instance, my DW called this morning to talk about DD1. Later in the conversation I told her I would really like a "date" tonite - our codeword for sex. She tentatively agreed then went off on some other subject which I can't remember because I was still trying not to get bent out of shape that the topic of sex to her is so brief and shallow at times. There is never a word from her about a desire to be with me sexually. When we do ML, its good, many times really good. But this seeming complete lack of discussion/interest (maybe just expression of interest??) translates to be to be a lack of desire for it entirely and a rejection of my desire for it. Because of our history of rejection/refusal, I am very very easily sidetracked into thinking the old habits are returning, giving me stress...

Sorry, that got a little long!

mwm

midwestman said...

Decided that if I'm going to post I better get an account! Its the real me now :)

mwm

Cocotte said...

Midwestman,
It can be very hurtful to not be taken seriously when you broach the topic of sex with your spouse, esp. when you ask for it point blank like you did today. Have you ever confronted your wife about being "blown off" when you bring up sex? I realize this is a difficult thing to do, but sometimes a spouse just doesn't realize how their lack of interest makes the other person feel.

Mark said...

"a continuous train wreck"
That's a very good way to put it Gemma. My wife and I spoke about this today and what gets in the way.
We're both letting the stuff get in the way. Plus we're still letting the stuff of old baggage (old thought patterns and behaviors) get in the way as well. Things we have to let go of, especially now that she has decided to no longer refuse me.
What it comes down to, for us, is that when I "want" or "need" her sexually, if there is nothing that absolutely cannot wait, that I take what I want and anything else will wait until we're done.
All with her willing co-operation of course! :)

Mark

Gemma said...

mwm,

I agree with cocotte. When I said, "Sex should NEVER add stress to the marriage," I meant that it shouldn't add stress but when it does, it is a sign that some degree of marriage repair is in order.... time to have a confrontation. Talk to your dw when the two of you are face to face and tell her that you need to talk about what happened on the phone. It's when we consistently allow things like that to slide that they just become worse to handle later on.

When GR and I weren't communicating as well, we both half listened to the other. It wasn't done intentionally but, nevertheless, being on the receiving end still hurt and put a wedge between us. Sometimes we just need to get in each others' faces and deal with the issues, like it or not. And when you talk to your dw, don't say "You always -------." Instead tell her, "This is how it makes me feel when you do --------." She might deny your accusations but she can't deny your honest feelings.

Gemma said...

We really do need to keep physical intimacy at the forefront of our lives, Mark. Nobody else is going to make time for it so if WE ignore it, others will, too.

midwestman said...

Gemma and Cocotte,

Yes, we have had these conversations before (about her not thinking about sex). Her answer is universally that "she just doesn't think about sex" during the day, therefore I accept the fact that I don't get "interesting" emails or IMs from her during the day. After dinner last night, when both DDs were off doing their things in their rooms, we had a very satisfying sexual encounter and snuggle time afterward. So, its not like we don't have sex, I guess what it comes down to is I long for her to be as excited about the encounter to come as I am and tell me so. Or email me and tell me, you get the idea. But thats just not her personality. I'm also hesitant to bring it up since 1) I am quite satisfied with our frequency/quality of sex and don't want to upset the apple cart as it were; 2) since every time in the past (pre-marriage reckoning for both of us a year and some ago) this kind of conversation would end with her thinking that no matter how much she does I still want more and crying about it, which never ended good. So....

mwm

Mark said...

Gemma, you're right, and last night I did! ;-)

Mark

Mark said...

MWM,

My wife is similar to yours.
She doesn't think about sex when left to her own devices and doesn't initiate.

I'm praying this will change.

Mark

Gemma said...

mwm,

There are 2 sides of that "I don't think about sex" mentality.

1. One is where a spouse doesn't think about it throughout the day, doesn't care to think about it and certainly doesn't let other spouse know if they ever do think about it.

2. The other is where a spouse is truly too busy during the day or he doesn't have a convenient, safe, electronic method of communicating to other spouse while they're apart.

"Interesting" emails or IMs??? What's that??? ;-) Not to make light of your situation but neither do GR and I send and receive anything "interesting" while he's at work, however, both of us DO think about the other while apart. Because of privacy, we don't put personal stuff on company laptops and cell phones. The other reason is that GR never stops during his demanding workday to "play" on his computer. This is just the way our life is. When he's at the office we rarely talk in any way, shape or form.

You said--- Her answer is universally that "she just doesn't think about sex" during the day...

OK, in which group does she fall? Is she just too busy in the day to think about it or does she simply not care at all to think about it? There is little excuse for "not caring" so if that describes her, dig deeper with the discussion and encourage her to talk to you about why her thoughts don't ever go there. If her day is just too busy like GR's is, agree upon a different solution to meet your need in this area.

What if you guys purchased a nice journal from B&N or someplace and took turns writing love notes and letters back and forth to each other when you're apart? You can start it since it is your need. Write something, put the journal under dw's pillow. After she read it, she writes in it and places journal under your pillow. It could become like a distasteful chore for your dw if done too often and that would defeat the purpose so agree upon a doable frequency like maybe once a week or every two weeks for starters and go from there.

If writing doesn't agree with your dw, find other "non-bedroom" activities that the two of you can engage in to add a touch of romance, desire, anticipation to your marriage.

::::since every time in the past (pre-marriage reckoning for both of us a year and some ago) this kind of conversation would end with her thinking that no matter how much she does I still want more and crying about it, which never ended good.

Oh, definitely use a different approach. Explain to her that all marriages need both physical and emotional upkeep to remain healthy. Tell her you want to express your love and desire both in and outside the bedroom. The need you are describing here is part of the emotional upkeep. I'll be honest, with GR and I both being high-SD our sex needs are always being met but we do struggle some with keeping the emotional stuff going. It is just not as natural for us so we have to work at it. Haha, surely you didn't think I had a perfect marriage, did you? ;-)

We have 2 older kids and darn if every time one of them is away from the house, the other is home. Hence, most days we have little privacy around the house. To keep our romance going we have to write to each other... and GR's not a writer but he's willing.... and spend regular date time away from the house. We're getting ready to establish a theatre and dinner night out for the girls to enjoy once a month so that at least we are assured that one evening alone in the house.

Most of us have that need to know we are loved and desired when apart. The rest of the married folks have to bend a little to fill that need. It's a small price to pay in maintaining healthy marital intimacy. I tell GR--- It's just as important as the sex for us to know that we love and desire each other when apart and for us to regularly carve out time to be alone together, outside the bedroom, where we can express that love and desire in private.

Yes, bedroom talks are good but we also need outside-the-bedroom talks and times of privacy. Nobody else is going to make this happen for our marriage so it's all up to us.

Sensuous Wife said...

Gemma said: What if you guys purchased a nice journal from B&N or someplace and took turns writing love notes and letters back and forth to each other when you're apart? You can start it since it is your need. Write something, put the journal under dw's pillow. After she read it, she writes in it and places journal under your pillow. It could become like a distasteful chore for your dw if done too often and that would defeat the purpose so agree upon a doable frequency like maybe once a week or every two weeks for starters and go from there.
This journal thing really works for us. Even if DH is not so inclined to write in it as I am, it is such a treasure chest. Whenever we have a particularly erotic LM session, I'll write about it and use the memory to get my motor running on a later time when I'm distracted by other junk, worries, stuff of life.

Sensuous Wife said...

Something else occurred to me, Gemma. I think you are so right about how important the overall partnership is the marriage is. I would much rather have wild orgasmic sex with my DH than work on finances together or a parenting challenge together. But all three things are about the partnership, the overall shared life. And as long as you are working together on the stuff of life then I don't think they choke the life out of your marriage. Necessarily. But there are times that...Hmmm how do I put this? I wear many hats. Many roles. Mother, business woman, etc. and I'm pretty good at them most of the time. But sometimes wearing all those hats and wearing them well can be very tiring. And if it's a really busy season, too much of my time with DH is spent solving a shared problem like parenting or finance issue, then I start to wilt inside. I think that's one of the sweetest best most nourishing things about lovemaking is when you take all your hats off (and the rest of your clothes as well!) you are naked just yourself and then loved and caressed and fucked beyond reason. (smile)

So your shared roles as parents, financial allies, etc can bring you closer together as partners. However, I think it's also very important to get naked and be just you and adored for your naked self and given erotic release.

Sensuous Wife said...

But be sensitive to those times when you or spouse or both of you need to be intimately nourished. Stop and enjoy intimate conversation or go enjoy a good fuck. In our marriages, intimacy should rule.
(laughing deeply with delight)
Oh, gemma! whatta gal!
Gotta love that.
seriously, I love the way you are so frank and real.
You go, girl!
(still chuckling)

Cocotte said...

"lagniappe" - Thanks for the Word of the Day, Gemma! ;)

Mark said...

Thinking about it, if one doesn't get a rush from fucking, I can almost see why it would be a struggle to drum up anticipation and desire between sessions. In those cases, a person needs to discipline themselves to daydream about it simply because they know their spouse would like for them to do so and because they want to bless their spouse. It would be a total act of giving.

Gemma, your husband is truly blessed.

As you know my wife has agreed to never turn me down.
I find however that she needs to often be reminded of that. It's like she has had a "partial awakening".

When we are not having sex it just never comes into her mind. I think she does need to discipline herself as you have suggested above.

I honestly don't understand why she has to do this because we have found out some interesting things since she has decided to not turn me down. She has discovered, which I found hard to believe at 1st, that she likes to watch me masturbate and ejaculate. She has even has had an orgasm when I came on her once when masturbating for her, even though she didn't touch herself. She is enjoying giving me BJ's. She is getting more verbal in her speech and more explicit in her language when we are having sex. She orgasms every time.

It's like she's two people. One person when I can get her sexually involved and another who never thinks about sex the rest of the time.

I don't get it.

Mark
P.S.
I'm with Sensuous wife. Your being so frank and real gives me hope for me and my wife.

Sensuous Wife said...

Mark,
If I may, I think you would be very blessed by reading Secrets of Eve by sex therapist Debra Taylor. Being both a woman and a sex therapist and a believer, she has tremendous insight into feminine eroticism. Your wife sounds like quite a marvelous woman! If her erotic fingerprint is a responder then it sounds like she is responding with a bang!
Maybe it's best to appreciate her as in art appreciation to really notice and enjoy all her good qualities while praying for her to continue to break through into more joy.
Warmly,
SW

Mark said...

sensuous wife,

Thank you for pointing this book out to me. (It got great reviews on Amazon!)

I "think" I know what you mean by "responder" but I get I won't know specifically unless I read the book eh? :)

Maybe it's best to appreciate her as in art appreciation to really notice and enjoy all her good qualities while praying for her to continue to break through into more joy.

Sounds like a great Idea, and another reason to read the book. :)

I see there is also a companion book called The Sexual Man.
The one about about women is 320 pages long and the one about men is 240 pages long.
Hmmmmmm.......
I wouldn't have thought the one about men would be so long!
I once heard it said that to keep her hubby happy all a wife has to do is keep his tummy full and his testicles empty. ;-)

Mark

Sensuous Wife said...

keep his tummy full and his testicles empty. ;-)

Ha!
(roaring with laughter)
(cough)
Works for me.
(blushing Mona Lisa smile)

Gemma said...

"lagniappe" - Thanks for the Word of the Day, Gemma! ;)

cocotte, the little French maid must have already been familiar with the word "lagniappe", eh? :-)

Gemma said...

Mark, I can't begin to understand why someone would enjoy sex so much like your wife, like mwm's wife..... and yet, they struggle so to think about it between sessions. It does seem like two personalities but I'm sure if you read through enough resources, you are bound to come up with an explanation, and hopefully a solution, that will encourage dw to keep thoughts of sexual intimacy on the forefront of her mind.

:::She has discovered, which I found hard to believe at 1st, that she likes to watch me masturbate and ejaculate.

Play up to that and use it to the advantage of your marriage. Periodically, MB for dw when you're together. For a visual person, watching your spouse MB is erotic. For a dw who loves to watch, it's especially hot if dh MB's and finishes by ejaculating his semen onto dw's body. The first time GR ejaculated semen on me was during a HJ I was giving him. It was such a treat to watch it shoot out and land on my stomach. Well, I aimed it at my stomach. Afterwards I enjoyed swirling my fingers around my stomach while I played in it. Once a dw experiences seeing that, it remains a visual picture that she never forgets. Those are among some of my fondest memories which I love to reflect on between sessions.

:::I'm with Sensuous wife. Your being so frank and real gives me hope for me and my wife.

Believe me when I say that I was one of *the* most uptight dw's before my awakening. Sex had to be clean and neat because I couldn't stand the feel of our body fluids (love juices) dripping out between my legs or on any other part of my body. It all felt icky and slimy on my skin. And I never thought about sex between sessions. All that has changed now; I'm just the opposite. The more "mess" on my body, the more I enjoy our times together. I purposely move around after we O to make our body fluids drip out onto me even more because I love the feel of it on me afterwards when we're either getting up for the day or going to sleep at night. Often, I have days where I get little done that requires full concentration because my mind continues to drift back to sexual thoughts of GR and me. It's a good thing I don't work outside the home or I'd be in real trouble, lol.

So, yes, have hope.

Mark said...

...I'm sure if you read through enough resources, you are bound to come up with an explanation, and hopefully a solution, that will encourage dw to keep thoughts of sexual intimacy on the forefront of her mind.

I have ordered the book suggested by sw. From her description it may explain what is going on.

tractor said...

MWW

I was listening to a Mark Gungor, Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage video seminar today, and he mentioned that some women just are not initiators, but they do enjoy sex.

I am in a similar situation. I wish my wife would think about and intiate sex more often, but for whatever reason it is fairly rare.

I am trying to focus on being thankful that she is striving to be more and more responsive to my advances even when she is not in the mood.

Through various threads on the Marriage Bed I have read that sometimes when women my a consistent conscious choice to make love, that eventually their desire goes up. I keep hope that will happen with my wife, but until then I am trying to more and more enjoy what we have.

Sort of a long way to say, I think I understand some of what you are saying about wishing your wife would initiate more and prime herself erotically more.

Gemma said...

Tractor, I believe you may be correct in your assumption that many women are not initiators. But unless I'm misunderstanding--- Some of the struggles that mwm and Mark shared have to do with their dw's not even thinking about sex between sessions. Then, the way it affects the dw's is that when they do plan to have sex, they have not been anticipating it as much as the dh's would like. mwm and Mark will have to clarify if I'm off here.

:::I have read that sometimes when women my a consistent conscious choice to make love, that eventually their desire goes up. I keep hope that will happen with my wife, but until then I am trying to more and more enjoy what we have.

I have a theory on that, Tractor but I think I'll post it on the home page of my blog so others will be sure to see it.

tractor said...

I too wish my wife thought more about sex between times. For whatever reason she doesn't very much. I am trying to focus more on how passionate she can be when we do make love and be thankful for that, and hope that someday she will think of sex more.p

Mark said...

Gemma,

You are correct about my wife.

Mark

tractor said...

Had a few minutes today in Borders and browsed a book "Sex on the Brain." The author, I don't remember his name- studies brains including with MRI's.

He mentioned something about the biology of the male brain that was wired to think about sex more than women's brains.

Thought it was an interesting comment in light of our discussions.

tractor said...

One thing I have been doing lately has been to e mail or tell my wife more what I appreciate about her, and what I enjoyed or appreciated about a sexual encounter, last night or a few years ago. I do this at times other than just when making love.

I figure, people usually enjoy being appreciated, and at least for the few seconds her mind reads my e mail or she hears me- sex will be on her mind, in a positive light. I think this helps build overall postive sexual feelings in her for me.

This helps me to be more appreciative of how sexual she is, even though I wish she initiated more, dreamed up wonderful sexual escapades during the day, etc.

The more appreciative I am, the less likely I am to be disappointed that our drives aren't the same.

Gemma said...

You are so right, Tractor. We all want to be appreciated for what we do right. Who would want to be the director of the "marriage complaint department" ;-)?

:::This helps me to be more appreciative of how sexual she is, even though I wish she initiated more, dreamed up wonderful sexual escapades during the day, etc.

Maybe your dw doesn't know how to dream it up, how to be imaginative??? Have you ever emailed her some of your own thoughts or fantasies about what you'd like to do to/with her when you're engaged in sex? I mean, you could do it in a small way... I wouldn't suggest going overboard with it if it only ends up with her feeling way too much pressure. But a little pressure, a little challenge, can be a good thing in helping to keep sex alive and healthy.

tractor said...

Yes, I have e mailed her, and at times have gone overboard. I think I am doing better now at keeping it shorter and adding some appreciations.

One thing good about this blog is the different conversations going on here, stimulate me to pondering many things. Also, helps me in my own thinking about how to share with my wife.

It is helpful going back and forth with others.

One thing I have thought alot about is "Why does it mean so much to me that my wife initiate, or think about sex, or be aggressive sexually?"

What I have come up with is

a. I struggle with alot of rejection issues from the past, so I long to be desired for myself by others, especially my wife.

b. I have always had a huge curiosity about sex and have often felt guilty about it- so it is hugely encouraging when I find out that she thinks about it also, and when she initiates. Somehow makes me feel my desires and interests aren't so bad after all.

c. It is fun to be on the recieving end of desire sometimes.

Sensuous Wife said...

good thinking, tractor!

What are some other healthy ways for A & B needs to be met in your life?

Something to ponder...

I've been on a similar path this new year. I wrote about it here:
http://sensuouswife.blogspot.com
/2008/01/intentional-community-
uninhibited-joy.html

tractor said...

Sensuous Wife

Thanks for your note. I went and reread your blog entries that you mentioned. Thank you.

It is a small world and amazing how God works on different people in similar ways sometimes. One of the things that has recently come to my wife's attention is that she feels convicted to be more intentional about having fun again.

I certainly need to do that also- my motto used to be "I hate fun." Lots of reasons why that I am starting to understand and break free from.

Not sure much what other healthy ways to meet my needs for abc. One thing that came to mind is to be aware and appreciative when people do show genuine interest in my thoughts and feelings. Sometimes they do care more than I give them credit for.

tractor said...

I am not sure about making a list right now, sometimes makes things feel like too much of a duty, however we did do the questions for the 30 day sex challenge.

I don't know if you followed the 30 day sex challenge at all but the questions were based around His Needs/ Her Needs by Harville Hendrix. Since that time we have both been more conscious of trying to fill one another's emotional needs- which has been helpful.

Cocotte said...

Tractor said, "One thing I have thought alot about is "Why does it mean so much to me that my wife initiate, or think about sex, or be aggressive sexually?"

I think that many of us have this need. We want to be pursued by our mate. For me, I think it's the basic desire of wanting to feel attractive. Before marriage, it was a thrill for me to be "chased" by males. I dated a lot and it was a "high" in a way to have so many men attracted to me. After many years of marriage, I know I'm still in need of that feeling and I can only get it by having my husband initiate sex.

Gemma said...

Tractor, I am not aware of the "30 day sex challenge"??? But if it helps, by all means, keep doing it.

Cocotte said:
::::For me, I think it's the basic desire of wanting to feel attractive. Before marriage, it was a thrill for me to be "chased" by males. I dated a lot and it was a "high" in a way to have so many men attracted to me. After many years of marriage, I know I'm still in need of that feeling and I can only get it by having my husband initiate sex.

Cocotte's comment holds true for me. That was also my life before marriage. And, yes, we could argue that our self-image should come from God but in reality, it is normal and natural for a portion of that to come from our spouse. When it doesn't, the emotional intimacy between a married couple breaks down in direct proportion to how badly our needs are being neglected.

tractor said...

The 30 day sex challenge was by a church in Florida, relevantchurch.com

The pastor challenged married couples to make love every day for 30 days, and unmarried couples to abstain from sex for 30 days.

There was a daily Bible study to go along with it. The study really focused on sharing our emotional needs with our spouse and then dying to ourselves in fulfilling them.

The goal was to get the married people to make a conscious effort to fulfill each others needs including sexual needs, and for the unmarrieds to abstain for 30 days, so they would realize that God's way of abstinance before marriage works.

My wife was unwilling to make love everyday, but she was willing to do the study. I think our marriage improved and our lovemaking improved- which to me was the real goal.

The pastor and his wife were on various news programs. The secular news just wanted to get to the sex and skip the concept of studying how to love each other.

The sad thing was some of the Christian media heard the word "Sex." and totally missed the point.

I think you can still get the guide down at the bottom of the church website.

Gemma said...

Tractor, the important thing with that challenge was that it helped your marriage. Regular marriage maintenance is a huge part of keeping the relationship spiritually, emotionally and sexually healthy.